Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[Buster Highmen]

A quick search didn't turn up anything on this so I'm hoping I didn't just miss it, but has anyone dealt with their kids being approached to be in Bible study groups associated with Young Life? I'm trying to think of a good way of kindly telling the family inviting one of my sons "no thanks" to the invite without ruining a friendship. My understanding is that Young Life is an Evangelical organization and that's just not our jam. I'm thinking I just be honest and tell them we don't really align with Evangelism and my son is busy with sports, band, etc. so for those reasons it's no can do. Anyone else deal with this before?

Yes.

Respond with bloody pentagrams.

[Mustonen]

The problem will be that this isn’t an extracurricular and Jesus is everybody’s jam. To them. I think if you give them anything at all you’re just inviting further discussion.

If it’s me, I just firmly tell them “no, that’s not something we’re going to do, and we won’t change our mind. Thanks!” And leave it at that. If they ask why decline to answer: “no, not interested in discussing that either. How about them Jets, eh?”. Don’t give them a thread or anything they think they can work with.

[fatnslow]

A quick search didn't turn up anything on this so I'm hoping I didn't just miss it, but has anyone dealt with their kids being approached to be in Bible study groups associated with Young Life? I'm trying to think of a good way of kindly telling the family inviting one of my sons "no thanks" to the invite without ruining a friendship. My understanding is that Young Life is an Evangelical organization and that's just not our jam. I'm thinking I just be honest and tell them we don't really align with Evangelism and my son is busy with sports, band, etc. so for those reasons it's no can do. Anyone else deal with this before?

Just be honest and tell them your family doesn't do religion unless your kid really wants to go. I know families(non religious) whose kids have participated in Younglife and they didn't start rolling around speaking in tongue or start promoting abstinence. This is coming from a guy who thinks ALL religions are a cult or pyramid scheme.

[Danno]

I’m no big city school administrator but I’m sure gambling on school grounds has always been frowned upon and definitely not because people are hypersensistive.

and same for death threats. but what a school considers "gambling" or a "death threat" necessitating disciplinary action these days might be very different than 30 years ago.

[skaredshtles]

Yes.

Respond with bloody pentagrams.

[Adolf Allerbush]

Ha! But seriously, thanks all. If they don't respect the decision not to join and it ends a friendship then they weren't very good friends to begin with I suppose.

Just be honest and tell them your family doesn't do religion unless your kid really wants to go. I know families(non religious) whose kids have participated in Younglife and they didn't start rolling around speaking in tongue or start promoting abstinence. This is coming from a guy who thinks ALL religions are a cult or pyramid scheme.

Totally. I'm sure it would end up fine. The kid has a pretty good head on his shoulders. That said, I don't need someone teaching my kid their ideas on morality/ethics that are driven by their religious beliefs. For example, homosexuals are just fine by me, whereas these folks consider them Satan's spawn. I don't really want to spend my time unteaching these types of things.

[Core Shot]

The problem will be that this isn’t an extracurricular and Jesus is everybody’s jam. To them. I think if you give them anything at all you’re just inviting further discussion.

If it’s me, I just firmly tell them “no, that’s not something we’re going to do, and we won’t change our mind. Thanks!” And leave it at that. If they ask why decline to answer: “no, not interested in discussing that either. How about them Jets, eh?”. Don’t give them a thread or anything they think they can work with.

So. You’re saying bet on the jets? Not sure about that one.

[californiagrown]

A quick search didn't turn up anything on this so I'm hoping I didn't just miss it, but has anyone dealt with their kids being approached to be in Bible study groups associated with Young Life? I'm trying to think of a good way of kindly telling the family inviting one of my sons "no thanks" to the invite without ruining a friendship. My understanding is that Young Life is an Evangelical organization and that's just not our jam. I'm thinking I just be honest and tell them we don't really align with Evangelism and my son is busy with sports, band, etc. so for those reasons it's no can do. Anyone else deal with this before?

How old is your kid, and is your kid interested? If your kid is interested in the social aspect of more hangout time with his buddy, or is he interested in the actual religion aspect?

I grew up lutheran and my family is very active in the church still, but I am no longer religious. My experience was that our church was super socially progressive and laid back (women pastors, flamingly gay choir director, pastor who told us the only reason we were christian was because we were born to Christian parents, etc). The church was a good social/support network, and i can appreciate how valuable a meditative hour+ every sunday morning was to my busy AF parents now that im a busy AF parent. If you get a weird vibe or your kid isnt into it, stop going, but not all churches are weird cultish backward places.

