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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    be here now
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    5,082

    Thats it...its time to play G.O.T.O.S.

    What is GOTOS?

    Oh, youve seen them at the grocery store, on the highway, driving to the mountain. Overland vehicles strapped to the gills with all kinds of off-road accessories, yet not in the off-road environment. The folks just too busy or too rad to remove the fucking shovel from their vehicle, so they drive around town all year with that shit strapped on, announcing to the world, while they are out getting milk at the store, how rad they get. You simply never know when you might need traction plates...in town.

    GOTOS technically stands for Gorp On Truck Or Sprinter. In this game, Gorp does not fucking stand for Good Ol RaisinsnPeanuts.

    The game of GOTOS helps pass the time as you and your squad attempt to identify the listed qualifying point items. The goal is the highest number of points on a single vehicle.

    GOTOS Qualifying Points

    - Shovel (old-school wooden shaft +3 points)
    - Fucking Pick Axe
    - Square flat water jugs
    - Fuel can
    - Traction plates
    - Winch
    - Add-on lights
    - Ladder
    - Vehicle mounted tent
    - Awning
    - Shower
    - Hitch mount tray
    - Exterior storage box (square metal)
    - Fire wood
    - A Fucking Snorkel
    - Custom stubby/stupid long antenna
    - Custom bumper
    - Solar panels
    - Wheel jack
    - Roof rack
    - Leveling blocks
    - Rod vault
    - Brush guard
    - Black rims
    - Obvious lift kit+chunky tires

    While some of these items cannot be removed from the vehicle, and thus, are not technically GOTOS, they are on the list because it gives a wide berth for competition.

    Other qualifying points can be accumulated for other accessories too ridiculous to imagine. Please add to the list as needed.

    This is somewhat related to the game of DOSUP (Dog On Stand Up Paddleboard).

    Now go out there and find those GOTOS points!
    Last edited by Tap; 04-10-2021 at 02:15 PM.
    Let me lock in the system at Warp 2
    Push it on into systematic overdrive
    You know what to do

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    GNARvada
    Posts
    3,612

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Tejas
    Posts
    7,546
    The snorkel's the one that cracks me up. Seems an awful lot of people must fording rivers these days in their shiny 4x4s that look like they've never left pavement.

    I find it even more amusing that many of us have kinda normal, non-decked out vehicles that have seen waaaaaaaaaay more off-road action than most the GOTOS like you see at the Whole Foods parking lot.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,669
    I feel like I'm in a pretty strong position to compete here, but based on my summer travels, I don't have a chance against the Bozeman mags.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Your Mom's House
    Posts
    7,022
    My truck is a 5, but all for things that aren't removable.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Big Sky/Moonlight Basin
    Posts
    10,801
    Here is a Utarded GOTO driving 25 in a 70 mph zone last week near West Yellowstone. I was stuck behind this douche for quite a while.

    Click image for larger version. 

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    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    "Zee damn fat skis are ruining zee piste !" -Oscar Schevlin

    "Hike up your skirt and grow a dick you fucking crybaby" -what Bunion said to Harry at the top of The Headwaters

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    be here now
    Posts
    5,082
    Looks like a 4 or 5 there
    Let me lock in the system at Warp 2
    Push it on into systematic overdrive
    You know what to do

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    152
    We were booting up at a trail head early season this year. ~12" of blower on the ground & 2" packed on the forest rds. Nothing for a subie w/ snow tires. One of these guys pulls up to us, says it looks like we are stuck and offers to pull us out. 8 points, maybe more... Politely told him to f'off. Then we spent the next 10 minutes making fun of him. The majority of these vehicles are owned by amateurs with more $ than sense.

    IME a lot of these folks are the type to stop and ask you for outdoor rec related advice which they disregard anyways.

    And the easiest place to find them is the grocery store.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    GNARvada
    Posts
    3,612
    Getting Wrangler delivered next month, looks like I will score a 2.
    If you count 32 muds as "chunky tires", I'll accept my 3 with dignity.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Planning an exit
    Posts
    5,535
    Quote Originally Posted by MarcusBrody View Post
    I feel like I'm in a pretty strong position to compete here, but based on my summer travels, I don't have a chance against the Bozeman mags.
    I don't have to go to the grocery store until Monday but I'll keep my phone handy for pictures. This ought to be a slam dunk.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Posts
    277
    The middle class pinnacle of conspicuous consumption.

