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View Poll Results: Could you beat a gorilla in a fight, completely unarmed?

Voters
64. You may not vote on this poll
  • Of course. I do crossfit.

    14 21.88%
  • Never in a million years.

    49 76.56%
  • Only if I was angry because the Cubs lost.

    1 1.56%
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Results 476 to 500 of 504
  1. #476
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    May 2006
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    Colorado
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    Timely: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...ay/ar-AA18J3Ql

    Pet monkey attacks woman in Oklahoma;

    "He ran up my back and jumped onto my head, pulled hair out, and then ripped my ear in half like you would a piece of paper," Parker told KTEN.

  2. #477
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
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    Dystopia
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarlMega View Post
    Timely: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...ay/ar-AA18J3Ql

    Pet monkey attacks woman in Oklahoma;
    Fucking monkeys.

    But that article linked to another one about a zebra biting a man’s arm off.

    Fucking zebras.

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...m/11465123002/

  3. #478
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Truckee & Nor Cal
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    15,841

    Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

    Quote Originally Posted by dunfree View Post
    I met Virginie in Paris a few years after this movie came out and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. Pretty sure my fiancée at the time (who was there) would have given me a hall pass… just throw your whole life away beautiful.
    I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.

  4. #479
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
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    59715
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealurface831 View Post
    been down this road, man. pretty sure I quoted the same article somewhere upstream. nothing can convince them.
    You're a smart guy, you need to take into account the consequence of failure here.

    On a Saturday night, you get tangled up with some guy who gets the best of you. Consequence of this failure - possibly a black eye, you're knocked on your ass, the guy fucks your girlfriend... Shit you can live with.

    In this chimp fight, the consequence of failure - the chimp tears off your face, then kills you, then fucks your dead body, then eats you. Not only are you dead, but that's how you died. That's a pretty fucking high consequence of failure.

  5. #480
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    35,594
    A colleague of mine walked into my office yesterday, and noticed this thread title at the top of my screen.

    “Um, whatcha reading there buddy?”

    “Harambe” was the easiest answer without getting into it.
    I still call it The Jake.

  6. #481
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    10,236
    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    A colleague of mine walked into my office yesterday, and noticed this thread title at the top of my screen.

    “Um, whatcha reading there buddy?”
    So you threw him some Krokodil and told him to step in the fucking ring??

  7. #482
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    inpdx
    Posts
    20,323
    I believe there was a prescient movie on this
    It was called “Nope”
    Click image for larger version. 

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  8. #483
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    Mar 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by JimmyCarter View Post
    So you threw him some Krokodil and told him to step in the fucking ring??
    I'm fresh out.

    Gonna have to run down to Florida over lunch to pick some up.
    I still call it The Jake.

  9. #484
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    2,098
    Quote Originally Posted by I Skied Bandini Mountain View Post
    You're a smart guy, you need to take into account the consequence of failure here.
    Exactly. It's not just that you'll lose, it's how you'll lose. "I tapped"

  10. #485
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Down on Electric Avenue
    Posts
    4,495
    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    I'm fresh out.

    Gonna have to run down to Florida over lunch to pick some up.

    Seems like a perfect place for this...

    moving to florida, hallucinations, etc.


  11. #486
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    on the banks of Fish Creek
    Posts
    7,615







    fact.

  12. #487
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    Aug 2018
    Location
    beaverhead county
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    4,730
    blue shirt satchel carrier has no time for this monkey business.
    swing your fucking sword.

  13. #488
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    Jan 2019
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    Need jomboy to do a breakdown of that

  14. #489
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    Jun 2020
    Posts
    5,767
    Maybe the monkeys at the typewriters came up with West Side Story instead of the planned original Shakespeare and these troops are just acting it out?

  15. #490
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    Oct 2007
    Location
    The greatest N. New Mexico resort in Colorado
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    2,198
    Quote Originally Posted by J. Barron DeJong View Post
    Maybe the monkeys at the typewriters came up with West Side Story instead of the planned original Shakespeare and these troops are just acting it out?
    When you're a macaque you're macaque all the way...

    I was losing interest in the first vid until they panned left to reveal a GOD DAMN MONKEY CASTLE in the middle of the city.

  16. #491
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    Aug 2018
    Location
    beaverhead county
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    4,730
    macaques? more like mapussies. those things aint shit.
    swing your fucking sword.

  17. #492
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Warm parts of the St. Vrain
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    2,806

    Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

    Oooo!!! There are monkeys!!! Yeah, well, then fuck that place that has fucking monkeys. Dirty little thieves, shit flinging thieves.

    I was once in Galveston and there was a busker who had a fucking monkey that would turn the crank of a fucking monkey sized street organ and the dude wanted money for this act. The goddamned monkey would turn the handle once around and then look back at the poor bastard for another monkey treat. Like, he played, by way of turning a fucking crank, the first 5 notes of ‘the entertainer’ and he needs a goddamned monkey themed milkbone? Fuck off!! A chocolate lab could do better.

    So yeah, maybe with a 12 pack of beer and some YouTubes of monkeys being the little shits that they are, maybe I will go kick the shit out of a fucking great ape.

