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Thread: Sobriety

  1. #251
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    everyone make it through the day ok?

    long weekend ahead
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  2. #252
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~mikey b View Post
    everyone make it through the day ok?

    long weekend ahead
    Just a day at a time, reach out if you feel like you have no support from friends or family....

  3. #253
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    Quote Originally Posted by glademaster View Post
    Just my $0.02, but I would delete this post-haste.
    Change for a nickle ?

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    Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste goood.

  4. #254
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~mikey b View Post
    feel free to reach out
    Great chat. Thanks.
    Always good to hear someone's story. Some of you guys really get it.
    Lame Turkey Day. Just laying low but good neighbors brought me a plate.

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    Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste goood.

  5. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by willywhit View Post
    thanks so much for checking in.
    we may need to chat. It's not that complicated. choose Booze or choose to continue living life in a way that booze can rob you of.
    I am getting it.
    slowly...stubbornly...turkey day...meh

    hey sorry dude, didn't see this. I'm a little erratic about checking various threads and was skiing yesterday. feel free to PM.

  6. #256
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    Yes, always open to chat with anyone struggling.

    Had a great turkey day. Skied in the AM with two sober buddies and then dinner with another sober buddy and his GF.

  7. #257
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    It’s funny how the circle of friends can change form drinking buddies to sober buddies. Your true friends may not totally understand it but they will respect it. Some you will find drinking and using were the only commonalities and they will go by the wayside.
    Stay close to the ones that respect/understand the journey.

    People, places, things. They say you only have to change one thing: everything.

  8. #258
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    Fortunately most of my party friends we're true friends cause they stuck around when I got sober. Nice having sober friends too though.

  9. #259
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    Not all of mine, but whichever way they each went ended up making sense at some point. But at the beginning, it can kinda hurt a little. Always seemed to end up for the best either way.

  10. #260
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    I'll toss in some female perspective....I stay away from men that drink a lot or drink heavy alcohol, it's not attractive and it's dangerous. That being said, I've certainly been not attractive and dangerous when I drink anything more than beer or wine, I really think it's a poison to my body and thankfully don't even blink at the hard stuff.

    I question my drinking now, especially being cooped up all year and no doubt I have a big glass of wine in the late afternoon/early evening because I am stressed out and depressed and I don't really have a way to deal with it at that time of day now that it's dark outside (maybe this is an excuse!).

    I'm home with my 9-y/o daughter 24/7 which is enough to drive someone insane already and having a glass of wine is the fastest/easiest way to relax when I have to make dinner, return phone calls/emails, walk the dog, etc between 5-6. I don't drink after 8 and I hate getting more than just a tiny buzz from alcohol. If I went out and had 2 big glasses of wine, I would likely have to Uber home but it's still a bad habit and I should just quit.

    Like many of you, I started young, about 8th grade, and went hard back then (I'm 53 now), I loved to party in high school and my parents really weren't strict enough. My grandparents always had a cocktail and peanuts at 5:00 EVERY DAY. My parents usually had a beer after work or went for a run and then a beer so this is what I grew up with. In my teens and 20s, I went hard and then I stopped thankfully because I was a blackout drinker, very much a lightweight but tried to keep up with the guys. Going to Dead shows sort of redirected the drinking into mushrooms/acid which seemed to mellow me out.

    Fast forward many years and my last 2 alcohol encounters left me very sick for days, miserable and in a spiral because I did things I would have NEVER have done as a grown adult with a child. So at least I have that awareness and won't drink Scotch, Tequlia, etc ever again.

    This thread makes me realize that I really don't need those 2 glasses of wine. When it's not in the house, I think about it around 5:00 but then it passes and I don't care. So I'll toss my hat in the ring and make a commitment to stop it but I'm not giving up my weed yet, yes that is my weakness and better for me at the moment. That needs to stop at some point but it helps my (pain wracked) body and calms my mind when it gets spiraling about life. I can deal with the mind better but my body needs the CBD and THC, I will never take pain meds, this is also poison to me, even though there are days I want them for nerve pain and inflammation.

