Tough Topic: Is Anyone Else Dealing With Kid’s Internet Addiction?

[Hott Butt Mud]

Are you all sure this is really a tough topic?

The internet is a major part of life now. It's not really something that should be completely controlled from a time perspective. Do your best to filter out adult content, but the internet is equal to reading books and learning.

Gotta bring in sports though to balance out some sort of active relationship with the mind/body.

[schuss]

Also, most kids just had their whole life upended by COVID and other factors. It could be a coping mechanism.
Also, many gameplay loops are tightly tuned to keep you coming back. Perhaps try board gaming if games are what they're into?

[phatty]

I'll check this out, thanks.

It works best if they have an Android device. I had one of my kids switch to Apple and it is much tougher to monitor. I like Family Link since it operates at the Google account level not just the device.

[rideit]

Are you all sure this is really a tough topic?

The internet is a major part of life now. It's not really something that should be completely controlled from a time perspective. Do your best to filter out adult content, but the internet is equal to reading books and learning.

Gotta bring in sports though to balance out some sort of active relationship with the mind/body.

This is one of the more ignorant things I have read on TGR.
Social drinking is ok, too, like reading...but when it completely disrupts every aspect of your life and kills all other joy, it’s a fucking problem. Without an easy solution.

[hikesalot]

We have the same issue with our kids. We talked to them and told them what we’d be doing. We turn off wifi to their devices at 11pm. Our older son still stays up til 2-3 am. We enforce bedtime with our 5th grader. Option for staying up is reading a book in bed. During the day - no electronics until schoolwork, chores, exercise and reading are complete. Don’t even ask. Weekends are looser, but we are trying to get out doing family activities to get them away from fortnite for awhile. We loosened social distancing for our older son and he spent all day on the lake with his friends family on Sunday. That was great. School ends next week, we’ll see what summer looks like.

[yeahman]

Managing screen time is tough for all parents, but I feel for parents of boys, who generally seem way more into gaming than girls. My girls have never even asked for a gaming console of any sort. Which is good because I hate that shit.

My 18 yo nephew is addicted bad. Total introvert, comes to the family reunion every summer at the lake cabin and lies in bed gaming on his phone all day while his cousins are fishing, waterskiing, etc. My brother gave up and actually took him to a video game conference in Texas this winter. Kid loved it and met many like minded people. Hey, this stuff is big business, you can make a good career out of it. And don't even try to enter the professional workforce these days without a thorough understanding of multiple social media apps and how they are used in business because employers expect it. Point being it is not all bad and can actually lead to opportunities if like my brother you choose to work with the kid rather than against him.

That said, I totally agree it is worrisome to witness the grand screentime experiment we are conducting on our children.

[east or bust]

This thread is low key terrifying. Fuck.

[billyk]

Ha, just thinking (way) back to when my son first discovered the internet. It was back in the early 90s or so. I had just upgraded my computer and had got an actual account with an internet service provider. Before that, I had just used my Mac to do stand-alone programs or to dial into work to read news from Usenet. The web wasn’t much of a thing back then, or maybe I was just slow in adapting to it.

I think the second day after I got the new computer I noticed that the history had a bunch of porn sites listed, including playboy.com and hustler.com. i was both shocked, but also secretly proud, I’m embarrassed to say. The kid was only 12.

We tried to install parental controls, but I think he was always one step ahead.

Later on it morphed into porn plus gaming, and after that all night LAN parties.

When he was in high school, he started his own business creating web pages, so I thought maybe it wasn’t a total waste of time.

But then he lost all interest in coding. Still likes gaming and porn, though.

[yeahman]

^^Funny about boys, they love gaming and porn but most teenage boys I know could pretty much care less about social media. My girls OTOH (14 and 16) are full-on social media junkies. Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and then several more I have never even heard of. (Not Facebook, of course, that's for old people.) So far I haven't seen any real negative effects as far as online bullying, etc., although I know that stuff happens.

I guess my philosophy has been that if they are getting good grades, hanging out with friends socially and in person, doing school sports and skiing and stuff, then their screen time is their business and I won't interfere. If I thought it was starting to affect their grades and activities and personalities, then I would get involved.

