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Thread: Shopping for a religion
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03-05-2020, 07:21 AM #1
Shopping for a religion
With the coronavirus lurking, it's got me thinking of my own death and what if I become one of the unlucky 3.4% or whatever the number is. Ideally, I'd repent and become really religious just before I die. But heeding the words of Matthew 24:42 "Watch therefore, for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come…" this does not seem like something I may be good at timing.
So I'm thinking of becoming a Jew, as they get all the Christian and Jewish holidays off, and I'm already circumcised. But, I'm open to suggestions.
I don't want suggestions for any weird shit like Buddhism. I know there's a bunch of atheists on this site, but that seems like the worst idea because if there is an afterlife and God, you're kinda fucked. At least if I have my ticket punched on one of the main religions, I have a chance."timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang
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03-05-2020, 07:25 AM #2
Have you considered alien worship?
watch out for snakes
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03-05-2020, 07:31 AM #3
No weird shit Scotty.
"timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang
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03-05-2020, 07:51 AM #4
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03-05-2020, 08:04 AM #5
I came in to suggest Druidry, but I can see you’re not receptive. Fine, we don’t need any closed minds.
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03-05-2020, 08:07 AM #6Funky But Chic
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Maybe Unitarian? The official motto of the Unitarian Church is "Whatever". They're pretty flexible about things.
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03-05-2020, 08:08 AM #7
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03-05-2020, 08:23 AM #8
No way I'm staying where I'm at.
I'll get all the fundy's cool shit after the rapture.
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03-05-2020, 08:23 AM #9
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03-05-2020, 08:23 AM #10
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03-05-2020, 08:24 AM #11
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company" - Mark Twain
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03-05-2020, 08:33 AM #12
Episcopalian
Christian, open minded on most things, women priests, good parties
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03-05-2020, 08:35 AM #13
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03-05-2020, 08:39 AM #14
"Unitarian Christians reject the doctrine of some Christian denominations that God chooses to redeem or save only those certain individuals that accept the creeds of, or affiliate with, a specific church or religion, from a common ruin or corruption of the mass of humanity."
Ice, if I'm reading this correctly, I don't need to become a Unitarian to be saved?
This kinda challenges my whole thesis here."timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang
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03-05-2020, 08:42 AM #15Funky But Chic
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Well they're saying that you're not necessarily doomed if you don't join them but they do think they've got an inside track.
Remember in the original Grinch when the Grinch steals all the presents and the Whos down in Whoville hold hands and sing anyways and the Grinch's heart grows? The Whos are basically the Unitarians. They are just the nicest people. Kinda weird, but very very nice.
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03-05-2020, 08:46 AM #16
That makes sense. It's like having MileagePlus Premier on United.
They seem to be a reasonable group. And from what I can see, no fasting holidays like the Jews."timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang
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03-05-2020, 08:49 AM #17Funky But Chic
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Well if you want to fast they won't be against it.
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03-05-2020, 08:52 AM #18
There's actually a Unitarian church near me.
"timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang
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03-05-2020, 08:56 AM #19
What about LDS?
watch out for snakes
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03-05-2020, 09:02 AM #20
Zoroastrianism? That way you can have a sky burial if you kick the bucket. Invite your family and friends to it and traumatize those fuckers for good.
The floggings will continue until morale improves.
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03-05-2020, 09:05 AM #21Funky But Chic
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When our kids were little other kids and parents kept asking them what church they went to and the kids felt a little weird saying they didn't go to church, so we took them to Unitarian church for a few years. It was actually pretty okay. They definitely don't do the hard sell but they want the best for you. It's a pretty chill religion, actually the chillest I know of. They just want everybody to be happy in this life and then go to heaven afterwards. There's not a lot to object to.
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03-05-2020, 09:06 AM #22
If you did Rastafarian you get to smoke all the good dope.
watch out for snakes
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03-05-2020, 09:06 AM #23Registered User
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03-05-2020, 09:06 AM #24
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03-05-2020, 09:10 AM #25
I hear Michael Stipe has some for sale.
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