Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[riser4]

Take your feet off your brother's head. That's what I remember saying. Or the time thing #2 broke thing #3's front baby teeth by throwing a frozen water bottle at him.

[yeahman]

Our daughters have always got along great. Now that they're both in high school they are even closer. I feel lucky. Dealing with battling kids sounds tough. I grew up with 3 sibs but we were all 3 years apart and had little interaction and conflict.

[SkiLyft]

These lil pups showed up today!! Never been so stoked about skis in my life!!






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[VTskibum]

Cross post from Sprockets, my 2nd/8 yrs old and told me on the ride that riding mountain bikes w me is one of her favorite things to do.



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[Sirshredalot]

Riding bikes with the kiddos is great

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[liv2ski]

I knew it...

The early research is decisive: Having kids is bad for quality of life. In one study, the psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues asked about 900 employed women to report, at the end of each day, every one of their activities and how happy they were when they did them. They recalled being with their children as less enjoyable than many other activities, such as watching TV, shopping, or preparing food. Other studies find that when a child is born, parents experience a decrease in happiness that doesn’t go away for a long time, in addition to a drop in marital satisfaction that doesn’t usually recover until the children leave the house. As the Harvard professor Dan Gilbert puts it, “The only symptom of empty nest syndrome is nonstop smiling.”
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/a...=pocket-newtab

[406]

Didn't read the link, but I would not consider a study of 900 employed women decisive for the entire population, more a reflection of how poorly the USA supports working moms(parents).

[Buster Highmen]

hmmmm.
I'm an outlier again.

Since when is anything really satisfying and worthwhile devoid of difficult phases?

[liv2ski]

Those questions and more are addressed in the story.

[altasnob]

Interesting article, although I don't think the conclusion was having kids leads to unhappiness. More that the happiness a kid brings is harder to quantify. I also liked the discussion of memory distortion, i.e. when we think about our past experiences we tend to remember the peaks and forget the mundane awfulness in between. Anyone who enjoys ski mountaineering experiences this phenomenon.

[skaredshtles]

You kids bring me joy... but you don't make me very happy.

[Buster Highmen]

I guess I would have expected a more nuanced summary.

[Bobcat Sig]

The wife unit and I don't have kids. We married later compared to our peer group, and she works with special needs kids all day in a high school; so we're good. But this week and next, we are housing her nephew while her brother's house gets a remodel. It's a small house with only one bath. He's in high school and mostly a good kid. And quiet, really quiet.

So while the adventure is going well and we're enjoying it, I have a newfound respect for the fathers and parents out there. It's also shown me that while parenthood can be immensely gratifying, I do feel good about our choice to not have children.

[yeahman]

Kids bring a never-ending source of worry and anxiety and, frankly, extra work into your life, and I think that can be interpreted as "unhappiness," although I'm not sure it really is the same thing.

[MarcusBrody]

Kids bring a never-ending source of worry and anxiety and, frankly, extra work into your life, and I think that can be interpreted as "unhappiness," although I'm not sure it really is the same thing.

I think that kids definitely bring stress. And for many, stress can turn into unhappiness. I don't think it's generally the kids themselves, but more the constraints they put upon you and the person you had them with. I think the stress it brings is like any other. If there are cracks just under the surface, it's going to break them open and that can be hard.

I do think that having kids is particularly stressful on type A folks who like to have everything under control. Little kids are kind of like puppies in that you can pattern their behavior with consistent feedback, but they always have an element of chaos lurking deep down and the more you can learn to just ride along with it rather than fighting with it/blaming yourself for it, the easier things will be.

I'm not sure I'm happier having had a kid, but I was really happy before I had a kid and I'm pretty darn happy now. I don't get to ski or mountain bike as much, but I play a lot more silly fun sports, have fun with things like RC cars, and there definitely is a satisfaction when your kid gets something in life right.

[riser4]

[riser4]

I think that kids definitely bring stress. And for many, stress can turn into unhappiness. I don't think it's generally the kids themselves, but more the constraints they put upon you and the person you had them with. I think the stress it brings is like any other. If there are cracks just under the surface, it's going to break them open and that can be hard.

I do think that having kids is particularly stressful on type A folks who like to have everything under control. Little kids are kind of like puppies in that you can pattern their behavior with consistent feedback, but they always have an element of chaos lurking deep down and the more you can learn to just ride along with it rather than fighting with it/blaming yourself for it, the easier things will be.

