Fools day maggot news

**up an down** · 04-01-2004, 06:38 AM

AP News bulletin

Vail, Colorado

A startling discovery by local extreme skier Blurred Elevens has resulted in turmoil and controversy in ski sports oriented bulletin boards across the entire internet universe.
Blurred Elevens claims he has found a totally new Dead Sea Scroll wedged underneath a rock in an area near Vail ski resort referred to locally as East Vail.
“ I was just hucking a simple forward flip to warm up for my daily 80-100 foot drops, when I spotted something under the rocks” Blurred Elevens reported. That something is what seems to be an ancient scroll resembling the scrolls found in the 1950s in caves in Israel, and the wording on the discovered scroll is inciting much debate.
Unlike the Dead Sea Scrolls found in Israel, this scroll is written in modern English, and most controversially, it condemns homosexuality, homosexual marriage, democrats, liberals, and "nancy boys who were prep school cheerleaders” in the graphic and crude language reminiscent of street urchins from the slums of Denver.
“ All I can say is God obviously meant for me to find this scroll, or He would not have granted me the fantastic mad skills I am blessed with” Blurred Elevens elaborated to this reporter. “As for anyone who doubts the validity of my find, all I can say, you better own some damn good sunglasses, cause it’s pretty bright in hell where you’re soul will be burning forever, you atheistic, homo scum.”

http://www.biglines.com/photos/blpic18458.jpg
Inversion #1 (Provia 400F)
The site of Blurred Elevens discovery.

In a somewhat related story. A different extreme skier who would only give his name as "MD9" is planning to move a yurt to the east Vail area and live there until "it pukes for forty days and forty nights, man".
"I had this vision last week that it is going to snow for forty days and nights in Vail, and i plan to be there when it happens", MD9 exclaims in a voice oddly similiar to Hunter Thompson's drug addled ravings which this reporter has witnessed, but would never have imagined could be duplicated by anyone outside of an insane asylum.
"i am calling out for followers who share my visions of towering cliffs, 200 foot drop lawn darts into immeasurably deep landing zones to join me in my holy quest" This reporter wished MD9 good luck, and quickly but quietly strode away while MD9 was intently examining a vomit colored stain on his spyder pants. [/B][/QUOTE]

**Honc** · 04-01-2004, 07:31 AM

That is some funny chit mang. Thank you for brightening my Thursday morning at 8:10. Back to sniffing glue.

**horizon** · 04-01-2004, 07:31 AM

I've just checked out www.urbanlegends.com and www.snopes.com and it looks like the first story is hogwash.

He didn't find a Dead Sea scroll - it was Moses' third tablet with the extra six commandments*.

______
* yeah, six. God works in hexadecimal.