    What’s so great about them anyway? The throwing of the poop? Oh?! Yeah! Great! That poop went far! Good job, Ape!!!

    One of my least favorite parts about apes is they always have some chimp family at the zoo. Do you ever see anything more than an arm lazily dangling out of the side of some chimp hammock? No. Or maybe you’ll see one transition from one chimp hammock to another but that’s all you’ll get. You’ll be over at the beer tent and overhear some conversation about how the chimp decided to move hammocks. I’d rather watch the squirrels and rabbits that have invaded their chimp hammock city. (Actually, I’m probably thinking orangutans here.)

    Weak. They’re fucking weak. I’ll whip the ever loving shit out of some dumbass gorilla. My poop stinks too! I’ll throw him off by not nibbling on it before I throw it at him, giving me a first move advantage! Then, I’ll move in, drunk with both rage and drink and finish the deed. Choke out his fucking gorilla face. Yeah. I got this.

    Sorry to sound cruel, I just hate competition.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    If we're gonna wear uniforms, we should all wear somethin' different!

  18. #493
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Dystopia
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    21,319
    https://www.forestwildlife.org/orangutan-vs-gorilla/

    Go Rillas be nasty. 25mph and 600 pound bite force (and they target vital areas?) ouch
    I’ve just decided to be a middle aged somewhat depressed somewhat anxious fucktard until the end.

  19. #494
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    24,908
    Quote Originally Posted by Jong Lafitte View Post
    Oooo!!! There are monkeys!!! Yeah, well, then fuck that place that has fucking monkeys. Dirty little thieves, shit flinging thieves.

    I was once in Galveston and there was a busker who had a fucking monkey that would turn the crank of a fucking monkey sized street organ and the dude wanted money for this act. The goddamned monkey would turn the handle once around and then look back at the poor bastard for another monkey treat. Like, he played, by way of turning a fucking crank, the first 5 notes of ‘the entertainer’ and he needs a goddamned monkey themed milkbone? Fuck off!! A chocolate lab could do better.

    So yeah, maybe with a 12 pack of beer and some YouTubes of monkeys being the little shits that they are, maybe I will go kick the shit out of a fucking great ape.

    What’s so great about them anyway? The throwing of the poop? Oh?! Yeah! Great! That poop went far! Good job, Ape!!!

    One of my least favorite parts about apes is they always have some chimp family at the zoo. Do you ever see anything more than an arm lazily dangling out of the side of some chimp hammock? No. Or maybe you’ll see one transition from one chimp hammock to another but that’s all you’ll get. You’ll be over at the beer tent and overhear some conversation about how the chimp decided to move hammocks. I’d rather watch the squirrels and rabbits that have invaded their chimp hammock city. (Actually, I’m probably thinking orangutans here.)

    Weak. They’re fucking weak. I’ll whip the ever loving shit out of some dumbass gorilla. My poop stinks too! I’ll throw him off by not nibbling on it before I throw it at him, giving me a first move advantage! Then, I’ll move in, drunk with both rage and drink and finish the deed. Choke out his fucking gorilla face. Yeah. I got this.

    Sorry to sound cruel, I just hate competition.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    Bath salts!

  20. #495
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    35,594
    Jane Goodall’s favorite animal was a dog.

    Think about that.
    I still call it The Jake.

  21. #496
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    northeast
    Posts
    5,887
    A gorilla would almost certainly wreck me.

  22. #497
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    5,767
    Quote Originally Posted by Jong Lafitte View Post
    One of my least favorite parts about apes is they always have some chimp family at the zoo. Do you ever see anything more than an arm lazily dangling out of the side of some chimp hammock? No. Or maybe you’ll see one transition from one chimp hammock to another but that’s all you’ll get. You’ll be over at the beer tent and overhear some conversation about how the chimp decided to move hammocks. I’d rather watch the squirrels and rabbits that have invaded their chimp hammock city. (Actually, I’m probably thinking orangutans here.)
    When I was at the DC zoo a couple months ago all the apes fit your description, except for the two orangutans fucking in the back, which included the dude orangutan taking breaks to perform some cunnilingus periodically.

  23. #498
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    northern BC
    Posts
    31,298
    In Bali the monkeys will steal your sun glasses or whatever you the tourist did not realize they would steal so at the temples they employ a local kid who will trade your stuff back for a morsel of food

    of course the monkey is habituated to just steal another pair of sunglasses to get more food

    this would not work in a country with capitol punishment

    all them monkeys would have been eradicated and the temple torn down for a strip mall
    Last edited by XXX-er; 04-24-2024 at 10:19 AM.
    Lee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know

  24. #499
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    Mar 2005
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    Dystopia
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    Quote Originally Posted by XXX-er View Post
    In Bali

    this would not work in a country with capitol punishment
    Why punish the capitol?
    I say just kill the monkeys.
    I’ve just decided to be a middle aged somewhat depressed somewhat anxious fucktard until the end.

  25. #500
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    10,010
    Quote Originally Posted by stealurface831 View Post
    macaques? more like mapussies. those things aint shit.
    Until they get organized, develop stealth tech and flying cars; of course, we will have killed ourselves off by then.

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