[riser4]

I’m not sure if I should be proud or horrified. My oldest is 12 next week. She just started middle school which is 6-8 grade.

Anyway, just tucked her in and stumbled across a box in her room full of cash. Like wads of it. And a small ledger with kids names in it and an amount next to their name.

Of course I asked her what was up and apparently she is engaging in prop bets at school. She bet one kid 50 bucks that there were 2 speed bumps on a certain road, not one. She bet another kid 15 bucks that she would score a goal at her soccer game this weekend. She won that one too. She bets some kids based on trivia questions. She says she never bets unless she knows she’s got a lock. And she told me that now that she has a solid amount of dough, she expects to up her bet amounts since she can cover whatever. She also asked me what she should do if people don’t pay her.

I obviously told her that she needs to shut this whole scheme down. I know most of the parents of all those kids and I can’t imagine if they found out my daughter was taking their meager allowances or dough from grandma.






Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

Let her continue, take a cut, and let her know that as a top earner, she better keep it flowing or there will be problems.

[Adolf Allerbush]

How old is your kid, and is your kid interested? If your kid is interested in the social aspect of more hangout time with his buddy, or is he interested in the actual religion aspect?

Definitely need to have a conversation with him. The timing of the bible study is before school, so around 7am since he's a middle schooler (6th grade). A little research into the church these folks go to indicates this is a recruiting tool (obviously) and they leverage the social aspect of it to increase participation. I guess I was hoping if he wanted to embrace a religion that he'd do so somewhat organically on his own. The other thing that bugs me is that we weren't seeking this out...instead the family in question is trying to push their beliefs on my kid and other kids, mainly from his sports teams. To me, religion is a personal subject and not one that anyone should be pushing on others.

[bodywhomper]

“I’m always doing stuff with my family at that time.”

[skiJ]

How old is your kid, and is your kid interested? If your kid is interested in the social aspect of more hangout time with his buddy, or is he interested in the actual religion aspect?

I grew up lutheran and my family is very active in the church still, but I am no longer religious. My experience was that our church was super socially progressive and laid back (women pastors, flamingly gay choir director, pastor who told us the only reason we were christian was because we were born to Christian parents, etc). The church was a good social/support network, and i can appreciate how valuable a meditative hour+ every sunday morning was to my busy AF parents now that im a busy AF parent. If you get a weird vibe or your kid isnt into it, stop going, but not all churches are weird cultish backward places.

+1 on paragraph one.

Definitely need to have a conversation with him. The timing of the bible study is before school, so around 7am since he's a middle schooler (6th grade). A little research into the church these folks go to indicates this is a recruiting tool (obviously) and they leverage the social aspect of it to increase participation. I guess I was hoping if he wanted to embrace a religion that he'd do so somewhat organically on his own. The other thing that bugs me is that we weren't seeking this out...instead the family in question is trying to push their beliefs on my kid and other kids, mainly from his sports teams. To me, religion is a personal subject and not one that anyone should be pushing on others.

Where is this 'Bible Study' supposed to take place at 7am on a school day ?

public school ? ??

This really seems to me like a matter between parents And sons and daughters until at least fourteen years ( maybe more )...

at eleven or twelve ,,, this is Not something I would agree to without participation/attendance
( If this is something that your son wants to do , I would Be there that hour.

And this should not be happening at a public middle school. )


my opinion(s). skiJ

[fatnslow]

Definitely need to have a conversation with him. The timing of the bible study is before school, so around 7am since he's a middle schooler (6th grade). A little research into the church these folks go to indicates this is a recruiting tool (obviously) and they leverage the social aspect of it to increase participation. I guess I was hoping if he wanted to embrace a religion that he'd do so somewhat organically on his own. The other thing that bugs me is that we weren't seeking this out...instead the family in question is trying to push their beliefs on my kid and other kids, mainly from his sports teams. To me, religion is a personal subject and not one that anyone should be pushing on others.

I would think sleep is worth more than anything to a middle schooler so the 7 AM start time would have been an automatic NO for my kids. Are there any divorced milfs in the group ? Maybe some recent divorced PDX mag can shuttle your kid and get some parking lot action after drop off while you sleep in ?

