Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[bagtagley]

It eventually reverses. They inhale their food and start picking at your plate. My kids eat more than I do.

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

10000x. You'll laugh at anyone without kids who says they don't have time.

I laugh at parents with just one kid who say that sometimes. A wise man once told me, "one is fun, two is ten." Although my brother and sister each have 4 and say once you get past 3 you can just keep adding them and it's all the same.

[Kailua_Boys]

Someone once told me the third kid is game changing. You have to switch from man defense to zone coverage.

Two is wild. My second was born when my first was 20 months. It was crazy and I don't think I slept for the next 3 years.

[RootSkier]

This has been well-covered. 3 is a sign of mental illness, more than 4 is proof.

[XXX-er]

any more than 1 and you are just a daycare supervisor

[Buzzworthy]

Great thread. I have twin daughters who just turned sixteen (!).

My only daughter turned 16 in January. It hit home pretty hard. Only 2 more years and she’s out on her own.
Where did the time go???

On a good note I’m getting major bonus points for taking her car shopping.

[ExPowderSnob]

I have 4 kids. All boys. I only create male heirs to my throne!
10yo
8yo,
4 in June,
and a 2 month old baby. (Quarantine and chill, they said. It will be fun, they said)

Priorities definitely change.

Most important things I learned...

1.) Read to them every night. Read them all the books that you can. Read the same book over and over. The one single most prevalent trend in a child's success in school is how much they are read to when younger.

2.) Let them fall sometimes, sometimes help them back up.. sometimes not, make them pick themselves up. Literally, and figuratively.

3.) Don't push your hobbies on them too hard.. I got lucky and the oldest three all love skiing. I think I had about 45 days of skiing this winter. 30 were with the older 2, another 5 days with the 3 oldest which really means about 5 days on the magic carpets. And about 10 pow days to myself... I'm super lucky in Winter..

I think I pushed mountain biking too hard with my older 2. My oldest had some kinda bad wrecks (nothing broke, just bruised and bloody, and it took about 2 summers to have him enjoy biking again... He won't go off the same jumps as the 8yo will though, the fear has set in... We are slowly working on it.

All of them love rock climbing, no fear of heights, so that has been good..

4.) Do more housework. do the dishes... do some laundry. Vacuum. Clean the bathrooms every Sunday morning. Your marriage will be much happier.

However,, heed this warning... #4 is exactly how you end up with more kids... I had the house cleaned for the wife, and started the fire pit so some moms could have a socially distanced wine night in our back yard one evening... I fall asleep to gossippy chatter in the backyard, only to be woken up by the wife being frisky at 1am. Long story short, I'm not good at pulling out when she is on top & Bam... 9 months later.. welcome kiddo #4... ffuuucckkkk..

5.) Take care of your own health. You can't help your children if you die early from a heart attack. Eating healthy can be tough, but for fucks sake, at the bare minimum, find an hour to yourself.. Exercise early in the morning before anyone is up... or after bedtime when the kiddos are asleep. Just get your exercise in.. You will be happier... less stressed... will sleep better... can keep up with the kiddos at playgrounds.. there is no downside to this.. only benefits."

6.) CBD is no joke. I thought it was crap until I actually tried it. It makes my arthritic joints in ankles and wrists feel 5 years younger.

7.) Umm.... something..

There is a whole lot more I can't think of... too sleep deprived.. but those are the important bits..

[RootSkier]

Failing to plan (SNIP) is planning to fail.

[TahoeJ]

Someone once told me the third kid is game changing. You have to switch from man defense to zone coverage.

Can confirm. And then when they're all doing sports and other activities the scheduling shit gets crazy.

The best part of becoming a parent is you learn to become highly efficient with your time.

[Cruiser]

Prolly as good a place to put this as any

https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/...ad.php?t=79422

[Marshall Tucker]

"May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay
Forever young"

[carlh]

Lots of good stuff in here. My little guy is 4.5 and mostly fun. Roughhousing is good for stress on both sides.

The take time for you and be present when present is important but hard. This year has been rough on all parents, my wife had 2 major surgeries on top of it and I am feeling the lack of me time. Only days on skis were skating at the local golf course before work but I have to take every bit I can get. Looking forward to a vaccine in my system and some help and social time.

