Anyone have a kid skip a grade?

**The Reverend Floater** · 02-24-2023, 01:02 AM

Our oldest was born in July which meant we could have either started her in Kindergarten at 5 or kept her in preschool for another year and waited until 6. We opted to keep her in preschool for another year because it was during COVID and we were concerned about her social development while there was limited school going on that year.

She's now 7 and in first grade in a dual immersion school. She is a bright kid who lives school and occasionally grows frustrated with some of the other kids lack of attention in first grade. Basically kids mature so fast at that age that because she's the oldest in the class, she gets frustrated by young 6 year olds acting like they should, which slows the class down. She's also "bored" and obviously the nerd of that herd.

A few weeks ago they did their standard tests (I don't know the name) and she was in the top 1% in math, English and Spanish. Again, not claiming a genius kid here (this is Idaho public school, not St. Bart's) but she's smart and was clearly not being challenged.

Her teachers suggested that we immediately move her to second grade and drop her right in, which we did, hoping for the best. After two days, she's a bit overwhelmed by math (they do it all in Spanish) but loving English. She's definitely got some catching up to do which is probably good for her.

Wondering if anyone here has had a similar situation and had any advice for getting them caught up, pitfalls to watch out for, etc. We're not super concerned about athletics as she's probably not super gifted in that area, though she loves to ski, plays soccer, begrudgingly plays hockey and does JuJitsu. I'd say she's about normal in terms of maturity for a 7.5 year old. Any social concerns? Long-term stuff? I'm perfectly fine with her being the last to drive, buy beer, etc. But we have no idea what we're doing and looking for any pointers y'all might have.

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**Core Shot** · 02-24-2023, 05:58 AM

You’re doing the right thing.
Math in Spanish? No wonder she struggles with that.

My youngest didn’t skip a grade but we put him in kindergarten a year early. He’s still bored. He’s teaching himself to code and also calculus because it’s fun. The key is to keep them challenged even if it’s outside of school.

My mom was offered to skip me in third grade and she regretted declining. I ended up skipping a grade by dropping out of high school to go to college.

My brother hyper accelerated his oldest by sending him to college at 16. It kinda fucked him up socially. There’s more to school than knowledge.

PS. She’s not truly skipping since she’s a July baby and would have been in that class without Covid confusion. Your interesting issue will be does she skip again next year. 99th percentile is an interesting place to exist.
But also has its challenges.

**riser4** · 02-24-2023, 06:43 AM

Wow. The school put her ahead? Go with it. I have no useful advice. Thing #2 skipped a grade. And we had to convince the school. It was a bit messy. All because the principal had a chip on her shoulder and didn't like our kid, because he wasn't some prodigy that could win competitions and thereby give her a spotlight and she thought he was a bit of know it all. He is, but that shouldn't have prevented him from getting the academic challenges he needed. Our school's cutoff is 8/31. He was born in early December, so he was in the middle of the pack age wise. He was light years ahead in math and ahead in everything else. School couldn't differentiate to his degree. In 5th grade he did the 6th grade classes so he skipped 5th in practice but actually skipped 6th on paper. They wouldn't give him algebra in 7th grade so we paid for a reputable online Algebra class. They weren't going to give him Geometry in 8th grade because the principal said that put him three years ahead in her little mind She's a miserable cunt. We home schooled him in 8th so that he could take two high school classes, geometry and biology. He read a bunch of books and wrote a few papers for the rest. He's a handsome nerd. Never that good at sports. In HS he did Math League, theater tech, and the engineering program at the technical center. He's a junior at UVM in mechanical engineering. He started college at 17. He's still a bit odd, dabbles in fencing club, works out, and found Jesus. His grades are decent but not A++. He's the kind of person that learns for the intrinsic reward. If something interests him he goes with it and forgets about everything else.

Looking back, we screwed up by not insisting after kindergarten. We tried to be nice and work with the school. This meant that we had to prove it over many years and at our expense. This definitely gave him a bit of an attitude. The school has other kids that seamlessly skipped grades. It was definitely personal.

**Buster Highmen** · 02-24-2023, 07:06 AM

Sort of.
We yanked our daughter from public school in 3rd grade due to eye disabilities and homeschooled her through 9th grade.
Then she wanted to experience a more functional social life.