I'm not sure I'm happier having had a kid, but I was really happy before I had a kid and I'm pretty darn happy now. I don't get to ski or mountain bike as much, but I play a lot more silly fun sports, have fun with things like RC cars, and there definitely is a satisfaction when your kid gets something in life right.

Just remember, you got to be there when they get something in life wrong too. When they're little it's silly things like sticking a ritz cracker in their ear and then it gets infected. When they are teenagers it's things like screwing up on I-89 and finding out that Canadian customs won't let you turn around and aren't amused that you have no ID, no valid plates, and no registration. And US customs is even less amused. My wife and thing#3 weren't going to tell me. Heck, he didn't tell my wife, she found out through social media because his buddy, that he wasn't supposed to have in the car because he had gotten his license earlier that day, posted pics on social media of them in custody and the neighbor's mom saw it.

[riser4]

I do not think this can be stated enough.

[MarcusBrody]

Just remember, you got to be there when they get something in life wrong too. When they're little it's silly things like sticking a ritz cracker in their ear and then it gets infected. When they are teenagers it's things like screwing up on I-89 and finding out that Canadian customs won't let you turn around and aren't amused that you have no ID, no valid plates, and no registration. And US customs is even less amused. My wife and thing#3 weren't going to tell me. Heck, he didn't tell my wife, she found out through social media because his buddy, that he wasn't supposed to have in the car because he had gotten his license earlier that day, posted pics on social media of them in custody and the neighbor's mom saw it.

Hey, I don't care how many attempts it takes, if my son eventually manages to emigrate to Canada, I will be fully supportive.

But I plan to be there for him when he gets things wrong. I just won't add it to my "how my child added to my happiness" count. :-)

[old_newguy]

My four year old has to learn things the hard way.

Tonight it was “if I put my feet on the dinner table and push back in my chair I will fall over backwards and hurt myself”.

Half the time my two year old is like “fuck you, that’s not a carrot that’s a bumblebee.” Stubborn, stubborn kid.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Interesting article, although I don't think the conclusion was having kids leads to unhappiness. More that the happiness a kid brings is harder to quantify. I also liked the discussion of memory distortion, i.e. when we think about our past experiences we tend to remember the peaks and forget the mundane awfulness in between. Anyone who enjoys ski mountaineering experiences this phenomenon.

Some of us enjoy the mundane awefulness


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[plugboots]

Well, my 23-year-old daughter is, (finally), actually pretty fun to be around.
Ending the teen years at ~18 started it, but her getting a good job made her an actual human.

[basinbeater]

I just like doing things with my kids. Watching them learn. Relationship with the wife has become more difficult since kids arrived on the scene, especially as I continued to do activities I enjoy (on a much reduced scale). But continuing to do those activities has led to the kids wanting to do those things. So now that they are growing, 6 for the girl and 9 for the boy, they want to do what I do. They want to ski, they want to fix and build things in the garage. They want to play soccer and hockey. You can be an observer or you can be a participant. I coach soccer and hockey. I play soccer in the backyard and knee hockey in the basement. The 9 year old is getting pretty good at ping pong. The 6 year old is now able to have basic rallies on the table. They want to do fun stuff with me constantly and the fun factor is way up, and I love watching them progress. Helping with school is tougher, but they ask me for help. I help the when they want me to, and it is nice to see things click. They are a major source of joy for me.
My wife has suffered as she puts everything into the kids and takes no time for herself. I think women have it tougher with the breastfeeding and for my wife, it has been very difficult to emerge from the major disruption that was 100% taking care of kids. She stopped working by choice for a few years. She poured all her time into the kids. She is working again, but takes no time for taking care of herself. Our relationship struggles as a result.
Life when kids arrive on the scene becomes much more complicated with many more competing needs within the family, some that maybe don't get fulfilled as much for someone involved.

[yeahman]

Our teenage girls are pretty easy to deal with. No drama, and they get along well with each other. I do a lot of stuff with them, but they definitely talk more to my wife. She's very good at getting them to open up. I'm kind of on the periphery of most of these conversations, but I'm okay with that. You need to understand your role and not try to force things. It can be hard sometimes.

[TahoeJ]

Kids may not always bring you happiness in the day to day so to speak but they do give you a sense of purpose. So there’s that.