There is really nothing like being uncomfortably high at a border crossing - stories

**OldLarry** · 02-17-2023, 02:31 PM

Way back when in the time before dinosaurs, I was on a train from Austria into Italy with a block of hash on me the size of my phone. Border guards come on board with dogs to check passports, going from car to car. I’m sitting in the middle seat of a compartment, stranger sitting to my right, closest to the door. Guards come by an fling the door open. Shepherd barges in, stranger feeds the dog the rest of the salami sandwich he is eating. Guard scolds dog, stranger, moves on. Stranger laughs and winks at me.

Next?

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**stuckathuntermtn** · 02-17-2023, 03:10 PM

Holy shit, it's OldLarry!
How's it going, man, how ya been?
Closest I've been to something like this is blowing a .05 on the rez.

**JimmyCarter** · 02-17-2023, 03:54 PM

I was really hoping this story ended with your shoes impressing the Italian so much he let you go.

We got stopped (4 guys in a minivan) on the way to Montreal and we were all fairly high. We had stashed everything at a farm wall prior to the crossing so we didn’t actually have anything on us, which turned out to be a good thing because they tore the car apart looking for it.

**OldLarry** · 02-17-2023, 04:09 PM

Shoes are strictly Italian these days - everything embarrassingly fine. Getting more comfortable being uncomfortably high- empty nesting these days so being propelled uncontrollably toward the next stage in life while recognizing I am I’m a perpetual loop of apoplectic- ness, if that’s a word (or counts as alliteration). How are you guys? Keepin a bead on the ol’ blood pressure?

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**BmillsSkier** · 02-17-2023, 04:17 PM

Old Larry stories are the best.

We’re good. Still haven’t found out where Upstate is exactly but we’re still trying and I think that’s a the important part.

I’ve had my car torn to bits at both the Ambassador Bridge and the Peace Arch because we had the foresight each time to remember that we needed to smoke all the pot before we got to the crossing.

Terribly uncomfortable each time.

**Cruiser** · 02-17-2023, 04:33 PM

I was returning from a month backpacking around Jamaica. Flight was from mo-bay to ATL. Smoke em (and eat em) if ya got em was the order of the day on the way to the airport. Hot boxed the car the entire hour long drive.

Got to ATL looking and smelling pretty haggard as I'd been enjoying a pretty bohemian existence the preceding month and they had free red stripe on air Jamaica. My backpack was jammed with crap including my tent and pad along with a couple of very stinky sets of clothes and a handsomely carved wooden turtle about the size of a football that I picked up at a beach side tourist trap very early on in the trip and then lugged around the island the rest of the month as a souvenir for my mom.

Those customs folks indelicately disassembled all my shit on a big ole conveyer belt off too the side of the main customs area while all the other international travelers leered at me from the queue. They x-rayed every damned thing twice except the turtle which they sent through various machines a half dozen times at least. Finding nothing but convinced that I was up to no good, they directed me to door number 3 over in the corner of the screening area. 2 big guys from customs come strolling in.

They continue questioning me, just as the various agents who'd interacted with me earlier had but now in the comfort of a small, windowless room. Eventually they've got me down to nothing but my dilapidated boxer shorts and I'm like, guys I'm not causing any ruckus today but if you need me to drop the undies so that I can prove I'm clean and catch my train then say the word. Evidently the sight of my skinny white ass wasn't particularly appealing that day as they reluctantly let me get dressed.

Good times...

**riser4** · 02-17-2023, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by OldLarry

Way back when in the time before dinosaurs, I was on a train from Austria into Italy with a block of hash on me the size of my phone. Border guards come on board with dogs to check passports, going from car to car. I’m sitting in the middle seat of a compartment, stranger sitting to my right, closest to the door. Guards come by an fling the door open. Shepherd barges in, stranger feeds the dog the rest of the salami sandwich he is eating. Guard scolds dog, stranger, moves on. Stranger laughs and winks at me.

Next?

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I would have shit my pants at that point.

**Thaleia** · 02-17-2023, 04:49 PM

Hey OldLarry! Hope you're well.

Best I got is while visiting Windsor we had planned to cross over to Detroit for an afternoon. Driving to the bridge we realized we forgot to leave the weed at the motel. (this was awhile back and we were young and dumb and I'm going off of a poor memory here) We asked at the duty free how to go back and were told to go down this little lane way. Either they were wrong or I went down the wrong lane way and we ended up in line for customs.

