Every mother crow thinks her brood is the blackest.

**Parvo** · 06-25-2020, 02:29 PM

My coworker starts each day with a full rundown of how amazing or challenging her only child was the night before, complete with video and photo evidence. Sometimes it goes beyond personal and uncomfortable... and it always lasts for the first half hour of my day at minimum. Kid got a karaoke machine for her birthday this week, and I've been treated to several videos of her kid singing paw patrol songs. I have a kid. Most my friends have kids. They all suck at singing when 7 years old.

When pressed for my impression of her kid's performance whether it was simply amazing or she should sign with a record company, I told her about every mother crow thinks her brood is the blackest. She was offended not only because her kid is the greatest in the world but I used a racist idiom to insult her.

This is the same coworker that is a flat-earther, thinks buzz aldrin is a lying pos since we didn't land on the moon and that zombie jesus has risen.

Your kid is awesome I'm sure, but there are better kids out there. Like my kid.

**ncskier** · 06-25-2020, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by Parvo

My coworker starts each day with a full rundown of how amazing or challenging her only child was the night before, complete with video and photo evidence. Sometimes it goes beyond personal and uncomfortable... and it always lasts for the first half hour of my day at minimum. Kid got a karaoke machine for her birthday this week, and I've been treated to several videos of her kid singing paw patrol songs. I have a kid. Most my friends have kids. They all suck at singing when 7 years old.

When pressed for my impression of her kid's performance whether it was simply amazing or she should sign with a record company, I told her about every mother crow thinks her brood is the blackest. She was offended not only because her kid is the greatest in the world but I used a racist idiom to insult her.

This is the same coworker that is a flat-earther, thinks buzz aldrin is a lying pos since we didn't land on the moon and that zombie jesus has risen.

Your kid is awesome I'm sure, but there are better kids out there. Like my kid.

You have a kid? Is it coach's?

**Dhelihiker** · 06-25-2020, 02:44 PM

How about the parents that talk about how great the kid is in front of the kid. Even the kid knows its all lies.

**TahoeJ** · 06-25-2020, 02:45 PM

^^ That was my first reaction. You have a kid?

Was your kid conceived in the third floor bathroom?

And, uh, yeah, we definitely know it wasn't coach's... for sobering reasons.

**AdironRider** · 06-25-2020, 02:48 PM

I would hope for Parvo he got locked down with private jet girl over coach, bonus points if it happened on said private jet.

**Jong Lafitte** · 06-25-2020, 02:56 PM

This mother crow’s
Brood is the blackest

Brood that I know
When it comes to being crows
She’s first

When it comes to being human she’s worse

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**Jong Lafitte** · 06-25-2020, 02:57 PM

123456) mobile fin

**Marshall Tucker** · 06-25-2020, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by ncskier

Is it coach's?

wait was glass dildo > Parvo? damn i can't remember.

**El Chupacabra** · 06-25-2020, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Was your kid conceived in the third floor bathroom?

Conceived *and* birthed?

**Parvo** · 06-25-2020, 03:03 PM

My kid is almost 26 and her mother is an Italian-mormon-hippie-deadhead that used to be a 10, but over 20 years' of shakedown street lifestyle has transformed her into a hideous 4.

Childbirth would have killed coach.

**Mofro261** · 06-25-2020, 03:17 PM

Watched some crows chasing an eagle carrying a baby crow in it's mouth this morning while walking my 9 week old puppy.

Yes, of course she is the cutest puppy of all time.

**plugboots** · 06-25-2020, 03:55 PM

Buddy of mine was telling me a story where he was dragging his spawn around some park festival thing, and saying that all the folks were saying it was the cutest baby ever. I said, yeah, everybody likes babies. He was all: "No this was different, he was like a crowd stopper."
Of course, the kid looks just like him.
This especially bugs me when people are all: "She's so beautiful!" to the Mom, when said Mom has the same exact features, and the Mom gushes.

**The AD** · 06-25-2020, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by Parvo

My coworker starts each day with a full rundown of how amazing or challenging her only child was the night before, complete with video and photo evidence. Sometimes it goes beyond personal and uncomfortable... and it always lasts for the first half hour of my day at minimum.

Sepuku seems justified.

**Dee Hubbs** · 06-25-2020, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by ncskier

You have a kid? Is it coach's?

I was hoping for a "Harry and I" high school reunion story.

**Parvo** · 06-25-2020, 04:11 PM

Flat-earther co-worker also recently showed me photos of one of our owner's new babies, and she even prefaced it by saying "I know you think all babies look the same, but this kid is freakin' adorable." She shows me photos of this white blob of flesh with facial features and says "is that not the most beautiful baby evar!" I said it looked like alcoholism has already cursed the child with an Irish bar tan and bloated features, definitely not in the gerber baby realm of cuteness.

**Danno** · 06-25-2020, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by Parvo

Flat-earther co-worker also recently showed me photos of one of our owner's new babies, and she even prefaced it by saying "I know you think all babies look the same, but this kid is freakin' adorable." She shows me photos of this white blob of flesh with facial features and says "is that not the most beautiful baby evar!" I said it looked like alcoholism has already cursed the child with an Irish bar tan and bloated features, definitely not in the gerber baby realm of cuteness.

**Benny Profane** · 06-25-2020, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by Parvo

Flat-earther co-worker also recently showed me photos of one of our owner's new babies, and she even prefaced it by saying "I know you think all babies look the same, but this kid is freakin' adorable." She shows me photos of this white blob of flesh with facial features and says "is that not the most beautiful baby evar!" I said it looked like alcoholism has already cursed the child with an Irish bar tan and bloated features, definitely not in the gerber baby realm of cuteness.

Wait, this happened twice?

Business a tad slow?

**BmillsSkier** · 06-25-2020, 05:34 PM

They really need to film an Office-style show at your place of business, Parvo.

I'd watch. Even if it was on a subscription service.

**riser4** · 06-25-2020, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by Parvo

My kid is almost 26 and her mother is an Italian-mormon-hippie-deadhead that used to be a 10, but over 20 years' of shakedown street lifestyle has transformed her into a hideous 4.

Childbirth would have killed coach.

Damn.

**Skidog** · 06-25-2020, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by riser3

Damn.

Trying to figure out damn to which? That his hot ex wife fell apart, or did you want to have children with coach?

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**Timberridge** · 06-25-2020, 08:08 PM

Originally Posted by Dee Hubbs

I was hoping for a "Harry and I" high school reunion story.

I'm just thrilled Parvo can pop in here every solstice or so and just pick up where he left off.

**TahoeJ** · 06-25-2020, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by Skidog

Trying to figure out damn to which? That his hot ex wife fell apart, or did you want to have children with coach?

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Pretty sure Coach killed herself so the latter would prove rather difficult.

**ncskier** · 06-25-2020, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Pretty sure Coach killed herself so the latter would prove rather difficult.

Damn. Seriously. That’s not good to hear.

**Parvo** · 06-26-2020, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by ncskier

Damn. Seriously. That’s not good to hear.

Couple years ago.

**riser4** · 06-26-2020, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by Skidog

Trying to figure out damn to which? That his hot ex wife fell apart, or did you want to have children with coach?

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Rough that his baby momma fell apart. Rough that coach was so fragile, including the previously mentioned fact that she offed herself, although I am not sure everyone remembered that Parvo told us tfat.. No desire to have had children with coach.