[yeahman]

SchralpMaccio - we’ll have to get together and ski sometime this winter.

As for the video games, most of you guys are intelligent and know this but it probably always bears a mention….. like most things that can be consumed in moderation. How early do you start them? How much time do you allow them to play? What is the content and is it appropriate for their age?

I typed this long response a few nights ago, but it came off too judgy so I deleted it. I think most educators as well as others who work with kids see some ill effects when it’s started too early, it’s used too often, and the content is too mature. I had a kid in a ski lesson last year that I think struggled due to too much gaming. His muscle tone and coordination were poor, but that could be from reading or playing music. The video games seem to give him an appetite for being really aggressive, and he wanted to ski really aggressively, unfortunately his fine motor skills were way behind his desire. It was hard to watch. His frustration level was very high because he was used to mastery in these games. It was like he was tricked into thinking he was an athlete because his “avatar” leaps buildings in a single bound. Anyways, maybe he’ll design the next hit game, retire at 25, and have millions to move to a ski town and take privates every day. But, unless that happens or he sits down the controller I think his life will continue to be richer inside the game.

But...but...the comaraderie! The teamwork! The shared purpose toward a common goal! Where else will kids learn these things, if not from video games? Lol

Happy my kids never wasted ten minutes on that shit.

[Mustonen]

But...but...the comaraderie! The teamwork! The shared purpose toward a common goal! Where else will kids learn these things, if not from video games? Lol

Happy my kids never wasted ten minutes on that shit.

I don’t think anybody was saying they encouraged their kid to play video games, or that this was the only way to learn those things. We were comparing it to social media, narrowly.

Lol.

[yeahman]

I don’t think anybody was saying they encouraged their kid to play video games, or that this was the only way to learn those things. We were comparing it to social media, narrowly.

Lol.

Hmm, interesting comparison, let's see. Video games immerse kids in make-believe worlds of ultraviolence. Social media, if you know where to look (and kids these days definitely do), can take you around the world--the real world--in ten minutes and introduce you to human beings--real ones--who lead a wide variety of lifestyles far different from your own. You can actually learn about the real world, and real people, not some fantasy world coming at you at hyperspeed where it's kill or be killed. And yes, teens know not everything seen on Instagram is to be taken literally. I mean duh, Dad.

So during the relatively little free time my kids have between school, homework, jobs, sports, and hanging out with friends IRL, I think they find it quite relaxing to passively scroll through social media, and I see that as having far more positive potential than violent video games. Crazy, right? Sure there are some negatives, and I think it would be reasonable for parents to put a cap on the time spent on any one activity, but kids these days are a lot more savvy about this stuff than you might think, and it's become pretty effortless for most of them to not take any of it too seriously. But hey, if they come across an Instagram post that makes them want to commit homicide or suicide, I will for sure come back and tell you the experts and their studies were right after all. Lol

[Buster Highmen]

“My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.”
― Frank Zappa

[lowsparkco]

Like one of the other posts, I grew up in a very progressive church accepting of homosexuality and allowing gay clergy, and also participated in YoungLife. I have no idea how it is today, but 30 years ago, it was fine. Mostly social, the big camps definitely have Christian presentations, but I wouldn’t be afraid for my child to be exposed to it. It’s not about becoming a judgemental asshole. More about following your heart, forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes, and trying to live a positive life.

I would be careful about throwing the baby out with the bath water. Kids aren’t fools, they’ll see the difference between the message and the behavior of hypocrites. I would probably lean in and offer to chaperone if it were me. Then you can spy on the whole thing and check out the doctrine. If they’re preaching non-Christian hate based doctrine then you can put the kabash on it with good reason.

[John_B]

This thread is a very strange mix of parenting, searching for milfs, mild religious indoctrination, video games and "oops I dropped my kid". Good work all. Carry on the fine legacy of the TRGs.

[bodywhomper]

When do we start arguing about the Boy Scouts?! Any of u dad’s thinking about the scouts or are you scoutmasters? One of my scoutmasters, at a Lutheran church, was K Teague (look him up if you don’t know). I didn’t get to know him as well as some unfortunately did. Talk about indoctrination!