    My best friend in college had a DUI, went to rehab and said, "don't ever drink so much that you can't enjoy a glass of wine". I don't think there is anything wrong (for myself) to have the occasional glass of wine or beer with friends, but it's like someone else said, maybe it's time to do things differently.

    Good luck to all of you, there are many of us that struggle!
    \blog

  11. #261
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    thanks

    nice to know there is at least one woman here - this place starts to get a bit weird without them

    all the dudes in Dudesville
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  12. #262
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    Quote Originally Posted by PowderHorse View Post
    I'll toss in some female perspective....I stay away from men that drink a lot or drink heavy alcohol, it's not attractive and it's dangerous. That being said, I've certainly been not attractive and dangerous when I drink anything more than beer or wine, I really think it's a poison to my body and thankfully don't even blink at the hard stuff.

    I question my drinking now, especially being cooped up all year and no doubt I have a big glass of wine in the late afternoon/early evening because I am stressed out and depressed and I don't really have a way to deal with it at that time of day now that it's dark outside (maybe this is an excuse!).

    I'm home with my 9-y/o daughter 24/7 which is enough to drive someone insane already and having a glass of wine is the fastest/easiest way to relax when I have to make dinner, return phone calls/emails, walk the dog, etc between 5-6. I don't drink after 8 and I hate getting more than just a tiny buzz from alcohol. If I went out and had 2 big glasses of wine, I would likely have to Uber home but it's still a bad habit and I should just quit.

    Like many of you, I started young, about 8th grade, and went hard back then (I'm 53 now), I loved to party in high school and my parents really weren't strict enough. My grandparents always had a cocktail and peanuts at 5:00 EVERY DAY. My parents usually had a beer after work or went for a run and then a beer so this is what I grew up with. In my teens and 20s, I went hard and then I stopped thankfully because I was a blackout drinker, very much a lightweight but tried to keep up with the guys. Going to Dead shows sort of redirected the drinking into mushrooms/acid which seemed to mellow me out.

    Fast forward many years and my last 2 alcohol encounters left me very sick for days, miserable and in a spiral because I did things I would have NEVER have done as a grown adult with a child. So at least I have that awareness and won't drink Scotch, Tequlia, etc ever again.

    This thread makes me realize that I really don't need those 2 glasses of wine. When it's not in the house, I think about it around 5:00 but then it passes and I don't care. So I'll toss my hat in the ring and make a commitment to stop it but I'm not giving up my weed yet, yes that is my weakness and better for me at the moment. That needs to stop at some point but it helps my (pain wracked) body and calms my mind when it gets spiraling about life. I can deal with the mind better but my body needs the CBD and THC, I will never take pain meds, this is also poison to me, even though there are days I want them for nerve pain and inflammation.

    My best friend in college had a DUI, went to rehab and said, "don't ever drink so much that you can't enjoy a glass of wine". I don't think there is anything wrong (for myself) to have the occasional glass of wine or beer with friends, but it's like someone else said, maybe it's time to do things differently.

    Good luck to all of you, there are many of us that struggle!
    \blog
    My ex would do that - 2 glasses of wine to self-medicate and it turned into that + a cocktail or two. 3-4 drinks a night was too much. No bueno - altered her mood that evening and the next morning.

    She wouldnít self-correct or seek counseling for the increasing alcohol issue or her own issues and depression that were present/non-alcohol related (but likely exacerbated by the drinking). Couples therapy was tried but was useless in such a context.

    I divorced her and have our daughter 50/50 and Iím glad to get her away from her (still drinking) mom 50% of the time.

    Oh, and with the $500-$600 a month Iím not spending on her alcohol, I got myself an Evil MTB and and took my daughter skiing in Japan...

