Depression kills

[Buster Highmen]

I mean, I know what it is. I stopped doing it because I needed to stop. So why am I doing it now? And not even getting buzzed? I dunno, it lead me in weird paths in my brain, I didn't enjoy it, and I certainly didn't get anything revealed to me nor did I come to any deeper understanding of anything, or even have fun.

I still have 4 tabs left. Can't even tell you why I haven't given or thrown them away because I don't know.

I can't recommend it in good conscience. Maybe if you never dosed it might help open a door that's closed. But for me, no.

I remember really, really fun times, doing some stupid and risky shit but being so completely amazed and intrigued. Glibly slibling the ibbly jib. That was all in a time and place where it worked.

But now I kind of think of it as going back to see an old girlfriend and having expectations that it will be just as awesome, just as snug and just as good. The thing is that I don't want to risk the disappointment. Plus, I'm just in a different place with more responsibilities and less opportunities. So I haven't gone back, but I do wonder.

My best friend's wife has gone off the deep end; I'd mentioned it here. She's clinically depressed. My pal lost his job because he had to stay home for her and he's a serious alcoholic. I didn't know what to do other than call him up on the regular and just be an ear. He's beginning to come out of his deal. But yeah, sometimes just being there and maybe reaching out to them helps.

[zion zig zag]

I remember really, really fun times, doing some stupid and risky shit but being so completely amazed and intrigued. Glibly slibling the ibbly jib. That was all in a time and place where it worked.

But now I kind of think of it as going back to see an old girlfriend and having expectations that it will be just as awesome, just as snug and just as good. The thing is that I don't want to risk the disappointment. Plus, I'm just in a different place with more responsibilities and less opportunities. So I haven't gone back, but I do wonder.

Nailed it.

[Bobcat Sig]

I'm very sorry to hear this. My father is a prominent suicidologist (if there is such a thing). He says that survivors often suffer more the second year after a suicide than the first. The healing process is very slow and the guilt can be excruciating even when unfounded. People, especially parents, tear themselves up. He would strongly recommended counseling for this family and could possibly recommend an expert (as opposed to a typical family councelor) in your area. I've connected him with people all over the country in the past, including some close friends, and he has always been able to find someone local with the right expertise and experience. PM me if you think he might be able to help.

This offer goes for everyone else in a similar situation too.

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Thanks for sharing. I've now lost two close friends this year. Back at the start of the 'rona lockdown, one walked into his garage and ate a bullet. It was a blow. I made fast friends with him after moving back to Oregon. We took several epic motorcycle trips together and he helped me with my Porsche. He was an incredibly talented mechanic and fabricator, having worked on some of Porsches most iconic and successful vintage race car. Many in the region sought him out to maintain the vintage 356 and 911 cars. He built some noteworthy pre-war BMW motorcycles.

Many things around me were gifts of his; the desk I type this post on was a mid-century State of Oregon piece he sourced for me, the workbench in my garage - that will outlive me - was something he built for me, and the tool chest under was a gift. The worst of it was that there was no service or memorial due to the lockdown.

All that because it's good to know what the process will be for me and our friends as it's only been about six months.

In our society men are def discouraged from sharing feelings of depression. Therefore we will suffer quietly rather than tell anyone, whether it be for fear of derision or simply not wanting to lay our burden on others.

Absolutely, and it's shame. One of the non-profits with which I work (that will remain nameless due to the derision and flaming it and I will surely receive) has developed and deployed an app with the explciti purpose of giving young men help with depression, abuse, and suicide. And as a society; we need more of that sort of thing.

[old goat]

Closet alcoholic. Never knew. On the surface dude had it all, six figure job, wife/kids, friends, in every aspect he was a success. He was so good at functioning and hiding it. Only after the fact did I realize there were clues along the way.

The clues are there for a lot of people and most of them don't commit suicide. It's no one's fault when the signs are missed.
There are so many reasons why it happens but I think the most common is organic depression. I think it helps to think of it as a medical disease like cancer--there are treatments, sometimes they don't work, sometimes the disease is fatal. People who have the disease describe unbearable mental/emotional pain--not unlike the unbearable physical pain of cancer that leads some people to opt for death. Like cancer-- support from friends and family helps and eases the pain for a while but it doesn't cure. That doesn't mean we shouldn't do all we can but when what we do isn't enough we can't blame ourselves.

[CantDog]

One of my coresidents killed himself about a year ago. My biggest worry is while I think most healthcare workers are doing ‘okay’, when things start to get better and folks digest and process what’s happened, that really worries me.

