Coronavirus complaint/commiseration thread.

[DBdude]

wait till you want a down payment on a house

buy the house and then go to france = you'll see

[PNWbrit]

wait till you want a down payment on a house

buy the house and then go to france = you'll see

Wedding day is the least important day of a marriage.

[doebedoe]

wait till you want a down payment on a house

buy the house and then go to france = you'll see

Already bought the house. Thanks for the great advice though.

[Danno]

I can't think of something that matters more than a week of time with our families hanging out, drinking good wine and eating good food.

Preach.

[concretejungle]

oy

i don't regret my marriage but the money her old man spent on the wedding would have been a down payment on a house in seattle in the late 90's with the incomes we had

save your fucking money for something that matters - not dinner for a hundred and twenty people with all the amenities

I was offered a check for slightly less than the cost of my wedding by my ex's dad. I tried my damnedest to convince her but that was a non-starter. Certainly would have helped her pay down her cc debt that continues to this day.

[hawkgt]

CO.

rent rv's, group campsite.

[Mustonen]

I have complaints. I haven't seen my kids in over a month.

I still work and go into the office a couple times/week. I basically stick to my office; most staff are working from home so it's pretty dead around here. My ex considers herself high risk, which... whatever, and also consider the kids high risk due to asthma. So when this started she told me she wasn't comfortable with maintaining the custody order. I told her I disagreed, so she told the kids that if they went to my house it might be five+ months before they were able to see her again or risk the coronavirus killing her, and that if they were exposed to the coronavirus it might be really really bad for them because they have asthma, but that because she doesn't go to work or anywhere else her house was the safest; and then she told them it was their decision.

For her part, she works in an essential industry too (call center, insurance) but refuses to go to work and is on short term disability and collecting unemployment for the foreseeable future (according to what the kids tell me). So when I do talk to my kids, they ask me why I have to keep going to work, why can't I just stay home so they can see me, etc. The things I want to say, such as "so your mom can have a nice house whether or not she goes to work" aren't really appropriate. I try to explain that working is still important, and we are fortunate that we don't have to worry about money through all of this, but the framing that I "choose" to go to work and therefore "choose" not to see them is hard to escape.

So that's been fun, and was the status quo, with a small blip when my ex's employer offered to pay her time and a half to come back. She talked about that with the kids and that apparently was worth the risk. So she went in for a few hours but had a panic attack and came back home. I try to avoid value judgments with all that, such as that her time and a half is still a fraction of my normal salary or that my ability to socially distance at my work far exceeds her ability to do the same at her work.

At least she has nothing going on, and is best positioned to run homeschool for them. Except she sleeps in until afternoon and tells them the stuff they're learning in math (quadratic equations, 7th grade algebra, etc.) is stupid and they'll never need it and she can't really help them. My oldest wants to be an engineer, for chrissake. They do fun activities, like bleach the whole house every day or two, whether or not they've gone anywhere recently.

For the time being, the courts aren't really open for this kind of business, so I don't have a lot of great options.

Yeah, this sucks... Catching up on lots of TV, though, so.... cool.

The area is slowly starting to open up. I asked my ex how she wanted to handle restarting the custody schedule. She hemmed and hawed....until I told her it’s time to begin to honor the custody schedule and if she didn’t I’d 100% take her to court and I’d win. She started in on the bullshit about how the whole thing was the kids’ choice, and I told her that would only serve to create the narrative that she’d terrified the kids of seeing their father. The bullshit didn’t really end there.... but eventually she said she was going to have to go back to work next week anyways so at that point we may as well go back to the custody schedule. I have back time owed at this point, but I’m not pressing the point at this moment. Need to ease back into it for the kids’ sake and my sake.

The BS ensues, though.... today she told me that when she gets groceries or goes anywhere the routine is that all clothes go onto a special rug and they get laundered immediately after a shower. Also, groceries are taken out of any kind of wrapper (think bags out of cereal boxes) before coming into the house and anything that doesn’t lend itself to that is disinfected. When I told her that I was careful but that I for sure didn’t do all that, she asked me to please start.

Also, tonight the kids told me that she wants them to wear their masks the entire time that they’re at my house. I don’t see them until next week, so we’ll see if they follow through on that insanity. She also started to have fires in her driveway and has been inviting me over for “social distancing” to visit. She doesn’t invite my girlfriend, just me, and she gets the kids in on it so that I have to tell them no, too....