But they are teenagers. A 7 year old needs much stricter boundaries IMO, and needs to feel consequences (such as even LESS screen time) for throwing tantrums when told to go offline. It sucks because it makes parenting miserable in the short term, but if the consequences are real and firm, they kid will soon learn that the only way to get what they want is to change how they react. I have taken my girls' phones away a few times for various infractions, and I know how hard it is to deal with their begging and pleading and acting like their life is being destroyed, but if you can get through that, they do seem to learn the needed lessons.

[Timberridge]

^^Funny about boys, they love gaming and porn but most teenage boys I know could pretty much care less about social media. My girls OTOH (14 and 16) are full-on social media junkies. Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and then several more I have never even heard of.

Uh oh. My kid's on Instagram and Snapchat. You think he could be gay?

[gatorboy]

I have all of his devices setup on a different network subnet, and I can (and do) just shut down that network's access to the internet as needed, or normally, on a schedule.

Can you explain how you set up a subnet and can turn it off when desired?
We are using an Xfinity modem/router and would love this option.

[yeahman]

Uh oh. My kid's on Instagram and Snapchat. You think he could be gay?

Boys are "on" social media, they just don't seem to pay as much attention to it, generally speaking. My 16 yo's boyfriend recently deleted all his social media accounts, for example. Decided it was stupid and quit.

But in the case of you're kid, yeah, I'm pretty sure he's gay. NTTAWWT

[Timberridge]

I sat the boy down last night and told him I was ok if he was gay, since I know he's on IG, Snapchat and Tik Tok. He assured me he was not gay, and told me it's primarily used by the girls at school to send suggestive pictures. Apparently there's a new bikini bottom called the "cheeky," and the girls send out a picture and the boys have to guess who the ass belongs to.

Looks like we dodged a bullet.

[jgb@etree]

Can you explain how you set up a subnet and can turn it off when desired?
We are using an Xfinity modem/router and would love this option.

Well, to implement something like this specifically, you'd need some more hardware. Ideally, a multi interface firewall, but those can be expensive, and I'm really only familiar with the enterprise grade devices like Cisco and Juniper, so I don't even have a good recommendation. I hear SonicWalls are decent for small/home office use, but are probably still in the $500-1000 range.

So here's what I'd do if I were you:

Buy a $50-100 linksys/netgear/whatever firewall/wireless access point device. Again, these consumer devices really aren't my area so I don't have a good suggestion of exactly what to buy, but it won't be hard. For my example I'll use an OLD consumer grade device that I am familiar with - a linksys wrt54g. I would not recommend this for your situation as the wireless component is old skool b/g and you probably need the newer, faster, wifi standards ac/n/etc

Use your Xfinity controls to block all of his devices from being able to access the WiFi network provided by your Xfinity router. Or just change the passwords and don't tell him

Let's assume your Xfinity router is setup to provide you a LAN with the 192.168.100.x IP space. Your gateway (the lan IP of the router) will likely be 192.168.100.1 and other devices the connect to the network will be assigned other IP's in this network space based on the dhcp scope (common for the default range to be 192.168.1.100-250 which means devices that connect to your network will be assigned an IP in this range). You can find all of this on the configuration page of the router (if Comcast gives you direct access??) or by opening a command prompt on a connected PC - Start>Run then type 'cmd' (without the quotes) and hit enter. A black box will pop up and type 'ipconfig /all' and hit enter. You may have to scroll up because the window is small, but it will tell your your IPV4 address, as well as the gateway (this is the IP of the xfinity router).

You'd then configure your new device - the WRT54G in my example - so that the WAN interface is an IP outside of the DHCP scope on your existing Xfinity network. If you're lost at this point, or couldn't get access to the Xfinity device to determine the DHCP scope there is 99% certainty you will be safe using 192.168.100.2. Again, this is assigned to the *WAN* interface on your new device. You then have to ensure/change the default LAN ip schema on your new device not to conflict with your existing network. Use 192.168.200.1. Configure the WiFi according to the instructions, give the network name and password to your kid and you're basically in business. If you want to cut him off from the world, just unplug one end of the cable connecting a LAN port on your Xfinity router to the WAN port on the new device. He'll still show a solid wifi connection - because he is still connected to the wifi - but with the plug pulled on the LAN port he's never going to be able to reach the internet. When purchasing a new device, look for one with time based rules for kid usage built in and this will give you the ability to more granular & automated in restricting access instead if having to physically pull the plug. Any wired devices (PS4, XBOX, etc) should get connected to the LAN ports on this new router so they are also cut off when you pull the plug. And you can continue happily surfing porn over wifi while taking a dump

For DNS filtering of web content, consider using something like OpenDNS and configuring HIS router with those DNS settings, not yours.