[Yonder_River]

I have 4 kids. All boys. I only create male heirs to my throne!
10yo
8yo,
4 in June,
and a 2 month old baby. (Quarantine and chill, they said. It will be fun, they said)

Priorities definitely change.

Most important things I learned...

1.) Read to them every night. Read them all the books that you can. Read the same book over and over. The one single most prevalent trend in a child's success in school is how much they are read to when younger.

2.) Let them fall sometimes, sometimes help them back up.. sometimes not, make them pick themselves up. Literally, and figuratively.

3.) Don't push your hobbies on them too hard.. I got lucky and the oldest three all love skiing. I think I had about 45 days of skiing this winter. 30 were with the older 2, another 5 days with the 3 oldest which really means about 5 days on the magic carpets. And about 10 pow days to myself... I'm super lucky in Winter..

I think I pushed mountain biking too hard with my older 2. My oldest had some kinda bad wrecks (nothing broke, just bruised and bloody, and it took about 2 summers to have him enjoy biking again... He won't go off the same jumps as the 8yo will though, the fear has set in... We are slowly working on it.

All of them love rock climbing, no fear of heights, so that has been good..

4.) Do more housework. do the dishes... do some laundry. Vacuum. Clean the bathrooms every Sunday morning. Your marriage will be much happier.

However,, heed this warning... #4 is exactly how you end up with more kids... I had the house cleaned for the wife, and started the fire pit so some moms could have a socially distanced wine night in our back yard one evening... I fall asleep to gossippy chatter in the backyard, only to be woken up by the wife being frisky at 1am. Long story short, I'm not good at pulling out when she is on top & Bam... 9 months later.. welcome kiddo #4... ffuuucckkkk..

5.) Take care of your own health. You can't help your children if you die early from a heart attack. Eating healthy can be tough, but for fucks sake, at the bare minimum, find an hour to yourself.. Exercise early in the morning before anyone is up... or after bedtime when the kiddos are asleep. Just get your exercise in.. You will be happier... less stressed... will sleep better... can keep up with the kiddos at playgrounds.. there is no downside to this.. only benefits."

6.) CBD is no joke. I thought it was crap until I actually tried it. It makes my arthritic joints in ankles and wrists feel 5 years younger.

7.) Umm.... something..

There is a whole lot more I can't think of... too sleep deprived.. but those are the important bits..

Good on getting the kids into outdoor pursuits. I think it's ok to force it a bit. I've never been hardcore about it, but we've made sure they rotated through many of the teams sports at least once. Sometimes they were hesitant, but we held firm they'd see the season through and if they didn't like it at first, they usually eventually did. I prefer individual sports, but I think being on a team is important for a few reasons. Sometimes on longer hikes, we have to push them a bit, but it still appears they like it despite the occasional complaining. Luckily, no problem on motivating to ski/board.

I never understood the accidental kid past the first planned one. I have heard about a couple of these. How the hell do you let that slip? I.U.D's, pills or a vasectomy, c'mon man! I finally visited Dr. Snip a few months ago, it was long overdue.

It’s too much, you have to seriously learn to roll with the punches and always remain chill. Otherwise you will miss out on a lot and your kids will just see you pissed all the time.

Sooner or later that anxiety will eat you up.

I am around my kids A LOT and this is very true and very important. I am still working on it, hell I have three independent-minded boys, so will always be working on it. My patience and temper can come out quickly depending on the day and I'm always reminding myself of this. Besides always trying to work on this, my go to fixer in to apologize. I'm at least good at that part. I am sure to let them know how I just acted toward them is not the right way and that I am sorry. Hopefully that makes up for it a bit, time will tell.

[skaredshtles]

I have 4 kids. All boys.

++vibes, man.

[schindlerpiste]

I have two kids. Well, both are now adults. My daughter is 25 and my son is 21. Funny thing is that I can never remember the bad shit. I had both kids up on skis at age 3. Both kids spent a lot of time hiking in a baby backpack from probably from 6mos to 2 years. I built a porch swing to get them to sleep, read them just about every Little Golden book, and fell asleep many nights rocking them to sleep. I was their hero until they reached high school. Then, one day, each of them decided that they were independent. Hahaha. I never hid anything about my personality or bad habits, and I think that they appreciated that. Throughout it all, I think that I grounded my children maybe once each. Although, my daughter's punishment lasted 5 months, during which time she was not allowed out of the house without us, except to go to school. Personally, I think that it is a very bad idea to be "best friends" with your kid. Respect them, be open and honest with them, always let them know that you are in their corner, command respect, and hopefully they will reciprocate.

