Post Your Stripper Stories Here

[gearhunter]

So, it was like 1995 and I was planting trees in northern BC. We were in PG and there was a bar there, which for the life of me I cannot remember the name of. Pretty sure it and the hotel it was attached to burnt to the ground a few years ago. We were in town raising hell on days off, a whole bunch of dirty fucking pot smoking tree planting dirt bags. We show up at this bar, whatever the fuck it was called and it was fresh meat night. The strippers did the circuit in northern BC, pretty sure it was a Tuesday night. We dirty boys and girls all in perv row, yelling and drinking. All I could think of when I witnessed what was going on was that this bar and the strippers we had seen was where old hookers go to retire and die. So out stumbles this 50 year old, very, very drunk stripper who looks at us dirty vagrants and growls deeply at the top of her lungs..."Who wants to see my pussy?"

Well, it was one of the funniest and weirdest things I have ever witnessed. We all went fucking crazy and she put on one hell of a dirty fucking show.

Ah, the vagrancies of youth.

[BC13]

One Saturday night in Tremblant...

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[ntblanks]

inspired thread Timberridge

[BobMc]

I’ve never been a strip club guy, I feel sympathy for the girls and wonder what went wrong to get them there. Yeah, I’m a big pussy, it is what it is.

That said, back in the early 90’s I used to buy weed from a dude whose wife was a stripper. Weird scene, dude had all kinds of pics blown up poster sized of his wife bent over spread out throughout the house. They had three small kids running around every time I went over there, seemingly oblivious to their Mom’s snatch adorning damn near every wall in the joint. It was like walking through the Georgia O’Keeffe museum.

[wolfelot]

Fellow Mag Skirotica knows one of my stories. It’s a goodie.

[Core Shot]

Attachment 356601

Oh...stripPer....never mind

That ain’t legal

You can’t keep a stripper like that

[Phall]

Pales in comparison to most of these, but Jtran and I left VT for the Mormon filled splendor of UT in 2010. We headed south on a long road trip and were in New Orleans. Now mind you, we’re both fairly innocent Yankees who’s only transgressions were drunkenly trying to get with too many girls at UVM parties. So we get to NO, we’re walking around, drinking, eating, and smoking cigars on that wonderful rue bourbon. A random guy hands us some “free enterance” cards to a strip club and neither of us had ever been to one, so we head in. Jtran’ genius idea is to hang out by the dirty video games in the back and just look over our shoulders so we don’t have to spend any cash on the dancers. I reluctantly agree, but order two bud lites from the waitress. He freaks out saying “that’s gonna be like $20!”. Being already drunk broke ski bums, we run out before she brings the beers and sprint down rue bourbon for probably 1/4 of a mile thinking the bouncers are chasing us. Not nearly as exciting or dirty, but comical. I proceed to find a heavy metal bar that has $3 PBRs and we almost get in a fist fight because he hates the fact there’s a dog in the bar. Still friends to this day.


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[warthog]

Well I live near Tampa, and I have been to Key West about 30+ times. There are stories.

[DJSapp]

Names omitted to protect, well, a lot of co-workers.

SoCal. 20xx. We're in the final push to wrap up a big job in the valley. Big boss man is building a custom house and says to the group 'Hey, I need to go down to Mexico to pick out some doors. Why don't we make a weekend out of it?' I say I'm in. Other co-workers book two houses. Off we go. 8 of us in a couple trucks to Rosarito/Puerto Nuevo. Me, Big Boss, Other Coworker, No Neck, Buck Tooth, Captn, Loaner and The Kid.

Drinking. Lots of that. Surfing. More drinking. Tacos. Bunch of drunk contractors looking for a good time. Then Boss Man says the taxi is here. Going to Bada Bing. I don't know what a Bada Bing is, but we're all going. A 15 minute Mexican taxi ride later we're there and unloading. The Kid pukes in the planter right by the door. Not sure how/why they even let us in after that, but it happened. Within 30 seconds of walking in, Loaner, Buck Tooth and Captn grab girls and go straight to the back room. Gone. I'm like, WTF is this place? I've been in strip clubs before but that isn't a thing. Everyone else except Big Boss each pull up our own island while the big boss cruises the place. Bar service rolls around and we all buy shots for each other, apparently. Waitress returns with 4 shots per person because we're idiots and can't coordinate. Change is given in fake construction paper 'Bada Bing' bucks. Shots of watered down "Patron" are crushed, beers in bottles ordered. It became a sport to buy a $5 lap dance for your buddy with the girl they'd like the least, but because it was Mexico, you paid the bouncer/DJ and the girl went and danced for whomever you pointed at. There was no saying no, and they had a range from 2-7 with lots of botched plastique work.