  13. #263
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    Quote Originally Posted by Whiteroom_Guardian View Post
    Fortunately most of my party friends we're true friends cause they stuck around when I got sober. Nice having sober friends too though.
    this is a great point.
    my friends have always been supportive of my stints with long term sobriety.
    You get the occasional " aren't you jonesing for a beer ? Being surrounded by it" Nah, all good.
    someone mentioned that in rehab. Certain people not to hang out with. I get it, but I don't hang out with dirt bags.
    my friends are real friends. Not fair weather friends, not party friends. Those aren't friends. Real friends always got your back.
    Real friends are there when it isn't easy to be a friend.
    I AM that guy. Bail ya outta jail at 4am, unless ya did something REALLY STUPID.
    just don't betray that trust and we coolio
    Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste goood.

  14. #264
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    As in.....

    https://youtu.be/0kT5w27YxyI

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    Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste goood.

  15. #265
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    Covid has certainly brought on more emotions wrt drinking from my end. I hopped on the wagon for 30 days back in June, maybe it was July. I think I did it more or less just to see if I could do it, plus since my brain infection a few years back, the migranes were relentless and consistent if I drank. Aside from during my treatment and recovery from encephalitis, I don't think I've gone that long without a drink since junior high (what WRG said is on point). All went well, no more headaches, lost a few lbs and was crushing it on the bike and then I sustained a groin injury that kept me off the bike pretty much until now.

    We're at like, what, almost 10 months into the Covid journey? Well work is almost nonexistent now, my resources are pretty much tapped, my writing projects are on hold, I don't think I'll be skiing the resorts this winter as I have for the past 5 years (averaging 100+ days each season). Needless to say, having been here at home under lockdown, I started to crack open a beer just a little bit earlier every day, you know, have a few beers on the deck while reading before the sun went down, and it goes down so freaking early now. A pattern has emerged.

    I come from a family of alcoholics and drug users. I've lost 2 uncles and an aunt to it. Mom and dad both struggled with it. My older half-sister is an addict and one day, we *will* get that call. I lost my best friend in town 2 years ago to it, she was an asthmatic neglecting to use her inhaler, got super loaded one night and stopped breathing, by the time her bf noticed she was already brain dead. I lost my ex-husband the year before, we had divorced b/c of it, he ended up taking his own life, although he was sober the night he did it.

    Got through this Thanksgiving, but barely. Beer, whisky, wine, spiked nog, topped it off with a little hit (I'm truly the one-hit wonder). BF was tolerant, he can knock 'em back when he wants but then turns it off for days at a time, but his bro is also an alky. We had a great dinner but I sensed his disappointment.

    It's time.

    I don't have any plans, like quit for a month or quit for a year. All I know is I'm sick of the headaches and the routine I've gotten into during these weird times. I know I can do better. And so I am. And I will.

    Some heavy reading in here. Props to WW for at least reaching out. Good on ya. It's a step in the right direction. Deep breaths.

  16. #266
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    right on

    ❤️
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  17. #267
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    Damn Jax, my best wishes to ya...and everyone else that’s posted here. Sincerely.

  18. #268
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    Thanks for sharing Jax! You can do it!

    Just know that nothing ever really gets better with a drink. It may feel better for like 10 minutes but it's not worth it. I have been through some LOW shit in sobriety.....going through some shit now. We all are. Finances are fucked. All I know is that I am doing the right thing for me and that the universe has ALWAYS taken care of me when I take care of myself.

  19. #269
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    So this is how a 19 year old ends up in the sobriety thread...

    This is my story. I hope someone can glean something from it.

    I started drinking comparatively late. I was something of a stoner from 13 or so until winter of 2018. I was content with psychedelics and weed. My dad was an alcoholic and is going on 34 years sober. My parents have done a good job of keeping me aware of this fact. It was enough to dissuade me from drinking until I was kicked out of NOLS during an impromptu gap year from boarding school and ended back up in my home town. I had already fucked up all I had going for me at that point and lost a baseball scholarship to a football injury. I was back with "the boys" from my childhood. I was back in the place and the parents i had been trying to get the fuck away from.

