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  1. #801
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    I've never cared how much they use their phone but there's no doubt they shrivel and die when they don't have access to it. Even if you just take it away when they're home, it results in pretty much instant capitulation.

  2. #802
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    Quote Originally Posted by anotherVTskibum View Post
    Mine are years away from getting phones, but some of my friends have an older kid for whom phone use has been an ongoing issue. I don't know which package it was, but they were able to install a management package on the phone that limited access to allowed apps and allowed them to review activity. I don't know if that kind of restriction might work in your scenario, probably would depend on whether or not she uses the same apps for parental and peer communication.

    Sent from my SM-G892A using TGR Forums mobile app
    Apple screentime controls lets you do all that.
    focus.

  3. #803
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    Just my opinion but I'm not sure limiting screentime and using parental controls really helps the situation, and it may actually make it worse. First of all my kids do a lot of schoolwork on their phones and I would not want them doing less so they can save time for social media. Second every kid my girls know whose parents tried to keep them off Snapchat etc. failed and the kids figured out workarounds. Third I noticed my kids eventually regulated their own phone use because like everything when it's not forbidden fruit it naturally loses some luster. And fourth if the kid is active and getting decent grades there probably isn't anything to worry about anyway.

  4. #804
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    Jun 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeahman View Post
    Just my opinion but I'm not sure limiting screentime and using parental controls really helps the situation, and it may actually make it worse. First of all my kids do a lot of schoolwork on their phones and I would not want them doing less so they can save time for social media. Second every kid my girls know whose parents tried to keep them off Snapchat etc. failed and the kids figured out workarounds. Third I noticed my kids eventually regulated their own phone use because like everything when it's not forbidden fruit it naturally loses some luster. And fourth if the kid is active and getting decent grades there probably isn't anything to worry about anyway.
    Tend to agree here although I can barely figure out my own phone (iPhone 6s) yet alone try and track my offsprings devices via apps and controls and settings. Fuck that. I think mine realize a phone is just a tool that extends their outreach and connection (when there’s signal or wifi) but the real connections happen in the moment. I think they see that in their parents, phones can either tie you down or extend your useful reach. Choose carefully. Fortunately we don’t make phones a big deal and thus the allure Is redirected towards active engagement with the phone/device as a supplemental resource. Granted all this will change in a moment.

  5. #805
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    Apr 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by present tense View Post
    Tend to agree here although I can barely figure out my own phone (iPhone 6s) yet alone try and track my offsprings devices via apps and controls and settings. Fuck that. I think mine realize a phone is just a tool that extends their outreach and connection (when there’s signal or wifi) but the real connections happen in the moment. I think they see that in their parents, phones can either tie you down or extend your useful reach. Choose carefully. Fortunately we don’t make phones a big deal and thus the allure Is redirected towards active engagement with the phone/device as a supplemental resource. Granted all this will change in a moment.
    I work in IT, at a prep school. The best way to encourage kids to learn about any security technology, from physical or computer, has always been to try to use technical restrictions to solve behavior problems, because someone will figure out how to get around those restrictions.

    That said, technical tools can work well in supporting a non-technical plan, particularly if you want the ability to limit some activity on the phone while still allowing communication with parents.

    Sent from my SM-G892A using TGR Forums mobile app

  6. #806
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    Oct 2003
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    Careful with too much parental oversight. That’s what produced me.
    I used a different approach. Less overbearing, much more trust and respect. Kid got a 4.0 her junior year in both IB and AP classes. Doesn’t care about drinking or drugs. Loves travel.
    So she’s on a plane to France that’s currently over Greenland. 9 days of reward with EF Tours.
    No fucking clue how this damn guy was so blessed with an amazing daughter.

  7. #807
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    Oct 2002
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    my own little world
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    Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

    Agreed that phone confiscation isn’t the best tool. The screentime tools are pretty effective and granular (to a point); I can be absolutely sure that they are only able to use the phone and messages apps when it’s locked down. But I don’t have that level of access to hers - that’s her mom.

    She ended up coming home 15 mins after she said she would to a really early agreed time (8:30). She texted at 8:30 and said she’d be home at 9, and I told her that’s not how it works. School night and they’re the ones who proposed the time. I told her this is mostly about trust and that she would do the things she says she’s going to do. And to that end, she owes me an 8:30 in-the-driveway time for next time she goes out. And when she establishes that she can do that we’ll talk about pushing that further into the evening.

    I dunno man…. Just trying to figure it out over here.
    focus.

  8. #808
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    TennesseeJed
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    10,988
    "I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I think there's something to be said for that" -One For The Road

    Brain dead and made of money.

  9. #809
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    3,269
    Quote Originally Posted by Buzzworthy View Post
    Careful with too much parental oversight. That’s what produced me.
    I used a different approach. Less overbearing, much more trust and respect. Kid got a 4.0 her junior year in both IB and AP classes. Doesn’t care about drinking or drugs. Loves travel.
    So she’s on a plane to France that’s currently over Greenland. 9 days of reward with EF Tours.
    No fucking clue how this damn guy was so blessed with an amazing daughter.
    We must be twins. Just went to second kids college graduation and my daughter is fucking amazing. Tearfully texted family and friends just feeling like I could fly with so much pride under the tent last week and unanimously affirmed by everyone I can not be the real dad. I fully agree.
    Sometimes you get lucky in life. I've been blessed 3 times.

  10. #810
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    2,745
    I have a friend who says the same thing, fats-

    like him, I am sure you did some things 'right'.

