Are my friends idiots? Am I the idiot?

[SB]

Mostly very good advice herein.

Be there after the fall.

Pictures are always a win.

Many times in trying to comfort others one is really only comforting ones self.

[hutash]

My family and close friends typically give money. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. You guys do a “money dance” at weddings or are you repressed about that, too?

pays for a funeral (and you didn’t check to see if you could help)...

One is about starting a life (together) the other is not.

Reaching out and offering help for funeral expenses is reasonable, just giving cash is not, IMO.

Using the money gathered to get one of your posse there to represent would be a good gesture. I just went to my uncle's funeral 2,000 miles away. Most of the west coast contingent of the family could make it on short notice, but the couple of us who did were thanked by the whole family for making the effort, etc.

[old goat]

IMO, it’s not wrong either way. Different strokes for different folks. If you can help, then help to your mode/comfort level. Giving a fuck and giving money aren’t mutually exclusive.

My family and close friends typically give money. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. You guys do a “money dance” at weddings or are you repressed about that, too?

I bet it would feel pretty shitty to talk about your upcoming trip to Retallack or CMH (or wherever) when your cousin or long time friend pays for a funeral (and you didn’t check to see if you could help)...

Good point. The advise here reflects the prevailing cultural demographic of skiers.

[hikesalot]

It's not uncommon at all around here that people put cash in a card for the family. I think everyone assumes the family can use the money to help with burial costs or put it to other needs. Also, among my girlfriends we get our friends a small gift of remembrance if her parent dies. Usually a piece of jewelry. (given as a group). SO, I think it depends on the situation. But not alcohol.

[Benny Profane]

We Irish just prop up the body in the casket and drink a ton in his/her presence.

[stuckathuntermtn]

And remember that he'll get tons of attention over the next few weeks but then everyone will move on. He'll still be wrestling with it. Keep checking in - it'll make a difference. It really will. Months from now.

So much this. I never got, nor did I expect, anything more than a sympathy card or 2.

This.

Everyone came out and was all over us when our younger son died last year. Everyone offered up promises of checking in regularly and being there. Few followed through.

Fuck, I forgot about that. PM me if you need.

[mcski]

Now that tnis thread has degenerated to the usual TGR, might I suggest hookers and blow?

Only if the hooker looks like his mom. Or his dad. Maybe it won’t last as long as a photo, but it will be more memorable

[El Chupacabra]

Thanks EWG and Stuckey - appreciate it.

[iceman]

I'm sorry to say I forgot about that too. I had to search and it all came back, such a damn shame. Hang in there Chup. I can't imagine what I could do to help but if there's something, name it.

[Skidog]

Yes. I always think food makes more sense, cause it eliminates a chore and let's them focus on what they need to focus on. Gift certificate at a restaurant for takeout.

Send food to house. Typical after the funeral. Cold cut platter, desserts, fruit. Donation to a cause his dad liked. Booze is bad.

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[m2711c]

We Irish just prop up the body in the casket and drink a ton in his/her presence.

yep.

[iceman]

well that's why it's called a wake. You're supposed to wake the dead. Requires some lubrication to really get in the mood.

[Benny Profane]

owwww.

[MakersTeleMark]

well that's why it's called a wake. You're supposed to wake the dead. Requires some lubrication to really get in the mood.

Is that what you call it when your wife gets you up to clean the coffee maker?