Who’s got jokes?

[Benny Profane]

Every year I deal with my Thanksgiving food addiction by going cold turkey.

[basinbeater]

What do you call a mormon gynecologist?
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A box elder.

sent from Utah.

[basinbeater]

What does a baby in a microwave smell like?
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I don't know, I was too busy jerking off.


sent from Utah.

[basinbeater]

A little old, but still funny I think,

What is the difference between Sarah palins mouth and her vagina?
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Not EVERYTHING that comes out of her vagina is retarded.

sent from Utah.

[dan_pdx]

Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a would-be assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts 'Mickey Mouse!' This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, 'Great job, but what in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?' Blushing, the agent replies, 'I got nervous. I meant to shout 'Donald, duck!'

[schindlerpiste]

Since it was inevitable that Polly ass hat reared its little head in this thread

[TBS]

An Italian, a Spaniard and a Cajun were arguing about the best bars
The Italian sez "Guiseppe's in Genoa is absolutely the best. You sit down at the bar and they present you with a flight of wines, with a huge antipasti. For free. You can then pick which of the wines you may want to try more of."

The Spaniard sez "Meh. At Rodrigo's in Barcelona, there's a flight of 15 sherries waiting as you sit down, along with a great selection of tapas. Free for the first hour you are there."

The Cajun sez "At Boudreau's in Plaquemine Parish, you walk in, they give you three free tequila shots, then take you in the back and you get laid."

The Italian and Spaniard were a little taken aback. They asked "how often has this happened to you?"

"Oh, never for me, but it happens all the time with my sister."

[Fadeenad]

And here you can cheer yourself up

[The AD]

A woman runs into a golf clubhouse, sees the golf pro and says "Oh my God, I just got stung by a bee and I'm allergic!" Pro says "Just calm down. Where did it sting you?" Lady replies "between the first and second hole!" Pro replies "Okay, for starters your stance is too wide..."

[Benny Profane]

A man arrives in heaven and says "God, I prayed to be saved from COVID, but I caught it and died anyway. Why didn't you answer my prayers?" God answered, "But, I did. I sent you Dr. Fauci."

[Powder Ho]

What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?













You can't hear a vitamin.

[Meadow Skipper]

Dad joke:
A duck walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist, standing behind the counter, is slightly stunned as he watches the duck waddle up. When it gets to the counter the duck says to the pharmacist “A tube of chapstick please.” Still kind of stunned, the pharmacist gets some chapstick and shrugs, saying to the duck “That’ll be $1.69.” The duck says “Put it on my bill.”

After the kids leave, here’s the follow up.
The next day, at the same pharmacy, a different duck walks in and waddles up to the counter. The pharmacist is all like, wtf? And the duck says to him “I need a pack of condoms.” So the pharmacist figures okay, and gets some condoms. Says to the duck “That’ll be $5.95. I suppose you want me to put it on your bill?” The duck looks at him hard and says “Sorry, I’m not that kind of duck.”

[refried]

Daddy mole, Mommy mole, and baby mole are going down the mole hole, Daddy mole stops short, what do Mommy mole and Baby mole smell?




Molasses

[The AD]

Have you guys ever heard how Canada got its name? The explorers couldn't agree on what to name their new territory, so they decided to draw letters from a hat. They shuffled it up, pulled 3 letters, and read them out: "C, eh, N, eh, D, eh."

And then they said "sweet, that's done, let drink some Champlain!"

[Viva]

What does a Muslim child say after being caught stealing for the second time?

"Look mom, no hands."


What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?

A Mosquito.


What the worst thing a muslim father can do?

Give his son the wrong backpack.

[mikahawkins1]

I didn't get half of those jokes.

[riser4]

What does a Muslim child say after being caught stealing for the second time?

"Look mom, no hands."


What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?

A Mosquito.


What the worst thing a muslim father can do?

Give his son the wrong backpack.

These are funny how?

[grinch]

All the cultists/assholes think its hilarious

Sent from my SM-G950W using TGR Forums mobile app

[schindlerpiste]

The Lenny Bruce of TGR

[frorider]

The Lenny Bruce of TGR

Bzzzzt wrong answer. More like late-career Andrew Dice Clay. Yawn.

[refried]

Bzzzzt wrong answer. More like late-career Andrew Dice Clay. Yawn.

was he ever funny? there were thousands of guys exactly like him in NY in the 70's/80's

[Meadow Skipper]

Viva, stick to tits.

[mooseknuckle]

What does (did) Michael Jackson like best about 27 year olds?




That there were 20 of them!

Ha!

[BC.]

The New York Jets

[schindlerpiste]

was he ever funny? there were thousands of guys exactly like him in NY in the 70's/80's

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter....






Jill came down with $2.50