    I still remember the first time I had a drink. It was at a party, of course. I loved the way it made me feel. I felt like I was finally normal or something. It felt too good. I had many more that night. I never got sick. I never got tired. I just felt good. Suffice to say, I attended as many parties as I could in the following few weeks. I got a fake about a month after my first drink. I told myself I would limit its use strictly to occasions. I soon told myself that that certain weekdays were occasions. Then I told myself that I would only drink everyday of the week once a month. I was having fun but in the back of my mind, I could sense a bad moon rising. I was gaining a reputation for getting kind of "wild". Ya know, going Bills Mafia through a table or jumping into pools from rooftops. Typical drunken juvenile shit.

    Summer hit and so did the beginning of the bad times. I started to black out regularly during functions, resulting in some embarrassing outcomes. I wandered around a friend's neighbor hood in my boxers knocking on doors to start things off. No one knew where I was but I eventually made my way back to the party to drink some more. I realized the next morning that I was lucky not to have been shot or arrested. I got into a "fight" with some friends. It consisted of me trying to run away into the night while drunkenly throwing punches and them restraining me with some force. It did not end well and I dislocated my shoulder after being tackled and wore the nastiest black eye I have ever seen for a few days. Still, none of this registered to me as problematic behavior. I wore my actions with a sort of badge of honor in the way that only a teenage male can. I now recognize these episodes as alcohol-induced psychosis, the result of an interaction with the bruproprion i was taking at the time, but I though I was just a rowdy drunk.

    My friends thought so too and were mostly amused but the amusement soon wore through to some annoyance. I was excluded a bit, rightfully so, and began to drink alone more. It wasn't fun enough going at it by my lonesome so I started using coke to spice things up. This lasted a while until my existence felt synthetic. I finally had the foresight to recognize my path of behavior as wildly dangerous, especially considering that I take SSRIs as daily medications, and I decided to stop using coke.
    The drinking continued and I even accelerated. By August of last year, I was drinking at least a case of beer a day, or the equivalent in liquor when I could get my hands on some. It started as soon as I awoke and ended as soon as I passed out. I felt withdrawals for the first time and experienced auditory hallucinations while trying to fall asleep after a day without drinking. It finally registered that I may be an alcoholic.

    It all came to a head the week before the beginning of my junior year. Paranoia set in and I felt watched. I thought I might be going crazy and felt crazier by the day. I spent one particular day drinking my grandfather's apple cinnamon moonshine on his porch while he and my grandmother were out of town. This culminated in a violent psychotic blackout in which the police were called. I ran and spent the night in the woods in, yet again, nothing but my underwear. I awoke and stumbled the distance home. The gig was up and I had accepted that I need help. My parents were aware of this fact and it was decided that I would go to detox, then rehab, and join my dad in AA once I got out. That all happened and I was really committed to my sobriety. I went to meetings twice a day, sometimes three times. I read my big book and 12 and 12, got a sponsor, and worked the steps. I still drank a few times but was otherwise sober for a good while until 'rona hit.

    We got out of school and I reconvened with my friends whom I had tried my best to isolate from. I didn't start drinking again every day until earlier this summer but when I did, I picked up where I had left off the year before. These were good times, though. Chill days spent on the lake getting drunk. This went on for awhile until, like clockwork, I started going crazy towards the end of the summer. Yet again, this culminated in psychotic episodes but this time I was especially violent. I tore doors off their hinges. I promised my parents the next day that I would change. I would try to for a day or two. This went on until I became violent towards my dad in a drunken rage. I am a big dude and threw him around a bit but was too drunk to land any punches. It didn't matter though. That was the end.