We told her we'd support her, but it would be hard and likely a repeat of cruelty only teenagers can show to peers. But it was her choice.

She dug in and fought for it, cried a lot during the first year, expressed a lot of self doubt, but stuck with it and has come out just glowing. She works hard and is acing her classes now as a senior including AP calc.

So, the analogy is weak, but mostly it about how much your kid wants it.

**Cruiser** · 02-24-2023, 07:26 AM

Smart, motivated kids excel in school and in life. Don't worry.

Mrs Cruiser was 16 when she graduated high school. I was barely 17. In retrospect, we both understood that we faced some competitive disadvantages by being among the youngest in our respective grades and opted, based on that, to red shirt 2 of our kids who we felt were a little less mature around the start of school. Our 2 others went at the usual time.

There's no right answer. But kids are remarkably resilient. They're like weeds growing healthily in a crack in the sidewalk, undeterred by the constant foot traffic and lack of fertile soil.

**Timberridge** · 02-24-2023, 07:55 AM

I skipped a grade, 2nd I think, but my birthday is early so I was a full year younger. Girls and boys may be different but it kinda sucked when I was a teenager. I played a bunch of sports, but baseball was my sport. LL and BR baseball was by age, not grade, so I was often playing with kids a grade below and not my friends. Also my friends were driving and I had to bum rides for a while. If she's a nerd it may be ok, but for sports it sorta sucks. Good luck with whatever you decide.

My son's HS has advanced classes for each grade. My neighbor's kid, a math genius but socially awkward, is in 11th grade but taking a 12th grade AP calculus class. I think if he was in 12th grade, he'd have an even tougher time socially.

**I Skied Bandini Mountain** · 02-24-2023, 07:57 AM

Skipping a grade was discussed for our daughter early in elementary school, but we were on the opposite side of the age factor and we decided we didn't want her to be a 16 yo senior in HS for various reasons. Not saying it's wrong for others, just for her time and place in the world.

So we put her into a split class and that helped a lot blending with one class up. Also the teachers loaded her up with extra work when she started to get bored.

Communication was also important with the teachers, we would reach out at the beginning of every year and let the teachers know that if she got bored, she would make their lives very difficult so load her up with extra studies and assignments to keep her occupied. We also strongly suggested teachers reach out to previous grade teachers to find out what best worked to keep her from turning into a monster. That worked very well all up through her HS years.

Now the boy, that was different. Instead of skipping a grade, he just decided to skip going to classes altogether around the 9th grade. That was awesome.

**carlh** · 02-24-2023, 11:11 AM

My son has an august birthday and started kindergarten 2 weeks after turning 5 so is where you daughter is now and still ahead of the class in math. I think you’ve got a tough adjustment but bored kids entertain themselves by creating problems or at least I did so I think you made the right call.

**fastfred** · 02-24-2023, 11:32 AM

I know someone who went from finishing 4th grade to 8th grade they are a severely retarded when it comes to social and inter personal skills they sorta missed that whole development process

**Timberridge** · 02-24-2023, 11:38 AM

fastfred's gettin' high and watching Young Sheldon reruns again.

**rudy** · 02-24-2023, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by Timberridge

fastfred's gettin' high and watching Young Sheldon reruns again.

GOLD

**east or bust** · 02-24-2023, 11:57 AM

My bro has a late Sept birthday, my parents had him repeat kindergarden. I don’t think it had anything to do with academics. We were a hockey family and it would suck playing with kids that could be almost 2 years older when hitting starts, not to mention U16/U18. He did just fine.

Not your situation obviously but a data point.

**MarcusBrody** · 02-24-2023, 12:00 PM

My wife skipped a grade. She didn't feel that she had any real negative effects, though it was done as part of a shift between school systems so the social aspect wasn't a big deal.

My son is basically the same age (well 10 months younger, but also started this year in first grade). One fringe advantage to your daughter skipping a grade is that it likely puts her in a smaller cohort of students. Assuming your schools are like ours (and follow the general US pattern), a lot of parents did what you did and kept their borderline-aged students home during Covid (I would have too had my son been your daughter's age). But then no one kept them home afterward as everyone was eager to get the kids out of the house, so our first grade cohort is ~20% larger than the current 2nd grade or Kindergarten cohorts. That means substantially bigger class sizes and few schools are bureaucratically nimble enough to shuffle resources for one year. It will also mean a much higher level of competition for things like college admissions when this one large cohort graduates.

