How we became a divided society

[TNKen]

How it all began

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in
the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them
to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlymen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept
of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of the liberal
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
"wasn't fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, motorcycle riders, corporate executives, athletes, Marines and
generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America They crept
in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more
for nothing.

Now think about the men you know; are any of them liberals
construction workers, Marines or Cowboys? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that
a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above
before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

[arild]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Awesome write-up. Your fiction or someone else's?

[BmillsSkier]

seen it before. Still funny though.

my favorite line:

They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.

[AsheanMT]

The best part is how its a complete bastardization of the truth.......which is something that conservatives excel at.

[TNKen]

Can't take credit, but good for a laugh or two.

[Crass3000]

The best part is how its a complete bastardization of the truth.......which is something that conservatives excel at.

You can't be serious. Liberals almost always have their hand out. They always want something for nothing. Of course there are exceptions but as a rule liberals want to "help" (insert flowery touchy feely hippy happy feelings) those who "can't help themselves" with somebody elses money. Maybe that has something to do with the lack of testosterone most liberals have (I think we should waste tons of money to test this very possible hypothesis)?

[AsheanMT]

You can't be serious. Liberals almost always have their hand out. They always want something for nothing. Of course there are exceptions but as a rule liberals want to "help" (insert flowery touchy feely hippy happy feelings) those who "can't help themselves" with somebody elses money. Maybe that has something to do with the lack of testosterone most liberals have (I think we should waste tons of money to test this very possible hypothesis)?

Oh. My bad. YOU are COMPLETELY RIGHT that is EXACTLY how it is. Wow, I can't believe I missed the truth but not any more. YOU have enlightened me and shown me the reality of the world. Your perception is beyond amazing.

[Stu Gotz]

That's too funny.

And then I google "Red State Welfare Queens" and realize how much conservatives love the government teat.

[road trip]

Funny! And almost in line with a book that I just read:



I will comment on the idiocy of the below as the people highlighted tend to be union and tend to vote for the evil liberals.

Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, motorcycle riders, corporate executives, athletes, Marines and
generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living..

[Crass3000]

Oh. My bad. YOU are COMPLETELY RIGHT that is EXACTLY how it is. Wow, I can't believe I missed the truth but not any more. YOU have enlightened me and shown me the reality of the world. Your perception is beyond amazing.

Hey no problem. Glad I could help. As a conservative I'm used to helping those who can't/won't help themselves.

[Buster Highmen]

You can't be serious. Liberals almost always have their hand out.
They always want something for nothing. Of course there are exceptions but as a rule liberals want to "help" (insert flowery touchy feely hippy happy feelings) those who "can't help themselves" with somebody elses money. Maybe that has something to do with the lack of testosterone most liberals have (I think we should waste tons of money to test this very possible hypothesis)?

Y'know, fuck you, you ignorant, illiterate pussbag. You've consistently demonstrated that you're a partisan, oozing, festering sore on the bosom of humanity with each and every post. Extract of the most basic and simpleminded crap leaps from nearly everything you emit.
I'm liberal.
I've made my own life from being a runaway, working 3 jobs through college, sleeping under bridges, dealing drugs, teaching math at Universities and eventually teaching myself enough about computers to design, implement and patent the most fundamental portion of the communication system for the worlds most popular OS.
There were times I had to get food stamps, times I had to go to the food bank. Times I had no one to give me a hand or a word of support. And now I've made myself a bit of comfort. And in that comfort I find room and strength to be able to give to people in need and to vote that way.

I find your position weak, selfish and stupid beyond reason.

[PowTron]

Why does it always seem:

Ultra-Conservative = way less education, stuck in the box by their own doing

Liberal = enlightened thinkers, innovators, outside the box

Oh, that is right...because it is true. Cool...

I don't mean to paint with such a broad brush, but since the asshat who started this thread did so, I felt compelled...

I often wonder when Liberal became a bad word, and conservative became an alias for redneck. I mean, our country was FOUNDED by Liberals, who were going way outside the box to start something that was never done before. I mean, as far as any normal person would see things, this country was built upon the backs of liberals, as conservatives just kept raping them of their rights and taxes to make themselves richer...

As stated before, the groups mentioned as cowboys,etc are democratic voters, who NEEDED unions, democratic policies in earlier political battles, and generally treated like crap by big business and government.

The travesty that has occured since the Regan years is that somehow, sometime, those people have been convinced that "family values" means vote conservative...because we all know that losing your land and money (farmers, ranchers, etc) to big business is MUCH, MUCH better then hearing about two "fags" getting married 5 states away.

yeah, conservative is for sure the "tough, AMERICAN" way to be I guess.

[Buster Highmen]

The stupid are more prone to marketing. And, as FZ says, stupidity is the basic building block of the universe.

[smitchell333]

Hey no problem. Glad I could help. As a conservative I'm used to helping those who can't/won't help themselves.