    You cant drive by my house to see how much money I have? Well Ill just drive all my fancy shit worth $100k past everyone then.

    I feel like you should get bonus points for population density. Downtown Portland or Seattle?

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    6,720
    My Wrangler scores a six, which apparently puts me atop the leaderboard currently.

    I will say that I really only give a shit about the winch, bumper, and my steelies with BFG AT's. The roof rack I regret, and I leave my traction plates on there because it keeps it from whistling unbearably at highway speeds. Unfortunately for Wrangler racks made by Rhino, you have to DRILL FUCKING HOLES INTO THE HARDTOP, so once its on, it stays. Ugh.

    I personally have found that almost anyone with a rod box is a grade A trustfund douchebag.
    Live Free or Die

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    59715
    Posts
    3,187
    Finally something to take attention away from my flat brim and TRD.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Making the Bowl Great Again
    Posts
    13,183
    The owner of American Expedition Vehicles (we drive by his place every day) and its design headquarters are both in Missoula, so I am going to win this thread handily.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I smell poutine!!!
    Posts
    13,925
    Hitch or bumper mounted toilet seat (Bumper Dumper) needs to be on the list. However that item alone will identify the socio-economic class of the owner. You won't find that on a Sprinter or a Rover.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    lakeside
    Posts
    781
    Quote Originally Posted by AdironRider View Post
    I personally have found that almost anyone with a rod box is a grade A trustfund douchebag.
    Agreed

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    9,943
    My trailer might score a higher score if I put everything on the outside I guess. Right now it is just RTT, shower, and awning. But those are mounted to a rack. Pulling it with a pretty stock Taco.

    Im not really against having a trail capable vehicle, but yeah, most of those dorks have way more equipment than theyll ever need.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Fraggle Rock, CO
    Posts
    6,339
    Quote Originally Posted by RootSkier View Post
    The owner of American Expedition Vehicles (we drive by his place every day) and its design headquarters are both in Missoula, so I am going to win this thread handily.
    Likely true but I pass by the 4 wheel parts in Englewood on my way to work sometimes so I'll do my best to make it competitive at least.
    Brandine: Now Cletus, if I catch you with pig lipstick on your collar one more time you ain't gonna be allowed to sleep in the barn no more!
    Cletus: Duly noted.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    tree OH TREE!!!!!
    Posts
    3,837
    Fridays are the best hunting days for GOTOS around the front range, King Super trip should add up the totals quick.

    I score 0 but working on a home made rod vault for this summer. PVC pipe and irrigation control box FTW!

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Where homo sapiens have outgrown their use.
    Posts
    8,073
    Quote Originally Posted by AdironRider View Post

    I personally have found that almost anyone with a rod box is a grade A trustfund douchebag.
    They come and install one on each of your vehicles when you move to the RFV. Mandatory equipment.

    One of these really rounds out the douchebag look: https://www.myersandco.com/ski-racks/
    "Hakuna matata, motherfucker!"

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    1,395
    Way better than the license plate game. I've seen some strong competitors so will start keeping a tally.

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    152
    This trend as a whole represent's compensation for an utter lack of life experience, and the inability to predict outcomes and solve problems. Thats my professional opinion.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Where homo sapiens have outgrown their use.
    Posts
    8,073
    Nah, it's just the wealthy, liberal equivalent of "tacticool" shit.
    "Hakuna matata, motherfucker!"

  24. #24
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    san diego
    Posts
    2,421
    LOL. Tons of them in Socal.

    There needs to be an extra point if their hi-lift jack has clearly never been used. And another point if they carry a hi-lift jack but don't actually have a jacking point like a steel bumper or sliders where they can actually use it to lift the vehicle.

    That said, there should also be one point for each type of armor - front and rear steel bumpers, rock sliders, skid plates, side tubes. And one point for each Rotopax, just because those things are so stupid expensive.

    Other adds: we-boost, visibly mounted molle panel, steel swing out bumper/tire mount. And don't forget the Trasheroo!

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    12,746
    This thread is timely with the new Bronco coming out.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

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