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  1. #726
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    Mar 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by brutah View Post
    RANT:

    Wife and I are newborn parents. Brother in law came into town last weekend
    1) congrats!
    2) pre-empting him was wise > set clear expectations for his visit
    3) think the fact that he didn't care about what you are your wife care deeply about, says a lot
    4) his response to your calling him out says everything else

    good luck with the lil' one!

  2. #727
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    Agree with everything already said.

  3. #728
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    Quote Originally Posted by brutah View Post
    RANT:

    Wife and I are newborn parents. Brother in law came into town last weekend and stayed with us. He used to live in SLC and has plenty of friends in the valley, but I'm happy he chooses to stay with us. Prior to him arriving, I call him and say look we're still taking this pandemic very seriously and I hope you are going to be/have been taking similar precautions since you are staying with us. He assures me that he is. He arrives and spends most of the weekend at our mutual friend's house who happens to like cocaine and all of my BIL's friends that also seem to really like cocaine also seem to be hanging out with my BIL over the weekend. I don't necessary frown upon cocaine use but think its particularly risky to puting a drug in your nose with a highly contagious disease floating around and I felt that him using inadvertently put my family at greater risk. So i point blank asked our mutual friend, who was like oh yea, we were partying. I then proceed to confront my brother in law who said he didn't feel welcomed at our house and it started with our pre-arrival conversation and that there is "no perfect risk free way to spend time with others" during the pandemic. He then told me he no longer wants to have a personal relationship with me and has since blocked me on all social media accounts/ways of communicating. He also owes me money for skis and told me to have his sister/my wife to contact him for the money he owes me, who I'd rather not get her involved. am I in the wrong? How should I proceed? Also, my wife's family is close. Like we spent 6 weeks living at her parents house this summer and see them almost on a monthly basis....

    and ya, I'm mainly like fuck my BIL. he's sort of a nice guy but super self centered and narcissic which has grown old on me over the years so I'm not really too bent on the "break up" I do think its a little childish of a way to proceed but overall, I'm cool with it and don't see it as much of a lost in terms of friendship.
    Hey man, how come every time I do coke you give me that every time you do coke thing.

  4. #729
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    Feb 2012
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    6,662
    Idiot! This is not the time to be snorting cocaine with groups of people.







    He should be freebasing.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  5. #730
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    Aug 2007
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    People doing coke are fucking losers. As said before he flipped it on you instead of saying sorry. What a little baby.

  6. #731
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    Sep 2005
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    While doing said coke, did they share the rolled up dollar bill or the bump spoon? Or was it BYOB (bring your own bill)?
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "I'd eat a bag of Dicks and wash it down with a Coke any day." - iceman

  7. #732
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    Nov 2002
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    Congrats Brutah! (Family problems suck, sorry.)

  8. #733
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    Nov 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danno View Post
    the whole point of having that convo with him to begin with was to give him the opportunity to decide he wasn't comfortable staying with you, not to say "yeah, yeah, I get it" and then to act in a fashion contrary to what you discussed while still staying with you.
    Yup. You gave him an out. He could have stayed with a friend instead of ignoring your wishes. Fuck him. Sounds like a child anyways, blocking you on social media? Lol.

  9. #734
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    Jul 2005
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    Moose, Iowa
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    Having kids is likely going to completely alter who your friends are over the long term. The narcissistic self serving party till you drop types will be the first to go. Even if you still love them...they just won't be doing the same things. Having people stay at your house as a party base is out. With hindsight you should have told your BIL to stay elsewhere. Lesson learned. Maybe use that as a way to apologize and smooth over the family tension. This isn't about him as much as it is about the change in your life.

  10. #735
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    Mar 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by muted View Post
    I've said from the start of all this, what i worry about is all the dumb parents who don't take things seriously when I'm deciding if my kids should go to school in person.

    From a NYT article reporting on a SLC valley school outbreak, which they claim as possibly one of the worst in the country:

    "Mr. Walker said he had heard from some Corner Canyon parents that there was an agreement among mothers at the school — he called it a “mom code” — not to get their children tested for the virus even if they became ill, to avoid adding to the school’s case count and contributing to it being shut down. "
    its a shame because people with this mindset don't allow you to make truly informed decisions. my wife is a member of a gym in draper and overheard these women discussing this bullshit in aug/sept., trying to convince others. a lot of it was they didn't want to have to deal with their kids at home and of course, sports is a big driver and mostly that football team.

    i've got one in hs and two in middle school and they've been going. it's been interesting for sure. hs started out full go before hitting max case #'s in a few weeks, then hybrid split and now as cases explode, they are back to school at full capacity this week. go figure. the 14 yr old has had two people in his classes test + so they quarantine the kids around them which is usually half the class. no symptoms but had to be held out of school and soccer which make sense. he just got quarantined again yesterday from something last wed so we had him tested this morning so he can go back and work his refereeing job this weekend if clear.

    i will say this. kids are generally trying hard to make this work. they don't want to be working from home all the time but i've noticed my kids say, they like the hybrid schedule the most as it provides a good balance between working on your own and then having in-person instruction to help with various road blocks, etc. that said, kids are stoked to be going to school and trying to make it work.

