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  1. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by St. Jerry View Post
    The other morning I was awoken to "Daddy, my fart fell on the floor"
    Lessons you learn when you're young but also apply when you're old: Never trust a fart.

  2. #27
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    The Kashi Go Lean crunch is a known offender for horrendous gas and stomach problems for a lot of people (me included) and this has basically the same ingredients, I'd be careful letting her eat that stuff going forward. Supposedly it's the inulin in the chicory root fiber that's the culprit. Some people are fine with it and some are very much not.

  3. #28
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    DJSapp is online now (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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    18 years old, working at the local megaplex as a popcorn sweeper. One of the larger 400 seat theaters empties out from whatever summer blockbuster was playing and as the 3 of us are waiting at the door to go in and clean, a little old lady with a walker slowly shuffles out. She's maybe 30' from the theater door, about halfway to the snack bar and stops. We're looking at her to see if she's ok and she starts shaking her right leg. A massive brown snake falls out from under her dress and hits the floor. A fucking python. Like 14" long and girthy. She gives it a slight glance, looks back at us and keeps walking across the lobby and out the door. Doesn't say a fucking word.

    The 3 of us are in a bit of disbelief until the smell hits us and the reality of what just happened sinks in. With a glance to each other, we all hightail it into the theater. About the same time the snack bar manager sees it and gets on the radio looking for the floor team to clean it up. We gave that theater the best deep cleaning it's ever received while we pray someone else handles the turd. We come out of the theater 10 minutes later and walk right into the snack bar manager mopping us said spot. He starts ripping us because we weren't there to clean it up and he had to pull one of his folks to help him deal with it. Sorry man, we had our radios down because we were in the theater and didn't hear the call (SOP when credits are rolling). Floor manager (who hates snack bar manager) corners us later to ask us about it since it happened on our side of the complex. We tell him the real story and he laughs it off and says yeah, I'd do the same thing.
    Fat fuck bubbas are not erosion.

  4. #29
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    Well, that’s a shitty story.
    Forum Cross Pollinator

  5. #30
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    No shame there. I shit myself in middle school wrestling practice, and saw at least 2 other instances of wrestlers shitting themselves, 1 during a match.

    Also, during HS football my center shit himself at the beginning of the 3rd quarter one game and i had to take snaps the rest of the game from that poopy behind. Not super pleasant. 4 years later i got blackout drunk at his house, passed out in a bathroom and apparently tried to shit but fell off the toilet and beer-shitted everywhere. Upon coming to at dawn the next morning i hastily cleaned up a little, wrapped a towel around my waist and bounced. I figure we are even now.

  6. #31
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    My old honda VF750 v-4 engine had a complicated cluster of 4 cv carbs in a v. One day I was rejetting them for the first time, so I was really concentrating on all the little parts and not dropping anything or getting anything wrong when I shit my pants on a liquid fart I should not have trusted.

    I was not at a point of this process where I could leave this without messing up the job, so I got to a breaking point and went to take a shower and change my clothes.

    I go out to finish, get all into the same complicated little intricate needles and jets and gaskets and stuff, totally concentrating, and do the exact same god damn thing...shit myself with a liquid fart I didn’t even think about because I was concentrating so hard.

    Unbelievable.

  7. #32
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    I’m going to be singing “oooh no, there goes Tokyo!” all morning

    I hope your kiddo bounces back in class & whatever bug it was just quickly passes...

    I appreciate the poop gotta-laugh/sympathy...as we’re in a life stage for our senior dog for whom we’re now sanitizing each spot he gets up from

  8. #33
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  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJSapp View Post
    18 years old, working at the local megaplex as a popcorn sweeper. One of the larger 400 seat theaters empties out from whatever summer blockbuster was playing and as the 3 of us are waiting at the door to go in and clean, a little old lady with a walker slowly shuffles out. She's maybe 30' from the theater door, about halfway to the snack bar and stops. We're looking at her to see if she's ok and she starts shaking her right leg. A massive brown snake falls out from under her dress and hits the floor. A fucking python. Like 14" long and girthy. She gives it a slight glance, looks back at us and keeps walking across the lobby and out the door. Doesn't say a fucking word.