As this was going down, Big Boss told Other Coworker that we need to get some of these girls to come to the house tomorrow to dance and serve us beer while we play poker. Other coworker with the help of big boss takes this on and is now trying to solicit girls in broken spanglish to come over tomorrow for money. We keep sending them $5 dances just to fuck with them as they're trying to broker a deal. After some time at the stage and in my drunken state, my dream girl arrived onstage. I got up and took her to the private booth the second she was done before she could get sidetracked. Apparently she wasn't happy about it because she wanted to towel off and get a drink. I wasn't having it, but it worked out as I threw $40 at her and said let's go.

So in Mexico, there aren't so many rules. Hands are pretty much free to do whatever. I didn't know that until this girl was offended that I wasn't touching her. Thought I was being an asshole and wasn't into her. Well shit, you don't have to ask me twice. Eventually she tells me that's it and I'm upset because I learned about the hands policy way too late. I try to give her some bada bing bucks to bring her back, but that doesn't fly. I stumble out of the booth (apparently I was gone for something like 30 minutes) and the crew has two beers and a shot waiting for me because they kept ordering for everyone. I'm yelling about these bullshit bada bing bucks and I'm out of cash and it's all bullshit. They've robbed us. No-neck coworker tells me to shut the fuck up and crush that shot + beer with him. I do that.

No-neck and I go pull up islands again and try to put the construction paper bada bing bucks into some g-strings which wasn't going over well. Girls are calling the bouncers over to explain this to us. Suddenly we see a lot of commotion from the other side of the club and it's Bucktooth and Captn! After 90 minutes? I don't know. There's a lot of yelling. Big Boss gets up and shouts 'Where's Loaner?' Bucktooth points back from the room where he came from and shouted something. Clearly not good things. Meanwhile, No-neck has taken his shirt off and is now dancing on the stage right next to me, swinging on the pole. The bouncers don't even know which way to turn and I'm now too drunk to function. Other coworker and the Kid give each other a knowing look and say 'time to go.' They scoop me up. I remember seeing no-neck sliding across the stage as I was being carried out. Maybe he was sliding under his own power, maybe it was the bouncers. I black out from here.

I'm told that on the taxi ride back I turned green rather quickly. The Captn saw this and started shouting at me and commanding me not to hurl and channeled his inner drill sergeant. The taxi driver saw my face and pulled over on the side of the highway and the group managed to get me to spew out of the side of the van.

The next afternoon, 3 of the girls arrived at the gated community guard shack. Apparently Other Coworker managed to broker a deal, but that's a different story that won't get told here.

[SkierPanier]

another friend got into a long term relationship and got engaged with one of the strippers, they moved in together. Her coworkers would come over. We’d also go pick her up from her shift, it’s weird seeing every nook and cranny of your buddy’s fiancé.

Didn’t work out in the end.

As I type this I’m realizing I used to be a dirtbag.


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How does it feel? Only weird?

[Timberridge]

I’ve never been a strip club guy, I feel sympathy for the girls and wonder what went wrong to get them there. Yeah, I’m a big pussy, it is what it is.

That said, back in the early 90’s I used to buy weed from a dude whose wife was a stripper. Weird scene, dude had all kinds of pics blown up poster sized of his wife bent over spread out throughout the house. They had three small kids running around every time I went over there, seemingly oblivious to their Mom’s snatch adorning damn near every wall in the joint. It was like walking through the Georgia O’Keeffe museum.

I'm not either, but I used to get dragged along. I had a boss years ago who was an aficionado. I haven't been to one in 25 years.

