Town Downhill GS Suit DIY Options

[RShea]

First, apply an array of cold cuts, preferably Oscar Meyer or Usinger (if you're feeling flush) across all portions of your skin. Turkey tends to be a little less greasy, and too much pork can whittle down your self confidence. Locally sourced moose or deer jerky might provide protection in all the right places. And of course you owe the meatstream of America a few plates of appropriately placed beef.

Next, with an industrial sized roll of cellophane, begin wrapping torso, crotch and eventually your legs and arms in order to hold the cold cuts in place. Seal the ends with sufficient lengths of duct tape and you're really to slide.

Take pictures and be sure to update Mr. Tartsnatcher on your IG feed.

So you are saying that he should take a page from Lady Gaga and a modified version of her meat dress?

[swissiphic]

Dunno if yer interested, but I'm renting out the Bavarian Beer Belly Bounce Suit at a mag discount.

[subtle plague]

Dunno if yer interested, but I'm renting out the Bavarian Beer Belly Bounce Suit at a mag discount.

Wow now I know how cultural appropriation feels.

[RShea]

Bump for an update please- when was this or when will this Town race happen? What were the results if it happened. We need the link to the timing results if they are published...

[Mustonen]

Never mind. Next week.

[Mustonen]

Bump. This is happening right now.

[ill-advised strategy]

OK folks, here's the rundown:

Firstly, I didn't win, but I was in the ballpark. The course was abnormal, because the setter (Yooper), was able to use a terrain feature the old management/ownership did not allow, so we had a tricky little air-to-turn that would have fit into a real downhill, and made it truly interesting.
There was hard tailwind, which I think robbed me of my best advantage (having more mass/kinetic energy to overcome wind resistance)....on the other hand, more speed over the roll, which was dope.
It's awesome to ride a pair of fast (thanks for the cera F, it's hilariously fast) stable skis in a tuck in a suit and just blow the carbon out.
Not being in racing circles, I think I surprised some people by showing up wearing carhartt cutoffs over my suit for inspection and training, skiing Harts and Fulltilts, then doing reasonably well...which is fun.

I was gifted the classic DH scenario of standing in the start waiting for an injury crash to be cleared...which, even for a little itty bitty midwest event, is a sort of mind game.

So it was cool. I wanted to win, who doesn't want to win, but it seems ridiculous to be disappointed at getting to really let 'em run on a good course.

If somehow it was a thing, I would do this all the time...probably to my demise, until it mangled me. It's probably good this isn't accessible on a regular basis, it's crack rock.

Thanks for everything!

[Jong Lafitte]

Story: “excellent”

Failed to include pics: “bogus”

Sounds like a blast!!


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[ill-advised strategy]

Step by step instructions to finish “not last” in a town dh:

Get your long lost sentimental longboards shipped back to you:


Realize why they went on the wall in the first place, weep a little (both for having wrecked such a beautiful ski in your wild ski bum youth, and for being such a mushbrain you forgot they were trashed, and to mourn the lost glorious age of freeriding long nasty race skis in places they might take heavy rock damage ) , then repair your own fucking edge compression



Then pull the ancient DIN 24 clamps of terror and Mount your own fucking skis



Then wrestle with thin dry bases and edge rust until you have some glide again



Receive classic suit in the mail, while on lunch from work, tweak out and put it on, then realize you can’t get it off of yourself and briefly contemplate having to finish your work shift with a speed suit under your work clothes:



Day of the race, realize it’s cold as fuck with a howling wind, and that you’re asking incredible things of the suit already without trying to get thermals under it...and you have no side zip pants. So...despite it not being the 70s anymore and not being iceman you decide to go with carhartt cutoffs because they’re the only thing that will go over your boots.

The course is dope! It has a mini-golf baby-lauberhorn jump!


And then the phone goes away and the tr stops for a bit while you rub cera f on your skis, hold onto your tits, and go ski fast for 39.19 seconds, which will turn out to be about 1.3 seconds slower than you would like, but fast enough, maybe...if indeed there exists such a thing.



Then you call your Wife so she can unclench and not have to meet you at the hospital at 11, as was the DH contingency plan.

Then, mentally, you float back into your body, and that body drifts back to your home, and body and mind together tentatively return to Michigan reality, and soon that reality envelops you in its ever-persisting filth and ambient latent despair as you roll around under a leaking f250, your backside covered in frigid mud, frontside covered in hot reeking transmission fluid....briefly zoning out to reflect on how, improbably, a dispersed bunch of internet kooks have helped you take a much-needed little vacation from all of this, without violating court orders to not leave the state, bodily...oh but you left it in spirit...39.19 seconds of pure, invaluable, inner peace. You won’t mention that departure at the courthouse on Wednesday.

[singlecross]

So glad to hear that you enjoyed yourself! A win in itself.

If I'm reading the result sheet correctly, the winner was in the 50-59 age bracket. If so, FKNA! Way to school the young 'uns, Jamie Close, whomever you are.

[Buster Highmen]

awsum.

And I'm guilty of having been one of those CUSSA kids back in the early 70s.

I wasn't one of the overly overtly self important ones.

But I did win a CUSSA DH race at Cliff Ridge, the only DH race I ever won.

Likely on Marker Rotomats.

[uglymoney]

Wow. Awesome.

Looks like Yooper just edged you out eh?

Lolz. Someday I'd like to come up there for that with zero hope of being competitive.

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[shroom]

bea utiful

[Mustonen]

So glad to hear that you enjoyed yourself! A win in itself.

If I'm reading the result sheet correctly, the winner was in the 50-59 age bracket. If so, FKNA! Way to school the young 'uns, Jamie Close, whomever you are.

That’s one of ours.

Obviously.

[RShea]

So Yooper set the course, and turns around and races and wins it... Still fast as ever from the sounds of things.
That tune up and repair looked pretty good when you were all done.
Thanks for the mini trip/race report.

[Cruiser]

Best thread of the year so far!

[snowaddict91]

Solid work!

[plugboots]

^^^ Welcome!

[Northway]

Wow, glad I caught this random bump, I missed this amazing TR first time around.

Congrats IAS, that looked like a blast!

Best thing about racing, that 39.19 secs is yours and yours alone!!

That suit is in your closet waiting for a go again next year I assume.


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