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08-13-2019, 11:25 AM #1I drink it up
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Check in: Am I being an asshole to skip a kid’s bday for skiing?
My 13 yo turns 14 in March. That’s also when I have an opportunity for a most-expenses paid week long ski trip to UT.
I didn’t take advantage this past year because she turned 13 and she was actually with me on the day (custody schedule) and that seems like kind of a big deal. I brought it up a few years ago and my now ex wife thought I was a monster for even considering it. It didn’t strike me as too big a deal at the time because I don’t really attach much importance to days, and I still don’t. My ex has the kids for the second Christmas in a row and I fight a little just to gather some capital to spend on something I give a shit about, but Christmas on the 28th doesn’t feel like any big loss to me.
Same here.... we can celebrate her birthday before or after.... but she isn’t even with me on her birthday. I’ll be missing out on my ex inviting me to dinner/cake at her house on The Big Day so she can hurl micro-aggressions at me and I can sing happy birthday and pay for the birthday cake.
So I’m taking a poll: Am I a narcissistic asshole for even considering bringing it up to my daughter to see if she actually gives a shit?focus.
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08-13-2019, 11:28 AM #2
A beloved daughter turns 14 multiple times, but a ski trip only happens once a lifetime. Go for it!
Know of a pair of Fischer Ranger 107Ti 189s (new or used) for sale? PM me.
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08-13-2019, 11:29 AM #3
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08-13-2019, 11:30 AM #4
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08-13-2019, 11:31 AM #5Registered User
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- May 2016
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- 3,607
I’d say by the time they are 14 birthdays aren’t a big deal anymore, and they’d rather be out with their friends than with you anyway.
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08-13-2019, 11:34 AM #6
If one day matters that much to a 14 year old kid they have other issues. A nice cash gift will ease the pain and anguish.
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08-13-2019, 11:34 AM #7
celebrate in advance, make it a special event for the two of you, she will appreciate it more.
my pops missed more than one birthday due to business travel and I turned out OK.
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08-13-2019, 11:35 AM #8
Set a good example and go skiing. Call on the actual day. Take her to dinner another day. She is going to grow up and she should learn that is often the best way to celebrate. Also, party on multiple days is a bonus for her.
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08-13-2019, 11:36 AM #9
Based on your reasoning (you personally don't care for making certain days a big deal and your annoyance with your ex), I think you are being selfish.
I must be missing the sarcasm but I can't believe I'm the only one saying this.Live Free or Die
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08-13-2019, 11:37 AM #10Registered User
- Join Date
- Oct 2017
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- 202
go skiing, let your wife buy a mediocre cake, and then ship a few of of these bad boys to her house https://www.ladym.com/home.
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08-13-2019, 11:50 AM #11
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08-13-2019, 11:51 AM #12Registered User
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- Feb 2008
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- 2,734
If you don't have custody on her b-day, I think a ski trip is acceptable. As others have said, do something nice with her before / after, and call on the day. Sounds like your ex will use this as an opportunity to run you down, but that says more about her than about you.
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08-13-2019, 11:52 AM #13
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08-13-2019, 11:53 AM #14
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08-13-2019, 11:54 AM #15Funky But Chic
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08-13-2019, 11:56 AM #16
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08-13-2019, 11:57 AM #17Funky But Chic
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An old girlfriend of mine was on the beach in Huntington Long Island with Harry Chapin's daughter the day he died, they heard it on the radio at the beach. Dude drove like a maniac and it caught up with him. Cat's in the cradle and take your foot off the gas pedal once in a while I guess.
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08-13-2019, 11:58 AM #18Funky But Chic
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08-13-2019, 11:58 AM #19
^ I don't think you can be THAT cut and dried benny. Growing up, birthdays stopped at...really... I can't recall my parents making ANY of a fuss after 8th grade, and even that wasn't much. I really couldn't a given a shit if they were there, but then they were always at least home so easy for me to say. I think my mom always made a cake, and it was understood I'd get maybe $50 (late 70s). By the time I got to college and later I'm convinced it's an awful lot to ask of people to stop thier busy lives and do something special FOR me simply becuase of a date. Of course Ms. MT is the EXACT opposent, you damn well better make a deal out of it . Soafter a few lumps I just do.
We're all different, but here's the thing. I beleive in the end kids want to know they are loved. I don't think that revolves around a specific date. I beleive its something that you do every day."Can't you see..."
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08-13-2019, 11:59 AM #20
I'd go skiing, but I'd also bring my girl with me.
Move upside and let the man go through...
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08-13-2019, 12:00 PM #21
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08-13-2019, 12:02 PM #22
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08-13-2019, 12:05 PM #23Banned
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- Feb 2011
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This. Ask her how she would feel if you and her did x on a different day instead. Make it her choice.
Make X something she wont turn down.
Nobody is upset except probably exwife.
Kid probably notices conflict and tension between parents and probably will be happy to not have it there.
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08-13-2019, 12:06 PM #24
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08-13-2019, 12:10 PM #25
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