Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[Timberridge]

In addition to social media, now there's research that aspartame can make them dumb for generations.
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-41213-2

Between Diet Coke and Instagram they're fuk'd.

[subtle plague]

Phew.... so only the US is fucked. No one drinks diet Coke here. Not even Teenagers

[Timberridge]

Phew.... so only the US is fucked. No one drinks diet Coke here. Not even Teenagers

So what country are you in that hates America? France?

[Art Shirk]

I try my best to curtail and monitor the social media stuff buts concerning how this stuff is being produced and consumed these days. Was watching over my daughter’s shoulder the other day as she was watching “shorts” on YouTube and was blasting through these things in a continuous scroll, sometimes stopping for 30 seconds and sometimes stopping and swiping out of the content in a fraction of a second. Seems like they are being programmed to make snap judgments while consuming as much as these “creators” can throw down their throat in the shortest period of time. Attention span is nil with this shit. I wouldn’t mind so much if my daughter watched a 20 minute video on building something, or on a sport etc but this is some Neo downloading matrix programs shit. Gotta keep a handle on it.

My kids don’t play any video games but I think if I had to chose between the two, I’d rather her commit to an initiative and goal of some sort, even if digital.


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[Danno]

I try my best to curtail and monitor the social media stuff buts concerning how this stuff is being produced and consumed these days. Was watching over my daughter’s shoulder the other day as she was watching “shorts” on YouTube and was blasting through these things in a continuous scroll, sometimes stopping for 30 seconds and sometimes stopping and swiping out of the content in a fraction of a second. Seems like they are being programmed to make snap judgments while consuming as much as these “creators” can throw down their throat in the shortest period of time. Attention span is nil with this shit. I wouldn’t mind so much if my daughter watched a 20 minute video on building something, or on a sport etc but this is some Neo downloading matrix programs shit. Gotta keep a handle on it.

My kids don’t play any video games but I think if I had to chose between the two, I’d rather her commit to an initiative and goal of some sort, even if digital.


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same here, the way my kid blazes through shorts is scary. She's not allowed to be on "social media" but pretty sure that the youtube shit isn't much better. We have a nintendo and she does play a little bit, and I know for sure I'd rather her play more nintendo than be on her phone more.

And FTR, I have seen video games being equated with violent actions numerous times in here, but there are tons of video games, and many have no violence at all. Not everything is a first person shooter. The ones she plays (many I play with her) have no violence at all. And even many of the games that have some violence have lots more, puzzles and strategy. I mean, Zelda may have violence in it, but it's not a game chock full of violence, like life the goal is to avoid the violence as much as possible.

[Art Shirk]

Not sure anyone else’s’ kids are doing this, but I introduced my daughter to geoguessing and geotagging and it’s been awesome. When she does get screen time, I’ve found her geoguessing instead of drinking from the YouTube fire hose, which I love. It’s fun, engaging, you are basically on a treasure hunt, you start to recognize patterns, be truly attentive and engaged, understand the world around you, and there is a payoff. It’s the opposite of social media as far as digital experiences go. It’s objective and real but interesting and never ending. I’d recommend that to any parent who wants to see if their kids can shift some of their screen time activities.

And geotagging is fun to do together. You can simply be out and about anywhere in the world and their hidden geocaches all around you with clues and coordinates.


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[Danno]

Not sure anyone else’s’ kids are doing this, but I introduced my daughter to geoguessing and geotagging and it’s been awesome. When she does get screen time, I’ve found her geoguessing instead of drinking from the YouTube fire hose, which I love. It’s fun, engaging, you are basically on a treasure hunt, you start to recognize patterns, be truly attentive and engaged, understand the world around you, and there is a payoff. It’s the opposite of social media as far as digital experiences go. It’s objective and real but interesting and never ending. I’d recommend that to any parent who wants to see if their kids can shift some of their screen time activities.

And geotagging is fun to do together. You can simply be out and about anywhere in the world and their hidden geocaches all around you with clues and coordinates.


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I have no idea what that is, how does that work? Or, in annoying business speak, give me the 10,000 foot view.

[MarcusBrody]

What would everyone do if your little kid was good at a sport, but kept wanting to play in a league that is below his level?