Let me know if you have questions or I was unclear about something. Happy to help you get shit setup & running if needed.

Edit: I don't have Comcast here at home, but just remembered that I am a customer in VT. Just installed their Xfinity app and logged in. I can see the roku, a tv, and a playstation connected to the network, and can individually click on each device and disable it indefinitely, or for a pre-set period of time. This might be a helluva lot easier for you.

[::: :::]

Can’t you just create a secondary WiFi network?

It shouldn’t take more equipment

People often make these and call them “guest” or some such to let people use their WiFi temporarily without having access to the main one that has all your good stuff on it

Then just shut it down when you need to

[jgb@etree]

I sat the boy down last night and told him I was ok if he was gay, since I know he's on IG, Snapchat and Tik Tok. He assured me he was not gay, and told me it's primarily used by the girls at school to send suggestive pictures. Apparently there's a new bikini bottom called the "cheeky," and the girls send out a picture and the boys have to guess who the ass belongs to.

Looks like we dodged a bullet.

LOL. Mine's all about Tik Toc, instagram, etc and the wife learned via his text messages that he kissed a girl on a chairlift in March so I think we're safe here too. We haven't let him do facebook. We also have all of his passwords, and you'd be hard pressed to find someone who likes sticking their nose into other peoples business more than my lovely wife so she's on that shit in pretty much real time. However, that isn't the rule that keeps him from actually posting stupid shit. That is covered by the if you post anything to social media without one of us approving it first - no matter how appropriate - the phone is completely gone for a minimum of 2 weeks. So far he's only had one 2 week confiscation. He really wanted to bring his phone to school because he had an early practice or something and wasn't coming directly home. We warned him that if we found out that someone even SEES the phone in school it's gone for 2 weeks. Stupid little shit managed to get caught by the asst. principal while trying to enter another kids number to his address book. Day 1. Little fuckers certainly keep you on your toes. Fortunately (for me, perhaps not so much for him) he's just like me - the Mrs often accuses me of reproducing with myself to create him - and I'm always several steps ahead. Although he still isn't even close to his peak hell raising competence. He's only just beginning to get creative with being a sneaky little shit. The teen years should be interesting.

[exsparky]

Motocross
Junior dragsters you don't have to be 16
a job so he can make money for a sick car
muay thai
jiu jitsu
hunting
fishing
rock climbing

Get him a copy of this book, this guy was cooler than James Bond. Any boy that hates books hasn't read it.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004XMOISG...ng=UTF8&btkr=1

Create an interest in something offline and throw gas on it.

[AdironRider]

This thread is low key terrifying. Fuck.

As a soon to be Dad I am shitting my pants as threads like this make me realize I'm in way above my head.

On the other hand, my hood here in Idaho has shitty fucking internet and only like 16 houses in the area, so Silverstar isn't spending dick to get us over the 8-10mbps we have on dsl. Sorry kid, looks like you are going to be shit out of luck on the internet and I might dodge a bullet.

[Timberridge]

As a soon to be Dad I am shitting my pants as threads like this make me realize I'm in way above my head.

Congrats. Just remember that if you can survive the PR you can survive anything. Some here are cracking under the pressure. I won't name names, but don't be like them.

[hutash]

My opinion on this sort of thing is to just be a parent. you are in charge. Parents set all sorts of limits, bed times, TV time, when they can visit friends, etc, etc, etc. We gave our girls now 30and 26, clear guidelines to all though things and they were not negotiable. As time went on they got more options and freedoms as they earned them. They got basic phones when we felt they needed them, not when they wanted one. Smart phones came much later. Very limited TV when they were young. We didnt bother with cable until they were in their teens. About the only thing they had unlimited access to were books, but even that had limits, no reading past a certain time, etc. We made certain exceptions as conditions dictated, and they earned it by not being little shits.

So, while we didn't have screen time issues we did have all the same issues parents had and will have. When I was a kid it was the golden age of TV, but my parents limited watching. No doubt my dad had limited radio time as a kid. Same problem, different generation. Be a parent, be in charge.

[TahoeJ]

All three of my kids (ages 6 - 11) have been seriously hooked on their ipads in recent weeks. I'm definitely concerned but trying to be relaxed about it for the time being, especially since they've experienced a double shit sandwich of their mother and I getting separated / divorced and now the pandemic, all within several months. None-the-less, trying to crack down a bit on the daily usage because those things are seriously addictive and they're like junkies right now for sure.

