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Thread: Things old guys say.
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05-29-2020, 01:47 PM #1
Things old guys say.
This fence sign got me thinking about my grandpa’s pithy sayings.
He was a salty guy, lived alone in the house he built and took care of himself till he passed at 94.
Always saying things like “that’s about as easy as poking melted butter up a wildcat’s asshole with a toothpick”.
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05-29-2020, 01:53 PM #2Funky But Chic
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I worked for a guy who had a bunch, "Busier than a one-armed paper hanger" and when something bad happened, "well it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" are all I remember offhand.
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05-29-2020, 02:02 PM #3
My grandfather: "I wouldn't trust him in a shithouse with a muzzle on."
In order to properly convert this thread to a polyasshat thread to more fully enrage the liberal left frequenting here...... (insert latest democratic blunder of your choice).
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05-29-2020, 02:04 PM #4
My dad used to tell me "life's hard when you're stupid"
Brandine: Now Cletus, if I catch you with pig lipstick on your collar one more time you ain't gonna be allowed to sleep in the barn no more!
Cletus: Duly noted.
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05-29-2020, 02:09 PM #5
Where's the bathroom
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05-29-2020, 02:10 PM #6
"Get off my lawn"
"Back in the day"
"When I was your age"riser4 - Ignore me! Please!
Kenny Satch - With pleasure
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05-29-2020, 02:15 PM #7Registered User
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being retired ain't for the fiant of heart , no vacations no time off and no sympathy
Lee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know
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05-29-2020, 02:21 PM #8
My Grandfather liked people who didn't talk much, this was his compliment: " That guy wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful of it. "
What we have here is an intelligence failure. You may be familiar with staring directly at that when shaving. .
-Ottime
One man can only push so many boulders up hills at one time.
-BMillsSkier
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05-29-2020, 02:23 PM #9
"That'd bring a tear to a glass eye"
Usually when referring to a particularly pungent fart.
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05-29-2020, 02:29 PM #10
One of my father's favorite ones is " you can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink".
Sent from my SM-G975U using TapatalkWhy don't you go practice fallin' down? I'll be there in a minute.
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05-29-2020, 02:29 PM #11
About life in a small town-“can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone you know”
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05-29-2020, 02:30 PM #12
Yes officer, that’s exactly how it happened.
watch out for snakes
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05-29-2020, 02:36 PM #13Registered User
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fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
if his brains were gun powder he couldn't blow his nose
he's like the south end of a north bound cow.
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05-29-2020, 02:41 PM #14
When dismissing someone’s stupid statement or actions.
“Go sit in the truck”.
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05-29-2020, 02:42 PM #15User
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My dad when talking about ugly people:
“Like ten miles of bad road”
“Looks like a mud fence daubed with lizards”
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05-29-2020, 02:43 PM #16Registered User
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I’m sore.
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05-29-2020, 02:46 PM #17
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05-29-2020, 02:49 PM #18
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05-29-2020, 03:06 PM #19
Think wallpaper installation. With one arm. Visual enough for ya?
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05-29-2020, 03:08 PM #20
Then there’s the Texas classic ‘all hat and no cattle’. Grandpa was a rancher for years and used that one.
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05-29-2020, 03:19 PM #21Funky But Chic
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My grandmother, when she met a couple she didn't like, would say, "well it would've been a shame to spoil two houses."
Thaleia, that guy was one of yours, from Onterrible in fact. I learned what an eaves trough (maybe it's one word?) is from him. First time he said to me I thought he'd had a stroke or something. When something was shitty he'd say, "well that's a dog's breakfast.". I'll think of more.
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05-29-2020, 03:21 PM #22
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05-29-2020, 03:36 PM #23Registered User
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That's not a real car, it couldn't pull a limp dick out of a bowl of pudding.
I have never seen a limp dick in a bowl of pudding or a... never mind.
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05-29-2020, 03:49 PM #24
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05-29-2020, 03:49 PM #25
"You want a beer?" Sure. "Get one for me too while you're at it"
"Pour me another shot of your inheritance"
"So recht von herzen hundsgemein können nur verwandte sein"
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