View Poll Results: Could you beat a gorilla in a fight, completely unarmed?

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  • Of course. I do crossfit.

    14 22.58%
  • Never in a million years.

    47 75.81%
  • Only if I was angry because the Cubs lost.

    1 1.61%
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  1. #76
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    okay, i just saw a picture of a chimp's teeth. i am suddenly much less confident in my chances.
    swing your fucking sword.

  2. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealurface831 View Post
    i know, i know.
    i'll tell you who doesn't lift bro: that fuckin chimp. i can get stronger in preparation for our bout. i don't think he has the mental capacity to grasp the concept of strength training.
    Dude if you learn some serious kickboxing Muy Thai stuff, maybe a lil Wing Chun, you're telling me you couldn't snap some shit up on that Chimp?

  3. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by AEvospace View Post
    Dude if you learn some serious kickboxing Muy Thai stuff, maybe a lil Wing Chun, you're telling me you couldn't snap some shit up on that Chimp?
    not after seeing their teeth.
    swing your fucking sword.

  4. #79
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    Your face won't betray that lack of confidence because it'd be eaten.

  5. #80
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    This may not be the thread that the 4th surge of the pandemic promised, but it may be the one we deserve.

    Eat all the drugs you can after bulking up, crank up the Wu, Gravediggaz, and Dr Octagon, and swing that bat like Albert fucking Belle in the height of his roid era, and you beat that fucking chimp, you hear me!?!

    Godspeed SYF.
    I still call it The Jake.

  6. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by I Skied Bandini Mountain View Post
    Your face won't betray that lack of confidence because it'd be eaten.
    i always took chimps for gnawers. they are not; they are chawmpers.
    swing your fucking sword.

  7. #82
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  8. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    This may not be the thread that the 4th surge of the pandemic promised, but it may be the one we deserve.

    Eat all the drugs you can after bulking up, crank up the Wu, Gravediggaz, and Dr Octagon, and swing that bat like Albert fucking Belle in the height of his roid era, and you beat that fucking chimp, you hear me!?!

    Godspeed SYF.
    peak albert belle could've taken on two chimps at once and won handily.
    swing your fucking sword.

  9. #84
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    Guaranteed none of those scientists could take a chimp.

  10. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealurface831 View Post
    the ferocity aspect is the main reason i am not convinced i would win.

    if you gave me a bat, i'm fairly confident i could absolutely demolish a chimp in 60 seconds.
    If we gave you a samurai sword you would still get your face eaten. And let’s not forget we’re supposed to be talking gorillas here. A gorilla would make pizza dough out of you.

  11. #86
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    Click image for larger version. 

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    I wish you luck!

    This does bring up an interesting article I was reading but cannot find related to human vs animal interactions.

    Obviously, grizzlies eat a few of us every year, but for the most part, animals are afraid of humans…despite their superior strength and speed. I don’t personally have a full conclusion on why this is, but has to be some combination of us walking upright and generational conditioning of the animals.

    They are obviously not smart enough to know we have guns and what that means…and yet, they avoid us when possible.

    As for hand to hand combat with a gorilla or chimp…you don’t stand a chance. You couldn’t even fight off a bull elk or moose if for some reason it decided to fight you and you had no weapon. Elk/moose don’t even eat each other!


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    "We had nice 3 days in your autonomous mountain realm last weekend." - Tom from Austria (the Rax ski guy)

  12. #87
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  13. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brownski View Post
    If we gave you a samurai sword you would still get your face eaten. And let’s not forget we’re supposed to be talking gorillas here. A gorilla would make pizza dough out of you.
    a gorilla would destroy anyone, brian shaw included.
    swing your fucking sword.

  14. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by gretch6364 View Post
    You couldn’t even fight off a bull elk or moose if for some reason it decided to fight you and you had no weapon. Elk/moose don’t even eat each other!
    yeah, no shit i couldn't fight off an elk or a moose.
    swing your fucking sword.

  15. #90
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    This is my new favorite thread on TGR
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy

  16. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealurface831 View Post
    peak albert belle could've taken on two chimps at once and won handily.
    Could you please share this in the MLB thread? I have some arguments to settle. Thx.
    I still call it The Jake.

  17. #92
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  18. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZomblibulaX View Post


    But how many times have you fought for your very life, against bigger opponents than you, who live that experience nearly day to day? Chimps cannibalize each other and fuck the dead for sport. They smash babies heads in and tear each other to pieces just for social status. You might be bigger than a chimp, and even stronger, but you will never match that ferocity, even on drugs.
    You literally just described Tuesday in Afghanistan

  19. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealurface831 View Post
    yeah, no shit i couldn't fight off an elk or a moose.
    How about a heron?

  20. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by abraham View Post
    How about a heron?
    idk, them fuckers have a pretty gnarly beak.
    swing your fucking sword.

  21. #96
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    Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

    Yea and Connor McGregor isn’t that strong either. I bet I can deadlift close to what he can, good chance I can out lift him. Do I think I stand a chance in hell of beating him in a fight? Fuck no.

    Guess what, I am also stronger than just about any dog. Do I think I could take a mean 40 lb pit bull in a fight? Fuck no.

    Chimps and dogs primarily fight with their teeth. We are soft and have no good defenses for their bites. About the only effective tool we have against them is to choke them out. Good luck with that.

    I’ll happily chip in $50 to watch you fight a chimp though.

  22. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    Well he won't be hard to find, he'll be in the front row.
    Couldn’t he just throw his shit at him and call it good?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  23. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater View Post
    Exactly why I hate zoos. Those poor bastards.
    Saw a whole family get sprayed by a bangle tiger at the Baltimore zoo. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen at a zoo, hate seeing animals like that caged.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  24. #99
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    Dr Octagon is good stuff but it isn't exactly fightin music. If anything it would distract you when you're trying to decipher the lyrics.

  25. #100
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    My ankle has been grabbed by a chimp, black belt BJJ master aint got shit on them.

    Would have lost that tugging war 11-1, but luckily a Polish lady with a hose came to rescue.

    The floggings will continue until morale improves.

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