My seven year old son loves soccer and kicks the ball around all the time. Soccer isn't big in our town, so this gives him a notable advantage in the town league runs by our parks and rec department where a lot of kids are playing for the first time. I'm his coach and largely prevent him from demoralizing other teams by positioning and giving him his own challenges, but I also feel for the kid as he lives for this little league and yet doesn't get to really go all out. But he keeps wanting to play in it as his friends are there and I am the coach, which he still likes. I - on the other hand - want him to learn from someone more skilled than I am.

Next to our town there's a larger city that does have more serious club teams. We went to their clinic/tryouts and they offered him a spot on their competitive team, but then he didn't want to play on it. Which is fine. He's a little kid who values his unstructured and that team practices and plays a lot. Also they seemed pretty serious in the way in which I have negative stereotypes about American youth soccer. And the schedule would have made skiing difficult.

So in some ways i guess this is more a mini-rant than a question. I want a pretty casual, fun league that focuses on learning, but which also just happens to have very good players. That seems to be hard to find - at least with soccer here - as if a kid seems reasonably talented, they get pushed into the more serious, competitive league where they're talking about college in their pitch to parents of seven year olds.

[californiagrown]

What would everyone do if your little kid was good at a sport, but kept wanting to play in a league that is below his level?

My seven year old son loves soccer and kicks the ball around all the time. Soccer isn't big in our town, so this gives him a notable advantage in the town league runs by our parks and rec department where a lot of kids are playing for the first time. I'm his coach and largely prevent him from demoralizing other teams by positioning and giving him his own challenges, but I also feel for the kid as he lives for this little league and yet doesn't get to really go all out. But he keeps wanting to play in it as his friends are there and I am the coach, which he still likes. I - on the other hand - want him to learn from someone more skilled than I am.

Next to our town there's a larger city that does have more serious club teams. We went to their clinic/tryouts and they offered him a spot on their competitive team, but then he didn't want to play on it. Which is fine. He's a little kid who values his unstructured and that team practices and plays a lot. Also they seemed pretty serious in the way in which I have negative stereotypes about American youth soccer. And the schedule would have made skiing difficult.

So in some ways i guess this is more a mini-rant than a question. I want a pretty casual, fun league that focuses on learning, but which also just happens to have very good players. That seems to be hard to find - at least with soccer here - as if a kid seems reasonably talented, they get pushed into the more serious, competitive league where they're talking about college in their pitch to parents of seven year olds.

My $0.02 is that before the age of 9/10, there isnt much long term advantage to playing with better competition. 10-14 is where a lot of real skill and knowledge is built so better competition is helpful, and then 14-18 its a crapshoot of puberty/physical development combined with real skill and talent. Pushing a kid too hard too early can kill the joy for a kid real quick and turn a fun sport into Type II fun that they mostly just dread. Personally id give it another year and then force him to play/practice in the upper league for a month or so and then reassess. Odds are also high that its just a little scary going into a new environment with new kids even though the actual playing part is probably more fun than the hometown team.

IMO part of your job as a dad is to gently push your son through/into uncomfortable situations that they will benefit from. In this case, pushing him to join the upper level team... but the key is to make sure he actually enjoys it and wants to keep doing it, not just that he wants to keep doing it to please you. Putting him into uncomfortable situations (like meeting new teammates, better competition, etc) can help build his self confidence and his social skills, let alone his athletic skills... but again, its important that he wants to do it (after the initial push), and not just because he wants to please you.

[Art Shirk]

I have no idea what that is, how does that work? Or, in annoying business speak, give me the 10,000 foot view.

Down load the app GeoGuesser and try it out! It’s super fun. You can pick themes like Famous sites, etc. Then it basically drops you in google maps and you can “walk around” looking for clues as to where you are in the world. When you want, you drop a pin on a world map and it tells you how many miles you are off and gamifies the whole thing. There are a few different apps to try.

And maybe try Cachly for the real world geocaching. I think you get like three locations for free a day or can pay for unlimited. Basically, people all over the planet hide little caches that usually have small trinkets or notes in them. You use the app to get clues on where they are hidden. If you find one, you log it in the app and usually take something small from the cache and leave something small, maybe even just a note. These little caches are hidden all over the world and certainly in your neighborhood right now and you would never know without geocaching.

