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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
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    your vacation
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    3,876

    since the knowledge around here is so tight I have to ask

    so any of you old fucks fucks use cologuard?
    since I've been a top my whole life except that time in high school I'm kinda scared to get the whole rod up the ass check
    my doctors are all bitches and keep telling me to live a more healthy life and they are worried about me
    and cancer loves my family tree like white trash likes meth
    thought I'd wipe my ass on an napkin and mail it off but there seems to be a bucket and a whole book and paper work
    not really down for figure this shit out I mean they mailed me a bucket?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    8,264
    Fill the bucket and mail it back?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    30,291
    "If you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I've got spare time."

    - Tom Callahan




    Godspeed Fred.
    I still call it The Jake.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Fraggle Rock, CO
    Posts
    7,144
    Wegotta whole thread for this kinda stuff already, jong

    https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/...d.php?t=338748

    Random Unthreadworthy Questions
    Brandine: Now Cletus, if I catch you with pig lipstick on your collar one more time you ain't gonna be allowed to sleep in the barn no more!
    Cletus: Duly noted.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    on the banks of Fish Creek
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    5,955
    old people problems… have you tried Metamucil?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sandy
    Posts
    12,251
    The propofol is worth the trip in for the peg.
    Worst part is prep. You shit all night long or should I say pee out your ass.
    No pain after. Even with polyps taken out.
    Eat a good meal after and take a nice long nap.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    northern BC
    Posts
    28,020
    My buddy/ neighbor Johnny was a wild guy, biologist/ kayaker/ BC skier/ para glider who constantly thot out side the box you would meet all manner of wierdos in his kitchen cuz he was that guy who all the kids hung out with so his was also the house where all the other old fucks came for coffee

    his MD said "you don't need a colonospcy cuz you are so healthy out there doing crazy shit " which was total BS, by the time it was diagnosed he had stage 4 colon cancer, he died by assisted death in a lot of pain and we all miss him

    the worst part of the colonoscopy is the prep you don't feel a thing in the OR so man up and get the fucking colonoscopy

    4 bag shitters on my fathers side so I been having them for 20+ yars
    Lee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    30,291
    On a serious note Fred, I've had two close friends die of colon cancer under the age of 40. Now, I have no clue what their family history was, or what their environmental factors were, but all I know is they were fit as a whistle one day, and then very, very rapidly, not. And I really hate that.

    I hate to trot out another Tommy Boy quote, but it kinda holds true, "you can get a good look at a steak by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it".

    Get the scope, get some eyes up there, fuck false positives and negatives with crapping in a box and stamping it guaranteed shit.
    I still call it The Jake.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    171
    I don’t know anything about Cologuard, but a Colonoscopy is nothing………. Just do it.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Not in the PRB
    Posts
    29,549
    So, here is what I (think I) know, as an expert dentist. Colonoscopy is the way to go if you have a family history of colon cancer, and colonoscopy also gets you off the hook for more years, 5 or 10. Cologuard only lasts 3 years, and if it comes back with uncertain results, you still need to do the colonoscopy.

    On the other hand, all I had to do was follow a few instructions, poop in a bucket, and mail it off (which made me giggle as I dropped a box of poop at the UPS store). Easy peasy.

    If the doc will let you poop in a box, do it.
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "I'd eat a bag of Dicks and wash it down with a Coke any day." - iceman

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
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    Ootarded
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    As a dentist that doesn't really deal with colon cancer, but is familiar with the process, I think Cologuard is a reasonable alternative, but a less definitive approach than colonoscopy.

    Cologuard tests for the presence of hemoglobin (blood) in the stool as well as molecular assays to test for DNA KRAS mutations, and a gene amplification technique to test for methylation biomarkers associated with colon cancer. The hemoglobin test is well-established as a reasonably sensitive test (~80% for actual cancer, but as low as 25% for precancerous lesions). Addition of the DNA assays adds to the sensitivity (up to >90% for cancer) but has the potential for more false positives.

    Importantly, Cologuard has never been tested head-to-head against standard visualization by colonoscopy, which has the highest sensitivity and specificity, especially for detection of precancerous lesions. It is known by indirect studies that Cologuard is not as good at catching precancerous polyps. Also Cologuard has not definitively been proven to decrease overall colorectal cancer mortality in a population, although it probably does.

    An important consideration is whether you are at “average” or “high” risk for colorectal cancer. High risk is for people with a family history of the disease. Colonoscopy is definitely recommended for those at high risk, as it is still considered the gold standard with Cologuard a second-tier recommendation (but possibly adequate for "average" risk patients) by most consensus groups.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Missoula, MT
    Posts
    21,943
    Have you tried a nice hearty breakfast of Colon Blow? It has the same amount of fiber as a thousand bowls of Total.
    https://youtu.be/Ku42Iszh9KM
    No longer stuck.

