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  1. #1
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    Nov 2005
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    My neighbor got a rooster.

    In town.

    Until recently, they had a chicken. It's name was Penpen, and she slept on their dresser. It used to roam around the yard, the street, sometimess crossing over to its fate and our dog in our front yard.

    My wife and I have been talking about how the thing would surely be killed soon, by a dog, cat, osprey (we are right by the river), or car. Well, it happened. We don't know the full story yet, but in any case, the neighbors have already "found" a new "stray" chicken on the soccer field down the street, brought him home, and discovered the first night that it's actually a rooster.

    Damn thing is making a hell of a racket right now, but we haven't heard him in the morning yet. Neighbors claim they will keep him inside in the morning, but still.

    What the fuck.

    If the thing wanders into our yard or the street immediately in front of our yard, and our dog kills it, are we going to be out $15 for a new chicken? Or is it just 'tough shit, morons'?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2005
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    What's the difference between a rooster and a nymphomaniac?






    A rooster says "Cockadoodledoo!"







    A nymphomaniac says "Any cock'll do!"

  3. #3
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    Nov 2003
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    Depending on your municipality that meay not be an allowable pet. Barnyard animals have been banned in many towns.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
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    land of the free
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    Get with the program and call it what it is - COCK !

    that way, your conversations are more interesting.
    For example, you can tell your neighbor:

    "Keep your cock inside or I'll cut its head off !"
    “Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.”
    Hunter S. Thompson

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    Chickens are 40,000 rupiah. Never pay more than 40,000 rupiah when you runover a chicken.
    Elvis has left the building

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tippster View Post
    Depending on your municipality that meay not be an allowable pet. Barnyard animals have been banned in many towns.
    Yep, with a varied degree of specificity. Buddy in Big Sky [ok, Karst Camp, 8 miles north], had a horse. Neighbors went ballistic [ok, he had like 6]. Only animals prohibited in the cc&r's are poultry and swine.

    So he bought a longhorn steer, just to fuck with 'em.
    Something about the wrinkle in your forehead tells me there's a fit about to get thrown
    And I never hear a single word you say when you tell me not to have my fun
    It's the same old shit that I ain't gonna take off anyone.
    and I never had a shortage of people tryin' to warn me about the dangers I pose to myself.

    Patterson Hood of the DBT's

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    on the pointy end, calling the line, swearing my fucking ass off
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    I see dinner in your future.
    The only thing worse than the feeling that you are going to die is the realization that you probably won't.

  8. #8
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    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    You could roll with it and introduce their cock to this guy:
    I still call it The Jake.

  9. #9
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    Sep 2004
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    What's today's date?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Core Shot View Post
    Get with the program and call it what it is - COCK !

    that way, your conversations are more interesting.
    For example, you can tell your neighbor:

    "Keep your cock inside or I'll cut its head off !"
    Yeah, you could have some fun with that...

    "Can I pet and/or hold your cock?"

    "Is your cock friendly or is he a mean pecker?"

    "My what a handsome cock you have!"

    "What time does your cock normally rise in the morning?"

    Having a cock as a house pet is just gross. Chicken shit is some of the most vile poo out there and I doubt you can house train your average cock. Ecspecially if he is already a large, adult cock.

  10. #10
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    Nov 2005
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    This cock is definitely not large. He is smaller than the chicken.

    And yeah, the neighbor even told me when we moved in that he was breaking the law. They are nice people, just a tad strange.

  11. #11
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    Oct 2003
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    between here and there
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    time to go shotgun shopping!!!
    More fucked up than a cricket in a hubcap

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
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    Stuck in perpetual Meh
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    Classic Coq Au Vin Recipe courtesy Emeril Lagasse, 2003




    10 slices bacon, sliced into 1/2-inch pieces
    2 chickens, about 3 1/2 to 4 pounds, quartered, rinsed and patted dry
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
    1 onion, finely chopped
    20 small pearl onions, peeled
    1/2 cup minced shallots (2 large shallots)
    1 head garlic, cloves separated and peeled
    1 pound button mushrooms, wiped clean and halved or quartered if large (should match size of onions)
    1/4 cup all-purpose flour
    2 teaspoons tomato paste
    3 cups full-bodied dry red wine, such as Pinot Noir or Cotes-du-Rhone
    1 1/2 cups rich chicken stock
    6 sprigs fresh thyme or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
    1 bay leaf
    Braised Leeks, recipe follows
    Egg noodles, accompaniment
    2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves

    Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
    In a large, heavy Dutch oven over high heat fry the bacon until crisp and all of the fat is rendered. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the crisp bacon bits to paper towels to drain. Reserve.

    Season the chicken pieces with the salt and pepper. Brown the chicken pieces in the hot bacon fat, working in batches, if necessary, and turning to ensure even cooking. Transfer the chicken pieces to a large plate or bowl and set aside. Remove some of the bacon fat, leaving about 4 tablespoons in the Dutch oven. Reduce the heat to medium-high and add the chopped onion, pearl onions, shallots and garlic cloves to the Dutch oven and cook until soft, about 4 minutes.