I was on a remote park bench on the beach on my island here and we turned on the Cachly app it said there was a cache somewhere around us and it turns out there was a small hide-a-key sort of cache on the underside of the bench we were on.

They vary in difficulty and rate them by terrain, size, etc. some people drop these in remote mountainsides and others may be in parks, urban settings, all over.


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[carlh]

Sounds like we all can take a lesson from your kid when it comes to sports, unless you’re in the top 0.01% just have fun. As long as he isn’t terrorizing the other kids too prop himself up let him have fun with his friends.

What would everyone do if your little kid was good at a sport, but kept wanting to play in a league that is below his level?

My seven year old son loves soccer and kicks the ball around all the time. Soccer isn't big in our town, so this gives him a notable advantage in the town league runs by our parks and rec department where a lot of kids are playing for the first time. I'm his coach and largely prevent him from demoralizing other teams by positioning and giving him his own challenges, but I also feel for the kid as he lives for this little league and yet doesn't get to really go all out. But he keeps wanting to play in it as his friends are there and I am the coach, which he still likes. I - on the other hand - want him to learn from someone more skilled than I am.

Next to our town there's a larger city that does have more serious club teams. We went to their clinic/tryouts and they offered him a spot on their competitive team, but then he didn't want to play on it. Which is fine. He's a little kid who values his unstructured and that team practices and plays a lot. Also they seemed pretty serious in the way in which I have negative stereotypes about American youth soccer. And the schedule would have made skiing difficult.

So in some ways i guess this is more a mini-rant than a question. I want a pretty casual, fun league that focuses on learning, but which also just happens to have very good players. That seems to be hard to find - at least with soccer here - as if a kid seems reasonably talented, they get pushed into the more serious, competitive league where they're talking about college in their pitch to parents of seven year olds.

[fatnslow]

What would everyone do if your little kid was good at a sport, but kept wanting to play in a league that is below his level?

My seven year old son loves soccer and kicks the ball around all the time. Soccer isn't big in our town, so this gives him a notable advantage in the town league runs by our parks and rec department where a lot of kids are playing for the first time. I'm his coach and largely prevent him from demoralizing other teams by positioning and giving him his own challenges, but I also feel for the kid as he lives for this little league and yet doesn't get to really go all out. But he keeps wanting to play in it as his friends are there and I am the coach, which he still likes. I - on the other hand - want him to learn from someone more skilled than I am.

Next to our town there's a larger city that does have more serious club teams. We went to their clinic/tryouts and they offered him a spot on their competitive team, but then he didn't want to play on it. Which is fine. He's a little kid who values his unstructured and that team practices and plays a lot. Also they seemed pretty serious in the way in which I have negative stereotypes about American youth soccer. And the schedule would have made skiing difficult.

So in some ways i guess this is more a mini-rant than a question. I want a pretty casual, fun league that focuses on learning, but which also just happens to have very good players. That seems to be hard to find - at least with soccer here - as if a kid seems reasonably talented, they get pushed into the more serious, competitive league where they're talking about college in their pitch to parents of seven year olds.

Let him to what he wants at age 7. The fact that some douche club coach is talking "college scholarships" at age 7 is enough to know they are fucked up. Most club programs(all sports) use the lower youth teams to fund the upper end teams(age/ability), it's a fairly simple pyramid scheme. Take a look at how many 18U competitive teams they have in their program and how many players actually received (any amount, very few full rides offered for soccer) scholarship to play in college IF they receive a scholarship. Most players end up playing D3 where they get NOTHING or play JC ball.
If the kid really loves it and wants to compete that's a whole different deal but don't let the check box on the parental resume of "my kid plays club XXXXXXX" alter the decision. I'm not saying this about you in any way but lot of families view this as status or somehow failing the 7 year old by not placing them in a more competitive situation. OTOH I do know a kid that parlayed his decent soccer skills to get into MIT so that was money/time well spent.