I think the people to feel sympathy for are the guys who go there. They spend tons of money at these clubs for overpriced drinks and a glimpse of pussy. A vast majority of the girls that work in the better establishments are savvy salespeople who view what they do much the same as being an actress. Then others are there because they have a drug problem or some other issue and it's easy money.

[whipski]

pretty much only hit the clubs in association with a bachelor party. best two stories were New Orleans and Key West.
Thanks for the mammarys!

[Caucasian Asian]

So, it was like 1995 and I was planting trees in northern BC. We were in PG and there was a bar there, which for the life of me I cannot remember the name of. Pretty sure it and the hotel it was attached to burnt to the ground a few years ago. We were in town raising hell on days off, a whole bunch of dirty fucking pot smoking tree planting dirt bags. We show up at this bar, whatever the fuck it was called and it was fresh meat night. The strippers did the circuit in northern BC, pretty sure it was a Tuesday night. We dirty boys and girls all in perv row, yelling and drinking. All I could think of when I witnessed what was going on was that this bar and the strippers we had seen was where old hookers go to retire and die. So out stumbles this 50 year old, very, very drunk stripper who looks at us dirty vagrants and growls deeply at the top of her lungs..."Who wants to see my pussy?"

Well, it was one of the funniest and weirdest things I have ever witnessed. We all went fucking crazy and she put on one hell of a dirty fucking show.

Ah, the vagrancies of youth.

That actually sounds like every Monday night at the Roadhouse in Golden.

[stealurface831]

frank is such a stripper husband name.
not sure what this means exactly for all the franks out there.

[Timberridge]

It may not have been the "sorta" husband. Perhaps it was Frank Reich coming for a booty call?

[Mazderati]

[stealurface831]

It may not have been the "sorta" husband. Perhaps it was Frank Reich coming for a booty call?

this is not out of the question.

[half-fast]

Op’s story reminds me of a scene from a movie. Can’t recall what movie

[From_the_NEK]

Now mind you, we’re both fairly innocent Yankees who’s only transgressions were drunkenly trying to get with too many girls at UVM parties.

Wait... You went to UVM and never ventured north to Montreal and St Catherine's St?

2004 a group of co-workers all in our 20's all head to Montreal to catch an Expos game before they leave town. The night after the game we headed out into the city and start hopping around the strip clubs. This was my first time in the Montreal clubs (I had been to Sherbrooke a couple times during college). This particular trip I saw a lot more than I had ever seen before . The strippers in that city are impressive.
Late in the evening we were at one of the smaller venues. One of my buddies bought me a private dance. I knew that touching the strippers was against many rules. I was letting the stripper do her thing and I noticed she was limping a bit. She said she had sprained her ankle waling around in her stripper heels. Conversation continued which led to me giving her advice on how to support her ankle and other treatments which would help for a quicker recovery (as an athlete, I had dealt with my share of twisted/sprained ankles). She was very appreciative, then she grabbed my hands and slapped them firmly on her tits. I had never directly felt fake titties before. It was and interesting feeling since they were so dense (I have since developed a preference for real). She really finished off the private dance in style. Being the prude I am, I was afraid to pursue any activities after hours even though she seemed quite willing to do anything I wanted. I gave her a sizable tip as this was the last stop of the night and we headed out.

Then there is the White River Junction strip joint that I went to with a bachelor party full of former Norwich Football players. Let's just say the strippers were not on the level of those in Montreal.

[BmillsSkier]

Speaking of Montreal, anyone remember Chantal, the ball girl for the Expos? She was an easy ski town 10 and possibly had a side gig in one of those places.

[Phall]

Wait... You went to UVM and never ventured north to Montreal and St Catherine's St?

Sadly no, most of my Montreal trips were for metal shows, and I was usually too blacked out to do much after the shows let out. Ever been to Planet Rock in Barre? It's always intrigued me, strictly due to some stories I've heard.

[From_the_NEK]

Sadly no, most of my Montreal trips were for metal shows, and I was usually too blacked out to do much after the shows let out. Ever been to Planet Rock in Barre? It's always intrigued me, strictly due to some stories I've heard.

I never ventured to "Scary Barre's" strip club. I too heard many stories of that place.

