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01-26-2004, 01:13 PM #1
Coffee is good, but only when taken anally. (NSR)
Hesitantly, I went to my scheduled Chiropractor visit today. If you haven't read my previous posts, I've gone to this guy a couple of times and I've been feeling like this is not the guy for me. Healthwise, I'm feeling 100%. My back problem is gone, and I was just there because I didn't have time to cancel the appointment. While I'm waiting in the exam room, I'm reading this pamphlet produced at the office. Among a host of reasonable advice about how to live a healthy lifestlye, something catches my eye: The Coffee Enema.
Hey, I've had a few strong cups of Joe in my day, and I know to expect a good colon cleansing if the brew is dark enough. That's to be expected and if you've got good facility access, not entirely undesirable. A good, clean, colon blow starts my day out right and gives me a chance to catch up on my POWDER reading.
But right away, I knew the information contained within this pamphlet was about something different. This was immediately clear to me as I read the first line: "Altough coffee is not an acceptable drink, it can be useful as an enema". It went on describing how one goes about making the perfect cup of ass-brew.
Just as the chiropractor comes into the room, I desperately try to supress my giggles and the mental image of someone ordering at Starbucks: "Yeah, I'll have a venti non-fat chai latte. Oh, and I'll take it in the ass please."
I don't doubt that a coffee enema works (you can go here
for more info), although I do think Juan Valdez would find the use of his handpicked beans a bit offensive.
I just found it supremely ironic that coffee, a drink which is more fond to me than beer, is only acceptable to this doctor when taken anally.
Thus, the final straw. I can't go to a chiropractor who only takes his coffee in the ass.Last edited by Twoplanker; 01-26-2004 at 03:21 PM.
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01-26-2004, 01:16 PM #2click click boom
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- Nov 2001
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- 11,329
Would that be Greek coffee?
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01-26-2004, 01:20 PM #3Originally posted by truth
Would that be Greek coffee?
Hycaphelanus prepares to serve a cup of coffee to his wrestling buddy.
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01-26-2004, 01:25 PM #4
There's a well known case regarding patient requested treatment/med mal where a woman demanded so many coffee enemas that it depleted her electrolytes and eventually killed her.
Not good - coffee should be taken orally IMHO.
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01-26-2004, 01:27 PM #5Originally posted by KQ
There's a well known case regarding patient requested treatment/med mal where a woman demanded so many coffee enemas that it depleted her electrolytes and eventually killed her.
Not good - coffee should be taken orally IMHO.
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01-26-2004, 01:28 PM #6
So, if your caffeine intolerant like myself, (turns me into Beavis) what's the result of a coffee-enima?
Skiing, where my mind is even if my body isn't.
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01-26-2004, 01:30 PM #7Originally posted by CaddyDaddy77
So, if your caffeine intolerant like myself, (turns me into Beavis) what's the result of a coffee-enima?
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01-26-2004, 01:31 PM #8glocal
- Join Date
- May 2002
- Posts
- 33,440
Originally posted by CaddyDaddy77
So, if your caffeine intolerant like myself, (turns me into Beavis) what's the result of a coffee-enima?
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01-26-2004, 01:33 PM #9
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01-26-2004, 01:36 PM #10Originally posted by Spats
Earl weighs in on the controversy
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01-26-2004, 01:36 PM #11Originally posted by KQ
Decaf or regular?
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01-26-2004, 01:40 PM #12
Why it works
The effects of a coffee enema are different than a saline enema. The most important difference between a saline enema and a coffee enema is the presence of caffeine in the coffee. Caffeine, theophylline and theobromine, combine to stimulate the relaxation of smooth muscles causing dilatation of blood vessels and bile ducts. The effects of having a coffee enema are not the same as drinking coffee. The veins of the anus are very close to the surface of the tissue. The caffeine is therefore absorbed more quickly (and in higher concentration) than it is in when coffee is drunk.
So it's like mainlining. Guess there's no sense in using decaf then.
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01-26-2004, 01:42 PM #13
Re: Coffee is good, but only when taken anally. (NSR)
Originally posted by Twoplanker
I can't go to a chiropractor who only takes his coffee in the ass."boobs just make the world better really" - Woodsy
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01-26-2004, 01:43 PM #14Originally posted by KQ
Why it works
The effects of having a coffee enema are not the same as drinking coffee.
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01-26-2004, 01:44 PM #15Originally posted by Twoplanker
The instructions were clear on one thing - don't use instant coffee.
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01-26-2004, 01:44 PM #16Originally posted by Twoplanker
No shit.
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01-26-2004, 01:45 PM #17Originally posted by Twoplanker
No shit.
Please remember to tip your waitress.
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01-26-2004, 01:48 PM #18glocal
- Join Date
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- 33,440
Sweet and Low?
overall, a salad a day has the same effect and much more nutrition.
'course the American Chemical whatever won't tell you that.
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01-26-2004, 01:53 PM #19Originally posted by splat
Sweet and Low?
Q: "How do you take your coffee?"
A: "Sweet and low, baby!"
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01-26-2004, 01:57 PM #20Originally posted by splat
overall, a salad a day has the same effect and much more nutrition.
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01-26-2004, 01:57 PM #21Originally posted by truth
Would that be Greek coffee?Not soliciting business through casual internet associations
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01-26-2004, 01:59 PM #22Originally posted by Lumpy
Hmmm, add the French Press to the equation and we get....?Last edited by Twoplanker; 01-26-2004 at 02:04 PM.
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01-26-2004, 02:00 PM #23
OMG! This whole thread has me dying! I will never be able to keep a straight face again when asked "How do you take your coffee."
ROFL!"I call it reveling in natures finest element. Water in its pristine form. Straight from the heavens. We bathe in it, rejoicing in the fullest." --BZ
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01-26-2004, 02:02 PM #24
Funniest post I've ever read!! LMAO!!
I will no longer be critical of you or your posts. Dude, you are one funny sumbitch. That shit is hilarious. You made my whole day. I couldn't stop laughing. You da man!!! LOL!!
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01-26-2004, 02:06 PM #25
You could make some money selling that to Andrew Dice Clay, LOL!! Sorry man, I'll be laughing all night..........................
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