View Poll Results: Could you beat a gorilla in a fight, completely unarmed?

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  • Of course. I do crossfit.

    14 22.58%
  • Never in a million years.

    47 75.81%
  • Only if I was angry because the Cubs lost.

    1 1.61%
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Results 451 to 475 of 485
  1. #451
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    Right? That's some bold talk.

    Show us your work.
    I still call it The Jake.

  2. #452
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    And rip your arms off your body.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  3. #453
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    Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.

  4. #454
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    Quote Originally Posted by californiagrown View Post
    I think that most people when attacked switch into flight/protect mode and that doesnt work against a wild animal in a rage trying to kill you. You cant ropeadope a wild animal.

    But being able to "flip the switch" (think on PCP uncontrollable rage) and fight back with the intention to mash the opponent into a fucking pulp gives the bigger animal quite the advantage. So, a 180lb fit male human should be able to come out the winner against a 120lb chimp (not unscathed, but the winner). The biggest disadvantage humans have is our super fragile skin, and our hands and teeth being pretty shitty for ripping, cutting and tearing... so we should be able to smash, choke, grab & break limbs etc as long as the flesh wounds received in the process arent too serious.


    So, im pretty sure i could take on any chimp under 120lbs without dying first. Odds get much sketchier and top weight gets lower when we start talking about animals with sharp teeth and claws who are natural predators who instinctively kill as efficiently as possible.
    I'll put up $37 to watch you take on that chimp. No flakka.
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy

  5. #455
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    Mar 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.
    Am I expected to fight a chimp (or Buffalo) without jeans?
    Wtf. I thought this was a civilized discussion here.

  6. #456
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    Sep 2018
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danno View Post
    I'll put up $37 to watch you take on that chimp. No flakka.
    Hell, go ahead with the flakka. Won't make a damn bit of difference.

  7. #457
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    Sep 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Core Shot View Post
    Am I expected to fight a chimp (or Buffalo) without jeans?
    Wtf. I thought this was a civilized discussion here.
    Ok, so he's wearing jeans. How about everyone has a plan until they are getting beaten to death with the arm that the chimp just ripped off.
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy

  8. #458
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    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.
    Sig-worthy.
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  9. #459
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
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    8,318
    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    Right? That's some bold talk.

    Show us your work.
    Quote Originally Posted by Skistack View Post
    And rip your arms off your body.
    Ok, sure, but to be honest, if he rips his own arms off I don't need to see his work.

  10. #460
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Maine Coast
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    I will source the pcp and also throw $37 in

  11. #461
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    Oct 2002
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    my own little world
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    I’ll pay $10,000 if he fights the chimp without falling or stopping.
    focus.

  12. #462
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    Dec 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mustonen View Post
    I’ll pay $10,000 if he fights the chimp without falling or stopping.
    Cover travel costs?

  13. #463
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    Oct 2002
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    Only if he wins.
    focus.

  14. #464
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    Nothings more grindset than thinking you’ll beat a chimp in a fight. Your last thought will be wondering how he fit your femur up your ass

  15. #465
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    They sure don't remind me of Curious George




    www.apriliaforum.com

    "If the road You followed brought you to this,of what use was the road"?

    "I have no idea what I am talking about but would be happy to share my biased opinions as fact on the matter. "
    Ottime

  16. #466
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    3,896
    Quote Originally Posted by cat in january View Post
    I will source the pcp and also throw $37 in
    Will need to test the PCP a week prior to make sure im taking adequate dosages (not too much, not too little), will be wearing some carhart duck pants, and will need someone to donate a powder skirt to make sure the chimp cant get up inside my jacket.


    If my calculations are correct, and i assure you they are because i did them while relatively sober, I should be as strong or stronger than the 120lb chimp.


    The national library of medicine says chimps are about 1.35x stronger than humans on a pound-for-pound basis. Meaning that a 120lb chimp is about as strong as a 170lb human. So, its an overmatch from a strength perspective, but the chimp has the nails and teeth which will be problematic


    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/art...g%20velocities.

  17. #467
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    Jan 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.
    Churchill?

  18. #468
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    Quote Originally Posted by californiagrown View Post
    ... the chimp has the nails and teeth which will be problematic
    But, Caharts and a powder skirt. You're golden.


  19. #469
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    Dec 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    But, Caharts and a powder skirt. You're golden.

    Plus i have unlimited access to the Gimp Zone to help heal up after i dispatch that mangey monkey.

  20. #470
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Colorado
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    I trying to find a clip that I could swear had Judo Gene LeBell playfully wrestling a chimp... but 1st came up with video of a 90lb chimp kicking a 220 lbs guy to the curb. The chimp was leashed, probably drugged, abused and it was gross animal cruelty so I'm not linking it.

    But yeah, your dick would get eaten. It'd take a lot of dicks being eaten to even the score but I'm sure every bit helps so go for it.

  21. #471
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    2,440
    What about giving the ape a bag of dicks? While he’s busy chowing down you can sucker punch him.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  22. #472
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    base of the Bush
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    14,871
    Could this match be at The Beach in April?
    www.apriliaforum.com

    "If the road You followed brought you to this,of what use was the road"?

    "I have no idea what I am talking about but would be happy to share my biased opinions as fact on the matter. "
    Ottime

  23. #473
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vt-Freeheel View Post
    Could this match be at The Beach in April?
    yes please
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  24. #474
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    Quote Originally Posted by californiagrown View Post
    Will need to test the PCP a week prior to make sure im taking adequate dosages (not too much, not too little), will be wearing some carhart duck pants, and will need someone to donate a powder skirt to make sure the chimp cant get up inside my jacket.


    If my calculations are correct, and i assure you they are because i did them while relatively sober, I should be as strong or stronger than the 120lb chimp.


    The national library of medicine says chimps are about 1.35x stronger than humans on a pound-for-pound basis. Meaning that a 120lb chimp is about as strong as a 170lb human. So, its an overmatch from a strength perspective, but the chimp has the nails and teeth which will be problematic


    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/art...g%20velocities.
    been down this road, man. pretty sure I quoted the same article somewhere upstream. nothing can convince them.
    swing your fucking sword.

  25. #475
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    10,103
    Quote Originally Posted by dunfree View Post
    yes please
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    Goddammit I forgot I was in love with her

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