[stealurface831]

I had a cousin kill himself. He left behind a baby girl and a wife with a boy on the way. He was diagnosed bipolar and had trouble managing his symptoms from the time he was a teenager. An avid kayaker and bow hunter, he was always outside. A few months before he took his life, he and his best friend found the body of a cartel member while on a kayaking trip. The police ended up making two arrests I believe but there were fears that his confidentiality as a member of the party that made the discovery was compromised. This occasioned his final manic episode and a months long bender. He thought he was being followed in the weeks before his death. He got into it with his old lady one night while drunk and tore up the house good. He left to go to his parents house and got pulled over on suspicion of dui while en route. He got out of the car, handgun drawn and shot himself in the head. All around fucked shit.

[Rideski]

[Tiktaalik]

Condolences to you all who have lost, and may the ones that have moved on rip.

I lost a friend in May. I am not even sure what happened as I had left almost a year before durning my own crisis. I still feel terrible for leaving. I think he was the only person that I knew that understood this shit and actually listened; he knew what I meant when i said i was only around to get one more storm day in. rip.

[::: :::]

I just heard from a university buddy today via email whose teenage kid just committed suicide this past week

It’s hard to fathom but this actually happened

I need to reach back out to him & I don’t know how yet

[MakersTeleMark]

I need to reach back out to him & I don’t know how yet

It's very simple actually. Just tell him that you are the go to guy at any time if he needs to get some shit off his chest with zero judgment and that you aren't trying to change his mind, cure him, or tell him how great life is. In short, just be his rock with always open ears.

I distinctly remember about 8-10 years ago, a client and very good friend of mine who had some deep alcohol and marital problems went on the lam after entering a really benign plea I got him to a deferred and some sobriety goes vacant for a day or two after his sentencing.

He called me, holed up in a garage and I talked him in. Or so I thought. He never disclosed anything to his wife. I meet him over at the garage, do the right number of taps and ask him what's up, and give him a hug and say we'll get through this, let's get you home. He hands me 4 pages of notes that he had been writing about all the guilt he has felt.

As I'm reading it, I realize that it's a suicide note. I turn around and he's putting the gun in his mouth. It was a ruger mark iii target. I'll never forget it. I jumped him, and it miraculously didn't go off. Spent a couple more hours crying with him and talking a plan through.

His marriage survived extremely successfully, and he hasn't had a drink since. Pretty powerful stuff. That is a decision you usually only get to make once.

[Flyoverland Captive]

^^^ Fuck, man; that’s heavy. Good on you for being there.

[::: :::]

It's very simple actually. Just tell him that you are the go to guy at any time if he needs to get some shit off his chest with zero judgment and that you aren't trying to change his mind, cure him, or tell him how great life is. In short, just be his rock with always open ears.

Thank you. He and his family are here in town but have asked that we don’t reach out. There’s a caring bridge site which we’ll get linked too soon (his email had a bad link unfortunately)
email doesn’t seem appropriate; and pandemic sure isn’t helping any
we’ll probably start cooking for them at bare min & get the dog out for walks & grooming

I distinctly remember about 8-10 years ago, a client and very good friend of mine who had some deep alcohol and marital problems went on the lam after entering a really benign plea I got him to a deferred and some sobriety goes vacant for a day or two after his sentencing.

He called me, holed up in a garage and I talked him in. Or so I thought. He never disclosed anything to his wife. I meet him over at the garage, do the right number of taps and ask him what's up, and give him a hug and say we'll get through this, let's get you home. He hands me 4 pages of notes that he had been writing about all the guilt he has felt.

As I'm reading it, I realize that it's a suicide note. I turn around and he's putting the gun in his mouth. It was a ruger mark iii target. I'll never forget it. I jumped him, and it miraculously didn't go off. Spent a couple more hours crying with him and talking a plan through.

His marriage survived extremely successfully, and he hasn't had a drink since. Pretty powerful stuff. That is a decision you usually only get to make once.

Man, that is difficult space to go through — glad you were there

[glademaster]

It's very simple actually. Just tell him that you are the go to guy at any time if he needs to get some shit off his chest with zero judgment and that you aren't trying to change his mind, cure him, or tell him how great life is. In short, just be his rock with always open ears.

I've yet to meet someone who says those words and genuinely means them. Based on the event you recounted, you may be the exception to that rule. Good for you, and much respect.

[Cono Este]

It's very simple actually. Just tell him that you are the go to guy at any time if he needs to get some shit off his chest with zero judgment and that you aren't trying to change his mind, cure him, or tell him how great life is. In short, just be his rock with always open ears.