We had maybe an 1/4 oz of weed (in the trunk but not hidden in any way) on us.

As we're maybe a car or two away from the front of the line the GF realizes her ID was.. in the trunk. My dumbass got out, opened the trunk, found the ID and proceeded to the window. Customs dude was not impressed.

We weren't high at the time or anything but were obviously shitting bricks as I was trying to play it cool, "just crossing for some sightseeing etc, sorry, forgot her ID in the back etc". Nothing happened beyond some well deserved scorn but it was not an enjoyable experience.

Bonus points - same gf did the classic tour around Europe for a summer after high school, visited Amsterdam, and proceeded to cross multiple borders on that trip and then realize once home she had a g of hash in her backpack the whole time.

**stuckathuntermtn** · 02-17-2023, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by riser4

I would have shit my pants at that point.

Probably could have just bribed the guards if you had to. We're talking Italy in, what, the 70s?

**OldLarry** · 02-17-2023, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by Cruiser

I was returning from a month backpacking around Jamaica. Flight was from mo-bay to ATL. Smoke em (and eat em) if ya got em was the order of the day on the way to the airport. Hot boxed the car the entire hour long drive.

Got to ATL looking and smelling pretty haggard as I'd been enjoying a pretty bohemian existence the preceding month and they had free red stripe on air Jamaica. My backpack was jammed with crap including my tent and pad along with a couple of very stinky sets of clothes and a handsomely carved wooden turtle about the size of a football that I picked up at a beach side tourist trap very early on in the trip and then lugged around the island the rest of the month as a souvenir for my mom.

Those customs folks indelicately disassembled all my shit on a big ole conveyer belt off too the side of the main customs area while all the other international travelers leered at me from the queue. They x-rayed every damned thing twice except the turtle which they sent through various machines a half dozen times at least. Finding nothing but convinced that I was up to no good, they directed me to door number 3 over in the corner of the screening area. 2 big guys from customs come strolling in.

They continue questioning me, just as the various agents who'd interacted with me earlier had but now in the comfort of a small, windowless room. Eventually they've got me down to nothing but my dilapidated boxer shorts and I'm like, guys I'm not causing any ruckus today but if you need me to drop the undies so that I can prove I'm clean and catch my train then say the word. Evidently the sight of my skinny white ass wasn't particularly appealing that day as they reluctantly let me get dressed.

Good times...

Bravo! Have camped in négril many moons ago- saw gregory isaacs, I threes, zingy and rita, and more. Fkna right

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**OldLarry** · 02-17-2023, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

Probably could have just bribed the guards if you had to. We're talking Italy in, what, the 70s?

Not THAT old! lol this was 1992-

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**OldLarry** · 02-17-2023, 05:34 PM

Originally Posted by Thaleia

Hey OldLarry! Hope you're well.

Best I got is while visiting Windsor we had planned to cross over to Detroit for an afternoon. Driving to the bridge we realized we forgot to leave the weed at the motel. (this was awhile back and we were young and dumb and I'm going off of a poor memory here) We asked at the duty free how to go back and were told to go down this little lane way. Either they were wrong or I went down the wrong lane way and we ended up in line for customs.

We had maybe an 1/4 oz of weed (in the trunk but not hidden in any way) on us.

As we're maybe a car or two away from the front of the line the GF realizes her ID was.. in the trunk. My dumbass got out, opened the trunk, found the ID and proceeded to the window. Customs dude was not impressed.

We weren't high at the time or anything but were obviously shitting bricks as I was trying to play it cool, "just crossing for some sightseeing etc, sorry, forgot her ID in the back etc". Nothing happened beyond some well deserved scorn but it was not an enjoyable experience.

Bonus points - same gf did the classic tour around Europe for a summer after high school, visited Amsterdam, and proceeded to cross multiple borders on that trip and then realize once home she had a g of hash in her backpack the whole time.

Love it- at YYZ right now-

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**Viva** · 02-17-2023, 05:49 PM

My border crossing story is pretty tame compared the the above stories, but I am now reminded of it, so here it is.