She’s a fucking nut. The problem is she doesn’t really present as a total nutcase, so it gets a little tricky to navigate.... and even if not, there’s little benefit to my kids for their community or themselves to think their mom is looney.

Lots of tongue biting going on, though. Not sure how to talk through all of this with the kids... we’ll probably figure it out....

[Skidog]

Because we want to get married and we want our family to celebrate.

We are planning to go over the following year. But frankly -- who knows what travel looks like then especially for the 5 guests over 70 years old.

I did forget to add that it does suck so vibes

Tough times especially with stuff you have to plan way in advance.

Maybe rethink the whole thing and cut back. Then when things calm down do a nutty honeymoon? Not a consolation but....

Good luck and congrats.

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[Skidog]

Already bought the house. Thanks for the great advice though.

And 5k wouldn't help somewhere in said house? Paying down debt?

Just saying..I get the comment was harsh. Today's new realities are what they are. Used to be, is no more.

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[concretejungle]

I have back time owed at this point, but I’m not pressing the point at this moment. Need to ease back into it for the kids’ sake and my sake.

Good job and way to stay strong. This is a good idea and I think it's important to keep their schedule as normal as possible and taking all of your time owed would fuck that all up. We changed to a week on/week off schedule and our kid weathered the storm for a bit but last week she asked to go back to 2/2/3 and had reasons why (too long without seeing each of us) so we're back after this weekend and truth be told I prefer it this way.

[uglymoney]

Well -- our plan was never like that but thanks.

We were gonna spend about $5k on the wedding including housing our families for a week in the french countryside and having a private chef the night of.

I can't think of something that matters more than a week of time with our families hanging out, drinking good wine and eating good food.

That would have been awesome.

Our wedding day/long weekend was one of the best days of my life. We rented a huge house. It was about 15 people. Some money was spent but not too much. All worth it. Sorry mang.

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[Buster Highmen]

We threw our own wedding at our old rivershack and it was a gas.

Made our own food with friends, used to have a huDge 6' grill, buddies manned the grill and drank and smoked. We built an 80 foot long table out of plywood, saw horses and a 100 foor long table runner with enormous bouquets. Art installations happened, musician friends got a band together. Got massively smashed, danced into the night, it was a total blast.

Be abundant, fuck the times and excuses.

[MakersTeleMark]

Wedding day is the least important day of a marriage.

Divorce?

[Ottime]

So he is adapting and that's great, he sounds like a bad-ass. My kids are adapting to their day-to-day also. I've talked about this 'kids are resilient' theory to a few people since you posted it though, it just seemed a bit simplified. What I learned or concluded from these talks is young kids don't have the tools emotionally from a developmental standpoint to be truly resilient or have the freedom, like an adult has, to make their own choices in order to weather this storm. So without adult help (as needed) young kids can't possibly do better than adults who are more emotionally prepared and have many tools/solutions at their disposal. (alcohol!) Will some kids be fine by themselves? Sure. All these kids will be changed in some ways after this.

What happens to your kid if you get sick? What happens to my 6 year old if her Nana dies? Things could get more complicated for them and for us. I'm not sitting up mulling this over, I'm the least stressed guy you will ever meet, but I'm saying, again, check yer kids, watch for stress signs, and hope the bubble we are in stays inflated. Because young kids can be resilient only to a point, and yeah you are totally spot-on with saying, now I think about it, that hugs and kisses do help a shitload.

Sure, it is simplified. And every child is different. Hamilton had as about a shitty a youth as anyone and was able to move forward and achieve great things. Of course, he got himself shot in in the chest because of pride, but aside from that... The kids need help. We all need help. My tool set has not prepared me for this type of thing much more than my son's tool set. But he rolls with the punches better. This odd way of moving through the world is not as odd to him as it is to me. Everything is still odd to him. Those hugs and kisses help me out nearly, if not more, than they help him out. Some moments are a total shit stop in his life. We have both had moments of fucking hating this shit. And of course, look out for those who you love and are sheltered with right now. Especially the littles, because, after ll they are littles.

[PNWbrit]

Divorce?

Not yet.

