Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[splat]

Never had my own but I did raise a beautiful little girl who, as a thirty-five-year-old woman, asked me to adopt her. What she said brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. Hopefully, it will give you a good idea of what kids remember when they grow up.

He taught me to ride a bike and roller skate, to tie my shoes and snap my fingers. Took me on my first roller coaster, and first ski run. Escorted me to father daughter dances and down the aisle on my wedding day. He’s been a part of my life for nearly 33 years... as long as I can remember really. Through all the ups and downs, he has been a constant for me.
My dna may say different, but the truth is, HE is my Dad.

I am so thankful for you and the unconditional love that you have shown me. I hope you know that I have thought of YOU as my dad for most of my life.
Today we got to make it official! Legally father and daughter!

[Kinnikinnick]

.......,


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[Kinnikinnick]

Never had my own but I did raise a beautiful little girl who, as a thirty-five-year-old woman, asked me to adopt her. What she said brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. Hopefully, it will give you a good idea of what kids remember when they grow up.

He taught me to ride a bike and roller skate, to tie my shoes and snap my fingers. Took me on my first roller coaster, and first ski run. Escorted me to father daughter dances and down the aisle on my wedding day. He’s been a part of my life for nearly 33 years... as long as I can remember really. Through all the ups and downs, he has been a constant for me.
My dna may say different, but the truth is, HE is my Dad.

I am so thankful for you and the unconditional love that you have shown me. I hope you know that I have thought of YOU as my dad for most of my life.
Today we got to make it official! Legally father and daughter!

Tear jerker!


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[I've seen black diamonds!]

Dang, Splat...

[tgapp]

damn, splat

is somebody chopping onions in here??

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[Garbowski]

Is she hot?

We had 3 au pairs (not at once...). Cheaper and way more convenient than daycare in Seattle if you have the extra room. We made do with a crib and then a car bed in our bedroom. We did have one turn around at the airport which screwed us over bad. We are pretty chill so never had major issues, but the other girls had some horror stories.

It's a funny system, sort of like online dating. My neighbor's advice was always to pick the hottest one, but my wife somehow always sent links to 5s or under. My buddy had a Bro Pair and he was awesome.

[riser4]

We had 3 au pairs (not at once...). Cheaper and way more convenient than daycare in Seattle if you have the extra room. We made do with a crib and then a car bed in our bedroom. We did have one turn around at the airport which screwed us over bad. We are pretty chill so never had major issues, but the other girls had some horror stories.

It's a funny system, sort of like online dating. My neighbor's advice was always to pick the hottest one, but my wife somehow always sent links to 5s or under. My buddy had a Bro Pair and he was awesome.

Nttawwt

[Tips^Up]

Here’s another thing I’ve noticed; having a few beers over the last few weeks has simply emphasized all the anxiety and not been very enjoyable. I’m like a 4 beers max in a week kind of guy but thinking about just abstaining for a while cuz it hasn’t been all that enjoyable. Anyone else feel like that?

Yes. In college, I used to think another drink would help me sleep better. Now, I'm 36, 21 month old baby girl and another one on the way (they'll be spaced just over 2 years if everything goes as planned). I have come to realize that I sleep shitty if I drink at all (easy to say after 3 Stone IPA's tonight...), and most nights, I need to cherish every moment of deep rest so drinking less and less.

A few of the posts on here made me nearly tear up. So weird and stupid but I love this little girl, a human that didn't even exist 2 years ago, so so much. We went nordic skiing today, she was in the backpack and my wife is lugging the bun up the hills (the 21 month old + pack weighs more, but who's counting). So fun to point out the birds, talk about aspens vs pine trees, she loves going fast downhill (can't wait to get her on a chairlift!). I used to be ambivalent to children, now I see a cute little kid or hear a heart warming dad story and tear up.

I've befriended a few badass local dudes on the other side - kids in or already out of college. Kids were top of their class, sports scholarships, entry jobs making more than me. I posed the same question to both of them - the kids are their own people, but surely the parents have something to do with their success - what did they do to set their kids on these paths? Both of them said just be there. Read to them. Talk to them about stuff. Take them camping, play in the dirt, introduce them to your hobbies, read to them. It's faster and easier to get them out of the way, but it's a long term investment that will pay off to involve them, even with little tasks.