In 1991 I did a one-day road trip from Los Angeles to Salton Sea (Salton Stink) to do some landscape photography and fuck around a bit. By mid-afternoon in was near Calexico, and hungry. For whatever reason, I decided to cross border into Mexicali for Chinese food. Yes, really. If you know the history of the area, you know.

Anyhoo, headed back to California, the US border guard looks me in the eye and asks something indecipherable. Now, I'd been up since about 2:00-2:30AM and driving a lot, so mental acuity wasn't great. I asked the guard to repeat the question, and needed to a couple of times. I was having a difficult time with his East Coast accent- it was particularly strong. Finally, I realized that he was asking if I was a US citizen. I then answered, but he was pissed and had me park in their vehicle inspection area. I waited a bit, and eventually a large crossing guard (kinda looked like the Skipper, but without the captain's hat and Gilligan in tow) meanders over and gives my Ranger a cursory look over. I told him that I couldn't understand what his colleague was asking. The "Skipper" just smiled without comment. He then allowed me to leave.

**warthog** · 02-18-2023, 06:41 AM

Did a short bus tour of Yurp with a bunch of friends when I was going to school in London. I think there were 12 of us and a driver.
We had an absolute ton of weed with us.
So much weed and hash that girls on the trip actually had to pull us aside at one point and ask us to stop getting our driver/ tour guide, Duncan, high because they were getting nervous.
We had been blazing Duncan up at every stop. He was a really good driver. I didn't see the problem. I also think it improved his tour guide skills, but the girls weren't hearing it.

So anyway, off we go one day, super high, with a stone sober driver. Oddly, I think it may have also been an Austrian border crossing. Either way, us high, Duncan sober, off we go. Now, I think that since Duncan was sober, he assumed we were too. So when he casually mentioned we would be crossing the border, he just assumed we heard him, or registered what that meant. He also did not notice that we had about a QP on the back table sifting out seeds (the good stuff) in a frisbee. All of a sudden we are stopped at the border. Thank god for window tint. All we could do is flip the frisbee over and shit ourselves.

They never boarded the bus. There was much rejoicing. Duncan blazed with us next stop. He was a much better driver and tour guide when he was high.

**G. Gordon Liddy** · 02-18-2023, 08:54 AM

Three times, somehow....
First time, went to small Canadian border and snuck it across in a can of Kodiak hidden in the air filter. They just waived us through without question!!
Second time, we got smart and decided to smoke it all before we crossed. But... we were so high and smelled like weed they turned us around and told us to come back in 24 hours. We went to the beach, hung out for 2 hours and crossed no problem.
Third time, unbeknownst to me my buddy had a quarter stuffed in snowboard boot after a Whistler trip. I was driving my dads car and we were obviously picked for the search. By some miracle they didn't bring out the dogs and they didn't find it. That was the longest hour of my life while we sweated it out in the waiting room, and I didn't even know there was a quarter in the car.... i was just worried somebody left an errant joint in their pocket!!!!

Funny part is I barely smoked then, and still barely partake!!!

**stuckathuntermtn** · 02-18-2023, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by OldLarry

Not THAT old! lol this was 1992-

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Lol, well, that is a problem then.

**XXX-er** · 02-18-2023, 12:35 PM

Its really only uncomfortable if you are holding so we stopped 1/2 mile from the boarder and hid the dope at the base of a road sign that sez USA border ahead went for a beer & burger and came back for it 2 hrs later or going to new yawk we had smoked it all but stopped to take apart my VW van just like a boarder guard would do looking for stray seeds and roaches but i was never stupid enough to bring dope across an international border, cuz if you get caught that is some serious shit

I did put all my training expenses on Visa and use my IBM cash advance to buy weed in Toronto which I sold for a profit in Vangroovy but no borders were involved , I don't remember if i was copying HST or it just seemed like a good business deal ?

**Thaleia** · 02-18-2023, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by OldLarry

Love it- at YYZ right now-

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A late welcome to town!

**OldLarry** · 02-19-2023, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by warthog

Did a short bus tour of Yurp with a bunch of friends when I was going to school in London. I think there were 12 of us and a driver.
We had an absolute ton of weed with us.
So much weed and hash that girls on the trip actually had to pull us aside at one point and ask us to stop getting our driver/ tour guide, Duncan, high because they were getting nervous.
We had been blazing Duncan up at every stop. He was a really good driver. I didn't see the problem. I also think it improved his tour guide skills, but the girls weren't hearing it.