[happytimefunbox]

Found out last week that R, a good friend and neighbor, had his wife, mother and father, brother and brother n law test positive and varying degrees of being super sick, with mom being transferred from the local hospital up to SLC for intubation. Found out yesterday mom is really bad off in a coma, father in ICU at the local hospital and now my buddy R is wrecked with it. These are great folks R is an administrator at a local school and has taught both of my kids. About once a month outside of winter would chat over the back fence and drink some "secret beers". We dropped off a few days worth of dinners to them last night, stood in the road and spoke to their teenage kids who were in the doorway, they are doing all right all things considered. Said their mom is two days in a row without a fever so that is a good thing. R is my age pretty fit eats well hikesalot not a science denier type so I know he was on top of the PPE and precautions but this could take him out as easily as it beating his mother up. This fate could befall any one of us its fucking frightening and humbling

R's mother passed from this plane into the next one yesterday afternoon. Fuck covid19

[snowaddict91]

R's mother passed from this plane into the next one yesterday afternoon. Fuck covid19

Vibes for your friend and his family

[Bunion 2020]

I agree with that and our Costco was pretty chill the last time I went in. I think it's the least a business can do to require their staff to wear a mask. I'm masked up all day at work and I hope that it makes the people I interact with feel a little bit better.

Counterpoint. GF Craiglist:

Costco gets rich contributing to death, but your rights don't matter (Great Falls)
Explain the logic behind this.
Costco has chosen to mandate the wearing of masks (repeatedly proven to not to be effective for stopping the transmission of any airborne virus- look it up, the facts are there) for Covid-19 but they sell cigarettes, vapes and tobacco products.

Covid-19 has a 1-5% death rate (depending on the accuracy of the tests that have up to a 30% false positive rate) for the people who become infected. Smoking has repeatedly been proven year after year to kill 60-70% of those that use it (over 480,000 a year in the US alone). Look it up on the CDC website. All the stats are there for you to see. I'm not making up any of the information.

Costco will forgo your constitutional rights to decide for yourself if you want a medical act imposed on you (yes, wearing a mask is a medical act) just to walk in the doors (despite you paying to be able to do so beforehand) and force you to wear something proven that will not protect you from transmitting or getting Covid-19. BUT, they will enrich themselves by selling tobacco/vaping products proven to kill 60-70% of the people buying it from them. Where's their protective measures in place to save 480,000 American's a year? That's over 400,000 more people dead from smoking than Covid-19. How about the 41,000 proven to have died just from second hand smoke?

Where's your logic Costco? Hypocrite much?

[doebedoe]

We threw our own wedding at our old rivershack and it was a gas.

Made our own food with friends, used to have a huDge 6' grill, buddies manned the grill and drank and smoked. We built an 80 foot long table out of plywood, saw horses and a 100 foor long table runner with enormous bouquets. Art installations happened, musician friends got a band together. Got massively smashed, danced into the night, it was a total blast.

Be abundant, fuck the times and excuses.

Of course.

And I love the last line.

[doebedoe]

R's mother passed from this plane into the next one yesterday afternoon. Fuck covid19

Vibes for your buddy and you.

[splat]

We threw our own wedding at our old rivershack and it was a gas.

Made our own food with friends, used to have a huDge 6' grill, buddies manned the grill and drank and smoked. We built an 80 foot long table out of plywood, saw horses and a 100 foor long table runner with enormous bouquets. Art installations happened, musician friends got a band together. Got massively smashed, danced into the night, it was a total blast.

Be abundant, fuck the times and excuses.

Totally beautiful. I got married at a ski resort. I'd have rather done what you did, Buster.

[TahoeJ]

Also, tonight the kids told me that she wants them to wear their masks the entire time that they’re at my house.

Jesus Christ. Vibes on having to deal with a whack job. She sounds even worse than my ex.

[Pinner]

We threw our own wedding at our old rivershack and it was a gas.

Made our own food with friends, used to have a huDge 6' grill, buddies manned the grill and drank and smoked. We built an 80 foot long table out of plywood, saw horses and a 100 foor long table runner with enormous bouquets. Art installations happened, musician friends got a band together. Got massively smashed, danced into the night, it was a total blast.

Be abundant, fuck the times and excuses.

Same but different.

Our ceremony was at a public park (Garden of the Gods)
Best friend officiated ("Mawige is whot bwings us togever todaay...)
Our families stayed together in a massive vacation house (http://www.pikeviewlodge.com)
We cooked our own food. Sang our own songs. Took our own photos.
Good times with a buncha clowns.

[DBdude]

Already bought the house. Thanks for the great advice though.

france - here you come! bon voyage when you get to go - seriously - go to Provence. that's where the guy who paid for my wedding went

[Danno]

Pinner sighting! rare these days.