[MyNameIsAugustWest]

I'm originally from Barre...good call.

So, I'm in the military. We have to deliver a Quarterly Training Brief in Savannah. On St. Patrick's Day (the St. Patty's Day party in Savannah rivals any in the nation. So my buddy and I grab a helicopter and fly from Kentucky down to Savannah and get the lay of the land the day before the QTB. The morons in Savannah tell us they got us hooked up with a great deal on lodging. In Hilton Head, SC. Hilton Head in March is not a happening spot but we knew better than to drive an hour after partying in Savannah; no hotel rooms available within walking distance of River Street in Savannah. So there's 6 of us hanging out in this condo and my co-pilot buddy says, let's go to the strip club. I'm not that into it but as a young lad, did spend a fair amount of time on Rue St. Catherine. I figured it was better than sitting around a condo drinking Bud Lights watching the early rounds of March Madness with a bunch of dudes.

So off we go. Ladies in the strip club were solid 8-9. My buddy and I are just hanging at the bar and this one stripper keeps giving him the eye. She finally comes over and says, "You were my husband's Tac Officer in Warrant Officer Candidate School (think basic training for helicopter pilots). So of course I buy my buddy a lap dance with this chick. He wanted to kill me. That was the extent of the thrilling evening...or so I thought.

When we get back to KY, I walk into my office to find a hat from the Strip Club displayed prominently on my desk. My boss walks by and says, nice hat. I tell him that it was from a place we bought helicopter fuel from. He was so naive, he bought it. My buddy had bought the hat and was hoping to embarrass me in front of the boss because of the lap dance I bought him with his former charge's wife. From that point on, every trip we went on, we had to go to strip clubs and buy hats. We travelled a lot. By the end of that year, I probably had 20 strip club hats hung up around my office. My boss kept asking how we knew which FBOs to stop at that had hats; he never caught on. I think my favorite was the one from the Great Alaska Bush Company because it had a bush plane on it. Made the story more plausible.

ETA: Finest strippers in the world are in Montreal.

[neufox47]

I was at a bachelor party in Northern Wisconsin. There was a strip club called the Great Outdoors or something 45 minutes away. After a day of jet boating and drinking (probably about as dangerous as center pointing a bowl on a high avy day), we decided to head to this fine establishment. The groom passed out in the truck on the way over, after about 15 minutes of shaking, slapping and throwing water on him he came to. The bouncer had reservations about letting him in but “he’s the groom!”. So he made an economic decision and let him in. The bar was owned by a stripper who used to be a “big deal” and there were pictures of her from 20+ years ago all over the bar. At 45+ hard years she may have been the hottest one there except for the one black chick they imported from Milwaukee. The best way to describe the strippers is that if you cast them in a movie no one would believe anyone paid them to get naked.

As a result no one really wanted anything to do with the strippers so it became a game of getting the strippers to go after the other guys. But we were by far the high rollers in the club. Our one friend Rusty, had a severely broken ankle and was on crutches was trying to lay low. He was also one of the pickiest guys I know, who only dated smoking hot chicks, but Rusty was no 10 or millionaire, so they always had BAGGAGE. Well Rusty is posted up off to the side and this chick, who was easily 200 lbs with huge baby stretch marks and tits down to her belly button, saunters onto stage and starts to do the nasty. She starts coming around to where everyone is sitting and we grab Rusty’s crutches so he can’t go anywhere and start throwing money at her. She pounced on Rusty like a lion on a wounded gazelle and rode him like a cowboy on a bucking bronco. At the end of his “dance” Rusty had a wet spot on his leg from something that came out of her vagina and it smelled awful. We all gave him shit that he came himself and he was really into her.

