work bathrooms = SLAY3D

[sar13]

Stone - Take all the TP and wait for him to yell for help and then start negotiating.

[Andy_B]

Stone-

Just have the ladies down the hall/up stairs give you a ring when he is on his way down... Bust across the hall, lock the door. He will have to go back up stairs or shit him self waiting for you.

[Rontele]

PW3ND the bathroom at Einsteins' this morning.

[Orange Julius]

Stone - Take all the TP and wait for him to yell for help and then start negotiating.

Anyone savvy enough to slay someone else's bathroom knows the importance of the preflight check.

[Cornholio]

Anyone savvy enough to slay someone else's bathroom knows the importance of the preflight check.

Still, it's a pain in the... uh, ass... and he'll have to get the hint eventually, right?

[PaSucks]

If you can make sure to get Captain Butt Trumpet and not an innocent pooer, perhaps you should should suran-wrap the crapper under the seat. this should leave a lasting impression for him

Where exactly does the seran wrap go? Just under the seat or like half way down the bowl? If it is just under the seat, I don't see how it can work. As soon as he sits down his junk will hit the seran wrap and alert him that something is amiss.

[Orange Julius]

that's some fucking appealling imagery

[hev]

anyone who's been to europe knows the toilets are different here. and they vary from country to country. in switzerland, they are probably the closest to american toilets, but suffer from the swiss idealism of water conservation, i.e, there is only a little pool of water in the bowl, and it is not well positioned. accompanying every toilet is a little brush next to it in a holder. the point of the brush is to clean up after yourself. needless to say, NO ONE does this. especially the fat guy who blasts it out hard enough to splatter-paint the entire bowl, even up under the rim.

this is why i get to work at 7.30am....first poopies!

I was very impressed with the McClean's at the train stations. Well worth the 2 franks IMO. I don't know if this was standard but every time I used one an attendant was in there cleaning it right after I left and it was totally spotless and fresh smelling when I got in.

[Rontele]

back from vacation slaying.

[Squatch]

This seems like the appropriate place to rant. I didn't feel like starting a new thread:

Why can't all toilets be "male" toilets? You know what I'm talking about...the kind with the extended front of the bowl. Do they cost extra or something? When I'm taking one of those epic dumps--the kind where you have to change positions throughout--the lack of a frontal extension really reduces the possible lean-back. I should start a petition, but I'm too lazy.

[lemon boy]

Fellow Mags, I am asking for any imput you may have to cease this turd-bandits activity. (other than an upper-decker) So for now, when he comes to slay my shitter and I catch him, he will get pwned in typical Stone fashion.

paper bag
+
furthest reaches of one of his desk drawers
+
your poo

[justcuz]

[//This thread will be momentarily interrupted for a public service announcement//]

Funniest thread in a long time.

[//End Announcement//]

[FartBag Commando]

Working from home does have one disadvantage... Only the dogs are around to appreciate the 5laying that is unleashed every morning and they don't even hang around to sniff the aftermath. Ungreatful beasts. Ever since taking fiber supps each night the morning smash is absolutely glorious. I'm talking full on cable laying of bowl filling proportions and the best part... it's always clean breaks.

[ex-groomer]

a dude I know did the poopie pants at a Bills game. Was real hammered after half walking back to his seat. They were climbing the stairs, his buddy right behind him, he though heh I'll fart on Tom's head, blasted in his pants. He's wearing Carhart coveralls, heads to the bathroom, is in the stall cutting his underwear off with his jackknife, dude accidentally opens the door and there he is in all his marine corp form yelling hey fucker it'll be a minute. After he left the corp the first time he worked for a buddy that owned porta poddy's and had to go vacuum them out. He has some tummy turners...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long while.Thats why its a good idea to always carry a knife.
One summer at the Wood,we were at the top of Chair 10 repairing the snow fence on a cool,windy day. My partner was hung-over and had the whiskey shits.He's wearing Carhartt coveralls over his jeans,farts,and fills his jeans.Totally disgusted,he hikes up to the ridge to clean up. While his coveralls are down around his ankles,he has to shit again. He lets fly and the wind blew the liquid shit right into his coveralls. Yep,filled'em right up. The stream of profanity that ensued was the most impressive cursing that I've ever heard. He rode the chair down and went home for the day.

[SnowTigress]

I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!

That is some funny shit, 2 plank. Not to laugh at your misery, but I've totally been in your shoes and it DOES suck...14 hours to Autralia, no less!!! But that part about the evil looks...HILARIOUS. Thanks for a good chuckle.