    I had crossed my own line and my drinking had to be over. It took destroying my own life and the lives of my family for me to change. I didn't turn back to AA. I didn't find god or some divine meaning. I don't really know what happened. I just changed and I haven't drank since. I found TGR and a certain mag and have used this place and you people as my support. You people are damn alright and largely responsible for my sobriety. Fkna.
    In the room the women come and go
    Talking of Michelangelo

  20. #270
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jax View Post
    I lost my ex-husband the year before, we had divorced b/c of it, he ended up taking his own life, although he was sober the night he did it.

    Got through this Thanksgiving, but barely. Beer, whisky, wine, spiked nog, topped it off with a little hit (I'm truly the one-hit wonder). BF was tolerant, he can knock 'em back when he wants but then turns it off for days at a time, but his bro is also an alky. We had a great dinner but I sensed his disappointment.

    It's time.

    I don't have any plans, like quit for a month or quit for a year. All I know is I'm sick of the headaches and the routine I've gotten into during these weird times. I know I can do better. And so I am. And I will.

    Some heavy reading in here. Props to WW for at least reaching out. Good on ya. It's a step in the right direction. Deep breaths.
    Sorry to hear, but that stuff happens. Just heard of someone a friend knows that was sober 5 years, but still had some unresolved demons besides drinking and she just took her life.
    I drank to fill a hole in me, and I find this is a common theme with others. I had to be willing to try and fill that hole with something positive. Sounds simple, but far from it. That’s why I am a firm believer in hitting bottom before we become willing. But I have seen many different bottoms so it often has to get bad, but it also doesn’t have to. The bottom is where I found true willingness.
    Be patient, cut yourself some slack, but don’t bullshit yourself. Your life may depend on it. There is another world on the other side, you just can’t see it right now.

    Edit: damn steal. I am always amazed and the amount of younger people in the rooms nowadays. Props to you all. I was just getting started at your age. Late bloomer I guess. Ha

  21. #271
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    Quote Originally Posted by SkiBall View Post
    I am a firm believer in hitting bottom before we become willing. But I have seen many different bottoms so it often has to get bad, but it also doesnít have to. The bottom is where I found true willingness.
    Be patient, cut yourself some slack, but donít bullshit yourself. Your life may depend on it. There is another world on the other side, you just canít see it right now.

    This. Perfectly said, SB. In my experience, it was the experience of bottoming out that allowed me to see through my own bullshit. Seeing where I had gotten myself seemed to turn the tide.
    In the room the women come and go
    Talking of Michelangelo

  22. #272
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    29 yrs and counting for this old man. Glad I ďgot itĒ when I was young and avoided further damage. Tough road at times but itís been worth it, no doubt

  23. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by Whiteroom_Guardian View Post
    All I know is that I am doing the right thing for me and that the universe has ALWAYS taken care of me when I take care of myself.
    It's true. I've always said you can't take care of others until you can take care of yourself. I was emancipated at 16, put myself through college; I'd be shit without my own damn self. But for sure I need a tune up.

    Quote Originally Posted by SkiBall
    I am a firm believer in hitting bottom before we become willing. But I have seen many different bottoms so it often has to get bad, but it also doesn’t have to. The bottom is where I found true willingness.
    Be patient, cut yourself some slack, but don’t bullshit yourself. Your life may depend on it. There is another world on the other side, you just can’t see it right now.
    I'm grateful for this life, more so now after having almost lost it. I think I've just lost my way a bit and this is what I need to do for however long. I know I'll be better for it. Plus, I'm always up for a good challenge like not drinking during christmas of a pretty shitty year. It pales in comparison to the lows I've had in my previous life. Without further details, I've already reached that 'world on the other side'. Looking forward to v2.666

    I've gotten complacent, and too stubborn to change my ways as quickly as I could. I know better, but I've been ignoring myself. Thanks for the kind words all. Reading about others doing the same thing here helps, and in spite of the covid isolation, I don't feel so alone in my decision. It truly helps!

    Stealur, you are wise beyond your years. If only I could have expressed myself like that at your age. Good for you man.

  24. #274
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    thatís one cool kid thatís for sure
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

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