    The 3 of us are in a bit of disbelief until the smell hits us and the reality of what just happened sinks in. With a glance to each other, we all hightail it into the theater. About the same time the snack bar manager sees it and gets on the radio looking for the floor team to clean it up. We gave that theater the best deep cleaning it's ever received while we pray someone else handles the turd. We come out of the theater 10 minutes later and walk right into the snack bar manager mopping us said spot. He starts ripping us because we weren't there to clean it up and he had to pull one of his folks to help him deal with it. Sorry man, we had our radios down because we were in the theater and didn't hear the call (SOP when credits are rolling). Floor manager (who hates snack bar manager) corners us later to ask us about it since it happened on our side of the complex. We tell him the real story and he laughs it off and says yeah, I'd do the same thing.
    There's was a security video of a woman doing that in an office building a while back.
    It doesn't matter if you're a king or a little street sweeper...
    ...sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper
    -Death

    Quote Originally Posted by St. Jerry View Post
    The other morning I was awoken to "Daddy, my fart fell on the floor"
    Kaz is my co-pilot

  10. #35
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    Shit stories, yeah!

    My 6 year old girl drops bombs that clog toilets. It's remarkable. It's like she has somehow nullified the conservation of mass theory by shitting more than she eats. When we moved recently, I specifically ripped out the old toilets and put in TOTOs that could suck a christmas ham through a small caliber gun barrel just for her. Maybe one day I will discuss it at her wedding.

    I have a ton of these stories but my proudest was shitting into a pringles can, popping holes in the lid and leaving it behind a radiator in my buddy's camp bunkhouse during a HS trip. There was a full 24 hours of confusion and research until the staff basically gave up and had to relocate the entire group in that cabin. My buddy had to sleep in the mess hall on a cot. Sorry Jason.

  11. #36
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    i was thinking yesterday about how its been awhile since i shit myself. i was probably 11 or so the last time. i figure i'm due in the next few years. every decade-15 or so maybe?
    you don't want no smoke.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Art Shirk View Post

    I have a ton of these stories but my proudest was shitting into a pringles can, popping holes in the lid and leaving it behind a radiator in my buddy's camp bunkhouse during a HS trip. There was a full 24 hours of confusion and research until the staff basically gave up and had to relocate the entire group in that cabin. My buddy had to sleep in the mess hall on a cot. Sorry Jason.
    I worked with a guy that had uni stories of when they used to hide turds in peoples houses during parties. Likes guys that would order a pizza, remove the pizza from the box, drop a log in the box, and return the pizza to said box. Or push the margarine out of the container and shit in the container and then replace the margarine. Apparently the guy didn't find that turd until a few days later.
    It doesn't matter if you're a king or a little street sweeper...
    ...sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper
    -Death

    Quote Originally Posted by St. Jerry View Post
    The other morning I was awoken to "Daddy, my fart fell on the floor"
    Kaz is my co-pilot

  13. #38
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    Ohh no he shit the dojo

    Quote Originally Posted by californiagrown View Post
    No shame there. I shit myself in middle school wrestling practice, and saw at least 2 other instances of wrestlers shitting themselves, 1 during a match.

    Also, during HS football my center shit himself at the beginning of the 3rd quarter one game and i had to take snaps the rest of the game from that poopy behind. Not super pleasant. 4 years later i got blackout drunk at his house, passed out in a bathroom and apparently tried to shit but fell off the toilet and beer-shitted everywhere. Upon coming to at dawn the next morning i hastily cleaned up a little, wrapped a towel around my waist and bounced. I figure we are even now.
    Our hockey goalie in high school, who was a senior at the time, shit himself on the ice during practice. He owned it so well we couldn’t even make fun of him for it.

    Your second story sounds exactly like one of my roommates in college. Will never forgot the poop prints leading from the bathroom to his room.

    Poop stories are awesome and everyone’s got em. I mean, can anyone truthfully say they haven’t shit themselves as an adult? Maybe I’m in the minority here...

  14. #39
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    Oct 2014
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    In college I was at a party a few blocks from home. My body and beer aren't great friends. It was a kegger.

