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Thread: Things old guys say.
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06-02-2020, 01:14 PM #76
Jumpier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs
Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon.
Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol.
Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel.
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06-02-2020, 03:09 PM #77
Replace jumpier with more nervous, and that was my dad.
Even a broke clock is right twice a day
Its better to ask for forgiveness than permission
When installing a starter rope in a rewind, PG version, its like trying to shove a Gardner snake back in its hole
Adult version, like trying to fuck with a limp dick
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06-02-2020, 04:58 PM #78
My Dad would say, “she’s no spring chicken’.
Ski Shop - Basement of the Hostel
Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
Mark Twain
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06-02-2020, 09:02 PM #79Registered User
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So ... use all grew up in West Virginia, emiryte?
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06-02-2020, 09:04 PM #80
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06-02-2020, 09:48 PM #81
Stronger than a brick shithouse.
You'd forget your ass if it wasn't hooked on.
I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass.
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06-02-2020, 11:18 PM #82
“It’s raining harder than a double cunted cow pissing through a hole in a bridge.”
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06-03-2020, 01:14 AM #83
I heard a great one today, and it was even better coming from a 45 year old to a 62 year old:
"I only have 2 last words for you, 'FEAR ME'." He couldn't hear so well, so it was repeated at volume.
We all laughed, kinda. Because we all knew i was the person referred to.
That was the joke. It was not a laugh getter.
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06-03-2020, 01:46 AM #84
My Dad has always rolled out some great lines. My kids crack up every time he throws one out there.
"You couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a spade."
"He's like a young crow, all mouth and asshole."
Do you think I just fell out of the turnip truck"
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06-03-2020, 06:40 PM #85Registered User
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If you don't think too good, don't think too much.
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06-03-2020, 07:12 PM #86Funky But Chic
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This one from a woman (my mom, to me): "You're not hard of hearing, you're hard of listening."
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06-03-2020, 07:20 PM #87
A good friend's mom used to say about him and his older brother, 'The first one broke me in. The second one is breaking me.'
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06-03-2020, 07:49 PM #88
"You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to pull the wool over my eyes."
"I have taught you everything that you know, but not nearly everything that I know."“How does it feel to be the greatest guitarist in the world? I don’t know, go ask Rory Gallagher”. — Jimi Hendrix
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06-03-2020, 07:54 PM #89Funky But Chic
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If you told him something he didn't believe, my grandfather would say, "I was born at night, but not last night."
Also in the same situation he'd sometimes say, "Hey I didn't just fall off the turnip truck."
That one was always kinda puzzling.
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06-03-2020, 09:11 PM #90
I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Ah, there's an interesting story behind that nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three: medium brown.
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06-03-2020, 09:16 PM #91
My dad would express his love for me by saying “I wouldn’t trade you for 100 dog turds”
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06-03-2020, 09:28 PM #92
An old family friend passed away recently at the ripe age of 103, in his own home and bed. When he was still residing above the turf, he'd reply when asked how he was - 'Pretty damn well for the shape I'm in!"
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06-03-2020, 09:32 PM #93Registered User
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06-03-2020, 09:56 PM #94Registered User
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Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
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06-03-2020, 09:59 PM #95Funky But Chic
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06-03-2020, 10:00 PM #96Funky But Chic
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06-03-2020, 10:59 PM #97
"I never skied in jeans"
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06-04-2020, 02:01 AM #98
There’s many chapters.
==============
a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J.D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going? (in the car) Anyway, about my washtub. I'd just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as... (cut to mall) ...a walking-bird. We'd always have walking-bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball...
(later) Eh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one. Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Democrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello? (honks car horn) (entering the house) There are too many leaves in your walkway.... . .
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06-04-2020, 05:49 AM #99Registered User
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06-04-2020, 06:16 AM #100
"He's Numb as a Hake" was heard often on the fishing boats around here when I was a kid. Nowadays shortened into someone being a "Numb-ah!"
You can also "Yard on it" meaning pull hard (from pulling the yard arm up on old sail fishing boats) and you can "Reef down on it" meaning tie it down or secure it tight (from reefing a big sail in a blow). Still in common usage round these parts.
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