Covid and your kids

**Skidog** · 04-12-2021, 06:12 AM

I will say we, as a family, are experiencing what I would call "mental issues" related to covid.
Our schools are planning to go back full time, in person (for those that want), on April 19. They have been doing 2 days a week, alternating classes, with Wednesdays off. We have been trying to get my 8yr old boy back into the swing of it before the 19th by easing him back in. We have been very unsuccessful. He gets into a fit, starts crying, and works himself up so bad that he starts to gag/vomit. Its troubling to watch. Pre Covid the kid couldnt wait to get to school to see his friends. This is not a "bad parenting" issue, I assure you. Its not healthy for kids, in early developmental stages, to be sequestered for a year +. This has nothing to do with masks, or fear of contracting the virus, he is straight up so nervous he doesn't know how to handle it.

This is only my personal experience and I probably shouldn't have shared, but felt it fit...

Being a parent right now is tough, its always tough, but seems we have a whole extra load to handle now.

**Core Shot** · 04-12-2021, 07:01 AM

Sorry dog. That sucks. My youngest has had similar tantrums going to school. He hates the mask. Says he can’t breathe. Gets headaches.

Some mornings he’s thrashing on the floor screaming and crying. It’s painful. My wife screams at him. My style is more soothing and coaching. But those bad days are bad.

And he’s been in person all year.

Side note, who came up with two days on three days off? Wtf. Only one smart district here did one week on one week off. Then the rec department set up remote learning weeks so parents could actually go to work!
Plus, kids get an entire week in person.

**Skidog** · 04-12-2021, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by Core Shot

Sorry dog. That sucks. My youngest has had similar tantrums going to school. He hates the mask. Says he can’t breathe. Gets headaches.

Some mornings he’s thrashing on the floor screaming and crying. It’s painful. My wife screams at him. My style is more soothing and coaching. But those bad days are bad.

And he’s been in person all year.

Side note, who came up with two days on three days off? Wtf. Only one smart district here did one week on one week off. Then the rec department set up remote learning weeks so parents could actually go to work!
Plus, kids get an entire week in person.

Sorry man...the struggle is real. My kids dont mind the masks, and if they had been full time all this past year I can promise we would not be dealing with these tantrums and anxiety. I mean thats what it is...straight up anxiety.

Looks like mental health professionals will cleanup in the kid practices in the next few years. Any youngins planning on school might consider that as a career path.

**wooley12** · 04-12-2021, 08:49 AM

Children often reflect the emotions of the parents that they look to for guidance.. People with kids should take responsibility for their own kids well being . Notice who's kids here are having issues and who's kids are adapting.

**mfcf13** · 04-12-2021, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by wooley12

Children often reflect the emotions of the parents that they look to for guidance.. People with kids should take responsibility for their own kids well being . Notice who's kids here are having issues and who's kids are adapting.

Shut the fuck up idiot. Mental health conditions have a genetic basis, just like asthma. If you see a kid with asthma you don't blame bad parenting, do you?

I get pissed off when child and teen mental health gets the headlines only when politically convenient (as you can see from the banter I had with SkiDog and CoreShot). But that doesn't compare to how pissed off I get when ill informed people connect child mental health conditions to parenting. Short of child abuse, parent communication style is not going to affect a child's mental health outcomes. I have several colleagues who specialize in parent communication coaching. All of them will tell you that parent communication strategies are more about helping the parent to cope than about alleviating the child's mental health condition.

Maybe you're just constipated old man, I suggest you give yourself the claw.

SkiDog and CoreShot, we probably disagree on a lot of things. But parenting style is not why your kids are feeling distress right now. Hang tough and come here to vent, even if you want to vent on me. The good news is that kids and teens are very resilient.

**Core Shot** · 04-12-2021, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

Shut the fuck up idiot. Mental health conditions have a genetic basis, just like asthma. If you see a kid with asthma you don't blame bad parenting, do you?

I get pissed off when kid and teen mental health gets the headlines only when politically convenient (as you can see from the banter I had with SkiDog and CoreShot). But that doesn't compare to how pissed off I get when ill informed people connect child mental health conditions to parenting.

