Housing is Hard: Adopt a Ski Bum Today

Illustration and arrangement by Tess Wood.

Given the current housing crisis plaguing Jackson ski bums, I’ve begun devoting some thought towards solving the issue. Short of getting a big-kid job in a big city or discovering the secret trust fund my parents have been hiding from me (to keep me humble), most of my ideas have veered into the realm of highly creative. But totally plausible. Hear me out:

There are plenty of wealthy homeowners in ski towns: half-retired rich people who love to get involved with “their community."  What better way to immerse one’s self into a community than letting that community immerse themselves in your life? These one-percenters have guest rooms galore and probably more organic food than a weekly farmshare allotment–why not open their arms?! And doors.

It would be like adopting a puppy. You can get one with proven pedigree (he might just be a lifty but he was a legacy at Princeton, his parents are willing to support him for a couple months while he has fun, but goddamnit he is going to law school next year). Or maybe find a scrappier one at the local shelter (hardworking, lots of character, and less inherited psychopathy. Unless given too much tequila; then you’re in trouble).

Ski bums, like puppies, are cute, fun to play with, a rollercoaster of energy (or lack thereof), and prone to messes. When we get hurt it’s expensive and the whining is substantial.

While we can get a little territorial (hey bro, hands off my girlfriend and don’t let me catch you in my pow stash), we also have no qualms about helping ourselves to your food, sharing bunkbeds, and making new drinking buddies.

Some ski bums/puppies play well with others; in fact, consider adopting more than one so that he or she has some company! Most are already housebroken and given the right treat-incentives any new adoptee can be properly trained. While these adorable new members of the household might demand a significant initial time and financial investment, the entertainment factor alone is a considerable ROI.

Quite frankly, I don’t see how this could ever go wrong.