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  1. #501
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Was UT, AK, now MT
    Posts
    13,604
    Quote Originally Posted by XXX-er View Post
    You wana talk about trauma both my parents came of age in the active war zones of WW II, my father in the battle of Britain my mother in occupied Singapore and it fucked them up pretty good which in turn fucked me up but less so and my kids less than that
    Generational unfuckery….good job

  2. #502
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Was UT, AK, now MT
    Posts
    13,604
    Buzz give yourself some credit, you’ve made progress and it obviously won’t change over night. Keep hope alive and go easy on yourself. You’re making progress in the right direction.

    No reason to be ashamed or embarrassed (easier said obviously).

  3. #503
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    2,735

    About to turn 50 and am too tired to continue

    Yeah— shame is a hard one. That’s why we pop in. We get it.

    Thanks for the update.

    And give us a ring. We’re not you. But we’re like you.

  4. #504
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    slc
    Posts
    18,126
    Quote Originally Posted by Buzzworthy View Post
    At least right now I don’t feel a need to drastically end my life.
    Really glad to hear this.

  5. #505
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    4,545

    About to turn 50 and am too tired to continue

    Appreciate you chiming in Buzz. I’m just another internet kook but I think this thread is helpful to a lot of us too so thanks.

  6. #506
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    SLC, Utah
    Posts
    4,345
    Buzz - you know I love you, just not so good at posting on this thread. Let's ski basin next week. And drink some non-alcoholic beers.

    Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

  7. #507
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    733
    Yo Buzz, I can imagine how discouraging it could be to talk to a therapist who you don't connect with. If you can, keep trying different ones until you find the one who clicks with you.

    And thanks for the update

  8. #508
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I can still smell Poutine.
    Posts
    24,991
    Quote Originally Posted by tgapp View Post
    Buzz - you know I love you, just not so good at posting on this thread. Let's ski basin next week. And drink some non-alcoholic beers.

    Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk
    Guinness 0.0. I admit I didn't like it when I had it for the first time in a bar. I've found that at home I like it.

  9. #509
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    SLC, Utah
    Posts
    4,345
    Quote Originally Posted by riser4 View Post
    Guinness 0.0. I admit I didn't like it when I had it for the first time in a bar. I've found that at home I like it.
    Meh see my review in the NA beer thread. It's fine. Untitled Art and Sam Adams are still the best in the game IMO, with Athletic somewhere behind them.

    Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

  10. #510
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    1,363
    “So I took my medication and I poured my trauma out
    On some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch
    And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground
    I said "I'm cured"

    And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts
    Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart
    I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them
    But it's a start

    Noah Kahan “Growing Sideways” hits it on the head for me.

    Learning of and researching the Adverse Childhood Study longitudinal study by the CDC and Kaiser Perm. really helped me eventually turn some corners. I wouldn’t take the test unless I was ready to tap into memories and events that have probably long been compartmentalized.

    https://www.npr.org/sections/health-...nd-doesnt-mean

    https://scholar.google.com/scholar?h...es&oq=adverse+

    For me, the immediate response was not positive after learning of and taking several different iterations and getting the same score. In fact I was exposed to the test cold before knowing about the study or the purpose; that was a hard day to go back to work.

    A very common response from high ACEs kids and childhood trauma in general is to grow to become a “helper” at least this is what my therapist tells me why I do the work I do and volunteer for fun.

    Me and the fam watched the Mr. Roger’s movie last week. There are a couple of really great scenes when Fred reminds the protagonist that he is who he is in part because of his trauma and Fred likes him just how he is. Also, Mr. Rogers’ classic, “if it’s mentionable it’s solvable.” Fuck this world needs a new Mr. Rogers again and they need to be on YouTube!!

    Ps. Buzz, regarding the PMs. In due time and when and if it suits you. They weren’t sent to make an obligation for you. They are to give and not take.


    "Let's be careful out there."

  11. #511
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    N side, Terrace, BC
    Posts
    5,236
    Nothing much to add here buzz, other than one day at a time man. You're not alone.
    “I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.”
    ― Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

    www.mymountaincoop.ca

    This is OUR mountain - come join us!

  12. #512
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Posts
    11,877
    Quote Originally Posted by Hood26 View Post
    “So I took my medication and I poured my trauma out
    On some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch
    And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground
    I said "I'm cured"

    And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts
    Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart
    I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them
    But it's a start

    Noah Kahan “Growing Sideways” hits it on the head for me.


    I heard that song for the first time as I was going through my divorce and it hit me hard.