Maybe you're just constipated old man, I suggest you give yourself the claw.

SkiDog and CoreShot, we probably disagree on a lot of things. But parenting style is not why your kids are feeling distress right now. Hang tough and come here to vent, even if you want to vent on me.

Heh. We’re good. I did tell you to fuck off a few posts ago. But it’s what we do here. I don’t think either skidog or I am trying to get political. Sure we all have a political bias.

Thanks for telling Woolley to fuck off. Some parents are gifted with perfect children. Others are tested and challenged.

My case shows genetics etc. oldest boy is great. Has issues sure but we work through them. Youngest has always had issues. Not that bad overall. But when shit goes south it gets ugly.

And my bride has resisted therapy for him for years. Thinks a therapist means you are damaged. I try to explain that therapy means you are smart enough to get help. He’s super bright. Too smart at times. Reminds me of me. And yes I saw a therapist in my youth. Didn’t think it did much at the time but looking back I know it did. Being able to talk to a third party is huge. Particularly when you’re young and the world makes no sense. Also tried Prozac back then and that shit is pure evil. Couldn’t live like that.

Best wishes to all the covid parents.
Strange days indeed.

**Skidog** · 04-12-2021, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

Shut the fuck up idiot. Mental health conditions have a genetic basis, just like asthma. If you see a kid with asthma you don't blame bad parenting, do you?

I get pissed off when child and teen mental health gets the headlines only when politically convenient (as you can see from the banter I had with SkiDog and CoreShot). But that doesn't compare to how pissed off I get when ill informed people connect child mental health conditions to parenting. Short of child abuse, parent communication style is not going to affect a child's mental health outcomes. I have several colleagues who specialize in parent communication coaching. All of them will tell you that parent communication strategies are more about helping the parent to cope than about alleviating the child's mental health condition.

Maybe you're just constipated old man, I suggest you give yourself the claw.

SkiDog and CoreShot, we probably disagree on a lot of things. But parenting style is not why your kids are feeling distress right now. Hang tough and come here to vent, even if you want to vent on me. The good news is that kids and teens are very resilient.

I agree in resiliency . I also think we may have just gotten off on the wrong foot. Internet forums dont always show tone and inflection of voice, so things are lost. You seem aight and I got no issues with you.

I worry about my kids, hopefully they will be alright. Ill do everything I can to make sure they are.

ETA: I was diagnosed ADD in the late 70's early 80's (Ritalin kid), and take Lexapro these days, along with the devils lettuce.

**old_newguy** · 04-12-2021, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

Shut the fuck up idiot. Mental health conditions have a genetic basis, just like asthma. If you see a kid with asthma you don't blame bad parenting, do you?

I get pissed off when child and teen mental health gets the headlines only when politically convenient (as you can see from the banter I had with SkiDog and CoreShot). But that doesn't compare to how pissed off I get when ill informed people connect child mental health conditions to parenting. Short of child abuse, parent communication style is not going to affect a child's mental health outcomes. I have several colleagues who specialize in parent communication coaching. All of them will tell you that parent communication strategies are more about helping the parent to cope than about alleviating the child's mental health condition.

Maybe you're just constipated old man, I suggest you give yourself the claw.

SkiDog and CoreShot, we probably disagree on a lot of things. But parenting style is not why your kids are feeling distress right now. Hang tough and come here to vent, even if you want to vent on me. The good news is that kids and teens are very resilient.

It constantly amazes me how different my two kids are. Personality, resilience to adversity, etc

Almost night and day.

Surely it’s not all genetics though?

Curious about your take on this article? https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/05/childhood-in-an-anxious-age/609079/

Hot garbage?

**wooley12** · 04-12-2021, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

Shut the fuck up idiot. Mental health conditions have a genetic basis, just like asthma..................

Child mental health is a spectrum dood. From what I've seen in 70 years here is that If the parent is crazy posting on a web forum they are probably wringing their hands in worry at home. Some kids will pick it up. Some won't. I though the "Duck and Cover" drills were a respite from class. My wife had nightmares.