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

[basinbeater]

My 8 year old told me in the car this morning that he loves going skiing with. Unsolicited. Bout 20 minutes into the ride, and you know what? I love going skiing with him. Two days ago, his tooth was so loose that he couldn't eat, and he was crying he was so hungry. So very quietly I wispered in his ear, that I could go with him to the bathroom right now, and I will pull it out. It will hurt a bit, but then it will begin to feel better and you can eat. I couldn't believe it, the little dude let me stick my hand in there and pull it right out. He was able to eat lunch.
My 5 year has struggled with the bike, not wanted to do it, because her cousins is better at it, and her older brother knows how to do it. She wanted to do it yesterday, and she can now start herself off. She was so happy and wanted to ride more and more and more yesterday. I almost felt bad that I couldn't because I was going to take the boy up the Jackson tram for the first time. Lotsa good being a dad. Yeah, they can be frustrating little shits, but the more good stuff you do with them, the less frustrating crap. Because they love you. They respect you. They look up to you. They make you be a better man. Long drive home to salt lake tomorrow, I'm sure they will be shits for like 2 hours of the drive.

Oh, and my kids love the rc cars and the rockets...

Oh and they're cute.

I just love em.

sent from Utah.

[Just Looking]

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

Ha ha ha. Sorry had to do that when I read your question. This is the part where you hope you married her for more than the sex. Like the whole kid thing, you really, both, have to work at it. It's not like when you can get a little time and go out to ski or bike, cause she has to have that little bit of time too. Becomes quite a challenge, but not impossible, communication is your friend. If there's a magic way, I'm all ears.

[TahoeJ]

^^ I laughed too. We have some bad news for you.

[Kailua_Boys]

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

hahahahahhahah. Oh boy. You haven't seen anything yet when there is only one child in the picture. But, Don't worry. You'll probably be so tired that it won't matter.

[bagtagley]

Sex when the kids are little is easy. It’s when they’re older, stay up late, and are nosy AF and know what sex is that it gets really difficult.

Can’t help with the preggo part. My wife was crazy horny during both pregnancies.

[yeahman]

Sex when the kids are little is easy. It’s when they’re older, stay up late, and are nosy AF and know what sex is that it gets really difficult.

Can’t help with the preggo part. My wife was crazy horny during both pregnancies.

This is true, with a couple of teens down the hall it gets tougher. Gotta just keep it kind of quiet. Besides, they got earpods in 90 percent of the time anyway. But discretion is good, you don't want to scar them for life listening to their parents having sex.

[TahoeJ]

Sex when the kids are little is easy. It’s when they’re older, stay up late, and are nosy AF and know what sex is that it gets really difficult.

Can’t help with the preggo part. My wife was crazy horny during both pregnancies.

Same, during. But not after. Not at all. And to be fair I totally get it.

[Sirshredalot]

Yes. In college, I used to think another drink would help me sleep better. Now, I'm 36, 21 month old baby girl and another one on the way (they'll be spaced just over 2 years if everything goes as planned). I have come to realize that I sleep shitty if I drink at all (easy to say after 3 Stone IPA's tonight...), and most nights, I need to cherish every moment of deep rest so drinking less and less.

A few of the posts on here made me nearly tear up. So weird and stupid but I love this little girl, a human that didn't even exist 2 years ago, so so much. We went nordic skiing today, she was in the backpack and my wife is lugging the bun up the hills (the 21 month old + pack weighs more, but who's counting). So fun to point out the birds, talk about aspens vs pine trees, she loves going fast downhill (can't wait to get her on a chairlift!). I used to be ambivalent to children, now I see a cute little kid or hear a heart warming dad story and tear up.

I've befriended a few badass local dudes on the other side - kids in or already out of college. Kids were top of their class, sports scholarships, entry jobs making more than me. I posed the same question to both of them - the kids are their own people, but surely the parents have something to do with their success - what did they do to set their kids on these paths? Both of them said just be there. Read to them. Talk to them about stuff. Take them camping, play in the dirt, introduce them to your hobbies, read to them. It's faster and easier to get them out of the way, but it's a long term investment that will pay off to involve them, even with little tasks.

