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09-13-2022, 07:59 PM #1Registered User
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since the knowledge around here is so tight I have to ask
so any of you old fucks fucks use cologuard?
since I've been a top my whole life except that time in high school I'm kinda scared to get the whole rod up the ass check
my doctors are all bitches and keep telling me to live a more healthy life and they are worried about me
and cancer loves my family tree like white trash likes meth
thought I'd wipe my ass on an napkin and mail it off but there seems to be a bucket and a whole book and paper work
not really down for figure this shit out I mean they mailed me a bucket?
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09-13-2022, 08:10 PM #2
Fill the bucket and mail it back?
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09-13-2022, 08:12 PM #3
"If you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I've got spare time."
- Tom Callahan
Godspeed Fred.I still call it The Jake.
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09-13-2022, 08:13 PM #4
Wegotta whole thread for this kinda stuff already, jong
https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/...d.php?t=338748
Random Unthreadworthy QuestionsBrandine: Now Cletus, if I catch you with pig lipstick on your collar one more time you ain't gonna be allowed to sleep in the barn no more!
Cletus: Duly noted.
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09-13-2022, 08:14 PM #5
old people problems… have you tried Metamucil?
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09-13-2022, 08:18 PM #6
The propofol is worth the trip in for the peg.
Worst part is prep. You shit all night long or should I say pee out your ass.
No pain after. Even with polyps taken out.
Eat a good meal after and take a nice long nap.
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09-13-2022, 08:27 PM #7Registered User
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- northern BC
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My buddy/ neighbor Johnny was a wild guy, biologist/ kayaker/ BC skier/ para glider who constantly thot out side the box you would meet all manner of wierdos in his kitchen cuz he was that guy who all the kids hung out with so his was also the house where all the other old fucks came for coffee
his MD said "you don't need a colonospcy cuz you are so healthy out there doing crazy shit " which was total BS, by the time it was diagnosed he had stage 4 colon cancer, he died by assisted death in a lot of pain and we all miss him
the worst part of the colonoscopy is the prep you don't feel a thing in the OR so man up and get the fucking colonoscopy
4 bag shitters on my fathers side so I been having them for 20+ yarsLee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know
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09-13-2022, 09:05 PM #8
On a serious note Fred, I've had two close friends die of colon cancer under the age of 40. Now, I have no clue what their family history was, or what their environmental factors were, but all I know is they were fit as a whistle one day, and then very, very rapidly, not. And I really hate that.
I hate to trot out another Tommy Boy quote, but it kinda holds true, "you can get a good look at a steak by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it".
Get the scope, get some eyes up there, fuck false positives and negatives with crapping in a box and stamping it guaranteed shit.I still call it The Jake.
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09-13-2022, 09:12 PM #9
I don’t know anything about Cologuard, but a Colonoscopy is nothing………. Just do it.
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09-13-2022, 09:26 PM #10
So, here is what I (think I) know, as an expert dentist. Colonoscopy is the way to go if you have a family history of colon cancer, and colonoscopy also gets you off the hook for more years, 5 or 10. Cologuard only lasts 3 years, and if it comes back with uncertain results, you still need to do the colonoscopy.
On the other hand, all I had to do was follow a few instructions, poop in a bucket, and mail it off (which made me giggle as I dropped a box of poop at the UPS store). Easy peasy.
If the doc will let you poop in a box, do it."fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
"She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
"everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy
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09-13-2022, 10:01 PM #11
As a dentist that doesn't really deal with colon cancer, but is familiar with the process, I think Cologuard is a reasonable alternative, but a less definitive approach than colonoscopy.
Cologuard tests for the presence of hemoglobin (blood) in the stool as well as molecular assays to test for DNA KRAS mutations, and a gene amplification technique to test for methylation biomarkers associated with colon cancer. The hemoglobin test is well-established as a reasonably sensitive test (~80% for actual cancer, but as low as 25% for precancerous lesions). Addition of the DNA assays adds to the sensitivity (up to >90% for cancer) but has the potential for more false positives.