In a lot of ways, I wish my son could change grades, but agewise he's closer to the students below him than above him and academically he seems to be thriving, so it wouldn't really make sense. If he was almost a year older like your daughter, I would more seriously consider it.

**Not DJSapp** · 02-24-2023, 12:25 PM

Being the oldest kid in the class has a lot of advantages in high school. Easier time learning, more mature, more focused, and if they're bored in class they have more time for extracurriculars. All the shit top tier colleges look for. Pushing them forward to higher grades earlier only serves to fuel parents egos and the kid's desires in the elementary years. Once you're picking classes in Jr High and HS, all this concept of what grade you're in starts to get blurred as there are honors and AP paths, as well as underperformers retaking classes.

Now if high school is easy, they're not busy enough. The sharpest kids in high school are busy 16 hours a day, even if the classes are easy because HS is life prep. Some stuff is going to be easy, but is a time suck and you need to manage your time. Music, sports, clubs, part time jobs and time for homework should fill the whole day every day to teach this, because life is more than what school has to offer. The problems come if they're not busy enough and start to find trouble, and then it can go sideways fast.

Elementary school is the easy times while they go through the basics. Foster the love of reading, learning and exploring. Get her to the library weekly and get piles of books. Doesn't matter if the books get finished or not. Get outside and find adventures, let her plan and lead them. Don't rush it just because 2nd grade isn't a challenge. 2nd grade is a thing to do among learning so much more.

I also knew a couple 16 years old college freshmen. That's way too young to be away from home and at college from every single aspect of the college experience. Don't rush it.

**fastfred** · 02-24-2023, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by Timberridge

fastfred's gettin' high and watching Young Sheldon reruns again.

What about getting held back and summer school every summer in high school

**XXX-er** · 02-24-2023, 12:38 PM

An oldest child I know was telling us last week about her younger brother skipping a grade into her class and that it was the very worst

**MarcusBrody** · 02-24-2023, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by Not DJSapp

Being the oldest kid in the class has a lot of advantages in high school. Easier time learning, more mature, more focused, and if they're bored in class they have more time for extracurriculars. All the shit top tier colleges look for. Pushing them forward to higher grades earlier only serves to fuel parents egos and the kid's desires in the elementary years. Once you're picking classes in Jr High and HS, all this concept of what grade you're in starts to get blurred as there are honors and AP paths, as well as underperformers retaking classes.

Now if high school is easy, they're not busy enough. The sharpest kids in high school are busy 16 hours a day, even if the classes are easy because HS is life prep. Some stuff is going to be easy, but is a time suck and you need to manage your time. Music, sports, clubs, part time jobs and time for homework should fill the whole day every day to teach this, because life is more than what school has to offer. The problems come if they're not busy enough and start to find trouble, and then it can go sideways fast.

Elementary school is the easy times while they go through the basics. Foster the love of reading, learning and exploring. Get her to the library weekly and get piles of books. Doesn't matter if the books get finished or not. Get outside and find adventures, let her plan and lead them. Don't rush it just because 2nd grade isn't a challenge. 2nd grade is a thing to do among learning so much more.

I also knew a couple 16 years old college freshmen. That's way too young to be away from home and at college from every single aspect of the college experience. Don't rush it.

Rev's daughter wouldn't be ending up in college at 16, though. She'd be turning 18 before she ever set foot on campus. Very little academic literature finds any major differences in academic achievement based on when students start kindergarten (which is understood to look at the effects of age). Athletic achievement is a different story, but for academic achievement, age doesn't seem to be much of a determinant and if you're worried about college admission, the benefits of graduating HS in 2033 vs. 2034 will likely dwarf any extra extracurriculars that they might take part in because they're older.

**Peruvian** · 02-24-2023, 12:50 PM

Sorry NDJS but your over simplification just doesn’t fly.

By middle school, my older kid ended up doing every project and having essentially a separate class with one other boy as they were both light years ahead of the other 15 or so kids. We worked with the teachers and my kid to come up with solutions but the best one (academically) was to bump them up a grade. That came with a bunch of other (mostly social) challenges, but we were on the verge of having a very smart kid loose interest in education and start getting into other trouble to fill the boredom.

