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Thread: Things old guys say.
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05-30-2020, 08:05 AM #51
My grandfather “you’ll never win a fartin’ contest with a horse’s ass”
And
“sympathy comes after shit and sweat in the dictionary, and that’s where it belongs”
My dad
re: poor driving skills “he couldn’t drive a peg in a horse’s ass”
Re: unattractive women “She haunts houses for a living”
Re: well-endowed women “looks like two bear cubs fighting under a blanket when she walks”
Re: nervous people “Sweatin’ like a whore at confession”
Re: body aches “I’m stiffer’n a catholic priest at boys choir practice”
Re: braggarts “If bullshit were music, he’d be a brass band”
My paternal grandmother when dad Came home drunk and told her he was in love
“When are you gonna learn that ‘Love’ ain’t that white shit that comes out the end of your pecker”
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05-30-2020, 08:25 AM #52
It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.
That one went over like a turd in the wedding punch.
It's hotter than two rats fuckin in a wool sock.
(a clusterfuck): 'Yall look like a bunch of retards trying to pick up spaghetti.'
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05-30-2020, 08:44 AM #53
This is about as fun as pulling a porcupine out of a mailbox.
Scientists now have decisive molecular evidence that humans and chimpanzees once had a common momma and that this lineage had previously split from monkeys.
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06-01-2020, 09:22 AM #54
My dad:
I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.
He is shaking worse than a dog shitting peach seeds.In order to properly convert this thread to a polyasshat thread to more fully enrage the liberal left frequenting here...... (insert latest democratic blunder of your choice).
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06-01-2020, 09:58 AM #55
My dad used to say:
"You're still shitting yellow"
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06-01-2020, 09:59 AM #56
Don't piss up my back and tell me its warm rain. Classic
Sent from my SM-G975U using TapatalkWhy don't you go practice fallin' down? I'll be there in a minute.
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06-01-2020, 10:10 AM #57
"Boy, you're digging a sideways hole."
"That there is strong as new rope."
And of course, "Bless your heart".I still call it The Jake.
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06-01-2020, 10:56 AM #58
You think you have it bad now?
He ain't worth two bits.
Don't piss in the wind.
If I had a nickle for every time he said that, I'd be rich."We don't beat the reaper by living longer, we beat the reaper by living well and living fully." - Randy Pausch
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06-01-2020, 11:05 AM #59
You smell like you ate the asshole out of a rotting rhinoceros.
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06-01-2020, 11:35 AM #60
One of my favorites from a crusty old superintendent: 'It's just a bowl full of fuck' - in reference to the jobsite after record rainfall and everything was ankle to knee deep mud.
I've concluded that DJSapp was never DJSapp, and Not DJSapp is also not DJSapp, so that means he's telling the truth now and he was lying before.
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06-01-2020, 11:41 AM #61
Don't shit on my cake and call it icing.
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06-01-2020, 12:24 PM #62
I remember when a slice of pizza cost $.25, a gallon of gas cost $.35, you could buy a hot dog french fries and a shake for less than a buck. Cigarettes cost $.50
Bruce Springsteen is playing tonight at The Stone Pony. Want to go?
Do you know what your problem is? You want your cake, and you want to eat it too.
A penny for your thoughts. A penny saved is a penny earned.
That boy don't know shit from shinola.
Badda Bing Badda Boom!
I just scored a quarter oz. of Gold. All bud. Yee haw!“How does it feel to be the greatest guitarist in the world? I don’t know, go ask Rory Gallagher”. — Jimi Hendrix
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06-01-2020, 12:42 PM #63serial lurker
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Posts
- 309
My Grandfather wouldn't say goodbye, instead it was "Don't take any wooden nickels"
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06-01-2020, 01:09 PM #64Registered User
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
- Posts
- 119
I used to ski ----.
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06-01-2020, 01:51 PM #65
My daddy told me a long time ago
Said there's two things son
Two things you should know
And in these two things baby, you must take pride
That's a horse and woman, yeah
Well both of them you ride
with some sister.
RvZ“How does it feel to be the greatest guitarist in the world? I don’t know, go ask Rory Gallagher”. — Jimi Hendrix
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06-01-2020, 02:22 PM #66
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06-01-2020, 02:56 PM #67
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06-01-2020, 03:35 PM #68
My German wife says, "Only relatives can be truly mean from the heart."
“How does it feel to be the greatest guitarist in the world? I don’t know, go ask Rory Gallagher”. — Jimi Hendrix
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06-01-2020, 08:28 PM #69
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06-01-2020, 10:34 PM #70
My grandpa used to say, It doesn't take long to wait awhile.
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06-02-2020, 05:40 AM #71Registered User
- Join Date
- Nov 2003
- Location
- none
- Posts
- 8,364
Pull my finger.
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06-02-2020, 05:43 AM #72
Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.
watch out for snakes
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06-02-2020, 09:47 AM #73
I quote my grandfather all the time:
"A bad settlement is better than a good lawsuit".
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06-02-2020, 10:51 AM #74
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06-02-2020, 10:59 AM #75
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