    Add the mushrooms and cook for 5 minutes longer, or until they've released most of their liquid and have begun to brown. Add the flour and tomato paste and cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Slowly add the wine and stock, stirring constantly. Add the thyme, bay leaf, reserved bacon and chicken. Bring liquid to a boil. Cover the pot, place in the oven and cook for about 1 1/2 hours, or until the chicken is very tender. Transfer the chicken pieces to a serving dish and cover loosely to keep warm. Return pot to medium-low heat. Skim any fat from the surface of the cooking liquid and increase the heat to medium-high. Cook until the sauce has thickened slightly and coats the back of a spoon, about 15 to 20 minutes. Taste and adjust the seasoning if necessary. Return the chicken to the Dutch oven and cook for a few minutes to heat through, then serve.

    Serve with egg noodles and braised leeks. Garnish with the chopped parsley.

    *This dish may be prepared 1 or 2 days in advance and then reheated slowly just before serving.

  13. #13
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    Oct 2004
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    Beat me to the coq au vin.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tippster View Post
    Serve with egg noodles
    Which kind, the thin dry ones or the thick frozen ones?

  15. #15
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    Nov 2003
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  16. #16
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    Jul 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pope Benedict XVI View Post
    What's the difference between a rooster and a nymphomaniac?






    A rooster says "Cockadoodledoo!"







    A nymphomaniac says "Any cock'll do!"
    I heard that joke the other day...but it was "What's the difference between a rooster and Rontele?"
    Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon.
    Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol.
    Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel.


  17. #17
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    Nov 2002
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    EWA
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    and the lesson is.... if you have vascular vulnerabilities don't get a rooster:

    A woman was pecked to death by a rooster, pathologists say
    Kindness is a bridge between all people

    Dunkin’ Donuts Worker Dances With Customer Who Has Autism

  18. #18
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    Sep 2001
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    I wonder how Rootskier's pecker is doing these days.

  19. #19
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    Man I forgot about this thread. I just had to think hard about what house we were living in at the time. I have no real recollection of any of that.

    More recently, and in a totally different town, our neighbor-across-the-fence had a bunch of chickens and ducks. Shit got weird. First, one of the ducks hopped over the fence and my in-laws' golden retriever disemboweled it. It was flapping around spurting blood. We had to kill it with a shovel. I told my wife to let dead ducks lie, but did she? Fuck no, she had to tell Craig that his fucking duck [name forthcoming when I remember it, it will really add to the story edit: the duck's name was Frisbee] was dead inside a brown paper bag in our garbage can. He cried his ass off and then came and got the dismembered duck. ?????????? I hope he hate that little shit.

    Soon after, all the ducks were gone. After about 6 beers one night, I got real brave and asked him why. Turned out the ducks started gang-raping the chickens to death, which is actually a common duck thing. https://nypost.com/2017/05/06/dont-b...ping-monsters/

    Backyard poultry. Never a dull moment.
    Last edited by RootSkier; 09-06-2019 at 12:57 PM.

  20. #20
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    Mar 2012
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    The Bull City
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    Quote Originally Posted by KQ View Post
    and the lesson is.... if you have vascular vulnerabilities don't get a rooster:

    A woman was pecked to death by a rooster, pathologists say
    Our neighbors kids have a couple as pets.. Totally illegal within city limits. Hens no problem, roosters a hard no according to the city..

    Get Ruby



    Side note, found a bunch of bloody feathers near our back fence a few months ago. Our dog claims to have no idea what happened there LOL..
    Go that way really REALLY fast. If something gets in your way, TURN!

  21. #21
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    Oct 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by RootSkier View Post

    Soon after, all the ducks were gone. After about 6 beers one night, I got real brave and asked him why. Turned out the ducks started gang-raping the chickens to death, which is actually a common duck thing. https://nypost.com/2017/05/06/dont-b...ping-monsters/
    Yup. Ducks like it rough. Both the fowl and the University of Oregon Alumni, IME.
    Set my compass North, I got Winter in my blood.

  22. #22
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    Sep 2001
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    Babylon
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    Quote Originally Posted by glademaster View Post
    Yup. Ducks like it rough. Both the fowl and the University of Oregon Alumni, IME.
    We used to have a large fake lake next to a hotel I worked at. We had ducks. Guests thought they were so precious until a male would grab a female and hold her head under water while he hammered away, sometimes until she was dead.
    less cute.

    Also, Seagulls will eat ducklings FYI and a female duck defending said ducklings from a seagull is a site to behold.

  23. #23
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    the solution to bird problems

    Name:  bird_solution.jpg
Views: 200
Size:  24.2 KB

  24. #24
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    Oct 2016
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    My neighbors did the same thing and from the first day it crowed all day about every 1/2 hours. Then when I tried to walk my dog by the damn cock strutted right up and started clawing at the sidewalk and fronting like he wanted a fight. I called it in to the police. Since roosters are against ordinance they got talked to. Police told me that my neighbors said they'd rather just eat it for dinner than get rid of it and I haven't heard another rooster.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    base of the Bush
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    That was funny. Thanks I needed a good laugh. ^^^

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