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  1. #1
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    Dec 2012
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    Shopping for a religion

    With the coronavirus lurking, it's got me thinking of my own death and what if I become one of the unlucky 3.4% or whatever the number is. Ideally, I'd repent and become really religious just before I die. But heeding the words of Matthew 24:42 "Watch therefore, for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come…" this does not seem like something I may be good at timing.

    So I'm thinking of becoming a Jew, as they get all the Christian and Jewish holidays off, and I'm already circumcised. But, I'm open to suggestions.

    I don't want suggestions for any weird shit like Buddhism. I know there's a bunch of atheists on this site, but that seems like the worst idea because if there is an afterlife and God, you're kinda fucked. At least if I have my ticket punched on one of the main religions, I have a chance.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  2. #2
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    Have you considered alien worship?
    watch out for snakes

  3. #3
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    No weird shit Scotty.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Timberridge View Post
    ...and I'm already circumcised. But, I'm open to suggestions.
    Cut the whole thing off and convert to Trannyism.
    ¡Órale, vato!

  5. #5
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    I came in to suggest Druidry, but I can see you’re not receptive. Fine, we don’t need any closed minds.
    And I guess that I just don't know

  6. #6
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    Maybe Unitarian? The official motto of the Unitarian Church is "Whatever". They're pretty flexible about things.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meadow Skipper View Post
    I came in to suggest Druidry, but I can see you’re not receptive. Fine, we don’t need any closed minds.
    Showing up to heaven with your ticket punched on Druidry is like having the 2, 2 box in the Superbowl pool.

    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Maybe Unitarian? The official motto of the Unitarian Church is "Whatever". They're pretty flexible about things.
    Hmmm. I will Google this.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  8. #8
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    No way I'm staying where I'm at.

    I'll get all the fundy's cool shit after the rapture.

  9. #9
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    Just get yourself some port wine and cut some circles out of white bread. Put bread on tongue, sip port, ask Jesus for forgiveness and ur a Catholic.

    Or you can skip the formalities and beg for forgiveness.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    Keystone is fucking lame. But, deadly.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Timberridge View Post
    I don't want suggestions for any weird shit like Buddhism. I know there's a bunch of atheists on this site, but that seems like the worst idea because if there is an afterlife and God, you're kinda fucked. At least if I have my ticket punched on one of the main religions, I have a chance.
    Pascal's wager has an illogical premise: that you're going to choose the right god.

    Chances are, Oprah's gonna be pissed.
    Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
    >>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<

  11. #11
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    "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company" - Mark Twain

  12. #12
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    Episcopalian
    Christian, open minded on most things, women priests, good parties

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Woodsy View Post
    Episcopalian
    Christian, open minded on most things, women priests, good parties
    Yeah, but think of the British Rail sausage rolls.
    Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
    >>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Maybe Unitarian? The official motto of the Unitarian Church is "Whatever". They're pretty flexible about things.
    "Unitarian Christians reject the doctrine of some Christian denominations that God chooses to redeem or save only those certain individuals that accept the creeds of, or affiliate with, a specific church or religion, from a common ruin or corruption of the mass of humanity."

    Ice, if I'm reading this correctly, I don't need to become a Unitarian to be saved?

    This kinda challenges my whole thesis here.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  15. #15
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    Well they're saying that you're not necessarily doomed if you don't join them but they do think they've got an inside track.

    Remember in the original Grinch when the Grinch steals all the presents and the Whos down in Whoville hold hands and sing anyways and the Grinch's heart grows? The Whos are basically the Unitarians. They are just the nicest people. Kinda weird, but very very nice.

  16. #16
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    Dec 2012
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    That makes sense. It's like having MileagePlus Premier on United.

    They seem to be a reasonable group. And from what I can see, no fasting holidays like the Jews.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  17. #17
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    Well if you want to fast they won't be against it.

  18. #18
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    There's actually a Unitarian church near me.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  19. #19
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    What about LDS?
    watch out for snakes

  20. #20
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    Zoroastrianism? That way you can have a sky burial if you kick the bucket. Invite your family and friends to it and traumatize those fuckers for good.

    The floggings will continue until morale improves.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Timberridge View Post
    There's actually a Unitarian church near me.
    When our kids were little other kids and parents kept asking them what church they went to and the kids felt a little weird saying they didn't go to church, so we took them to Unitarian church for a few years. It was actually pretty okay. They definitely don't do the hard sell but they want the best for you. It's a pretty chill religion, actually the chillest I know of. They just want everybody to be happy in this life and then go to heaven afterwards. There's not a lot to object to.

  22. #22
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    If you did Rastafarian you get to smoke all the good dope.
    watch out for snakes

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by SB View Post
    What about LDS?
    If you are interested in learning more, I know two fine young men (or young women) in your area who would love to share more with you.

  24. #24
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  25. #25
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    I hear Michael Stipe has some for sale.
    Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
    >>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<

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