[MarcusBrody]

My $0.02 is that before the age of 9/10, there isnt much long term advantage to playing with better competition. 10-14 is where a lot of real skill and knowledge is built so better competition is helpful, and then 14-18 its a crapshoot of puberty/physical development combined with real skill and talent. Pushing a kid too hard too early can kill the joy for a kid real quick and turn a fun sport into Type II fun that they mostly just dread. Personally id give it another year and then force him to play/practice in the upper league for a month or so and then reassess. Odds are also high that its just a little scary going into a new environment with new kids even though the actual playing part is probably more fun than the hometown team.

i think you're right. He had a whole lot of fun playing with the kids in the other league, but it's just a bit scary and he doesn't want to commit the time. Like I said, I'm totally supportive of that, especially the time commitment part. He has been very good about not being an ass with his league. I honestly enjoy coaching this age, even though some of my players will literally wander off the pitch at times. So it's good in that sense.

My only reason to want him to find something else is that he wants to play all the time and save for the aforementioned league - with good players ideally. Tuesday we had a game. He wanted to show up early to see if any other teams needed players. One did, so he briefly played (at the league organizer's invitation) before the other team protested and he had to go off. Then we played our game. Then he played on the pitch afterwards until they turned out the lights. Wednesday, we went down to see his bff and teammate's sister play....really he just wanted to play on the open space beside the field. Then he had a near breakdown when we made him leave after the games were over but the real fields were now open (as it was 7PM and he hadn't had dinner yet, probably related to the breakdown). Thursday our game was canceled so we played one on one in the community center gym until they closed and kicked us out. My feet are sore today. I need to find him other people to play with!

I have been collecting contact information from other parents in the league whose kids also seem to be really into it. I have high hopes for one Mexican family who has three kids in the 6-9 range who are all pretty good and live next to the closest park to our house. If they all come out, we're getting close to three a side and there can be some actual passing. Somewhat hilariously, my son long referred to them as "his enemies" despite my son basically liking everyone. Apparently they wore Barca/PSG Messi jerseys, and my son roots against those teams. I thought it was hilarious though.

[MarcusBrody]

Let him to what he wants at age 7. The fact that some douche club coach is talking "college scholarships" at age 7 is enough to know they are fucked up. Most club programs(all sports) use the lower youth teams to fund the upper end teams(age/ability), it's a fairly simple pyramid scheme. Take a look at how many 18U competitive teams they have in their program and how many players actually received (any amount, very few full rides offered for soccer) scholarship to play in college IF they receive a scholarship. Most players end up playing D3 where they get NOTHING or play JC ball.
If the kid really loves it and wants to compete that's a whole different deal but don't let the check box on the parental resume of "my kid plays club XXXXXXX" alter the decision. I'm not saying this about you in any way but lot of families view this as status or somehow failing the 7 year old by not placing them in a more competitive situation. OTOH I do know a kid that parlayed his decent soccer skills to get into MIT so that was money/time well spent.

i mean, I agree completely. I have no real interest in serious club soccer (or any serious sport at 7). I think my issue is more that the push toward seriousness ends up leaving a blank spot where kids really like the sport and might want to learn, but at the same time, don't want it to be serious with a huge time commitment. I guess I understand why, it's just unfortunate. It's also possible that my son has picked a sport that doesn't have critical mass in our town for good pick up games, but it seems to me like kids playing pickup in the park is not super common overall, which - again - is sad.

[phatty]

I have 2 boys that were the best players on their rec teams up til they were 12. That was the age where they basically had to make a choice to step up a league and stop playing with their friends. Both of them played 1 more rec year and then quit. They didn't want to time commitment and seriousness of higher level soccer. They both turned out just fine playing other sports and are much better skiers than their friends who spent all winter traveling for soccer before burning out and quitting when they were 17.

[fatnslow]

Hey Marcus Brody, maybe your kid can start taking wagers from other kids on all kinds of parlays for the next few years in rec and get a nest egg for all his future club fees and travel expenses?
I hear kids bet $5-50 these days on all kinds of things.

[MarcusBrody]

Hey Marcus Brody, maybe your kid can start taking wagers from other kids on all kinds of parlays for the next few years in rec and get a nest egg for all his future club fees and travel expenses?
I hear kids bet $5-50 these days on all kinds of things.