    Congratulations! dudes... ! !!!


    skiJ

  11. #811
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    Babylon
    Posts
    13,450
    Happy Father's day y'all.
    Coached my sons last game of little league season yesterday.
    Today we are going hiking.
    I'm a lucky guy

  12. #812
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
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    In the swamp
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    Happy Father’s Day!! Also heading out to hike with my wife and daughter. As she gets older, I hold onto these days more and more.

  13. #813
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    New Mexico
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    Any maggots with kids with disabilities? Don’t want jack this thread, don’t want to start a new one.


    Happy father’s day to good dads.

  14. #814
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Aspen
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    Strider MTBing over the weekend. Proud dad!

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  15. #815
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvovsky View Post
    Any maggots with kids with disabilities? Don’t want jack this thread, don’t want to start a new one.


    Happy father’s day to good dads.
    I’d think this is a safe place for a dad to discuss their kids.

  16. #816
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    Apr 2019
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    New Mexico
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buzzworthy View Post
    I’d think this is a safe place for a dad to discuss their kids.
    fkna it is safe but it ain’t always easy to talk about it.

  17. #817
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvovsky View Post
    fkna it is safe but it ain’t always easy to talk about it.
    True. But sometimes ya need to.

  18. #818
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    Thing #1 (age 23) functions pretty well so far, given a few things The left hand has a slight defect, outboard three fingers are not fully formed and have some fused joints. It's been this way since birth. Kids are resilient and adapt. Kid is a rightie, had to learn the guitar lefty. And then in January was diagnosed with epilepsy after a seizure that was witnessed and one suspected seizure a week or so prior came to light. The privilege to drive was taken away until six months seizure free, which expired this past Saturday. Seizure free with medication. However not being able to drive did mess up some major plans. Things are getting back on track.

  19. #819
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    New Mexico
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    Mine has partial Jacobsen syndrome.

    Developmentally about half his age. 7 now, still in diapers, doesn’t eat to sustain himself (gets food through g-tube), comms are a problem, behavioral issues, hypotonic palsy, etc.

    But it’s only partial Jacobsen so we are not as fucked as we could have been, or like many other kiddos we see at therapies and doctors offices.

    The joys of fatherhood are rare and few. It’s nice to see/read good stories in this thread tho.

  20. #820
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
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    entrapped
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvovsky View Post
    Mine has partial Jacobsen syndrome.

    Developmentally about half his age. 7 now, still in diapers, doesn’t eat to sustain himself (gets food through g-tube), comms are a problem, behavioral issues, hypotonic palsy, etc.

    But it’s only partial Jacobsen so we are not as fucked as we could have been, or like many other kiddos we see at therapies and doctors offices.

    The joys of fatherhood are rare and few. It’s nice to see/read good stories in this thread tho.
    That's rough, to say the least. 7 yo brain is a tough one to be stuck at let alone the other issues that you've mentioned.

    Some days I expect to come home to find my wife has duct taped our fully functioning six year old and locked him in the closet.

    Sent from my SM-S908U1 using Tapatalk
    No matter where you go, there you are. - BB

  21. #821
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    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    Quote Originally Posted by skinipenem View Post

    Some days I expect to come home to find my wife has duct taped our fully functioning six year old and locked him in the closet.

    Sent from my SM-S908U1 using Tapatalk
    That idea occurred to both my wife and I with thing #3.

  22. #822
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Nhampshire
    Posts
    7,761
    Yeah, we have a gap week between school/day camp so our 5 and 7 year olds are home. They've mostly done great, but the ratio of us talking to them listening is getting dangerously low.

  23. #823
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    Seattle
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    3,723
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvovsky View Post
    Mine has partial Jacobsen syndrome.

    Developmentally about half his age. 7 now, still in diapers, doesn’t eat to sustain himself (gets food through g-tube), comms are a problem, behavioral issues, hypotonic palsy, etc.

    But it’s only partial Jacobsen so we are not as fucked as we could have been, or like many other kiddos we see at therapies and doctors offices.

    The joys of fatherhood are rare and few. It’s nice to see/read good stories in this thread tho.
    While I can't personally relate, I feel so much for you and your family. It can be so hard to feel that love and joy when you don't feel you are getting any back. There's a reason your son is in your life, though. Both for you and for him. This thread and mags are here to support you as much as we can.

  24. #824
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    Oct 2010
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    entrapped
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    Quote Originally Posted by schuss View Post
    Yeah, we have a gap week between school/day camp so our 5 and 7 year olds are home. They've mostly done great, but the ratio of us talking to them listening is getting dangerously low.
    That ratio at our house is often undefined.

    Talking:listening = empty set


    Sent from my SM-S908U1 using Tapatalk
    No matter where you go, there you are. - BB

  25. #825
    Join Date
    Mar 2022
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    Deep in the heart of....
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    I signed up for a 2 year old 4 years ago, after a lifetime of vehemently not wanting kids. Now the step-dad thing has to be one of the hardest things I've done in life but I'm pretty thankful we have a relatively solid real-dad in the picture too.

    That said, has anyone got protips on overcoming stubbornness? I'm talking the most stubborn, will not attempt something she doesnt want to do because its a tiny bit scary stubborn. Refuses to learn to ride a bike, refuses to listen to her swim instructors, and me pushing her learning to ski seems to be the most successful thing (thank god). We've tried everything for the bike, including removing the crank and letting her push herself along and practice balancing.

    The flip side of all that is she's the sweetest little gal and totally brings the sunshine into our house. Listens explicitly, remembers everything, never talks back or complains, has a melt down once every 6 months over something totally uncontrollable and in general is the best kid two people who didn't want kids could have.

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