Stoner Moves

[SumJongGuy]

Recent one.. Put the helmet and shades on, cranked up the bike, went brap brap brap!! Couldn't figure out why it wasn't going anywhere... Fucking chain was still on the front wheel. At least it was around the side of the house so nobody else saw it.

[joetron]

About 20 years ago I was headed out on a bike ride from the house. I got all geared up, ripped a few b-hits and rolled out the door…1/2 block away I realized I didn’t have my keys and had locked myself out.
I had a big ride planned and didn’t want to deal with breaking in through the small kitchen window when I got back, so I turned around and went back. I had to climb up and stand on my top tube to get in the little window, and shimmied through managing to not fall on my face into the sink.

Grabbed my keys, was heading out the door, when I figured that since I was back in my apt, and the bong was right there…and this was gonna be a long ride, I should probably take another hit.
So I put my keys down, rip a tube, and stumble out the door towards my bike…pull the door shut behind me and promptly realize my keys are inside on the table again.
Decided the penalty for stoney dumbassery was climbing in through that window when I got back all shelled 4 hours later.


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[Gcooker]

I ate a 50mg edible thinking it was a 20 cause I was stoned and didn’t get the math’s right. That night I had ‘try’ to take breathes. I crawled to bed and slept like a rock.


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[Woodsy]

Wait..
What?

[old goat]

All my doors have deadbolts--no way to lock myself out unless I lose my keys. Of course keys can be lost.

[skaredshtles]

...

[Jong Lafitte]

This one is on here somewhere. My buddy and I both had CJ-7 jeeps. His was pretty cool but harder to keep running. 304, auto, Quadra-trac golden eagle Levi’s interior. Like daisy Duke but green.

Fucker is overheating so we decide it MUST be the thermostat (not a shot rad, shroud and fan clutch, right? Of course.) so we go about replacing this obvious and cheap part that will solve all the problems. First step is for me to drive over to his place. It’s Dec 23 but it’s Texas so it’s cold enough to keep the soft top zipped up. Smoke a joint on the way over and proceed to drive him to auto zone while we smoke another. Back then you could actually find a thermostat for an AMC 304 V8 in stock so we were on it.

We get to the place and we’re pretty rocked but the whole thing goes pretty good. We buy up a thermostat, and, OF COURSE, the proper gasket for the output neck. Cruise back to his place, which since we were in HS at the time, meant back to his moms place. Proceed to swap out the thermostat and everything looks pretty sweet.

Well it was about then I noticed we’d forgotten to use any type of gasket whatsoever because it was just sitting g there on the fender so, time to re-do the ordinarily simple task of replacing a thermostat like competent people. But first, maybe another joint. Finish that one up and set about the task at hand.

We get the whole fucking thing done and then over-torque one of the bolts on the output neck, so it fucking splits at the bolt hole on the flange. Oh shit. We call up the store. It somehow happens that this fucking auto zone even had THAT part, in stock!!! Sweet.

We drive over there again, smoking another joint on the way. Grab the fucking output neck and leave. Finish up the Jimmy on the way home. Finally back and getting everything put back together. We’ve now learnt a couple lessons already and things are looking good. Start the fucker up and drive her around. Now of course we didn’t fix the issue at all, however we had managed to get it back to no worse than before which was a victory in itself.

Now we’ve been fucking with this thing for some time and it’s like 7:30 which doesn’t sound late because you’re reading this in the summer time but if felt like 10:00 pm and his mom had made us some dinner. As we retreat into the house for some food, we’re met by his mother with some wild, out of nowhere accusation that we smelled of weed and appeared stoned.

Again, it was December 23 so his mom had placed upon this really unstable end table that was never used except for this purpose, one of those miniature Christmas trees with lights and even a few ornaments. It added to the Christmas spirit in the kitchen/breakfast area. Upon hearing this accusation of being stoned, my buddy plays it like the fucking Fonz leaning up against the jukebox. Only, he obviously just sees something to lean against out of the corner of his eye and just puts his whole weight on the little Christmas tree table like it’s cool and the whole thing just gives the fuck out and he splats down on the floor, taking out the tree as he’s saying/scoffing with the most indignant tone: “high on weed?!? Whaaaaaaat?!?”

Different circumstances, but here’s a visual aid (that’s mine, had the straight six and a 4mt) :



And if ur curious, that 5k lb Ramsey couldn’t get that out of there. The electric motor kept overheating and shutting down. I was afraid of running out of gas afte 4 hours moving about 1ft per hour. A dude in a Military surplus thing looking like a J10 (M38? 1 ton or bigger axles) with a PTO winch pulled me out.

Part of the reason I even convinced my folks to let me have that thing is my grandpa and uncle were basically experts in older jeeps and rebuilt a bunch of old flat fender Korean era (M1-51?) and the ones that are like early CJ5 era (forget the designation but the fuel tank is under the seat). They did some cool ones. An old flat fender field ambulance with the rear extension, proper top and fording kit was amongst my favorites.