[Core Shot]

The internet filter let me know my 14yo clicked on goatse link.

Do I tell mom?

I’d be fine if he got rickrolled
But damn.

[hutash]

I feel for parents today. While parenting is always a challenge, todayyou are up against an even tougher challenge. Today's I tertubs are designed by purpose tone addictive. Sure, TV was addictive back in my day, but it was passively addictive. Today between porn and the various platforms of games, social media , etc, they are purposely designed to be addictive. We only had to worry about cigs and alchohol (and soon drugs), but that is nothing compared to the addiction on steroids kids (and adults) face today.

[MontuckyFried]

My opinion on this sort of thing is to just be a parent. you are in charge. Parents set all sorts of limits, bed times, TV time, when they can visit friends, etc, etc, etc. We gave our girls now 30and 26, clear guidelines to all though things and they were not negotiable. As time went on they got more options and freedoms as they earned them. They got basic phones when we felt they needed them, not when they wanted one. Smart phones came much later. Very limited TV when they were young. We didnt bother with cable until they were in their teens. About the only thing they had unlimited access to were books, but even that had limits, no reading past a certain time, etc. We made certain exceptions as conditions dictated, and they earned it by not being little shits.

So, while we didn't have screen time issues we did have all the same issues parents had and will have. When I was a kid it was the golden age of TV, but my parents limited watching. No doubt my dad had limited radio time as a kid. Same problem, different generation. Be a parent, be in charge.

Solid post, hut.

Sent from my Pixel 3 using TGR Forums mobile app

[Ottime]

These past two weeks have been tough. My kid has been working on managing strong emotions for almost two years now. At times it feels like there is no progress. This week feels like that. He has been improving on getting off the screen, that much is true. But it does not mean there is not an issue afterwards. On Monday, he got off his screen with few struggles, no strong emotions, but it took him twenty minutes. I was chill about it, and felt like once he did complete all his little things, we would go out for a ride and get some air. Once he was finally off with his friends, he then wanted for us to bike ride and play Pokemon Go! I simply stated that I didn't want to - carry the iPad, link it to my phone, stop and look at a screen, etc. He totally flipped out and escalated his tantrum until it was impossible to speak at all without him bursting into what I consider aggressive crying - when the crying is meant to impact this e around you. Never tried to negotiate something with me, convince me or anything. Just melt down.

Are thing happened last night when we were trying to get him to go to bed. Somehow during SIP his bed time has shifted. He used to be in his room at 8PM, teeth brushed and reading with final goodnights before 9PM. Last night at 8:45, we were trying together him to brush his teeth, when he decided he was hungry and would not brush his teeth until we fed him. As he did not even finish his dinner, and it was fucking late, we told him it was too late. 30 minutes of screaming and crying later, he went to bed without eating. He did attempt to get himself a tangerine, but the tight skin and his tantrum not allowing any focus made it impossible for him to peel.

He is 9. It feels like it is too old for this behavior. I get angry and sad and just want to remove myself from him when this happens. I used to be more understanding, helpful, kind - but it is tiring. He has lost a friend to this behavior because the friends mom does not approve. She is a fucking bitch, so what ever, but him not being able to see this friend or make virtual contact with him currently is tough. So he is struggling with that along with the rest of SIP.

He is otherwise a joyful, respectful, intelligent, curious, courteous and empathetic kid. Like ideal. 97% of the time. Hell, 99.9%. But that small time, I kind of get why bitch mom does not want him around her kid. Not that that kid does not have his own issues, including a helicopter mom who thinks nothing is good enough for him. Nevermind, different issue.

What can I do to help my kid? What can I do to weather this storm for myself and be a more compassionate dad? This shit is fucking hard. Being screamed at by your blathering kid for 30 minutes is fucking hard. I love that kid dearly, and have willingly given up so much to try to make his live feel awesome. It is so hard in those moments when he is telling me it fucking sucks.

#sharingtomuch

Is this the wrong thread? I do think yesterday happened because he was allowed 1 hour of iPad time and he spent nearly 3 hours on it. My wife did not want us to get him off, so he could learn to self regulate. We do have contracts that he signs and agrees to. I usually help him get off in time. Mostly because I don't want some mind bending tantrum later.