Are my friends idiots? Am I the idiot?

[EWG]

And remember that he'll get tons of attention over the next few weeks but then everyone will move on. He'll still be wrestling with it. Keep checking in - it'll make a difference. It really will. Months from now.

[jackattack]

Send a condolences card

Save your cash to go visit him as soon as is convenient for you and him.

[jackstraw]

"Sorry your dad died, here's a gift."

does that seem weird to anyone else?

Incredibly strange.

No gifts for the children of the deceased. Unless they were very young, then someone may set up a college fund in which others can donate to.

[El Chupacabra]

And remember that he'll get tons of attention over the next few weeks but then everyone will move on. He'll still be wrestling with it. Keep checking in - it'll make a difference. It really will. Months from now.

This.

Everyone came out and was all over us when our younger son died last year. Everyone offered up promises of checking in regularly and being there. Few followed through.

[EWG]

This.

Everyone came out and was all over us when our younger son died last year. Everyone offered up promises of checking in regularly and being there. Few followed through.

Sorry El. I don't think I knew that and it's terrible to hear. No parent should ever have to go through that. We've had some loss and it still gets me many, many years later. Not as often and not as deep, but it's just part of you after a while.

Again, really, really sorry.

It does get better. It's just not linear - always ups and downs.

[54-46]

I agree with the check in and support of physically being there. Super meaningful. People remember it forever.

I usually give the family some money instead of flowers because services are expensive.

If the family had a charity, I donate there, too.

[Benny Profane]

friends ain’t always the best influence.....

Especially friends who think scotch is appropriate at a time like this.

[old goat]

I think monetary gifts--like a collection at work or a go fund me --are sometimes appropriate, depending on the circumstances like the financial situation of the family, especially if the deceased was working. Hopefully the person arranging the contributions knows if that they are needed.

[Pa. patroller]

I think the photo print idea is great.
Definitely not alcohol.


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[AK47bp]

Why are people buying gifts for this again? Very weird.

Maybe a card or something but a gift? Gifts are to celebrate stuff not for bereavement.

Wait till Hallmark gets ahold of this thread.......Christ.




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[My Pet Powder Goat]

Your friends are idiots.

One of the most helpful and thoughtful acts people did for me when my dad died unexpectedly was bring food, something already prepared, like cassaroles. "food trains" done by friends are popular, but impossible if your not there to cook and deliver, but perhaps food delivery or a weeks worth of prepped dinners that just needs to be heated would help. Also, think a small photo would be awesome

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[iceman]

Everybody's bitching about the alcohol, but that's only half the gift. Alcohol AND a handgun, that's the ticket,

[riser4]

Everybody's bitching about the alcohol, but that's only half the gift. Alcohol AND a handgun, that's the ticket,

Going full MTT on us?

[iceman]

I thought it might be too edgy but persevered.

Perhaps unfortunately.

[AK47bp]

Don’t forget the bullet.


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[Benny Profane]

And some meth.

[BCMtnHound]

Food if you are in the neighbourhood. A card and maybe a donation to a charity of choice if you can't make it. A photo you have of the three of you would be an excellent gift.
If you really want to treat the guy, schedule a ski trip, fishing trip, or whatever favourite pastime they did together, and pour out a dram of fine whiskey with him then.
Sorry to hear about your friend's loss.

[hutash]

Now that tnis thread has degenerated to the usual TGR, might I suggest hookers and blow?

[riser4]

And some meth.

This. I am serious.

[iceman]

Well there's probably a lot to take care of.

[AK47bp]

Just read the first post. College friend’s dad?

Maybe some “thoughts and prayers” with a side of “vibes”.


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[iceman]

That'd be perfect if it was an internet friend, but he knows the guy.

[Thaleia]

Honest question though - is sending $$$ or giving it at the service a thing? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

[MakersTeleMark]

Honest question though - is sending $$$ or giving it at the service a thing? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

It new age bs to compensate for the lack of having to actually give a fuck. You're not wrong.

[54-46]

Honest question though - is sending $$$ or giving it at the service a thing? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

IMO, it’s not wrong either way. Different strokes for different folks. If you can help, then help to your mode/comfort level. Giving a fuck and giving money aren’t mutually exclusive.

My family and close friends typically give money. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. You guys do a “money dance” at weddings or are you repressed about that, too?

I bet it would feel pretty shitty to talk about your upcoming trip to Retallack or CMH (or wherever) when your cousin or long time friend pays for a funeral (and you didn’t check to see if you could help)...