  13. #513
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    northern BC
    Posts
    31,376
    Quote Originally Posted by Trackhead View Post
    Generational unfuckery….good job
    I forgot to mention growing up in the deperession followed by moving back to Britain cuz there was nothing to eat on the canadian praire, then getting beat up every day by english school boys, he developed an english accent till the day he died even tho he was from saskatchewan, then out all night during the bombings putting out naplam fires, building Spitfires and then being shipped off to war.

    my mother watch the japanese take her American father away

    They had it so rough so all one can do is on the one hand I cut them slack but acknowledge I'm fucked up in ways too complex to imagine
    Lee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know

  14. #514
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Was UT, AK, now MT
    Posts
    13,604
    Generational Trauma: ^^^

    Imagine being Alaskan/Canadian/American native.

    They got fucked hard and continue to suffer for it. Spiraling �� for what seems like forever.

    Yeah, our upbringing’s can shape us, for better or worse.

    My dad had an issue with alcohol. He was a bit of a tyrant. I learned after he died that his crazy ass mom tied his ass to a tree and left him there as a kid. Can’t imagine why he was an angry drunk.

    That shit rolls downhill. It’s hard to get out of the way. His drinking left an impression on me and I swore I’d never be like that, and I haven’t. Never drink, can’t stand being around people who do. See enough of it at work.

  15. #515
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Greg_o
    Posts
    2,707
    Hey Buzz, I really hope this doesn't come off as preachy or anything. I've been wanting to post this for a few days and keep deleting it because I don't want it to come off that way but here goes.

    Are you getting much physical activity?

    Personally I've been pretty 'low' lately. Have been unemployed for too long. Had a few good prospects lined up and I've watched them fizzle out, one by one. It's getting tough.

    This winter I got a bike trainer set up. Was a great decision especially given how bad our alpine and nordic ski season has been.

    Been using the trainer pretty much every day. Up until a couple weeks ago when the family all got a nasty cold. I never had any cold symptoms other than really low energy so either I had a mild version or I was fighting it off.

    During that time I was off the trainer and not doing anything remotely physical for three days. During those three days my mind went to some very dark places, including thoughts of suicide. Back on the trainer lots and my mind set has improved.

    I know we're all different and have different triggers and responses but I just wanted to share that with you.

  16. #516
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Watching over the valley
    Posts
    5,064
    I just wanna chime in on the always helping others, and sacrificing yourself for benefit of others. It's good to help others, but you've got to stick up for yourself. Meaning, if you got a ski day scheduled, that's important. Gotta do it. If someone else is out, let someone else do it. Don't always be that guy. Help when you can, but give yourself priority as well. Nobody else will...
    I've seen it with my wife to a degree and definitely with my mother in law. Sacrifice themselves all the time for others and have resentment towards others as a result. But they would never admit it.

    Take the step to get something good for you on the schedule, and stick to it.
    Skiing has been good lately ... Get some.

    Keep on keeping on people.

    Edit, if your skis or board need a wax, bring it over, we can chill in the garage and get it done. Will get you stoked to ski! Same with a bike, if you need a tune up, bring it by. Aves here.
    sigless.

  17. #517
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    7,975
    Buzz and anyone else near, I'm at the beav Sunday -wed. Buzz I've got a comp pass for you. It'll be snowing and good vibes

  18. #518
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Syracuse, NY
    Posts
    499
    Glad you checked in buzz, keep going.

  19. #519
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    The Garden State
    Posts
    4,808
    Hey buzz you’re doing great mang, one day at a time small steps, deep breaths , we’re here with ya , feel the love.

  20. #520
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sandy
    Posts
    14,173
    Snowbasin Tuesday. I have to pick up my pass. It’s going to be sunny and I’m going to ski. I’m slow and I have no ski legs. Not sure how long I’ll last. But I’m going to have a smile on my face. That’s what matters.
    If there’s a TFW needing a ride I owe ya a good talk on the way. Tgapp, wanna enjoy some Gondi views? And any other mags that are out and about, I’d love to ski ya.

    Work can be closed for all I care. I need the exercise. Period.

  21. #521
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sandy
    Posts
    14,173
    Also now that I’ve hit the ❤️ on every single one of all of your posts.

    And to those out there feeling my words, keep fighting too. You’re important to so many people and you too can fight the spiders. You’re important to you.

  22. #522
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sandy
    Posts
    14,173
    Add a k to one of those words above

  23. #523
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    the most beautiful place in the whole wide world
    Posts
    2,618
    enjoy your ski day(s). We know you will!

  24. #524
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    11,366
    Quote Originally Posted by Buzzworthy View Post
    Snowbasin Tuesday. I have to pick up my pass. It’s going to be sunny and I’m going to ski. I’m slow and I have no ski legs. Not sure how long I’ll last. But I’m going to have a smile on my face. That’s what matters.
    If there’s a TFW needing a ride I owe ya a good talk on the way. Tgapp, wanna enjoy some Gondi views? And any other mags that are out and about, I’d love to ski ya.

    Work can be closed for all I care. I need the exercise. Period.
    FKNA! I love where your heads at Buzzworthy.

  25. #525
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Maine Coast
    Posts
    4,734
    Sunshine, it’s a powerful drug. Get some

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