So anyway, off we go one day, super high, with a stone sober driver. Oddly, I think it may have also been an Austrian border crossing. Either way, us high, Duncan sober, off we go. Now, I think that since Duncan was sober, he assumed we were too. So when he casually mentioned we would be crossing the border, he just assumed we heard him, or registered what that meant. He also did not notice that we had about a QP on the back table sifting out seeds (the good stuff) in a frisbee. All of a sudden we are stopped at the border. Thank god for window tint. All we could do is flip the frisbee over and shit ourselves.

They never boarded the bus. There was much rejoicing. Duncan blazed with us next stop. He was a much better driver and tour guide when he was high.

This is awesome

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**baron** · 02-19-2023, 09:38 AM

thx for the stories- fun reading !

..and I thought i was nervous shopping at 7-11 on acid at 3am on the border of sanity

**warthog** · 02-19-2023, 09:39 AM

Yours too Larry- funny shit.

This was in '95. Year of the N Ireland peace talks that somehow finally stuck, and VE day in Europe.
What an awesome time to be there.

**evdog** · 02-19-2023, 11:48 PM

Driving to AZ one time we hit the border patrol check point near Yuma. Hadn't even thought to check but buddy who is a user with CA med card had his personal stash on him. Needless to say the dog patrolling the line alerted and we were pulled into secondary. Friend self sacrificed and admitted up front what he had but they still ran the dog though my truck and pulled each of us out and patted us down. Fried got cuffed and led away. Officers with the other two of us while we waited mentioned "we won't be seizing your truck". Um, your fucking damn right you won't be seizing my truck. Friend got a $1k fine and had to take a day off work and appear in federal court in Yuma.

Another AZ trip, we came back via I8 so hit the checkpoints we hadn't planned on. Neither me or german friend had our green cards on us and the other had a handgun not registered in CA. Told the German to keep his mouth shut and we sailed through.

Same German, another trip, same BP checkpoint. Had green cards this time but he'd broken his wrist riding. Wallet was in the wrong back pocket and he couldn't get to it with good hand. Agent finally got pissed off and just waved us through lol.

**riser4** · 02-20-2023, 09:44 AM

Fucking inland border control sucks. Mid 90s I hit one in the Lebanon, NH area on I-89 quite unexpectedly at a very inopportune time. Mid-blaze we were suddenly in a line of stopped traffic with temporary customs check signs. It turned out that they were in the process of tearing it down and we had hit the back of the line just as they were opening up traffic. I almost shit myself. If we hadn't been running late we would have been so busted. Smoke pouring out, total Cheech and Chong. This was before they set up the permanent temporary check point on 91 just south of White River. I stopped going to Southern VT at all for a bunch of years.

**Thaleia** · 02-20-2023, 12:31 PM

Inland border check pints? WTH is that?

**californiagrown** · 02-20-2023, 12:45 PM

Had a bottle of pills in my touring bag. Assorted tylenol, advil, a multi, and a few loose Rx pills that are highly abusable (but i actually have/had an Rx for, just not on me). I had duct tape wrapped about 1/4" thick around the bottle, cause duct tape is handy. Anyways, coming back from skiing in Nelson, BC we get stopped at a little border crossing and they decide they have time to kill so they do the full car and bag search. They find the bottle with the label obscured by duct tape, empty the motley assortment of pills out and find the labeled Rx pills. My wife is super straight edge and was shitting bricks, but i was oddly laid back about it. I calmly explained that the bottle was for emergencies in the BC which is why it was in the backpack with my probe/shovel/skis/and other touring shit, and that the pills were just left over pills from prior or current Rxs that i legally had. The lady then asked what she thought was a gotchya question: "well, if they are legal, why are you obscuring the name on the prescription bottle with duct tape?!" I kind of snorted and replied that duct tape was super useful for all sorts of stuff when in a pinch and the bottle seemed like an excellent place to put a few feet of the tape, and if she didnt believe be she was welcome to check out the rest of my ski stuff to see where else i had duct tape stashed (poles, pack strap, etc). They ended up believing me, giving me the bottle and pills back and sending me on my way, and i havent had trouble at border crossings since.