[riser4]

Yep. I'd really love it if my kids like the same hobbies I like, but if not, no biggie (just please not baseball, so boring). That was a lesson I recall from md9 talking about GT40 - he was a moto guy, his kids liked skiing, so he went skiing. Dad weight gain is mostly linked to kids not finishing their food, I think. Never thought I'd become a dumpster, but that's what I am.

Pro tip. You will catch fewer colds if you don't eat off their plates. It actually works.

[Yonder_River]

I have two kids. Well, both are now adults. My daughter is 25 and my son is 21. Funny thing is that I can never remember the bad shit. I had both kids up on skis at age 3. Both kids spent a lot of time hiking in a baby backpack from probably from 6mos to 2 years. I built a porch swing to get them to sleep, read them just about every Little Golden book, and fell asleep many nights rocking them to sleep. I was their hero until they reached high school. Then, one day, each of them decided that they were independent. Hahaha. I never hid anything about my personality or bad habits, and I think that they appreciated that. Throughout it all, I think that I grounded my children maybe once each. Although, my daughter's punishment lasted 5 months, during which time she was not allowed out of the house without us, except to go to school. Personally, I think that it is a very bad idea to be "best friends" with your kid. Respect them, be open and honest with them, always let them know that you are in their corner, command respect, and hopefully they will reciprocate.

The hazy memory from time passing heals everything I guess. I will say though that my anecdotal sampling of families we know where the daughter came first followed by the son yielded much a chiller and more respectful son and less fighting due to daughter being a better role model. Or at least that's my theory.

[XXX-er]

The younger one was the spock incarnate, one day he got a little pissed off but instead of acting up he said " I guess if I was going to act up now would be the time ? "

In HS I told him to be smart and get scholarships cuz his parents had split up/fucked up and there was no money for the uni ed, so he put himself thru a 5 year engineering degree on scholarship/ bursary & the coop program

when i left him at U of A with a TV and computer my words of wisdom were " I ain't gona tell you to be good but keep in mind these other kids will be your peers for the next 30 years, fuck up like some cheese eating school boy and some one will bring it up in a meeting 20 years from now "

so waht do i do he asks ? " Well if you want to be an engineer you must learn what a good beer tastes like " 5 years later at convocation there was a huge collection of eclectic beer cans above the kitchen cupboards

[neufox47]

So you guys are saying I should get that au pair?


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[BmillsSkier]

So you guys are saying I should get that au pair?


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I have an old friend that has a beautiful family. And a smokin hot South African Au Pair.

Expect a lot of questions if you go that route.

[TahoeJ]

So you guys are saying I should get that au pair?


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Is she hot?

[Bunion 2020]

I would opt for 2. Au Pair pair.

[Deebased]

Read “Shit My Dad Says” by Justin Halpern. It’s funny and actually has a decent perspective.

Here’s the advice my dad gave me:

There are going to be those days when you come home beaten down from work, money, or whatever.

Your kid(s) are happy to see you and start tugging at you.

You can choose to be happy to be with them and play with them.

Or you can be a jerk and push them away.

The kids have no idea what you went through that day.

All they know is that you want to be with them. Or not.

Show them you love them by being there.

Every time.

Good Shit.

Put down your damn phone dads. There's nothing more important than that kid in front of you.

[MakersTeleMark]

I love a good birth control thread. Especially going into the spring.

[waveshello]

Lots of wisdom and hilarity in this thread! It's inspiring to hear from the elders of the tribe that have already made this journey. We just had our first baby girl in January. She's kind of a daddy's girl--she's always got big smiles for me. She loves music and dancing, and especially loves when I play guitar and sing for her.

And yeah, I'm missing that ability to cut loose and run up to pass at a moments notice. My very patient wife has made it possible for me to get 20 days in this season, but I am doing my best to make every moment at home count... And every moment on the mountain count too, for that matter.

It seems like that's what it's all about these days, intentionality with every moment.

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