Importantly, Cologuard has never been tested head-to-head against standard visualization by colonoscopy, which has the highest sensitivity and specificity, especially for detection of precancerous lesions. It is known by indirect studies that Cologuard is not as good at catching precancerous polyps. Also Cologuard has not definitively been proven to decrease overall colorectal cancer mortality in a population, although it probably does.
An important consideration is whether you are at “average” or “high” risk for colorectal cancer. High risk is for people with a family history of the disease. Colonoscopy is definitely recommended for those at high risk, as it is still considered the gold standard with Cologuard a second-tier recommendation (but possibly adequate for "average" risk patients) by most consensus groups.
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09-13-2022, 10:09 PM #12
Have you tried a nice hearty breakfast of Colon Blow? It has the same amount of fiber as a thousand bowls of Total.
https://youtu.be/Ku42Iszh9KM
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09-13-2022, 10:10 PM #13
Man it up. Get the buttscope
Sheesh.Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
>>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<
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09-13-2022, 10:21 PM #14
Check your insurance. Colonoscopy is most likely covered as “preventative” if just a routine screening. If you take cologuard first and they then suggest a colonoscopy it’s no longer covered as “preventative” and could cost more out of pocket.
Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
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09-13-2022, 10:24 PM #15
Good point.
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09-14-2022, 04:49 AM #16serial lurker
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- Feb 2006
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- 307
colonoscopy for the win, really not bad at all,
but for the peeing out the butt more often than you think possible. But thats the worst of it.
but always remember a fart isnt always a fart, especially once you are into the protocol.
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09-14-2022, 05:41 AM #17
Had the scope last month (will be 51 in Oct) - as said above - no big deal just do it. - Good for another 10 years was the first thing they said to me when waking up - so I was stoked.
But before I signed up - did ask doc about the box - he said if anything comes back out of ordinary (even false positive etc) you will need to do the colonoscopy anyway - so might as well just do the scope and be done with it. On my plan the box needs to be done every 3 years.
Mrs P-Dawg (47) , however, is doing the box. Its been sitting in the mudroom for about 3 weeks now LOL...
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09-14-2022, 06:32 AM #18
Propofol is a helluva drug
I put it off a while and finally went for it. As said above the shitting sucks. The procedure is nothing.
And a clean bill of health is worth it. I’m good for a decade now.
The fact that cologaurd checks for blood, that seems too late to be useful
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09-14-2022, 07:35 AM #19
OP, if you want to shit in a box just cuz it’s fun, that option is always available to you after the colonoscopy.
Pick a random address and USPS standard small box and have at it…no weight limit, just whatever you can fit in the box.
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09-14-2022, 07:48 AM #20
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09-14-2022, 07:48 AM #21
Colon cancer is one of the few cancers that is preventable. Colon cancers usually start as benign polyps that later turn into cancer. By removing the polyp cancer is prevented. The only way to detect early polyps is colonoscopy. If a cancer is detected by cologuard you're still looking at having part of your colon removed, and worst case scenario, shitting in a bag.
I don't remember the colonoscopy--the sedative they gave me wiped out any memory of it. One moment the doctor came in and introduced himself. The next moment they told me everything looked good and I could go home. I remember the prep--choking down a gallon of foul tasting stuff. There are supposed to be easier preps to swallow these days.
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09-14-2022, 07:49 AM #22
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09-14-2022, 07:51 AM #23
Back in the day the test for blood in the stool was Hemocult--the patient put a little dab of poop on a card and mailed the card in. The lab put a drop of solution on the card. If it turned blue--blood. Our hospital went on strike and docs were filling in. I was assigned to do the hemocult tests. Easy peasy, except for the guy who mailed in a large turd wrapped in aluminum foil.
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09-14-2022, 07:54 AM #24I have been in this State for 30 years and I am willing to admit that I am part of the problem.
"Happiest years of my life were earning < $8.00 and hour, collecting unemployment every spring and fall, no car, no debt and no responsibilities. 1984-1990 Park City UT"
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09-14-2022, 08:17 AM #25
You have a family history of cancer and you're afraid of being knocked out for a procedure you'll never even remember or feel at all? I think you're afraid of the wrong thing here, Fred.
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