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[gravitylover]

^^ This is my old 1960 CJ5. I did a lap of the country in it in 1994 and the only things that went wrong was a fried clutch and a rusted through header. It was nicely built and took care of itself pretty well until my stoner self fell asleep and rolled it off Hwy 99 north of Stockton.

[cat in january]

I ate a 50mg edible thinking it was a 20 cause I was stoned and didn’t get the math’s right. That night I had ‘try’ to take breathes. I crawled to bed and slept like a rock.


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Ate what I thought were two 10g edibles on way to uncles wake. Turned out it was two 40g. Uncle was a retired police officer and place was full of cops. Making conversation was difficult

[jono]

I just did a stoner move last weekend. Lady and I were going to float the river in our yaks. We load the yaks on one truck. She drives that and I drive the shuttle truck. We're about 2 miles from the put-in in both trucks before I realized two trucks at the put-in isn't going to do us much good.

This is after she stoner moved on the way. I was in a white GMC. Somewhere along the way, she gets behind me a few cars. As I go straight through an intersection, I look back and see her turning right- following a different white GMC. I call her cell. No answer (ringer off). She followed it for about 10 minutes before she realized it wasn't me she was following and picked up her phone and called me.

The float was good though.

Was the other truck headed for the take out spot?

[SumJongGuy]

Everyone said "don't ever take a vehicle with a ski box on top through an automatic car wash"... Did it anyway, many times.
Worked fine for me for a couple years, mostly touchless, but a couple with the spinning brushes.. Worked fine UNTIL IT DIDN'T DOH!!!! I was able to fix it when we got home but bungie cord shitshow all the way home on that trip..

[Thaleia]

Some quality on this page lol!

[fatnslow]

Packed in a rush for an international flight and left an old vape cartridge in a side pocket. I guess I'll be posting again in about 9 years.

[XXX-er]

Packed in a rush for an international flight and left an old vape cartridge in a side pocket. I guess I'll be posting again in about 9 years.

I'm picturing you as a 6'8" black lesbian with a lot of tats

[XXX-er]

All my doors have deadbolts--no way to lock myself out unless I lose my keys. Of course keys can be lost.

I put in combination door locks up and down no keys needed, just replace the battery every few years

but then I have to remember a number

[old goat]

I put in combination door locks up and down no keys needed, just replace the battery every few years

but then I have to remember a number

I have one on my garage that doesn't need batteries. I still have to remember the combination, but it's my wife's birthday. If I change wives I'll change the combo.

[skaredshtles]

This one is on here somewhere. My buddy and I both had CJ-7 jeeps. His was pretty cool but harder to keep running. 304, auto, Quadra-trac golden eagle Levi’s interior. Like daisy Duke but green.

Fucker is overheating so we decide it MUST be the thermostat (not a shot rad, shroud and fan clutch, right? Of course.) so we go about replacing this obvious and cheap part that will solve all the problems. First step is for me to drive over to his place. It’s Dec 23 but it’s Texas so it’s cold enough to keep the soft top zipped up. Smoke a joint on the way over and proceed to drive him to auto zone while we smoke another. Back then you could actually find a thermostat for an AMC 304 V8 in stock so we were on it.

We get to the place and we’re pretty rocked but the whole thing goes pretty good. We buy up a thermostat, and, OF COURSE, the proper gasket for the output neck. Cruise back to his place, which since we were in HS at the time, meant back to his moms place. Proceed to swap out the thermostat and everything looks pretty sweet.

Well it was about then I noticed we’d forgotten to use any type of gasket whatsoever because it was just sitting g there on the fender so, time to re-do the ordinarily simple task of replacing a thermostat like competent people. But first, maybe another joint. Finish that one up and set about the task at hand.

We get the whole fucking thing done and then over-torque one of the bolts on the output neck, so it fucking splits at the bolt hole on the flange. Oh shit. We call up the store. It somehow happens that this fucking auto zone even had THAT part, in stock!!! Sweet.

We drive over there again, smoking another joint on the way. Grab the fucking output neck and leave. Finish up the Jimmy on the way home. Finally back and getting everything put back together. We’ve now learnt a couple lessons already and things are looking good. Start the fucker up and drive her around. Now of course we didn’t fix the issue at all, however we had managed to get it back to no worse than before which was a victory in itself.

Now we’ve been fucking with this thing for some time and it’s like 7:30 which doesn’t sound late because you’re reading this in the summer time but if felt like 10:00 pm and his mom had made us some dinner. As we retreat into the house for some food, we’re met by his mother with some wild, out of nowhere accusation that we smelled of weed and appeared stoned.

Again, it was December 23 so his mom had placed upon this really unstable end table that was never used except for this purpose, one of those miniature Christmas trees with lights and even a few ornaments. It added to the Christmas spirit in the kitchen/breakfast area. Upon hearing this accusation of being stoned, my buddy plays it like the fucking Fonz leaning up against the jukebox. Only, he obviously just sees something to lean against out of the corner of his eye and just puts his whole weight on the little Christmas tree table like it’s cool and the whole thing just gives the fuck out and he splats down on the floor, taking out the tree as he’s saying/scoffing with the most indignant tone: “high on weed?!? Whaaaaaaat?!?”

