Check in: Am I being an asshole to skip a kid’s bday for skiing?

[Benny Profane]

I got a baseball glove for my tenth birthday. What did you get?

[skiballs]

Do either of you have kids?

[4matic]

Do either of you have kids?

Does that somehow make your opinion more valuable?

[Elkhound Odin]

I think Danno needs to chirp in, I'm sure he has an opinion on this.

[iceman]

Well he might know more about kids and birthday parties than someone who doesn't have kids and apparently never had a party.

[skiballs]

Does that somehow make your opinion more valuable?

Yes

[Danno]

I think Danno needs to chirp in, I'm sure he has an opinion on this.

uh, why?

[PNWbrit]

uh, why?

Do you own a BBQ?

Apparently that's something to do with it.

[4matic]

Yes

I can remember it being important to my mom. Me, not so much.

[abraham]

uh, why?

Has that ever stopped anyone on TGR?

[irul&ublo]

In fact, I just threw a bbq on my BD and cooked for my friends.

And you didn’t invite me? I’m hurt.


OP....you do know that if you don’t go to the party, the ex is gonna trash you to the kids

[4matic]

And you didn’t invite me? I’m hurt

That's the problem. Somebody always gets hurt.

[jackattack]

I'd go skiing, but I'd also bring my girl with me.

Kill two birds....

I can remember it being important to my mom. Me, not so much.

well, three.

I'd say your ex sounds like the selfish one.

[AK47bp]

Go skiing. Talk to your kid about it. But go ski.




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[doebedoe]

You're not an asshole for considering it. It's not a ski day -- it's a mostly paid for ski vacation for a week. It's a multi-thousand dollar bonus vs an afternoon buying cake and parents minor bitching at each other.

You're only an asshole if you don't:

1. Make it clear that it is absolutely her choice. How she reacts and chooses will do nothing more than tell you how you're doing as parents -- what values you're passing on to your kids.
2. Get plans on the books to make it up to her. Be that enabling her to have a fun day/night out with friends, spending quality time with her some other way, etc.

I vividly remember being given a big family choice (way the fuck bigger than this) at 15. Knowing that it was my choice and my parents approached me that way about it stuck with me.

[Mofro261]

Kill two birds....

The nest, well it be empty as of last weekend. Take them skiing.



They may just thank you for it.

[iceman]

It's awesome that Eastern Mountain Sports digs you that much.

[AK47bp]

The nest, well it be empty as of last weekend. Take them skiing.



They may just thank you for it.

A letter like that and a hug from your kid are the best gift in the world in my opinion.


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[Mofro261]

It's awesome that Eastern Mountain Sports digs you that much.

Yeah they cast a wide net, setting up shop in SLC next.

[jackattack]

The nest, well it be empty as of last weekend. Take them skiing.

They may just thank you for it.

My birthday is the second week of March. I remember the birthdays at Snowbird with my dad the most.

[abraham]

I'd go skiing, but I'd also bring my girl with me.

I skied with mofro for my birthday this year. Would do it again

[Mustonen]

Talk to your daughter?

Well, that is the question. Bringing it up implies that I think it’s ok. Like I said in my OP, my ex was offended that I’d even consider it.

Based on your reasoning (you personally don't care for making certain days a big deal and your annoyance with your ex), I think you are being selfish.

I must be missing the sarcasm but I can't believe I'm the only one saying this.

I own my selfishness, and I think it’s healthy. What I’m doing here is getting a reality check on whether said selfishness is outside the lines before I ask my daughter how she feels about it.

And you didn’t invite me? I’m hurt.


OP....you do know that if you don’t go to the party, the ex is gonna trash you to the kids

Also a significant consideration. How much should that inform my decision?

You're not an asshole for considering it. It's not a ski day -- it's a mostly paid for ski vacation for a week. It's a multi-thousand dollar bonus vs an afternoon buying cake and parents minor bitching at each other.

You're only an asshole if you don't:

1. Make it clear that it is absolutely her choice. How she reacts and chooses will do nothing more than tell you how you're doing as parents -- what values you're passing on to your kids.
2. Get plans on the books to make it up to her. Be that enabling her to have a fun day/night out with friends, spending quality time with her some other way, etc.

I vividly remember being given a big family choice (way the fuck bigger than this) at 15. Knowing that it was my choice and my parents approached me that way about it stuck with me.

Nice. Thanks!

[4matic]

Also a significant consideration. How much should that inform my decision?

Can’t the ex trashing you work in your favor? Kids don’t want to hear that and know better. Especially a 14 y/o.

[thefortrees]

Doesn't sound like you're being an asshole (even if your ex thinks otherwise), maybe just talk to your kid and set up something before or after?

[sirbumpsalot]

30yrs from now:

If you spent 0 days with your daughter you will wish you spent at least 1 more day
If you spent 1000 days with your daughter you will wish you spent at least 1 more day
If you spent 24/7 with your daughter you will wish you spent at least 1 more day

Soooo....the 7 days on a ski trip will not be any different than the above.

There are never enough days to go around. Accept it and live your life.

IMHO