Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 64
  1. #26
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Posts
    1,453
    And remember that he'll get tons of attention over the next few weeks but then everyone will move on. He'll still be wrestling with it. Keep checking in - it'll make a difference. It really will. Months from now.

  2. #27
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    NCW
    Posts
    2,453
    Send a condolences card

    Save your cash to go visit him as soon as is convenient for you and him.

  3. #28
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    cow hampshire
    Posts
    4,852
    Quote Originally Posted by Danno View Post
    "Sorry your dad died, here's a gift."

    does that seem weird to anyone else?
    Incredibly strange.

    No gifts for the children of the deceased. Unless they were very young, then someone may set up a college fund in which others can donate to.

  4. #29
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    LV-426
    Posts
    16,388
    Quote Originally Posted by EWG View Post
    And remember that he'll get tons of attention over the next few weeks but then everyone will move on. He'll still be wrestling with it. Keep checking in - it'll make a difference. It really will. Months from now.
    This.

    Everyone came out and was all over us when our younger son died last year. Everyone offered up promises of checking in regularly and being there. Few followed through.
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  5. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Posts
    1,453
    Quote Originally Posted by El Chupacabra View Post
    This.

    Everyone came out and was all over us when our younger son died last year. Everyone offered up promises of checking in regularly and being there. Few followed through.
    Sorry El. I don't think I knew that and it's terrible to hear. No parent should ever have to go through that. We've had some loss and it still gets me many, many years later. Not as often and not as deep, but it's just part of you after a while.

    Again, really, really sorry.

    It does get better. It's just not linear - always ups and downs.

  6. #31
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    4,186
    I agree with the check in and support of physically being there. Super meaningful. People remember it forever.

    I usually give the family some money instead of flowers because services are expensive.

    If the family had a charity, I donate there, too.

  7. #32
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Big in Japan
    Posts
    39,661
    Quote Originally Posted by m2711c View Post
    friends ain’t always the best influence.....
    Especially friends who think scotch is appropriate at a time like this.

    Let's do some livin'
    After, we die

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    truckee
    Posts
    12,112
    I think monetary gifts--like a collection at work or a go fund me --are sometimes appropriate, depending on the circumstances like the financial situation of the family, especially if the deceased was working. Hopefully the person arranging the contributions knows if that they are needed.

  9. #34
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    eastern Pa.
    Posts
    87
    I think the photo print idea is great.
    Definitely not alcohol.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Life is what happens between the things you plan.

  10. #35
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    5,570
    Why are people buying gifts for this again? Very weird.

    Maybe a card or something but a gift? Gifts are to celebrate stuff not for bereavement.

    Wait till Hallmark gets ahold of this thread.......Christ.




    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  11. #36
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    the Can-Utardia / LMCC VT
    Posts
    11,273
    Your friends are idiots.

    One of the most helpful and thoughtful acts people did for me when my dad died unexpectedly was bring food, something already prepared, like cassaroles. "food trains" done by friends are popular, but impossible if your not there to cook and deliver, but perhaps food delivery or a weeks worth of prepped dinners that just needs to be heated would help. Also, think a small photo would be awesome

    Sent from my SM-N960U using TGR Forums mobile app
    Quote Originally Posted by Hohes View Post
    I couldn't give a fuck, but today I am procrastinating so TGR is my filler.
    Quote Originally Posted by skifishbum View Post
    faceshots are a powerful currency
    get paid

  12. #37
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    48,538
    Everybody's bitching about the alcohol, but that's only half the gift. Alcohol AND a handgun, that's the ticket,

  13. #38
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I smell poutine!!!
    Posts
    9,770
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Everybody's bitching about the alcohol, but that's only half the gift. Alcohol AND a handgun, that's the ticket,
    Going full MTT on us?

  14. #39
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    48,538
    I thought it might be too edgy but persevered.

    Perhaps unfortunately.

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    5,570
    Don’t forget the bullet.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  16. #41
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Big in Japan
    Posts
    39,661
    And some meth.

    Let's do some livin'
    After, we die

  17. #42
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Shuswap Highlands
    Posts
    2,546
    Food if you are in the neighbourhood. A card and maybe a donation to a charity of choice if you can't make it. A photo you have of the three of you would be an excellent gift.
    If you really want to treat the guy, schedule a ski trip, fishing trip, or whatever favourite pastime they did together, and pour out a dram of fine whiskey with him then.
    Sorry to hear about your friend's loss.

  18. #43
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Ventura Highway in the Sunshine
    Posts
    21,575
    Now that tnis thread has degenerated to the usual TGR, might I suggest hookers and blow?

    I agree it is a constitutional right for Americans to be assholes...its just too bad that so many take the opportunity...
    iscariot

  19. #44
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I smell poutine!!!
    Posts
    9,770
    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    And some meth.
    This. I am serious.

  20. #45
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    48,538
    Well there's probably a lot to take care of.

  21. #46
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    5,570
    Just read the first post. College friend’s dad?

    Maybe some “thoughts and prayers” with a side of “vibes”.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  22. #47
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    48,538
    That'd be perfect if it was an internet friend, but he knows the guy.

  23. #48
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    556
    Honest question though - is sending $$$ or giving it at the service a thing? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

  24. #49
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    12,681
    Quote Originally Posted by Thaleia View Post
    Honest question though - is sending $$$ or giving it at the service a thing? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?
    It new age bs to compensate for the lack of having to actually give a fuck. You're not wrong.

  25. #50
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    4,186
    Quote Originally Posted by Thaleia View Post
    Honest question though - is sending $$$ or giving it at the service a thing? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?
    IMO, it’s not wrong either way. Different strokes for different folks. If you can help, then help to your mode/comfort level. Giving a fuck and giving money aren’t mutually exclusive.

    My family and close friends typically give money. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. You guys do a “money dance” at weddings or are you repressed about that, too?

    I bet it would feel pretty shitty to talk about your upcoming trip to Retallack or CMH (or wherever) when your cousin or long time friend pays for a funeral (and you didn’t check to see if you could help)...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •