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  1. #76
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    Apr 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by Core Shot View Post
    That song sucks.

    It was edgy the first few times.
    Now it makes me want to suicide.
    I made a thread with that song for my lost bros
    and bumped random threads for a month when I was broke dick and eatin downers
    and dbs and dbt where poliassfuckin this place to the point of a lot of good mags left

    steeps pcmr 83
    the two in white lookers left are gone
    the big dudes old man had a utarded meat processing plant and hooked up with ray croc early on
    so we stayed in their house that trip
    holy amounts of snow on a scale of midwest mindboggliness
    blob blew his brains out in front of his dad to prove he was in charge and wasn't goin to amy whinehouse rehab the year I moved out here
    TL passed a couple years ago I don't need to know answers tox reports or speculate he had beat ass cancer but still had health issues
    if I never get another youre bro passed last night ill be good for a while
    my brother stevie wonders in blacks has been a manic depressive heart of gold basket case hes been pretty good about takin meds
    life long walgreens worker talked to him last weak, scared shitless to keep working, his ocd cleanliness habits may save him
    convinced him to move west once folks he help care for pass
    the other one in conifer hoping to keep his cad gig twin daughters hoping for volleyb/ academic
    sent me a text smashed front teeth lost 1, 4 root canals and crowns on others
    rode the ladder down when feet swept out
    id roped him into helping me roof enough that hed shouda known better and gave him shit for stressing the health care system during pandemics
    and hed shouda gone fishins
    if im a yeti myth and him mine
    mythical help matters
    or sure doesn't suck
    "When the child was a child it waited patiently for the first snow and it still does"- Van "The Man" Morrison
    "I find I have already had my reward, in the doing of the thing" - Buzz Holmstrom
    "THIS IS WHAT WE DO"-AML -ski on in eternal peace
    "I have posted in here but haven't read it carefully with my trusty PoliAsshat antenna on."-DipshitDanno

  2. #77
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
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    Dystopia
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    21,054
    Quote Originally Posted by skifishbum View Post
    I made a thread with that song for my lost bros
    and bumped random threads for a month when I was broke dick and eatin downers
    and dbs and dbt where poliassfuckin this place to the point of a lot of good mags left

    steeps pcmr 83
    the two in white lookers left are gone
    the big dudes old man had a utarded meat processing plant and hooked up with ray croc early on
    so we stayed in their house that trip
    holy amounts of snow on a scale of midwest mindboggliness
    blob blew his brains out in front of his dad to prove he was in charge and wasn't goin to amy whinehouse rehab the year I moved out here
    TL passed a couple years ago I don't need to know answers tox reports or speculate he had beat ass cancer but still had health issues
    if I never get another youre bro passed last night ill be good for a while
    my brother stevie wonders in blacks has been a manic depressive heart of gold basket case hes been pretty good about takin meds
    life long walgreens worker talked to him last weak, scared shitless to keep working, his ocd cleanliness habits may save him
    convinced him to move west once folks he help care for pass
    the other one in conifer hoping to keep his cad gig twin daughters hoping for volleyb/ academic
    sent me a text smashed front teeth lost 1, 4 root canals and crowns on others
    rode the ladder down when feet swept out
    id roped him into helping me roof enough that hed shouda known better and gave him shit for stressing the health care system during pandemics
    and hed shouda gone fishins
    if im a yeti myth and him mine
    mythical help matters
    or sure doesn't suck
    Jeebus sfb
    Heavy shit.

    The three close peeps I’ve lost pissed me off. Made me angry. At the time.

    Lately I’ve been more understanding.
    Maybe it’s being closer to the end.
    . . .

  3. #78
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    Sep 2018
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    6,643
    A high schooler of a family I am close to decided yesterday that this life wasn't where he wanted to be. It's kinda crushing me, and I can't even stand what it must be like for them.

    I have memories of him when he was innocent and little and going to school with my daughter that I can't, and don't want to, get out of my head.