You're a shining example of that core of conservatives that are nothing short of complete morons, but self-righteous nonetheless. I have no illusions about the other side of the political spectrum as I am an independent, but you sir are a dolt. Call up Rush and see if he'd let you come over and feed him Oxycontins and suck his cock.

[TNKen]

I don't mean to paint with such a broad brush, but since the asshat who started this thread did so, I felt compelled...

Who me??? I just find it interesting that in my part of the world, those who profess to be a part of the democratic party, i.e. liberals, still are some of the most "conservative" acting people around. The days of the dems standing for the blue collar worker are long gone.

Anyway, I've been called much worse than an asshat, and you got no cherry in doing so.

Ken

[The AD]

"Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers."

I've found--just as a general rule of thumb--when you read anything that starts off like this, there's really no point in reading any further.

[Buster Highmen]

Who me???
I just find it interesting that in my part of the world, those who profess to be a part of the democratic party, i.e. liberals, still are some of the most "conservative" acting people around. The days of the dems standing for the blue collar worker are long gone.

I think you're really missing the point.

The point is that the system is out of control. Nobody thinks the government is representing the wishes or needs of it's constituents, independent of their leanings.

So yabbling on about bullshit distinctions allows the crap to go on.

And all you've really done is added to the addling.

Some party would represent the blue collar worker if they'd get up and make it happen.

[TNKen]

I think you're really missing the point.

No, not really.

The point is that the system is out of control. Nobody thinks the government is representing the wishes or needs of it's constituents, independent of their leanings.

On this poing [sic] we are in agreement.

So yabbling on about bullshit distinctions allows the crap to go on.

And all you've really done is added to the addling.

But I like to yabble and addle.

Ken

[Buster Highmen]

No, not really.

Of course not!

On this poing we are in agreement.

What's a poing?

But I like to yabble and addle.

Ken

Sweet! I hope you get paid. Otherwise, you're just another tool.

[Maurice Ballstein]

Y'know, fuck you, you ignorant, illiterate pussbag. You've consistently demonstrated that you're a partisan, oozing, festering sore on the bosom of humanity with each and every post. Extract of the most basic and simpleminded crap leaps from nearly everything you emit.
I'm liberal.
I've made my own life from being a runaway, working 3 jobs through college, sleeping under bridges, dealing drugs, teaching math at Universities and eventually teaching myself enough about computers to design, implement and patent the most fundamental portion of the communication system for the worlds most popular OS.
There were times I had to get food stamps, times I had to go to the food bank. Times I had no one to give me a hand or a word of support. And now I've made myself a bit of comfort. And in that comfort I find room and strength to be able to give to people in need and to vote that way.

I find your position weak, selfish and stupid beyond reason.

I don't think anyone could find fault in the way you chose to live your life and flourish because of it. What's surprising is that you came out of it as a liberal.

[Griz]

Here's an objective postulation to evaluate: I would argue that one of the most telling questions you could ask people - liberals and conservatives alike - would be their opinion of Abraham Lincoln's presidency and whether they agree with the directoin reconstruction took.

A. It tells you where they stand on the question of a federal gov v. a national gov.
B. It tells you whether their primary focus is on human issues (slavery) or political ones (see A) - by which they address first.
C. It tells you whether they even give a damn about where we've come as a country and how hard it is to govern a country as big and diverse as we are.

Primarily, I think this question gets at true political thoughts and not just whether their voter cards says D, R, or I etc...

[Buster Highmen]

I don't think anyone could find fault in the way you chose to live your life and flourish because of it. What's surprising is that you came out of it as a liberal.

No, not really. If you'd think about it, it makes sense.

The people who drew themselves up out of nothing know.

Beside, all the 'poor people taking taxpayers money' myths have been debunked a zillion times. Look up the data.

[The AD]

Here's an objective postulation to evaluate: I would argue that one of the most telling questions you could ask people - liberals and conservatives alike - would be their opinion of Abraham Lincoln's presidency and whether they agree with the directoin reconstruction took.

What percentage of the population do you think could give you a cogent answer to that? 1%? Less?

[TNKen]

Here's an objective postulation to evaluate: I would argue that one of the most telling questions you could ask people - liberals and conservatives alike - would be their opinion of Abraham Lincoln's presidency and whether they agree with the directoin reconstruction took.

A. It tells you where they stand on the question of a federal gov v. a national gov.
B. It tells you whether their primary focus is on human issues (slavery) or political ones (see A) - by which they address first.
C. It tells you whether they even give a damn about where we've come as a country and how hard it is to govern a country as big and diverse as we are.

Primarily, I think this question gets at true political thoughts and not just whether their voter cards says D, R, or I etc...

The problem with your postulation is that most people are clueless about the ideology of President Lincoln's presidency.

One of the most memorable statements I ever heard came from a good friend of mine in law school. She was very bright, and black. I asked here about her political affiliations and her reply was "Republican of course, Lincoln freed the slaves."

Ken

Ken

[Griz]

What percentage of the population do you think could give you a cogent answer to that? 1%? Less?

I'm sure you're right, given that a suprising percentage can't name the VP or any supreme court justices, etc...