    I thought it'd be a great night, and had some brand new running shoes on, in the cold snowy, icy winter. Suddenly, I had to go, like absolute punishment of porcelain bad. I knew I couldn't do it there, and had to get home. I could make it, I thought, it was three blocks. I got myself together, coat on, and I'm off. I'd be back there within 30 minutes I thought, no one would know.

    Walking was uncomfortable, I was doing my best to keep it together, and had to pause and stop to keep things together every 40-50 feet. It was getting worse. I was fighting my own body at this point. I was going up a hill which was within a block of the house. I thought, I could do this, I can make it!

    I looked up, saw my place, and there was a little bit of relief in my body.

    At the same time, my pants were suddenly warm, and it ran down my leg.

    I ran. Up the hill, in the front door, straight to the basement.

    Clothes straight into washer, me straight into the shower. Shoes ruined.

    I don't know if any of my room mates knew what happened to this day, as at least 4 of them were home.
    Quote Originally Posted by jlboyell View Post
    Climate change deniers should be in the same boat as the flat earthers, ridiculed for stupidity.

  15. #40
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    Why couldn’t you shit at your buddy’s house?


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  16. #41
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    What I'm learning from the other thread is how handy it is to own a lab if any shit accidents happen.

    Dojo Doggo?

  17. #42
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    When my older son was about 6 or 7, we went camping at some remote pond or lake in the Adirondacks ( not upstate ), it was super hot out and we swam a lot, we kept telling him to not drink the water... he didn’t quite get why he shouldn’t. Towards the end of the trip as we are packing things up, he comes out of the tent and before he could say a word, a flood of beaver fever shits happen. Pouring down both legs, filled his shoes, just awful. Back in the lake he went.

    I’ll never forget the look on his face. He probably never drank pond water again tho.

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by AK47bp View Post
    Never realized the name is “Go Flow”.

    Makes sense.

    Attachment 364779


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    I love that stuff. I can crush an entire box in a single sitting if I happen to have the munchies. My colon is the strongest muscle in my body.
    "Hakuna matata, motherfucker!"

  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Art Shirk View Post
    Shit stories, yeah!

    My 6 year old girl drops bombs that clog toilets. It's remarkable. It's like she has somehow nullified the conservation of mass theory by shitting more than she eats.
    This.
    My daughter was an absolute pro and clogged it every damn time. I guess she didn’t like to poop and would save it up for that fantastic blow out for years.
    Apparently I gave her a complex after a while with my commentary. The wife to this day hates me for the jokes as she was then the only one to unclog the toilet. I wasn’t allowed in to help any longer.
    "boobs just make the world better really" - Woodsy

  20. #45
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    My daughter is also a clog pro and we also bought a special toilet. And as a bonus it can handle most of the abuse I throw at it.

  21. #46
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    I finally learned my lesson and gave up eating that kashi stuff, tastes good and seems healthy but would tear me to pieces.

    Quote Originally Posted by GSinister View Post
    Years ago, when my wife and I were remodeling our kitchen, we were looking at cabinets at a large hardware store. We brought our young daughter along with us. She was just learning how to use the potty. All of a sudden, we heard her her call out, "I'm done." We run in to the next aisle to find her sitting on a display toilet. She was so proud of herself! The salesman, not so much.....
    that's some funny shit
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "I'd eat a bag of Dicks and wash it down with a Coke any day." - iceman

  22. #47
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    Have a similar bar/beer/wasted story.

    Can't even recall how many days drinking it had been, but I know I had been up since 10am at the bar. Fast forward to moving from one party to another..stomach just wasn't having it..ducked behind some detached garage, shit out my guts, took off boxers, wiped up and left em behind. Back to drinking.

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    I wish i could be like SkiFishBum

  23. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by AK47bp View Post
    Why couldn’t you shit at your buddy’s house?
    Well, that would have been weird.

  24. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carl_Mega View Post
    Well, that would have been weird.
    thats fair
    you don't want no smoke.

  25. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carl_Mega View Post
    Well, that would have been weird.
    Tell that to his brand new pair of ruined shoes.

    Never be too proud to shit at a house party. Unless you’re a chick, that’s gross.


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