Take a lap.

**mfcf13** · 04-12-2021, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by old_newguy

It constantly amazes me how different my two kids are. Personality, resilience to adversity, etc

Almost night and day.

Surely it’s not all genetics though?

Curious about your take on this article? https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...us-age/609079/

Hot garbage?

But genetics doesn't mean that children from the same parents have the same conditions. To wit: one sibling can have asthma, and the other does not have asthma. There's still a genetic basis for the asthma. Just like your two children apparently have different MH profiles. Just like one sibling can be the prom king football player and the other sibling has profound autism.

**Skidog** · 04-12-2021, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by wooley12

Child mental health is a spectrum dood. From what I've seen in 70 years here is that If the parent is crazy posting on a web forum they are probably wringing their hands in worry at home. Some kids will pick it up. Some won't. I though the "Duck and Cover" drills were a respite from class. My wife had nightmares.

Take a lap.

aside from the possibly 10 minutes a day my kids come into my office, they never see or hear me talk about posting on the internet....I dont think it was directed at me, just putting it out there. Being in the tech field for 20+ years you learn a few things.

**old_newguy** · 04-12-2021, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

But genetics doesn't mean that children from the same parents have the same conditions. To wit: one sibling can have asthma, and the other does not have asthma. There's still a genetic basis for the asthma. Just like your two children apparently have different MH profiles. Just like one sibling can be the prom king football player and the other sibling has profound autism.

Sure, but environment typically affects the expression of genes. It’s environment and genes combined.

(I’m not arguing with your expertise in case that isn’t coming across...)

**mfcf13** · 04-12-2021, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by wooley12

Child mental health is a spectrum dood. From what I've seen in 70 years here is that If the parent is crazy posting on a web forum they are probably wringing their hands in worry at home. Some kids will pick it up. Some won't. I though the "Duck and Cover" drills were a respite from class. My wife had nightmares.

Take a lap.

And her nightmares would later come true when she tied the knot with some constipated guy.

Your example proves my point. Your wife perhaps had an anxiety disorder, you did not. It certainly wasn't that your parents provided better support for you and better prepared you for the Duck and Cover drills (the exception to this would be if your wife's parents were abusive and she had PTSD that was triggered by the drills).

Also, based on your "take a lap" phrasing, I am worried that you may have a rare mental health condition called Buttahflake. Seek help immediately.

**mfcf13** · 04-12-2021, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by old_newguy

Sure, but environment typically affects the expression of genes. It’s environment and genes combined.

(I’m not arguing with your expertise in case that isn’t coming across...)

There's definitely environmental factors. But short of parental abuse, those environmental factors are not based on parent communication. Its why my colleagues and I get so pissed off when Dr. Phil (in organizational psychology, not clinical psychology) shames parents for their kid's behavior.

And those environmental factors are really hard to discern. The increase in mental health conditions and child/teen suicide over the last 10 years was initially attributed to increased use of social media use by youth. When researchers took a closer look, they saw that the stronger impact was from the economic fall out from the great recession (economic stress, multiple moves, changing schools).

**old_newguy** · 04-12-2021, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

There's definitely environmental factors. But short of parental abuse, those environmental factors are not based on parent communication. Its why my colleagues and I get so pissed off when Dr. Phil (in organizational psychology, not clinical psychology) shames parents for their kid's behavior.

And those environmental factors are really hard to discern. The increase in mental health conditions and child/teen suicide over the last 10 years was initially attributed to increased use of social media use by youth. When researchers took a closer look, they saw that the stronger impact was from the economic fall out from the great recession (economic stress, multiple moves, changing schools).

Interesting, appreciate the response.

**gravitylover** · 04-12-2021, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

Also, based on your "take a lap" phrasing, I am worried that you may have a rare mental health condition called Buttahflake. Seek help immediately.