  11. #736
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    Aug 2006
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    I think you will regret ending this relationship ultimately. Wife's family is close and you are going to really put a lot of pressure on her, and every married guy knows how that goes, regardless of right or wrong. I think emotions are high due to pandemic and this is a you are dead to me type deed IMO. It doesn't sound like he was partying with strangers, but people you both know and semi-trust otherwise.

    That being said, a hiatus until vaccine or this all blows over is definitely in order. That guy knew the ground rules and ignored them. Fuck that shit.
    Live Free or Die

  12. #737
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    Sep 2005
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    I guess I posted about this to get some validation so thanks to all that confirmed that cocaine use is a big NO during the pandemic and I appreciated some of the talking points you all brought up. the wife and I talked about it and she's not too stoked with me. Basically, she wishes I would have left it to her which I think would have been foolish because that would have been the softiest slap on the wrist in history. She is overly defensive of her family, but I think she realizes the harm her brother put us in.

    Quote Originally Posted by snowaddict91 View Post
    Yup. You gave him an out. He could have stayed with a friend instead of ignoring your wishes. Fuck him. Sounds like a child anyways, blocking you on social media? Lol.
    That's kind of the best part: how childish his reaction to being called out. He even blocked me on Strava haha Dude is such a bitch ass baby, it will be hard for me not to "poke the bear" next time i see him.

  13. #738
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdironRider View Post
    I think you will regret ending this relationship ultimately. Wife's family is close and you are going to really put a lot of pressure on her, and every married guy knows how that goes, regardless of right or wrong. I think emotions are high due to pandemic and this is a you are dead to me type deed IMO. It doesn't sound like he was partying with strangers, but people you both know and semi-trust otherwise.

    That being said, a hiatus until vaccine or this all blows over is definitely in order. That guy knew the ground rules and ignored them. Fuck that shit.
    Ya i agree with that. I wish I could just "shut the door" and be done with him. Unfortunately, we'll see him all too often to completely cut him off. Which to me is the funniest part because he basically blocks me when he knows he owes me money and forces my wife into the mix (which I guess was bond to happen).

    It's really too bad it came to this because we have a lot of common interests and often bike/ski together on family trips. Oh well he's a little soft for my taste in adventure partners anyways.

  14. #739
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    Quote Originally Posted by uglymoney View Post
    Having kids is likely going to completely alter who your friends are over the long term. The narcissistic self serving party till you drop types will be the first to go. Even if you still love them...they just won't be doing the same things. Having people stay at your house as a party base is out. With hindsight you should have told your BIL to stay elsewhere. Lesson learned. Maybe use that as a way to apologize and smooth over the family tension. This isn't about him as much as it is about the change in your life.
    Ya I get this and I've had similar conversations with many of my friends during the pandemic, and no one has gotten bent over it. All of my friends have been super understanding of the precautions we've taken and me being upfront about it.

    My little brother is on the "trumper" spectrum and he even was super understanding when I laid out ground rules before his visit.

    I think it just comes down to my BIL doesn't respect me and my wife. And to be honest, he doesn't show a lot of respect to the people in his life so just another reason to more or less be done with dude to the extent I can.

  15. #740
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    Sounds like you see the dynamics of what's going on. Sounds like he's not your friend or a friend you'd want. Hope your wife on board but don't put her in the middle.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  16. #741
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    Quote Originally Posted by wooley12 View Post
    Sounds like you see the dynamics of what's going on. Sounds like he's not your friend or a friend you'd want. Hope your wife on board but don't put her in the middle.
    Ya I don't want to put her the middle of it. I think she's come around already.

    I did appreciate your suggestion to mail him an invoice, but I'm also trying not to stoop to his level of pettiness.

    The last communication between us is from him saying he doesn't want a personal relationship with me. I'm happy to respect his wishes and won't be talking to him unless out of necessity from here on out.
    Last edited by brutah; 10-21-2020 at 02:39 PM.

  17. #742
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    My suggestion was just a suggestion. Sounds like you've got it handled. Getting stiffed by the guy could be a plus. Universally understood.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  18. #743
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    Quote Originally Posted by wooley12 View Post
    Getting stiffed by the guy could be a plus.
    Truth. Sometimes there's more worth in having somebody owe you money than actually getting paid.

  19. #744
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    Oct 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeahman View Post
    Truth. Sometimes there's more worth in having somebody owe you money than actually getting paid.
    This bears repeating. Consider it a leave me the the fuck alone tax.
    Remind me. We'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

  20. #745
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    703
    I would have my statement for mom/dad-in-law down pat. When they ask why you no longer hang with BIL, a stone faced statement on how during COVID times he ignored pleas for common sense and went on a coke binge, which endangered their grandchild and daughter.

    After all, they asked.

    Sent from my SM-T580 using Tapatalk

  21. #746
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    Sep 2020
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    131
    Quote Originally Posted by Iowagriz View Post
    I would have my statement for mom/dad-in-law down pat. When they ask why you no longer hang with BIL, a stone faced statement on how during COVID times he ignored pleas for common sense and went on a coke binge, which endangered their grandchild and daughter.