Then it was the grooms turn so we all through in some money and ended up with like $350. We were pretty sure he was black out and wouldn’t remember this anyways. We grabbed two of the “best looking” strippers and the grooms idiot brother says what can we get for $350? The one girl looks at the other and says, “well we can blow him but I don’t know if he can get it up”. Another guy with a functioning brain is like no no no no, how about you just bring him up on stage and do some normal bachelor shit for $200? They were pumped. So they bring him up on stage. It starts with him sitting in this big chair getting a lap dance and progresses to him on the ground with one sitting on his face (Booner style, I thought he might suffocate), while the other rides his junk, one girl has her hand down his pants. Shit normal strip clubs with attractive women are not going to do. Then one takes off his belt and the other whips out some handcuffs and gets him handcuffed to the big chair. The stripper with the belt in hand pulls down his pants and says, “I’m going to teach you something about marriage”. She starts rubbing his ass, then smacks it with her hand, so we are thinking ok not too bad, then she stands up and whips his ass with his own belt as hard as she could. I think she crow hopped for the first one. There was no delay and she gave him about 10 whacks on his ass and lower back. She wrapped the belt around her hand once so there was about 2.5’ of leather to swing and she swung HARD.

I think she poured all her anger towards a terrible father, bad boyfriends and her general anger towards men into each of those strokes. Even being wasted he felt it and began trying to get up. We started protesting after the first few smacks but she got all 10 in. Groom had big angry welts on his ass and back. We’re like, bride is definitely going to see those in 36 hours. They then took him in the back room (they didn’t even bother to call it a champagne room) and did something. The next day he was struggling to remember but he was like, I’m pretty sure she sucked my dick for a while but everything is hazy.

Then the night got nuts, one guy we’ll call him JJ, had decided to put all his effort into a clothed bartender (by far the hottest chick in the bar but NOT a stripper). He’s offering her top dollar to show some skin or for a lap dance but she’s like no way, I have a boyfriend, he’ll be super mad if I did, etc. she liked him though and is flirting back and he’s throwing her big tips and getting wasted. I don’t know JJ well but he’s a big talker and he was warned not to start any shit before we go in. Next thing we know we hear JJ yelling at this skin headed biker dude who looks like he probably sells meth. JJ pushes someone else who was trying to calm things down, someone falls over and chaos ensues. The bouncer weighs in and is pulling people off, he grabs the bikers arm, and JJ gets a clumsy swing in and hits him above the eye. Biker dude starts loosing it and the bouncer starts yelling at him, “you’re on probation dude, it’s not worth it.” While trying to hold him back, biker dude has a knife out now and accidentally cuts the bouncer mildly. Biker dude is bartender chicks boyfriend.

Turns out biker dude walked in sees her flirting with JJ and doesn’t have a problem with it. Bartender introduces them and says, “this is my boyfriend I was telling you about.” Biker dude smirks at JJ like you maybe giving her money but I’m taking her home, so JJ says, “this piece of trash is your boyfriend? Just a word of advice but you shouldn’t fuck losers.” Smart JJ smart.

Somehow the bleeding bouncer convinces Biker to settle down and go to the back with his GF. Bouncer tells us to GTFO and takes me and another dude aside and says, “dude your buddy almost got killed, that dude is high up with the Outlaws. The only reason I even intervened is he told me not to let him do some stupid shit because he’s on probation and goes away for 10 years for the old crime if he commits a new crime. Get the fuck out of here before he decides to to fuck you guys up anyway.” We are stumbling back to the truck (we had 1 dd), and JJ starts randomly yelling “fuck that biker pussy, where you at bitch?” We are pushing JJ toward the truck and suddenly biker dude charges out of the brush, slams JJ into the truck and puts a knife to his throat. JJ starts crying, apologizing, and blubbering, “I’m sorry I’m sorry I was just messing around. I didn’t mean it.” Biker dude says, “who’s the pussy now, look at all your preppy pussy friends standing around not doing shit” Knees JJ in the nuts and stomach, then soccer kicks JJ in the stomach while he’s on the ground. “You’re lucky I’m on probation or I’d fucking kill you.” Bartender comes running out yelling stop stop you’re going to go to jail.

I’m thinking holy shit, he almost got us all killed. We throw JJ into the back of the pickup (there were 10 of us 5 in the cab 5 in the bed and GTFO. JJ is now mad at us because we didn’t back him up. What a douche bag.


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[Timberridge]

ETA: Finest strippers in the world are in Montreal.

During the rah rah days of $100 oil prices Houston was pleasant surprise the few times I got dragged along.