    This is a hard time for a lot of people. Be there for your loved ones, listen and watch. Maybe you can save someone from making a decision that can't be reversed.

  4. #79
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    Last Best City in the Last Best Place
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    Quote Originally Posted by EWG View Post
    A high schooler of a family I am close to decided yesterday that this life wasn't where he wanted to be. It's kinda crushing me, and I can't even stand what it must be like for them.

    I have memories of him when he was innocent and little and going to school with my daughter that I can't, and don't want to, get out of my head.

    This is a hard time for a lot of people. Be there for your loved ones, listen and watch. Maybe you can save someone from making a decision that can't be reversed.
    That sucks man. Depression is an ugly beast, especially when it strikes the young. Vibes.

  5. #80
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Not Brooklyn
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    8,319
    Quote Originally Posted by EWG View Post
    A high schooler of a family I am close to decided yesterday that this life wasn't where he wanted to be. It's kinda crushing me, and I can't even stand what it must be like for them.

    I have memories of him when he was innocent and little and going to school with my daughter that I can't, and don't want to, get out of my head.

    This is a hard time for a lot of people. Be there for your loved ones, listen and watch. Maybe you can save someone from making a decision that can't be reversed.
    I'm very sorry to hear this. My father is a prominent suicidologist (if there is such a thing). He says that survivors often suffer more the second year after a suicide than the first. The healing process is very slow and the guilt can be excruciating even when unfounded. People, especially parents, tear themselves up. He would strongly recommended counseling for this family and could possibly recommend an expert (as opposed to a typical family councelor) in your area. I've connected him with people all over the country in the past, including some close friends, and he has always been able to find someone local with the right expertise and experience. PM me if you think he might be able to help.

    This offer goes for everyone else in a similar situation too.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a using TGR Forums mobile app

  6. #81
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    Oct 2003
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    slc
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    So sorry, EWG. No one should ever have to go through that.

  7. #82
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    35,250
    Quote Originally Posted by EWG View Post
    A high schooler of a family I am close to decided yesterday that this life wasn't where he wanted to be. It's kinda crushing me, and I can't even stand what it must be like for them.

    I have memories of him when he was innocent and little and going to school with my daughter that I can't, and don't want to, get out of my head.

    This is a hard time for a lot of people. Be there for your loved ones, listen and watch. Maybe you can save someone from making a decision that can't be reversed.
    Fuck man. That hurts reading. I’m truly sorry.
    I still call it The Jake.

  8. #83
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
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    in a freezer in Italy
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    7,183
    Quote Originally Posted by Core Shot View Post
    Anyone know about micro dosing?

    Been decades since I left my skull. No desire to go out again.

    But what about these low dose studies?
    I can’t handle big pharma meds.
    So, yeah, I know a little. Way back in the day I, um, fully explored the psychedelic landscape. Conservatively dropped 200+ times over a 3-4 year period. Very conservatively. Learned some things. Chief among the the things I learned was the fact I needed to stop, so I did. Didn't touch any psychedelics for 30+ years.

    Couple years ago I started reading about microdosing here and there, and notably on here. Expressed an interest in trying it and a maggot hooked me up. Sent me 6 tabs of very clean acid, which I followed the microdosing protocols with precisely.

    I would have to say that overall, it was a negative. Put me in a weird place mentally. If you've ever dosed you know the feeling when it's kicking in. Microdosing, that starts, but then nothing. You're not taken away or shown anything at all, you're just kinda very mildy buzzed and, at least in my case, bummed that I even tried it again.

    I mean, I know what it is. I stopped doing it because I needed to stop. So why am I doing it now? And not even getting buzzed? I dunno, it lead me in weird paths in my brain, I didn't enjoy it, and I certainly didn't get anything revealed to me nor did I come to any deeper understanding of anything, or even have fun.

    I still have 4 tabs left. Can't even tell you why I haven't given or thrown them away because I don't know.