[Mustonen]

Hmm, interesting comparison, let's see. Video games immerse kids in make-believe worlds of ultraviolence. Social media, if you know where to look (and kids these days definitely do), can take you around the world--the real world--in ten minutes and introduce you to human beings--real ones--who lead a wide variety of lifestyles far different from your own. You can actually learn about the real world, and real people, not some fantasy world coming at you at hyperspeed where it's kill or be killed. And yes, teens know not everything seen on Instagram is to be taken literally. I mean duh, Dad.

So during the relatively little free time my kids have between school, homework, jobs, sports, and hanging out with friends IRL, I think they find it quite relaxing to passively scroll through social media, and I see that as having far more positive potential than violent video games. Crazy, right? Sure there are some negatives, and I think it would be reasonable for parents to put a cap on the time spent on any one activity, but kids these days are a lot more savvy about this stuff than you might think, and it's become pretty effortless for most of them to not take any of it too seriously. But hey, if they come across an Instagram post that makes them want to commit homicide or suicide, I will for sure come back and tell you the experts and their studies were right after all. Lol

Sure, sport. Not really trying to advocate for anything, just pretty sure social media is terrible for my kids and society in general. Keep doubling down. Like and follow me on instagram.

Personally I'd be more worried about video games than social media. I did not have to worry about gaming with two girls, we never even had a gaming console, but gaming seems more isolating and addictive to me. Social media OTOH has proven to be relatively harmless. It's just how kids interact these days, and witholding it after age 13 seems pointless if not actually stunting to me. And apps like TikTok are pretty creative. My kids don't make many TikTok videos but when they do the content is quite hilarious. It's impressive, I think.

It was your fucking comparison.

[Timberridge]

This thread is a very strange mix of parenting, searching for milfs, mild religious indoctrination, video games and "oops I dropped my kid". Good work all. Carry on the fine legacy of the TRGs.

Yeah all mild stuff. When I first saw this thread on the TGR I thought it would be darker. Drugs, joining Newschoolers, becoming parents at 16, etc.

[californiagrown]

So during the relatively little free time my kids have between school, homework, jobs, sports, and hanging out with friends IRL, I think they find it quite relaxing to passively scroll through social media,

From what ive seen, kids are on SM during all of those activities, not just between them (with the possible exception of sports).

[Yonder_River]

Hmm, interesting comparison, let's see. Video games immerse kids in make-believe worlds of ultraviolence. Social media, if you know where to look (and kids these days definitely do), can take you around the world--the real world--in ten minutes and introduce you to human beings--real ones--who lead a wide variety of lifestyles far different from your own. You can actually learn about the real world, and real people, not some fantasy world coming at you at hyperspeed where it's kill or be killed. And yes, teens know not everything seen on Instagram is to be taken literally. I mean duh, Dad.

So during the relatively little free time my kids have between school, homework, jobs, sports, and hanging out with friends IRL, I think they find it quite relaxing to passively scroll through social media, and I see that as having far more positive potential than violent video games. Crazy, right? Sure there are some negatives, and I think it would be reasonable for parents to put a cap on the time spent on any one activity, but kids these days are a lot more savvy about this stuff than you might think, and it's become pretty effortless for most of them to not take any of it too seriously. But hey, if they come across an Instagram post that makes them want to commit homicide or suicide, I will for sure come back and tell you the experts and their studies were right after all. Lol

Yeah, I agree with Mustonen. It seems like a silly unnecessary comparison to make and you're the one that brought it up. I think both video games and social media can be fine but it's really a crapshoot and depends on the kids. Unfortunately a lot of kids don't use social media like maybe your daughters do. It sounds like they are doing more interactive communicating with friends, unfortunately many just scroll and compare the lives they see online to themselves and it doesn't always give them the best headspace. To argue against that seems like your intentionally trying to ignore it.

[oldnew_guy]

Yeah, I agree with Mustonen. It seems like a silly unnecessary comparison to make and you're the one that brought it up. I think both video games and social media can be fine but it's really a crapshoot and depends on the kids. Unfortunately a lot of kids don't use social media like maybe your daughters do. It sounds like they are doing more interactive communicating with friends, unfortunately many just scroll and compare the lives they see online to themselves and it doesn't always give them the best headspace. To argue against that seems like your intentionally trying to ignore it.

yeahman contended earlier that "social media has been proven to be relatively harmless" despite the US Surgeon general coming out this year and stating that the research shows it's absolutely not harmless.

Edit: I think what might be more useful here is: My kids don't seem to have an issue with social media and I don't see it as being harmful and here are some parenting tips on how we got there.