Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 209
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Access to Granlibakken
    Posts
    7,785

    Things old guys say.

    This fence sign got me thinking about my grandpa’s pithy sayings. Name:  B3B78FFA-F604-4850-AEA3-FB931C6097B2.jpeg
Views: 4915
Size:  470.4 KB

    He was a salty guy, lived alone in the house he built and took care of himself till he passed at 94.

    Always saying things like “that’s about as easy as poking melted butter up a wildcat’s asshole with a toothpick”.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    49,550
    I worked for a guy who had a bunch, "Busier than a one-armed paper hanger" and when something bad happened, "well it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" are all I remember offhand.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Way East Tennessee
    Posts
    3,711
    My grandfather: "I wouldn't trust him in a shithouse with a muzzle on."
    In order to properly convert this thread to a polyasshat thread to more fully enrage the liberal left frequenting here...... (insert latest democratic blunder of your choice).

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Fraggle Rock, CO
    Posts
    5,909
    My dad used to tell me "life's hard when you're stupid"
    Brandine: Now Cletus, if I catch you with pig lipstick on your collar one more time you ain't gonna be allowed to sleep in the barn no more!
    Cletus: Duly noted.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    in a box on the porch
    Posts
    4,493
    Where's the bathroom

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ontario Canada eh
    Posts
    3,863
    "Get off my lawn"
    "Back in the day"
    "When I was your age"
    Quote Originally Posted by liv2ski View Post
    Jeezuz, it never ceases to amaze me how beautiful the female form can be.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    northern BC
    Posts
    20,375
    being retired ain't for the fiant of heart , no vacations no time off and no sympathy
    Lee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    It's Full of Stars....
    Posts
    2,602
    My Grandfather liked people who didn't talk much, this was his compliment: " That guy wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful of it. "
    What we have here is an intelligence failure. You may be familiar with staring directly at that when shaving. .
    -Ottime

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    6,364
    "That'd bring a tear to a glass eye"

    Usually when referring to a particularly pungent fart.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Masshole
    Posts
    1,881
    One of my father's favorite ones is " you can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink".

    Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
    Why don't you go practice fallin' down? I'll be there in a minute.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Wenatchee
    Posts
    7,925
    About life in a small town-“can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone you know”


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    16,806
    Yes officer, that’s exactly how it happened.
    watch out for snakes

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    632
    fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
    if his brains were gun powder he couldn't blow his nose
    he's like the south end of a north bound cow.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    6,364
    When dismissing someone’s stupid statement or actions.

    “Go sit in the truck”.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Ogden
    Posts
    6,033
    My dad when talking about ugly people:
    “Like ten miles of bad road”
    “Looks like a mud fence daubed with lizards”


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    none
    Posts
    6,594
    I’m sore.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I smell poutine!!!
    Posts
    10,827
    Quote Originally Posted by Peruvian View Post
    When dismissing someone’s stupid statement or actions.

    “Go sit in the truck”.
    This.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    643
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    I worked for a guy who had a bunch, "Busier than a one-armed paper hanger"
    What does that even mean?

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Access to Granlibakken
    Posts
    7,785
    Think wallpaper installation. With one arm. Visual enough for ya?

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Access to Granlibakken
    Posts
    7,785
    Then there’s the Texas classic ‘all hat and no cattle’. Grandpa was a rancher for years and used that one.

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    49,550
    My grandmother, when she met a couple she didn't like, would say, "well it would've been a shame to spoil two houses."

    Thaleia, that guy was one of yours, from Onterrible in fact. I learned what an eaves trough (maybe it's one word?) is from him. First time he said to me I thought he'd had a stroke or something. When something was shitty he'd say, "well that's a dog's breakfast.". I'll think of more.

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Dystopia
    Posts
    10,891
    !

    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    I wouldn't want to be 24. Well, I would, in some ways, but at least now a schmuck like me at my age can retire and live fairly well off a pension and savings. The economy sort of sucked when I got out of college in the 70s, but it soon took off nicely, in sort of a self perpetuating cycle that was fueled by so many boomers reaching peak consumer age. We were a big generation that bought a ton of houses and cars and skis and shit. We still had pensions, too, and nobody in their right mind was trying to cut SS. Now that biggest generation is at a stage when they stop spending, if they even have any money after owning, like, 56 skis over the years. We sent all the jobs off to other countries in the process , and took away all the benefits. Fuck, we never came out of college a hundred grand in debt. Maybe law school, but certainly not undergrad.

    Now these kids are getting nailed by the third recession in their adult lives (for the oldest), and this one looks like a doozie. Houses are still stupid expensive (I could have bought a two bedroom on the UES in a decent building for 185000 in 1979, and fixer uppers were dirt cheap. We invented This Old House), and so is medical insurance. I have no idea how anybody saves. Now Trump wants to fuck with China and make washing machines and TVs expensive.

    Nah, we had it great. And sex wasn't rolling the dice with the reaper, too.
    “Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.”
    Hunter S. Thompson

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    460
    That's not a real car, it couldn't pull a limp dick out of a bowl of pudding.







    I have never seen a limp dick in a bowl of pudding or a... never mind.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    20,044
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    I worked for a guy who had a bunch, "Busier than a one-armed paper hanger" and when something bad happened, "well it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" are all I remember offhand.
    "About as useful as a screen door in a submarine" is a personal fave.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Shuswap Highlands
    Posts
    2,700
    "You want a beer?" Sure. "Get one for me too while you're at it"

    "Pour me another shot of your inheritance"

    "So recht von herzen hundsgemein können nur verwandte sein"

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •