work bathrooms = SLAY3D

[Rontele]

discuss.

[smmokan]

Do you work in my office?

I just went in there and some guy was lighting the place up. Wow, it almost hurt my ears listening to the sheer loudness that was coming out of his ass. I'm betting he had a burrito for lunch.

[snowsprite]

I want to talk, but as a girl... I fear my kind would turn on me and tear me to shreds!

Sprite

[Rontele]

Do you work in my office?

I just went in there and some guy was lighting the place up. Wow, it almost hurt my ears listening to the sheer loudness that was coming out of his ass. I'm betting he had a burrito for lunch.

No, but I made sure that i was alone before the slaying began. La fiesta for lunch = no muy bueno this afternoon

[DJMingus]

The only bathroom on the floor I used to work on has NO fart fan at all. So many days it's just heinous in there. One nasty stanky dump and the place is uninhabitable for hours.

[erica_z]

fear not, spritely-one.

I, as one of the female gender, do admit to having slay3d the work bathrooms on more than one occasion. Especially after getting tamales or burritos at the local mexican joint.

total ownage. But if its real bad, I at least think kindly of the others that will surely come behind me. And so I spray air freshener judiciously.

[snowsprite]

The ladies are much more considerate. Also, courtesy flushes are prevalent and in our culture you do not linger if there is a sister with a need for privacy.

Sidenote (because I love those...) One time when my eyeballs were floating at a concert I could not stand in the ladies room line anymore. So I strode into the men's room with a desperate look on my face, and the line there (albeit smaller) parted like the red sea. They looked a bit surprised, but ushered me in and were very gentlemenly about it. At that point I would have taken a urinal.

Who says chivalry is dead?

Sprite

[Cornholio]

Sorry Sprite... I think they were hoping you'd take the urinal, frankly, which doesn't exactly reek of chivalry.

[Camel Toad]

I, as one of the female gender, do admit to having slay3d the work bathrooms on more than one occasion. Especially after getting tamales or burritos at the local mexican joint.

You do realize that you are shattering the conception that millions upon millions of males have that women do not pass gas, let alone poo. Dear GOD have you no mercy!

[cj001f]

a sister with a need for privacy

Now this is, perhaps, the kind of visit we need to elaborate on....

[This End Up]

So the morning after a night of extra hot wings and beer I'm get into work and head down to the cafeteria for some water. Just as I get to the bottom stair, my lower intestines begin to boil. Luckily there is a bathroom right there, but it’s only a two seater. I find one seat is occupied by somebody taking a leisurely morning dump, reading a paper. I take the other stall, quickly get into position and let it fly. 1/2 a second later the aroma of poorly digested chicken flesh and spices reaches the next stall. I hear the guy quickly fold his paper, buckle his belt and vacate the bathroom. Ohh the relief.

[jwelch]

I slay3d the work bathroom today. Some of my best work to date. Then later I went back in there to take a leak, and some dude was in the process of totally one-upping me. Bastard.

[brettf]

You do realize that you are shattering the conception that millions upon millions of males have that women do not pass gas, let alone poo. Dear GOD have you no mercy!

Women do poo... but it comes out in pink squares that smell of roses... and they are wrapped in red ribbons....

EDIT because I can't spell...

[The Dad]

I slay3d the work bathroom today. Some of my best work to date. Then later I went back in there to take a leak, and some dude was in the process of totally one-upping me. Bastard.

Did you shout out, "Game on, mothafucka!"

[Dirty Hoar]

fear not, spritely-one.

I, as one of the female gender, do admit to having slay3d the work bathrooms on more than one occasion. Especially after getting tamales or burritos at the local mexican joint.

total ownage. But if its real bad, I at least think kindly of the others that will surely come behind me. And so I spray air freshener judiciously.

Please take it back. I've always thought the women bunghole is only there for extracurricular activites.

[Steven S. Dallas]

As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to women's bungholes, pooping is an extracurricular activity.

Signed,

Dean Steven S. Dallas,
Professor Emeritus
Poopenhausen University.

[The Dad]

As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to women's bungholes, pooping is an extracurricular activity.

Which apparently means that most of the women you've dated have been full of shit?

<rimshot!>

[Twoplanker]

From a disgruntled airline passenger:

Dear Continental Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left am and touch the door.

All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that's blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel?

I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment — while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!

I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the LAV. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch, and taste, from my seat.

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!

Worse yet, is I've paid over $400.00 for the honor of sitting in this seat!

Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.

I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor . . . what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me.

I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.

We are finally decending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.

I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo.

Sincerely,

SLAY3D

[Stone-Free]

The mens shitter on my main floor is directly across the hall from my office. On Monday, this asshat comes down from the 2nd floor and fucking destroys the shitter. Loud 5-10 second farts, mixed in with random machine gun farts. His ass is literally throwing up for minutes, and I have bank VP sitting in my office. We are chatting, and I'm trying to keep a straight face.

Captain Butt-Trumpet opens the bathroom door, he cant see my client, and yells- 'Whatya think of that, Stone? Nice work huh?'

He walks into the doorway of my office to chat, sees the VP, and turns 8 shades of red and leaves. I was fucking mortified....

[Steven S. Dallas]

Which apparently means that most of the women you've dated have been full of shit?

Hoyoh!

Yes.

And for the love of Gawd, it's "5lay3d." The 5 is very important, everyone! It goes with the 3!

[flatNshallow]

Sprite - years ago (many) at Pine Knob (winter = pimple sized pseudo ski hill, summer = killer outdoor concert venue) for a Bob Segar Show (told you it was MANY years) some random chica with the floating eyeballs pulled an even better assault on the mens room: She walked in, dropped trow, and hopped up on to the sink and let fly.

The guys were all VERY impressed.

[irul&ublo]

-
Who says chivalry is dead?

Sprite

Chivalry is dead. They were just hoping to get a peek of you with your pants around your knees.

[Steven S. Dallas]

That's true. Similarly, when we hold the door for you, it's either so we can look at your ass or because we think there might be a booby trap and want you to go first.

[InspectorGadget]

The mens shitter on my main floor is directly across the hall from my office. On Monday, this asshat comes down from the 2nd floor and fucking destroys the shitter. Loud 5-10 second farts, mixed in with random machine gun farts. His ass is literally throwing up for minutes, and I have bank VP sitting in my office. We are chatting, and I'm trying to keep a straight face.

Captain Butt-Trumpet opens the bathroom door, he cant see my client, and yells- 'Whatya think of that, Stone? Nice work huh?'

He walks into the doorway of my office to chat, sees the VP, and turns 8 shades of red and leaves. I was fucking mortified....

I was already laughing my ass off - no pun intended - reading this thread, but Stone-Free's post was nice work.

[BakerBoy]

But if its real bad, I at least think kindly of the others that will surely come behind me.

Sooo, uhhhh... are there many that come behind you, and how often?