**Not DJSapp** · 02-24-2023, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by MarcusBrody

Rev's daughter wouldn't be ending up in college at 16, though. She'd be turning 18 before she ever set foot on campus. Very little academic literature finds any major differences in academic achievement based on when students start kindergarten (which is understood to look at the effects of age). Athletic achievement is a different story, but for academic achievement, age doesn't seem to be much of a determinant and if you're worried about college admission, the benefits of graduating HS in 2033 vs. 2034 will likely dwarf any extra extracurriculars that they might take part in because they're older.

2033 is going to be a low year for HS grads, 2034 is a high year. Colleges see this coming and look at overall capacity, not just individual class size. I wouldn't sweat that aspect because it is going to average out. And if you're worried about a 10% class size surge taking all of the spots your kid was going to be in, your kid isn't the top of the class anyway.

And again, all this shit catches up starting in Jr. high. My oldest was bored and hated math in 4th grade, but was crushing everything. She's now in honors 7th grade and on the accelerated track, busy AF between soccer, band, scouts, and getting straight A's. Firing on all cylinders.

**John_B** · 02-24-2023, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by Not DJSapp

Music, sports, clubs, part time jobs and time for homework should fill the whole day every day to teach this, because life is more than what school has to offer. The problems come if they're not busy enough and start to find trouble, and then it can go sideways fast.

Man I had a different high school experience than what you describe and seem to have done alright.

**riser4** · 02-24-2023, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by XXX-er

An oldest child I know was telling us last week about her younger brother skipping a grade into her class and that it was the very worst

Our kids ages meant that thing #1 was going to be able to graduate before thing #2 entered HS. #1 is forever pissed that #2 skipped a grade and was not only a freshman when #1 was a senior, but #2 spent part of the day at the HS in 8th grade too. #3 was a freshman when #2 was a senior. That was 2019-2020. We all know how that ended.

**riser4** · 02-24-2023, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by John_B

Man I had a different high school experience than what you describe and seem to have done alright.

Heh. My Jr and Sr years were, quite literally, wasted. Not sure how I managed to pass any classes.

**skaredshtles** · 02-24-2023, 01:32 PM

This is just a big humblebrag thread, isn't it?

NTTAWWT.

**I Skied Bandini Mountain** · 02-24-2023, 01:37 PM

Is it a humblebrag that I can give advice on raising both exceptionally overachieving and underachieving children?

**MarcusBrody** · 02-24-2023, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by Not DJSapp

2033 is going to be a low year for HS grads, 2034 is a high year. Colleges see this coming and look at overall capacity, not just individual class size. I wouldn't sweat that aspect because it is going to average out. And if you're worried about a 10% class size surge taking all of the spots your kid was going to be in, your kid isn't the top of the class anyway.

And again, all this shit catches up starting in Jr. high. My oldest was bored and hated math in 4th grade, but was crushing everything. She's now in honors 7th grade and on the accelerated track, busy AF between soccer, band, scouts, and getting straight A's. Firing on all cylinders.

Colleges are somewhat smart in their forecasting, but:
1. There is actually a pretty big amount of uncertainty in "yield," the number of admitted students who decide to come. This makes planning for multiple years difficult.
2. Admitting fewer students in Year 1 because you expect a big group in Year 2 often doesn't make sense financially. Funding (whether based on tuition or state allocation formulas) is based on the number of students at a school, so essentially keeping open spots in anticipation of a big year later means empty slots in the first year then full capacity the second. Not only does just letting the same number of students in keep the institution at full capacity across two years, it allows them to drive down the discount rate (amount of financial aid they need to offer to fill their slots) as they are more competitive in the second year.

So it's not necessarily an extra 10-20% in cohort size taking all the spots. It's getting less individual attention throughout the academic career and then having less spots at top schools (which already reject many, many students who could succeed at them) and less negotiating power for financial aid even if you do find a slot.

Source: I've been on admission committees at an ivy, met with one of the admission directors from my undergrad alma mater just a few months ago as I'm still involved with their admissions, sat through many meetings at a ~top 35 but still tuition dependent liberal arts school about recruiting/admitting classes (this is where I learned about the unpredictability of yield), and now work at a state school where the funding model is determined by both enrollment and the change in enrollment (so there is a strong incentive not to let it drop for a year).