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02-17-2020, 10:35 AM #1Registered User
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- Aug 2013
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Are my friends idiots? Am I the idiot?
So last week one of my old college friends lost his father unexpectedly, I believe mid 50s. He currently serves and he is home on leave for an amount of time unknown to me.
My other roomies start conversation about everyone trying to get to the funeral which is this coming Saturday. A few of us are no longer in the area and logistics of getting there on short notice just isn't going to work out. So, next best thing is for all of us to pitch is to get him something. Cool, all aboard. However, they want to get him a bunch of alcohol, scotch in particular, and I'm having trouble justifying this knowing the son of the deceased is not the most mentally stable person I've ever met and prone to depression. Basically I just think it's a fucking terrible idea.
My plan was to either just straight up give him some cash and let him decide what he wants to do with it or a gift card to a photo printing company that he can use to print some pics of him and his old man.
Maybe I'm out of touch.
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02-17-2020, 10:37 AM #2
Alcohol is a bad idea here.
Well maybe I'm the faggot America
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda
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02-17-2020, 10:39 AM #3
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02-17-2020, 10:39 AM #4
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02-17-2020, 10:43 AM #5Registered User
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- Feb 2008
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- 2,661
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02-17-2020, 10:43 AM #6
friends ain’t always the best influence.....
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02-17-2020, 10:44 AM #7
let them do them and you do you.
Good suggestions above. Sorry you can t be there
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02-17-2020, 11:00 AM #8
Photos sent, and a donation made in his honor.
Then you go get drunk.
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02-17-2020, 11:01 AM #9
Terrible idea.
I would just give cash. But that's just me.
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02-17-2020, 11:07 AM #10
What about a nice Rosé?
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02-17-2020, 11:08 AM #11
"Sorry your dad died, here's a gift."
does that seem weird to anyone else?"fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
"She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
"everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy
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02-17-2020, 11:14 AM #12
Cash? To say your sorry your friends dad died? Please no. Cash is for celebrating a wedding, birthday or Bar Mitzvah. No booze either given what you know about your friend.
Nice card and donation is what Ann Landers would suggest. And a couple of long phone calls to talk about old times and ask how he's doing.A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.
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02-17-2020, 11:16 AM #13Well maybe I'm the faggot America
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda
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02-17-2020, 11:17 AM #14
Yeah, a gift gift is kinda weird. A gift as in a donation to a related charity is good. A photo is good too.
Also flowers to the friend's mom/widow.
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02-17-2020, 11:21 AM #15
Your friends are idiots.
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02-17-2020, 11:24 AM #16
I know you're a youngun but flowers from you or you and your family if that seems less corny is a fine idea - 1000% better than alcohol which is really a bad idea even for a stable friend. Having lost a family member recently the flowers at the funeral with small notes and even just texts from people or groups I rarely talk to anymore or no longer associate with meant a lot. The people I really wanted to talk to I called myself.
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02-17-2020, 11:24 AM #17
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02-17-2020, 11:35 AM #18
A donation, like chup said. Funeral notice will usually have suggestion.
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02-17-2020, 11:43 AM #19
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02-17-2020, 12:08 PM #20
I was 25 when my mom died suddenly and I didn’t want any gifts, certainly not alcohol. The only “gifts” we got were food. There isn’t much other people can say or do, people have to do their own grieving in some sense. If you really care about him and his mental health make sure to reach out and call him weekly for a while, or email/Skype him on deployment. We have to do our own grieving but having someone to talk through that grief with is a real gift.
Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums"They don't think it be like it is, but it do."
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02-17-2020, 12:18 PM #21
The entire notion of getting a gift--alcohol or otherwise-- for someone when their parent dies seems kind of strange to me.
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02-17-2020, 12:46 PM #22
Pics of him and his Dad, if anything at all. If you live nearby and you're going to be able to be there for him, that's even better. If you can't, I understand. Life takes us to different places around the planet.
The best thing to do when you have a really depressing grief is to NOT drink. I think I did some of that after my brother was killed. The not drinking thing. And if you think he has any other mental health issues, you're fucking asking for a suicide/attempt. No joke. Do NOT get him alcohol. Especially liquor. Sometimes, having a couple beers is ok, but only if you're the kind of person who can stop before getting absolutely shit faced. Liquor is a SEVERE DEPRESSANT. Much more so than beer or wine.
That's all I got.
Scotch is totally inappropriate. That's like what you get for a wedding when you're hanging out with a groom-to-be you haven't seen in a while. And bride-to-be if she likes scotch, lol.
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02-17-2020, 12:48 PM #23
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02-17-2020, 01:37 PM #24Registered User
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
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- 975
Agree, I’d go with flowers and maybe a couple of days worth of prepared food from a local super market or Freshly.com for the widow, if there is one.
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02-17-2020, 01:51 PM #25
Gestures of support are really welcome in this scenario. Monetary stuff really falls to the side in difficult times. Your friend needs support and time to heal. And maybe a touch of herb
Just be a good friend who contacts him over this spring and so on. Maybe line up a time for you and friends to see a concert and pitch in for him to go.
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