[Jack Handy]

Years ago, I boarded a Delta flight from Alaska to Alabama on July 5th. I'd spent the previous day, independence day, consuming a toxic combination of warm Olympia beer and potato salad which I later learned was riddled with ecoli or some silimar microscopic abomination. Little did I know, the contents of my colon would soon declare a little independence of their own...

Once the plane takes off, I fall asleep, unaware of the brewing gastro-intenstinal storm. I'm grateful that I slept through what must have been a horrific, midflight poo-ruption of epic proportions. There is but one thing worse than being awakened by the smell if your own poo and that is having it happen while in the confines of an aluminum tube full of strangers sharing the same re-circulating, putrified air while hurtling through the earth's upper atmosphere at 600 miles per hour.

As my inebriated mind stuggled to make sense out of the heinous vapor rising from beneath me, I noticed the terrified man in the aisle seat. He was leaning so far away from me I thought he might fall over into the aisle. Mustering what little dignity I could, indicated to him that I would need to get up and I commenced the walk of shame towards the rear of the plane to the toilet. The passengers on the plane leaned away like a parting sea as I waddled down the aisle.

I felt better in that tiny little shitter. A little solace. A place to develop a plan. Cringing, I took an exploratory look at the damage - things were bad. Very bad.

I spent the next 25 to 30 minutes using the scant resources I had available to me to make myself look less like a homeless heroin addict. Like McGyver beginning to assemble some contraption that would save his life, I made a visual inventory of the few supplies in the tiny room. A little handsoap, some t.p., some paper towels, a splash of water, a sock, a little more handsoap, more t.p., a stick of wintergreen chewing gum, a short pep-talk in the mirror and I was feeling pretty good about things. I mean, I'd shit myself in a small public space, and then shoved my soiled boxers and a sock into the tiny trashcan hole like a serial killer trying to hide the evidence, but all things considered I'd recovered quite nicely.

The toiled was slayed, truly uninhabitable, so I retreated to the cabin.

I spent the rest of the flight standing near the emergency exit, totally willing to pull that red handle and risk floating down to earth in one of those yellow inflatable boats, Indiana Jones style, rather than suffer through another round.

[Peewee]

I was on here a little over a week ago chortling at the posts about people slaying airplane bathrooms and gleefully chuckling at the thought of an entire airplane full of people being tortured so horribly. I have a twisted sense of humor like that. Seven days ago I payed the price for laughing so senselessly at the suffering that other plane passengers have endured. On a 1.5hr flight to Denver on a 30 passenger plane a guy completely slayed the bathroom about 20 minutes into the flight while I was sitting two seats away. The stench stayed in the plane until we touched down in Denver. For me, it was a life-altering experience. It was truly horiffic. It may be days until I can laugh at the thought of an airplane full of people having to deal with the aroma of a slayed bathroom again.

[eDub]

I was on here a little over a week ago chortling at the posts about people slaying airplane bathrooms and gleefully chuckling at the thought of an entire airplane full of people being tortured so horribly. I have a twisted sense of humor like that. Seven days ago I payed the price for laughing so senselessly at the suffering that other plane passengers have endured. On a 1.5hr flight to Denver on a 30 passenger plane a guy completely slayed the bathroom about 20 minutes into the flight while I was sitting two seats away. The stench stayed in the plane until we touched down in Denver. For me, it was a life-altering experience. It was truly horiffic. It may be days until I can laugh at the thought of an airplane full of people having to deal with the aroma of a slayed bathroom again.

Peewee, Karma.

Karma, Peewee.

[Orange Julius]

WTF is up with guys groaning in the stalls it should be a felony

while I have the podium I vote mt hood meadows bathrooms as the worst of all time. I believe they are modeled after that "shelf" design. believe me there are some heavy hitters in the meadows patronage. you can't be fucking around with some two bit shelf setup.

[PaSucks]

Jack, that was brilliant.


The only thing I can add is that when I was an infant I crapped all over my dad on a cross-country flight. I imagine it was glorious.

[eDub]

When my brother was a kid, he would walk into the living room, pull off his diaper, squat, and take a fat, runny crap on the mustard yellow shag carpet.

Damn brown stains never came all the way out.

[snowsprite]

I know I can always rely on this thread to make me laugh myself silly! That was a good, albeit sick, wake-up to start my day.

Sprite

[lemon boy]

agreed.
So
Fucking
Awesome

[WWCD]

There are times I feel like the work bathroom is slaying me.

I'm on a construction site using porta-johns and depending on the day different things can happen.

Newly cleaned boxes have splashback, and you can barely breath in the older ones. I never feel I'm on the winning end of those.

[Orange Julius]

newly cleaned ones have that sickening sweet cleaner smell combined with ass. don't exactly go together like strawberries and cream.