Now you're talking. Given that he's managed to establish a reputation among the local little kids, I think it's about time to take a dive against one of the least fancied teams in the league...

Though that actually does remind me of one of the worries I have that prompted this post before I got off track complaining about seriousness of club teams. I'm a bit worried that if he is always the best player and basically always wins thst he will come to expect it and basically won't know how to deal with adversity/not being the best. I'm a professor and have seen a lot of smart students fall into crisis because they got to college and now were in the middle of the distribution rather than the stars they were at their high schools. Their self-identity was too caught up with always being the best. I'd kind of like him to get his butt kicked sometime so he can build some resilience.

[bodywhomper]

I see plenty of friends that get passively sucked into their kids’ joining travel league team sports (baseball, soccer, ultimate). All the kids are really good and excited about their sports. It can be a huge time and financial commitment (hotels and travel). Some cut a lot into ski season or into summer vacation. I see the parents burning out and see them feeling guilty about hoping their kid’s teams lose in order for the team season to end.

[MarcusBrody]

I see plenty of friends that get passively sucked into their kids’ joining travel league team sports (baseball, soccer, ultimate). All the kids are really good and excited about their sports. It can be a huge time and financial commitment (hotels and travel). Some cut a lot into ski season or into summer vacation. I see the parents burning out and see them feeling guilty about hoping their kid’s teams lose in order for the team season to end.

Yep, I finally got my kid skiing last winter and he was having a blast, so I don't want to compromise that!

[fatnslow]

I see plenty of friends that get passively sucked into their kids’ joining travel league team sports (baseball, soccer, ultimate). All the kids are really good and excited about their sports. It can be a huge time and financial commitment (hotels and travel). Some cut a lot into ski season or into summer vacation. I see the parents burning out and see them feeling guilty about hoping their kid’s teams lose in order for the team season to end.

So do ultimate dads just smoke out in a designated mini van for the whole game ?

[Yonder_River]

So do ultimate dads just smoke out in a designated mini van for the whole game ?

I coach middle school ultimate and can unfortunately say, definitely not.

[subtle plague]

I coach middle school ultimate and can unfortunately say, definitely not.

It's just that your not one of the cool dads. Sorry.

[Core Shot]

Had that fight with the wife. But. But. But they need team sports for the college ap!!!

The only thing they stuck with is golf. Wish they still did tennis. But not for college.
They’ll be fine.
Know a few travel baseball hockey and soccer parents. What a suck life. Ugggh.

[riser4]

So do ultimate dads just smoke out in a designated mini van for the whole game ?

If that was the case all of my kids would have done ultimate. As it is, they all did snow sports on Sundays for a bunch of years so that I had an excuse to ski. The mighty mites program at Smuggler's Notch is fucking awesome. They all chose snowboarding which was good because then there was no temptation on my part to try to teach them. Take a few runs if we get there early enough, drop them off, ski on my own or with other friends and parents for 4 hours, pick them up and take a few more runs, go home happy. We would drive by the hockey rink each way and I'd LOL at the parents schlepping kids and gear while I got to ski. Fuck sitting at a hockey rink. Joke's on me though. Thing #3 liked the snow the most and stuck with it the longest. However, he got into basketball and then there was no time for it. School ball with Saturday games, mini-metro with Sunday games, AAU during spring skiing. And then HS with basketball 7 days a week and contracts not to do things like snowboarding. Plus even more AAU. Le Sigh.

[fatnslow]

Had that fight with the wife. But. But. But they need team sports for the college ap!!!

The only thing they stuck with is golf. Wish they still did tennis. But not for college.
They’ll be fine.
Know a few travel baseball hockey and soccer parents. What a suck life. Ugggh.

My 3 all played sports , cycled through various rec and club and it was actually very fun for me watching my kids complete. Internal struggles about place on team , playing time, relationships with coaches and teammates are all great life lessons.
I had a discussion with a friend who's kid isn't playing much on a varsity high school team and he's bummed. My view always was if you want to play a lot don't suck by being one of the top third of the team. Never take the stuff too seriously or personally as a parent.
Every coach wants to win and will use the better players first to tro to compete. IF your kid isn't playing much they are not one of the better players on the team regardless of what the kid/parent thinks.





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