Haha

My 'kids' are 22 now but just lost the better half of their junior year and all of their senior year of college. They've spent damn near every waking moment with us since they had to bail out from the dorm last year. They were really just starting to come into their own and figure out who they were and now it's like we've gone back to the end of high school. Their world revolves around their screens now, they rarely talk to their friends other than chat groups and they've started to drift away from those as there's, not much left to bullshit about after a year of the same shit.

It isn't just younger kids that have fallen behind socially.

**wooley12** · 04-12-2021, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by mfcf13

And her nightmares would later come true when she tied the knot with some constipated guy.

Your example proves my point. Your wife perhaps had an anxiety disorder, you did not. It certainly wasn't that your parents provided better support for you and better prepared you for the Duck and Cover drills (the exception to this would be if your wife's parents were abusive and she had PTSD that was triggered by the drills).

Also, based on your "take a lap" phrasing, I am worried that you may have a rare mental health condition called Buttahflake. Seek help immediately.

Maybe, maybe not. On all of your opinions. It depends. I base my observations on a lot of up close and personal observation. Some kids in therapy and on meds, some just "nervous" at times, others are "like whatever, lets play tag". Maybe if you see the more clinically affected all day your view is skewed. As a professional I think you'll agree that parents attitudes can have an effect on child behavior in times of family crisis. Like a life changing world wide pandemic. Carry on.

**mfcf13** · 04-12-2021, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by gravitylover

Haha

My 'kids' are 22 now but just lost the better half of their junior year and all of their senior year of college. They've spent damn near every waking moment with us since they had to bail out from the dorm last year. They were really just starting to come into their own and figure out who they were and now it's like we've gone back to the end of high school. Their world revolves around their screens now, they rarely talk to their friends other than chat groups and they've started to drift away from those as there's, not much left to bullshit about after a year of the same shit.

It isn't just younger kids that have fallen behind socially.

This is very true. I am more worried for teens/young adults than for kids because at least the kids are going to have more runway to regain their social and academic stride. I really hope that there are more internships and sheltered learning experiences because it is already a big jump from college to the real world, it will be harder now without some structured opportunities for young adults to take that step. Central Europe has a way better system, where they have apprenticeships instead of just University straight to employment (and not just in the trades, but in business, law, etc).

**Buzzworthy** · 04-12-2021, 07:36 PM

16yo daughter has not been out in public comfortably since it all started. Very anxious in general and with mom, the physician working in a hospital, as the only income during this time, daughter took it very seriously.
Her first shot 3 weeks ago has opened her back up like I really had hoped to see as a dad. It’s hard to see your child having such a difficult time while never seeing friends.
Her bestie came over Friday and stayed the weekend. Makes me so happy she can be a “kid” again now.
For mom and dad, we’ve sure seen the psychological effects of this pandemic.
Her second shot is Thursday and I’m ecstatic!

**funkendrenchman** · 04-18-2021, 09:01 PM

Any suggestions for a KN95 for a 4 year old?

**Skidog** · 04-19-2021, 06:57 AM

I will say this. Local elementary is allowing all kids back 4 days a week. My son hasnt been in person for almost a year. He's very anxious about it, and we have talks about "ok in person school tomorrow" and he says he's cool with it, but when the time comes he starts to freak out and make himself sick, like vomitting.....you can claim all you want that the mental effects from Covid aren't all that "real", but trust me i'm seeing it first hand in my home...its hard to watch. I really don't even see the point in attempting to bring them back in person at this point. Its friggin like 1.5 months of school left. Why not just get a PERFECT plan ready for Sept.? So disorganized. Plus going to school with plexiglass dividers, minimal socialization, etc just doesnt seem like a good experience either. Such a shame.

**Core Shot** · 04-19-2021, 08:57 AM

Dayummm

I feel for you mags.
Thankfully my boys are in catholic school. Been in person all year. How the fuck can the kiddy diddling diocese get this right compared to the public system.
I hate paying for school. Once in my life I was hoping to get my money’s worth on my real estate taxes. But no. Public school sucked so bad pre covid that I have to pay for that as well. Fml.

There’s a whole generation of scared and undereducated kids on the scene. We need to get them back on track.

Plus, with masking. How will my son learn about . . .