Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

**Benny Profane** · 08-11-2021, 01:02 AM

A hose. Hmmm. So, you go in drunk, and pee on them.

**MakersTeleMark** · 08-11-2021, 01:04 AM

Originally Posted by abraham

How about a heron?

I am here to post in this very important thread to say that 10/10 I could take a heron, no problem.

**Core Shot** · 08-11-2021, 01:16 AM

Originally Posted by Benny Profane

Yeah, local woman had her face ripped off, literally. Those fuckers scare me.

Originally Posted by stealurface831

If I am given a healthy dose of PCP and match me up with a smaller chimp, I think.I have a chance.

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Username checks out.

Chimp vs chimp faceoff

**subtle plague** · 08-11-2021, 04:05 AM

Beyond thunderchimp. Two species enter, only one leaves.

**Jong Lafitte** · 08-11-2021, 04:22 AM

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.the...1819571099/amp

“Dr. Earl Patterson, the physician who treated Seaborne throughout his life-or-death battle, initially gave Seaborne just six months to live. Though the prognosis was grim, Patterson said that, with the help of powerful tranquilizers, Seaborne was able to beat back the gorilla several times, and his situation started to look more promising”

“The gorilla, however, eventually stopped responding to the drugs and returned with a vengeance.

‘If we had caught this thing earlier, before its growth got completely out of control, David would have had a much better chance of survival,” Patterson said. “But after it reached the silverback stage, it was only a matter of time.’”

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**SKIP IN7RO** · 08-11-2021, 04:27 AM

Originally Posted by Thaleia

Dr Octagon is good stuff but it isn't exactly fightin music. If anything it would distract you when you're trying to decipher the lyrics.

In my real world, orangutangs dance for thanksgiving
With skeleton bones and skunk tails, is my mission
Holding backward raps to all my power packs
Babboons clap, and girl horses wanna hit the sack
We’re too bold for ocean water, monkeys sniffin ice
Contact jupiter pools martians bring my rice
I’m out flyin with purple capes in the twilight
Oooh ooh ooh, tonight’s the night
halfsharkalligatorhalfman

**Skidog** · 08-11-2021, 05:26 AM

Originally Posted by stealurface831

Key term there is like sized human. Wild chimps max out around 150. Humans do not.

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So you're fighting a 300lb equivalent ish I still say good fucking luck.

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**Skidog** · 08-11-2021, 05:35 AM

Originally Posted by stealurface831

look, all i am saying is this:
i think, if given pcp and matched up against a 120lb chimpanzee, i would have a chance. here is why i think that...

okay, now with that in mind, consider this:
i have nearly twice the mass of a 120lb chimp
i haven't lifted in almost 2 years but at my peak, i could one rep max bench 315lbs. now that number is probably closer to 275. okay, 275 divided by my body mass (currently 232) is 1.19. i can lift 1.19 lbs per pound of my body mass. so, assuming this 120lb chimp can indeed lift 1.3X the weight i can lift per pound, 1.19 x 1.3 is 1.547, meaning the chimp can lift 1.547lbs per pound of body mass. well, if the chimp is 120lbs, that means it can only lift 185lbs. i have it beat by nearly 100 lbs.

but i understand, this is only one lift representative of the strength of only one muscle group, and that pure strength alone will not win me this fight. that is where the pcp comes in to play. i am sure that in the annals of pcp history, someone high on pcp has ripped someone else's' face off. (no, the guy who ate the guy's face off in florida doesn't count, and he wasn't even on pcp anyway). assuming the pcp has some sort of significant agitative effect on me, i think i have a chance.

I've done pcp a ton of times, never once did I feel the super human strength we see in movies and cops shows. Mostly couch locked actually. It's not a super power drug.

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**JimmyCarter** · 08-11-2021, 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by MakersTeleMark

I am here to post in this very important thread to say that 10/10 I could take a heron, no problem.

Bring it!

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**riser4** · 08-11-2021, 06:29 AM

Would you fight a hydraulic turtle?

**Timberridge** · 08-11-2021, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by Skidog

looks like research shows chimps to be roughly 1.5 times stronger than a like sized human.

I once saw a drunk midget beat up a 250# dude on a NJ Transit train. Never underestimate the smaller dudes.

Originally Posted by MakersTeleMark

I am here to post in this very important thread to say that 10/10 I could take a heron, no problem.

Green or blue? If BigSteve were still here, he could probably give us a sense of which one is more aggressive.

**ötzi** · 08-11-2021, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by JimmyCarter

Bring it!

He can't beat Gil Scott Heron.

**From_the_NEK** · 08-11-2021, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by abraham

How about a heron?

Originally Posted by stealurface831

idk, them fuckers have a pretty gnarly beak.

Those fuckers will stab you in the neck and swallow you whole!!!

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**From_the_NEK** · 08-11-2021, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by ötzi

We had a dog that killed 3 or 4 Canada geese but she was a stone cold assassin.

Did she borrow your maul?

**Vt-Freeheel** · 08-11-2021, 07:24 AM

What's with this bat bullshit? That's not fair.

**Mustonen** · 08-11-2021, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by Vt-Freeheel

What's with this bat bullshit? That's not fair.

I think it’s fair if the chimpanzee gets a bat too, along with some practice on how to use it.

**m2711c** · 08-11-2021, 07:50 AM

**Benny Profane** · 08-11-2021, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by Mustonen

I think it’s fair if the chimpanzee gets a bat too, along with some practice on how to use it.

Might evolve into a chimp baseball team. Oh, wait, we already have the Mets.

**Core Shot** · 08-11-2021, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by riser3

Would you fight a hydraulic turtle?

Yeah
It’s hydraulic. But it’s still a turtle.

But the snappers that crawl out of the pond to nest scare the fuck out of me. Evil fuckers.

Wait, is this a hydraulic snapping turtle I’m supposed to fight?

**stealurface831** · 08-11-2021, 08:01 AM

Originally Posted by Core Shot

Yeah
It’s hydraulic. But it’s still a turtle.

But the snappers that crawl out of the pond to nest scare the fuck out of me. Evil fuckers.

Wait, is this a hydraulic snapping turtle I’m supposed to fight?

It’s actually a hydraulic alligator snapping turtle.

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**stealurface831** · 08-11-2021, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by Mustonen

I think it’s fair if the chimpanzee gets a bat too, along with some practice on how to use it.

Fine. Chimp can have a bat and some time to figure it out. I still fuck that thing up.

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**I Skied Bandini Mountain** · 08-11-2021, 08:07 AM

You realize that champ is going to eat your face, kill you, then fuck your lifeless body before it eats you? That's even if you have a bat. A bat doesn't change the equation.

**Self Jupiter** · 08-11-2021, 08:13 AM

Blood on his hands got no remorse
Blood on his dick ‘cause he fucked a corpse
He’s a nasty fella
(RIP DMX)

**stealurface831** · 08-11-2021, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by I Skied Bandini Mountain

You realize that champ is going to eat your face, kill you, then fuck your lifeless body before it eats you? That's even if you have a bat. A bat doesn't change the equation.

A bat absolutely changes things. Chimp can’t swing no bat.

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