    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Just an uneducated guess.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    Before
    Posts
    26,331
    Man it up. Get the buttscope

    Sheesh.
    Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
    >>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    9,406
    Check your insurance. Colonoscopy is most likely covered as “preventative” if just a routine screening. If you take cologuard first and they then suggest a colonoscopy it’s no longer covered as “preventative” and could cost more out of pocket.




    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Ootarded
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    3,832
    Good point.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    244
    colonoscopy for the win, really not bad at all,
    but for the peeing out the butt more often than you think possible. But thats the worst of it.
    but always remember a fart isnt always a fart, especially once you are into the protocol.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    1,338
    Had the scope last month (will be 51 in Oct) - as said above - no big deal just do it. - Good for another 10 years was the first thing they said to me when waking up - so I was stoked.

    But before I signed up - did ask doc about the box - he said if anything comes back out of ordinary (even false positive etc) you will need to do the colonoscopy anyway - so might as well just do the scope and be done with it. On my plan the box needs to be done every 3 years.

    Mrs P-Dawg (47) , however, is doing the box. Its been sitting in the mudroom for about 3 weeks now LOL...

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Dystopia
    Posts
    17,681
    Propofol is a helluva drug

    I put it off a while and finally went for it. As said above the shitting sucks. The procedure is nothing.

    And a clean bill of health is worth it. I’m good for a decade now.

    The fact that cologaurd checks for blood, that seems too late to be useful

  19. #19
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    inpdx
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    18,428
    OP, if you want to shit in a box just cuz it’s fun, that option is always available to you after the colonoscopy.
    Pick a random address and USPS standard small box and have at it…no weight limit, just whatever you can fit in the box.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
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    Access to Granlibakken
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    10,290
    Quote Originally Posted by ::: ::: View Post
    OP, if you want to shit in a box just cuz it’s fun, that option is always available to you after the colonoscopy.
    Pick a random address and USPS standard small box and have at it…no weight limit, just whatever you can fit in the box.
    Username checks out

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    truckee
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    21,052
    Colon cancer is one of the few cancers that is preventable. Colon cancers usually start as benign polyps that later turn into cancer. By removing the polyp cancer is prevented. The only way to detect early polyps is colonoscopy. If a cancer is detected by cologuard you're still looking at having part of your colon removed, and worst case scenario, shitting in a bag.
    I don't remember the colonoscopy--the sedative they gave me wiped out any memory of it. One moment the doctor came in and introduced himself. The next moment they told me everything looked good and I could go home. I remember the prep--choking down a gallon of foul tasting stuff. There are supposed to be easier preps to swallow these days.

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I can still smell Poutine.
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    20,294
    Quote Originally Posted by AK47bp View Post
    Check your insurance. Colonoscopy is most likely covered as “preventative” if just a routine screening. If you take cologuard first and they then suggest a colonoscopy it’s no longer covered as “preventative” and could cost more out of pocket.




    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    This.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    truckee
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    21,052
    Quote Originally Posted by ::: ::: View Post
    OP, if you want to shit in a box just cuz it’s fun, that option is always available to you after the colonoscopy.
    Pick a random address and USPS standard small box and have at it…no weight limit, just whatever you can fit in the box.
    Back in the day the test for blood in the stool was Hemocult--the patient put a little dab of poop on a card and mailed the card in. The lab put a drop of solution on the card. If it turned blue--blood. Our hospital went on strike and docs were filling in. I was assigned to do the hemocult tests. Easy peasy, except for the guy who mailed in a large turd wrapped in aluminum foil.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Where the sheets have no stains
    Posts
    19,393
    Quote Originally Posted by old goat View Post
    Colon cancer is one of the few cancers that is preventable. Colon cancers usually start as benign polyps that later turn into cancer. By removing the polyp cancer is prevented. The only way to detect early polyps is colonoscopy. If a cancer is detected by cologuard you're still looking at having part of your colon removed, and worst case scenario, shitting in a bag.
    I don't remember the colonoscopy--the sedative they gave me wiped out any memory of it. One moment the doctor came in and introduced himself. The next moment they told me everything looked good and I could go home. I remember the prep--choking down a gallon of foul tasting stuff. There are supposed to be easier preps to swallow these days.
    All of this. Chalk it up to growing old enough to want to grow a bit older.
    I have been in this State for 30 years and I am willing to admit that I am part of the problem.

    "Happiest years of my life were earning < $8.00 and hour, collecting unemployment every spring and fall, no car, no debt and no responsibilities. 1984-1990 Park City UT"

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    a poop plant
    Posts
    3,282
    You have a family history of cancer and you're afraid of being knocked out for a procedure you'll never even remember or feel at all? I think you're afraid of the wrong thing here, Fred.

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