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

Get laid now while you can, dude!

With a newborn and a 2 year old, you will be lucky of you're not too tired to rub one out to completion.

You've gotta give the post-partum hormones and sleep schedules time to recover before you actually get laid regularly.

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[yeahman]

Kind of a weird thing but when my wife and I had little kids and we were always so tired, we started giving each other what we called "5 minute massages" every night in bed. Just a little neck/shoulder massage for five or ten minutes apiece. Seems pretty minor but it's a nice way to stay kind of intimate on a daily basis without getting all worked up.

[Yonder_River]

It was no go zone the last three months before each kid came and three months after, for us. Now we schedule it or just know when we happen to be home at the same time during the day that it's gonna happen. Nightime is too unpredictable and we're tired. Making it a known and expected part of life has helped a lot. Park those kids in front of a screen, they don't know shit. And I am dreading here very soon where they become more aware like previous posters are mentioing..

[ExPowderSnob]

I never understood the accidental kid past the first planned one. I have heard about a couple of these. How the hell do you let that slip? I.U.D's, pills or a vasectomy, c'mon man! I finally visited Dr. Snip a few months ago, it was long overdue.

My swimmers are potent, twice in my life I have defeated the pill.

[TahoeJ]

It was no go zone the last three months before each kid came and three months after, for us. Now we schedule it or just know when we happen to be home at the same time during the day that it's gonna happen. Nightime is too unpredictable and we're tired. Making it a known and expected part of life has helped a lot. Park those kids in front of a screen, they don't know shit. And I am dreading here very soon where they become more aware like previous posters are mentioing..

Sky rockets in flight...

[Buster Highmen]

And I am dreading here very soon where they become more aware like previous posters are mentioning..

A drivers license helps.

On the whole, what worthwhile thing isn't terrifying to some degree? Especially here among this august wad of adrenalinics.
Any expectation that pending fatherhood won't be saturated with anxiety and fatigue is crazy, unrealistic and fantasy.

Being stressed about it is expected. And rewarded.

So don't forget, we're pulling for you and we're all in this together.

[XXX-er]

My swimmers are potent, twice in my life I have defeated the pill.

yeah but I was potent enough to impregnate post vasectomy, Doc said to me "whatever you had you should have been selling " which was small consulation, there are a few doz hot shots left in thar if the condom breaks

i figure THE very last sperm in there must have turned off the lights and swam on to glory,

so thru biological selection/survival of the fittest was that last sperm really special or smart or sft, what was going on ? He never ever did anything wrong ever, had straight A's from the age of 10 until uni where he put himself thru uni

[SkiLyft]

Bumping this up — 5 months in and honestly I can say she has changed me for the better! The wife and I are both back to work, and Ember is in day care and slaying it! Initially, it was a bit strange but what we have noticed is that when we bring her home we both get to spend 2 hours really focused on her vs feeling like we are ragged from being on baby duty all day!

Ended up getting back in counseling for 2 months which really helped — I was processing a lot and that helped massively. Specifically dealing with how to be more emotionally present and not wanting to emulate what my own father has done/is doing!

Pics for stoke!


First flight


4th of July


Whoever said read each night; great advice. Usually it’s me reading but here is a cute pic of MrsSkiLyft and LilSkiLyft



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[BC13]

Great pictures! It is a busy time of life, but the very best.

Read and sing every night. Mine wanted us to sing to them until they were 10+.

Enjoy it all!

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[waveshello]

Great update! My wife and I had our first this year too... Baby girl. She's almost six months now. All day baby duty is exhausting in a way I've never experienced before. I'm on 4 10s right now, so I try to give my wife some time back on Friday and over the weekend.

Kudos to you for taking on some of those family of origin issues. That's so important. I am so hopeful to not repeat some of the generational garbage that has perpetuated in my family. Seems like raising a small human brings all of it right to the surface.

Also kudos to both of ya for getting that first flight out of the way--hope that was a good experience!

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