    After all, they asked.





    Sent from my SM-T580 using Tapatalk

    But if FIL snorts lines off of hookers, that might not be a good communication route. Might fall on deaf ears.

  22. #747
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    Aug 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by getoutside View Post
    a lot of it was they didn't want to have to deal with their kids at home and of course, sports is a big driver and mostly that football team.
    Exactly. So much for the family-centered Mormom life. When shit gets serious, it's Mom first, not family though. I find it great that these momo moms are told to have at least 3 kids (having 2 only replaces their parents when they die) and then are not allowed weed or alcohol. Sucks to be them. I do have sympathy of course but christ buckle up for just a couple semesters and get a bigger Valium prescription.

    Quote Originally Posted by AdironRider View Post
    I think you will regret ending this relationship ultimately. Wife's family is close and you are going to really put a lot of pressure on her, and every married guy knows how that goes, regardless of right or wrong. I think emotions are high due to pandemic and this is a you are dead to me type deed IMO. It doesn't sound like he was partying with strangers, but people you both know and semi-trust otherwise.

    That being said, a hiatus until vaccine or this all blows over is definitely in order. That guy knew the ground rules and ignored them. Fuck that shit.
    You consistently have the worst takes.

  23. #748
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    Dec 2007
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    In the shadow of the wasatch
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    3,801
    Damn Brutah sounds like BIL needs to take a lap.

    My daughter lost her senior year and a probable LAX championship last year but graduated, turned 18 and moved out got a good job and may start school in the spring but is probably waiting till next fall. My 16 yo is a sophomore and struggling a bit but mom teaches at his school and has been on him to stay on top of grades. He is starting to just come out of his shell socially as a real awkward kid so I hate that thia is the world he is growing in. He also plays football and has only missed one game due to the other team quarantining. And school is supremely fucked. Such a reverse knee jerk to the initial shut down. Its a slow motion trainwreck thats picking up speed. 3 weeks in person, 2 weeks online, get yer asses back in class for maybe a hybrid schedule nawww fuckit fulltime. My wifes science classroom is so fucking small you'd say to properly social distance youd maybe get 10 kids in there. Nope 36 to 42 students, more asses than seats. Canyons school board can fucking suckit! Iverson demanded to not hold an emergency school board meeting when CCHS was skyrocketing on a Wednesday because he "didnt want to miss his wedneaday golf game" you cant make this shit up. The principle of Alta HS is out with COVID as of yesterday.

    And I can categorically say Corner Canyon is the cheatingest highschool I have EVER seen the shit they pull on the field is ridiculous the shit their announcers pull is ridiculous but we still beat them handily (sophmore team)

    #GoAltaHawks!

    Sent from a van down by the river
    Bunny Don't Surf

    Have you seen a one armed man around here?

  24. #749
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    Jun 2020
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    Quote Originally Posted by brutah View Post
    I guess I posted about this to get some validation so thanks to all that confirmed that cocaine use is a big NO during the pandemic and I appreciated some of the talking points you all brought up. the wife and I talked about it and she's not too stoked with me. Basically, she wishes I would have left it to her which I think would have been foolish because that would have been the softiest slap on the wrist in history. She is overly defensive of her family, but I think she realizes the harm her brother put us in.



    That's kind of the best part: how childish his reaction to being called out. He even blocked me on Strava haha Dude is such a bitch ass baby, it will be hard for me not to "poke the bear" next time i see him.
    You went about it right; tough part is dealing with the wife as she’ll end up being in the middle. Hopefully she understands BIL is a selfish turd and he put her and the baby as risk. This isn’t something you want a newborn to catch so you can’t be to safe.

  25. #750
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    Sep 2018
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    Quote Originally Posted by happytimefunbox View Post
    Damn Brutah sounds like BIL needs to take a lap.

    My daughter lost her senior year and a probable LAX championship last year but graduated, turned 18 and moved out got a good job and may start school in the spring but is probably waiting till next fall. My 16 yo is a sophomore and struggling a bit but mom teaches at his school and has been on him to stay on top of grades. He is starting to just come out of his shell socially as a real awkward kid so I hate that thia is the world he is growing in. He also plays football and has only missed one game due to the other team quarantining. And school is supremely fucked. Such a reverse knee jerk to the initial shut down. Its a slow motion trainwreck thats picking up speed. 3 weeks in person, 2 weeks online, get yer asses back in class for maybe a hybrid schedule nawww fuckit fulltime. My wifes science classroom is so fucking small you'd say to properly social distance youd maybe get 10 kids in there. Nope 36 to 42 students, more asses than seats. Canyons school board can fucking suckit! Iverson demanded to not hold an emergency school board meeting when CCHS was skyrocketing on a Wednesday because he "didnt want to miss his wedneaday golf game" you cant make this shit up. The principle of Alta HS is out with COVID as of yesterday.

    And I can categorically say Corner Canyon is the cheatingest highschool I have EVER seen the shit they pull on the field is ridiculous the shit their announcers pull is ridiculous but we still beat them handily (sophmore team)

    #GoAltaHawks!

    Sent from a van down by the river
    The entire SLC area is starting to get pretty messed up.

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