    I can't recommend it in good conscience. Maybe if you never dosed it might help open a door that's closed. But for me, no.
    Last edited by ötzi; 11-19-2020 at 08:41 PM.

  9. #84
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    19,215
    Take all 4. A door will open, I assure you.

    My sophomore year in HS I conducted a personal experiment of dropping 2 tabs of green monster a day for 30 days. When AP chem became actually a struggle to get right, I quit. Didn't do any for at least 20 years afterwards.

    Go big, or go home.

  10. #85
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    Jun 2020
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    in a freezer in Italy
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    My man I've been as far as you can go with that before. No thanks on the all 4 at once but not because I'm scared, I just don't want it.

  11. #86
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    Jun 2020
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    in a freezer in Italy
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    I have considered it though, to be fully honest.

    At least the semi-weird situation of having 4 tabs of killer acid sitting there in my bedside table would be over.

  12. #87
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    Sep 2018
    Posts
    6,643
    Thanks all. The words help. Black Diamonds I will most likely reach out in a little while. This family will need all the help they can get.

    I just can’t fathom what the parents are going to have to go through. I’m so desperately sorry for them.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  13. #88
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    Sep 2005
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    Not in the PRB
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    32,785
    Oof, that was so hard to read. EWG, peace to you and your family, and to your friends. I can't even imagine.
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy

  14. #89
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    8
    My condelences. As someone who suffers from serve depression and have tried to commit suicide as recent as 6 months ago, and one of the few things stopping me is hearing about all the snow piling up at Crystal. Life is hard as a transwoman, but I wouldn't be here if I didn't transition and reach out for help. I am now in poverty, living with two roommates in a house in Seattle. I had the money for the locals pass this year but unfortunately crazy shit happened with my most recent ex. Now its just time worry about buying a day or two and skinning the rest. I'm ready to hitchhike need be. Life kinda sucks right now, but as long as I can make it out a few days I'll be able to get in a better position in life.

  15. #90
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    Apr 2006
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    Movin' On
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    3,716
    I'm sorry for everyone who is hurting. One of my all-time best friends killed himself 4 years ago. He had been through some intense stuff- Had been to one of the academies, was a fighter pilot, made it to Captain, and then became a conscientious objector over the war in Iraq. He finished his commitment in a non-combat role. He was incredibly principled and was so far along on a journey of self-discovery and transcendence.

    Through it all, he never got over the pain of some childhood trauma and one evening he went on a hike with a rope to one of his favorite spots overlooking the mountains and ended it all. He had told his wife he just needed to go on a walk. Hearing from her was one of the worst phone calls of my life.

    Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

  16. #91
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    19,215
    One of my friends hung himself in the garage in middle school. His parents gave me his front row Allman Brothers ticket and said go, instead of going to the memorial. I've dealt with so much suicide over the years it's ridiculous. I have a wall of shame of newspaper articles, memorial cards, and wristbands. I plan on at least 2 a year and that is fucked up, but so is life.

  17. #92
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    Jul 2005
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    Verdi NV
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    I have heard of people killing themselves,. But I guess I am fortunate that it's never hit close to home.

    Rather than type some more stupid stuff,. I would just say vibes and hope that anyone here would give us a heads up if you're thinking along these lines

  18. #93
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    Apr 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by EWG View Post
    A high schooler of a family I am close to decided yesterday that this life wasn't where he wanted to be. It's kinda crushing me, and I can't even stand what it must be like for them.

    I have memories of him when he was innocent and little and going to school with my daughter that I can't, and don't want to, get out of my head.