Different circumstances, but here’s a visual aid (that’s mine, had the straight six and a 4mt) :



And if ur curious, that 5k lb Ramsey couldn’t get that out of there. The electric motor kept overheating and shutting down. I was afraid of running out of gas afte 4 hours moving about 1ft per hour. A dude in a Military surplus thing looking like a J10 (M38? 1 ton or bigger axles) with a PTO winch pulled me out.

Part of the reason I even convinced my folks to let me have that thing is my grandpa and uncle were basically experts in older jeeps and rebuilt a bunch of old flat fender Korean era (M1-51?) and the ones that are like early CJ5 era (forget the designation but the fuel tank is under the seat). They did some cool ones. An old flat fender field ambulance with the rear extension, proper top and fording kit was amongst my favorites.


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It's a good thing it was ditch-weed back then. Damn that's a lot of joints for an afternoon.

[TBS]

I ate a 50mg edible thinking it was a 20 cause I was stoned and didn’t get the math’s right. That night I had ‘try’ to take breathes. I crawled to bed and slept like a rock.

Heh, guy I ski with gave me a chunk of strawberry candy. Said ‘break off a chunk about this size, toss it in your coffee drink on way to mountain and you will be good to go when you hit the lot’,

So I broke off a piece half the size he advised, added to coffee and drank on way to the mountain.

About 40 min after departure and 10 min before hitting the lot, I Saw God. The most weed-baked I’ve ever been.

And I had to teach a lesson to two kids with Down Syndrome in an hour.

At least it was our first time together so they had no baseline for me.

[ötzi]

All my doors have deadbolts--no way to lock myself out unless I lose my keys. Of course keys can be lost.

A guy I know - actually a math genius, incredibly smart guy - locked himself in his basement apartment. Bars on the windows. Deadbolt on the door. Refused to call a locksmith because the key had to be in there with him. Three days later he finally called the locksmith. The mystery was never solved.

[easyrdr]

Huge winter in Tahoe. So much so that even Reno is buried. I’m a newbie working at Patagonia. Some senior dudes are going heliskiing in the Rubies, One guy has to drop out. I’m offered a spot if I can ski. Whole office watching, I skin up right outside of work. My stoned ass takes one skin off, leaves one on. I ski the few hundred vert like shit. Didn’t realize my mistake until I go to skin up for a second lap. Second lap full send off a big rock, land a seat on the heli, go back inside the crew was ripping on my first run hard, then saw the second and was like okay he’s good. I came clean on what I did and 20 years later they’re still making fun of me.

[SumJongGuy]

And I had to teach a lesson to two kids with Down Syndrome in an hour.

At least it was our first time together so they had no baseline for me.

Back in high school, new hires in the ski school would get a secret shopper kind of test lesson. Usually someone from another ski school, friend of the director.. Well, after lineup one Saturday I didn't get picked and we were having a safety meeting before free skiing until the next lineup. Halfway through it I got paged over the PA.. Director has a private for me, my first one. Ya, it's hitting.. Guy was skiing 185 cm hart freestyles, spademan bindings scott boots and pretending to be a beginner. Der Turkey? I asked him about the gear and he said "I borrowed it from an instructor friend". So, I knew what was going on and just played along and taught him to navigate the beginner trails LOL.. I didn't get fired so I guess it went OK.

[petey_]

Girlfriend left for work and left me in her apartment. Smoked a j and headed off to the subway to head home to my place. Subway stop at Yonge and Sheppard in Toronto. Winter time and I have gloves and a touque. Sit on a bench waiting for the train with said apparel beside me. Train arrives and i get on. Look back to see gloves and touque still on the bench. Damn! Jump off to get them and the door closes. Sit back down and wait for the next one. It arrives and I get on. Look back and there are my gloves and hat still there. Jumped back off and stuffed the buggers in my pockets.

42 years later and we get to our campsite after visiting friends at the far end of the campground. We have a small porta-potty and after she has a piddle we can't find her flashlight. Only place it can be is beside the toilet. Check all around and nothing. Lift the lid and glowing in the yellow urine is her flashlight nice and bright. Her turn

[babybear]

I like that story.
but f/u question: was she stoned when the flashlight thing happened? because then double points

[paulster2626]

Two nights ago my little girl asked if she could have a sleepover with mom. Sure, whatever, so I slept in the guest room. Moved my phone/watch charger in there.

Last night it was time for bed, but I was pretty stoned and knew fumbling around in the dark trying to plug the charger back in my own room would end up being a ridiculous fiasco. So, I just slept in the guest room again.

Literally too stoned to move a charger. Better do it during today's sober sunlight hours or else the kids will start to think a divorce is coming.

[Thaleia]

Impressive!