I distinctly remember about 8-10 years ago, a client and very good friend of mine who had some deep alcohol and marital problems went on the lam after entering a really benign plea I got him to a deferred and some sobriety goes vacant for a day or two after his sentencing.

He called me, holed up in a garage and I talked him in. Or so I thought. He never disclosed anything to his wife. I meet him over at the garage, do the right number of taps and ask him what's up, and give him a hug and say we'll get through this, let's get you home. He hands me 4 pages of notes that he had been writing about all the guilt he has felt.

As I'm reading it, I realize that it's a suicide note. I turn around and he's putting the gun in his mouth. It was a ruger mark iii target. I'll never forget it. I jumped him, and it miraculously didn't go off. Spent a couple more hours crying with him and talking a plan through.

His marriage survived extremely successfully, and he hasn't had a drink since. Pretty powerful stuff. That is a decision you usually only get to make once.

Fkn knar

You deserve a medal.

People don’t decide to check out. They stop feeling the positive things that we all enjoy each day and most take for granted. . The blue sky, birds chirping, a good movie. It just turns off. Reaching out to those people, giving them something positive to think about, positive about themselves, their achievements, kids etc. makes a difference.

Fuck people who think those people are weak. They’ve achieved everything they have in life with 45lb plate strapped to their chest. Some of the toughest people out there have depression.


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[glademaster]

Fuck people who think those people are weak. They’ve achieved everything they have in life with 45lb plate strapped to their chest. Some of the toughest people out there have depression.

Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

You usually rank pretty high on my list of "posters whose drivel isn't worth reading" here, but this line in an absolute gem and the complete truth. I couldn't agree more.

[zion zig zag]

we’ll probably start cooking for them at bare min & get the dog out for walks & grooming

This. Cover day to day tasks for them for a while. Could be as simple as taking them coffee in the morning, doing some yard work, etc. He'll know you're available when he's ready.

One of the things that saved my wife was having a friend come over and literally force her out of bed after a week or so. Made her get up, helped her get dressed, told her she had to start living again. It wasn't even one of her particularly close friends, just someone who understood grief and steps and cared enough to help.

[Buster Highmen]

10+ years ago. a friend that had a shitty marriage with kids and a passionless job told me he was depressed and was enumerating ways to end it.
So, yeah, I worked at being there, lots of talking, hanging out, suggested he get some professional advice.

He got back a hold of his life, went through counseling, antidepressants, separation and eventually divorce, quit his job, remarried and moved away. He's doing well again.

It's just reaching out to people when they're down. It's community.

It's not weak to admit we get blue. Anyone that denies that is either a psychopath or a liar.

[MakersTeleMark]

You deserve a medal.

I already have one. It was given to me for donating over 1000 hours a year of pro boner work to seniors.

[stealurface831]

I already have one. It was given to me for donating over 1000 hours a year of pro boner work to seniors.

Does the medal say Saul Goodman or Slippin Jimmy?

[stealurface831]

damn, just found out that a classmate took his own life last night. super good kid. rotc type. he was a little weird and had a speech impediment but was well regarded by all. he was a few years younger than me and i only had one class with him but really liked him. i coulda been that kids friend. can't imagine what that family is going through. fkna.

[old goat]

How did that asshole slip through the application process?

[RootSkier]

I have considered it though, to be fully honest.

At least the semi-weird situation of having 4 tabs of killer acid sitting there in my bedside table would be over.

You want to write me a letter? You could get them out of your life forever.

[ill-advised strategy]

Had me a rough one yesterday.

Made it through to today.

It’s so hard this time of year. Everybody is skiing everywhere else. It’s cold and shitty here but not wintery enough for winter fun. So dark.
Hard to even explain.

[stealurface831]

Had me a rough one yesterday.

Made it through to today.

It’s so hard this time of year. Everybody is skiing everywhere else. It’s cold and shitty here but not wintery enough for winter fun. So dark.
Hard to even explain.

i know the feeling, ill. getting on the mountain will do the both of us some good.

[muted]

Had me a rough one yesterday.

Made it through to today.

It’s so hard this time of year. Everybody is skiing everywhere else. It’s cold and shitty here but not wintery enough for winter fun. So dark.
Hard to even explain.

Sorry man. I just got off the phone with a Minnesotan friend who is bummed winter has arrived and he can't bike and he doesn't snowboard anymore. He calls it movie watching season which is not something to look forward to IMO. Midwest is rough in the winter (I grew up mainly in WI)