    This is a hard time for a lot of people. Be there for your loved ones, listen and watch. Maybe you can save someone from making a decision that can't be reversed.
    vibes from the heart that knows such heaviness and a mind that still searches for answers i probably dont really need to know
    and keep on keepin on roxygirl especially
    "When the child was a child it waited patiently for the first snow and it still does"- Van "The Man" Morrison
    "I find I have already had my reward, in the doing of the thing" - Buzz Holmstrom
    "THIS IS WHAT WE DO"-AML -ski on in eternal peace
    "I have posted in here but haven't read it carefully with my trusty PoliAsshat antenna on."-DipshitDanno

  19. #94
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    SW CO
    Posts
    1,083
    I lost my go to water ski buddy 4 years ago. I think about it daily. I replay the day it happened over and over, he called me in the morning and asked if I wanted to have dinner that night. After he hung up he went and bought a rifle and drove to a ghetto motel and pulled the trigger. I text from my kids school that it is on lockdown because somebody has been shot at a nearby motel no other details were released. He was 40 years old, wife, two kids. We hit the lake 5 days a week from mid April to mid October for years. I still don't know it's him. I go to dinner, he doesn't show. I call and leave him a voicemail giving him shit for standing me up. Then my phone rings and I find out. Fucked my head bad, didn't ski for two years after that. Even now I struggle with it daily, I still feel like I should have done more, I should have recognized the signs.

  20. #95
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    Jul 2005
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    Verdi NV
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    Quote Originally Posted by easyrdr View Post
    I lost my go to water ski buddy 4 years ago. I think about it daily. I replay the day it happened over and over, he called me in the morning and asked if I wanted to have dinner that night. After he hung up he went and bought a rifle and drove to a ghetto motel and pulled the trigger. I text from my kids school that it is on lockdown because somebody has been shot at a nearby motel no other details were released. He was 40 years old, wife, two kids. We hit the lake 5 days a week from mid April to mid October for years. I still don't know it's him. I go to dinner, he doesn't show. I call and leave him a voicemail giving him shit for standing me up. Then my phone rings and I find out. Fucked my head bad, didn't ski for two years after that. Even now I struggle with it daily, I still feel like I should have done more, I should have recognized the signs.
    Was there any insight into why? A wife, kid's friend's. All left to deal with it?

  21. #96
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    Jan 2004
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    SW CO
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    Quote Originally Posted by MTT View Post
    Was there any insight into why? A wife, kid's friend's. All left to deal with it?
    Closet alcoholic. Never knew. On the surface dude had it all, six figure job, wife/kids, friends, in every aspect he was a success. He was so good at functioning and hiding it. Only after the fact did I realize there were clues along the way.

  22. #97
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    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    My man I've been as far as you can go with that before. No thanks on the all 4 at once but not because I'm scared, I just don't want it.
    My man, like Denzel Washington says it.

  23. #98
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    Roxxy is BeardMech? Wow. Not doxxing or stalking, I was just wondering if we were being trolled.

    That’s got to be some super heavy shit. Making the decision and coming out must be tough, but you’re old enough to know it’s the right thing to do for you.
    but the hormone treatments must be an extra loop on the roller coaster of life. I tried injecting T a few years ago. It was like being a teenage boy and then a pms teenage girl. Hormones and emotions are intertwined

    Hang in there. It’s always worth living for one more powder day.
    . . .

  24. #99
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    Aug 2018
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    beaverhead county
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    Quote Originally Posted by Core Shot View Post
    Anyone know about micro dosing?

    Been decades since I left my skull. No desire to go out again.

    But what about these low dose studies?
    I can’t handle big pharma meds.
    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing

    this is the cursory study i did on the subject but there is a lot of regurgitated information that covers it all pretty well.
    swing your fucking sword.

  25. #100
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    Oct 2008
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    Colorado
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    Quote Originally Posted by easyrdr View Post
    Closet alcoholic. Never knew. On the surface dude had it all, six figure job, wife/kids, friends, in every aspect he was a success. He was so good at functioning and hiding it. Only after the fact did I realize there were clues along the way.
    In our society men are def discouraged from sharing feelings of depression. Therefore we will suffer quietly rather than tell anyone, whether it be for fear of derision or simply not wanting to lay our burden on others.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    Keystone is fucking lame. But, deadly.

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