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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
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    Check in: Am I being an asshole to skip a kidís bday for skiing?

    My 13 yo turns 14 in March. Thatís also when I have an opportunity for a most-expenses paid week long ski trip to UT.

    I didnít take advantage this past year because she turned 13 and she was actually with me on the day (custody schedule) and that seems like kind of a big deal. I brought it up a few years ago and my now ex wife thought I was a monster for even considering it. It didnít strike me as too big a deal at the time because I donít really attach much importance to days, and I still donít. My ex has the kids for the second Christmas in a row and I fight a little just to gather some capital to spend on something I give a shit about, but Christmas on the 28th doesnít feel like any big loss to me.

    Same here.... we can celebrate her birthday before or after.... but she isnít even with me on her birthday. Iíll be missing out on my ex inviting me to dinner/cake at her house on The Big Day so she can hurl micro-aggressions at me and I can sing happy birthday and pay for the birthday cake.

    So Iím taking a poll: Am I a narcissistic asshole for even considering bringing it up to my daughter to see if she actually gives a shit?
    focus.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
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    Access to Granlibakken
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    7,126
    A beloved daughter turns 14 multiple times, but a ski trip only happens once a lifetime. Go for it!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    1,068
    Quote Originally Posted by Mustonen View Post
    I’ll be missing out on my ex inviting me to dinner/cake at her house on The Big Day so she can hurl micro-aggressions at me and I can sing happy birthday and pay for the birthday cake.

    Dman - Vibes man.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    29,925
    Talk to your daughter?
    Quote Originally Posted by Downbound Train View Post
    And there will come a day when our ancestors look back...........

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    1,845
    Iíd say by the time they are 14 birthdays arenít a big deal anymore, and theyíd rather be out with their friends than with you anyway.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    14,832
    If one day matters that much to a 14 year old kid they have other issues. A nice cash gift will ease the pain and anguish.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    NCW
    Posts
    2,069
    celebrate in advance, make it a special event for the two of you, she will appreciate it more.
    my pops missed more than one birthday due to business travel and I turned out OK.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    779
    Set a good example and go skiing. Call on the actual day. Take her to dinner another day. She is going to grow up and she should learn that is often the best way to celebrate. Also, party on multiple days is a bonus for her.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,297
    Based on your reasoning (you personally don't care for making certain days a big deal and your annoyance with your ex), I think you are being selfish.

    I must be missing the sarcasm but I can't believe I'm the only one saying this.
    Live Free or Die

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    118
    go skiing, let your wife buy a mediocre cake, and then ship a few of of these bad boys to her house https://www.ladym.com/home.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Big in Japan
    Posts
    36,409
    Quote Originally Posted by 4matic View Post
    If one day matters that much to a 14 year old kid they have other issues. A nice cash gift will ease the pain and anguish.
    You must have had a deprived childhood.

    Let's do some livin'
    After, we die

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    327
    If you don't have custody on her b-day, I think a ski trip is acceptable. As others have said, do something nice with her before / after, and call on the day. Sounds like your ex will use this as an opportunity to run you down, but that says more about her than about you.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Big in Japan
    Posts
    36,409

    Let's do some livin'
    After, we die

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    9,278
    What about buying her a Porsche?

    Click image for larger version. 

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    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    46,992
    Quote Originally Posted by frorider View Post
    A beloved daughter turns 14 multiple times, but a ski trip only happens once a lifetime. Go for it!
    funneh.

    But go skiing. The ex just wants you to be miserable, the kid won't care.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    14,832
    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    You must have had a deprived childhood.
    I didn't have pompous self indulgent birthday parties nor did I want them.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post

    An old girlfriend of mine was on the beach in Huntington Long Island with Harry Chapin's daughter the day he died, they heard it on the radio at the beach. Dude drove like a maniac and it caught up with him. Cat's in the cradle and take your foot off the gas pedal once in a while I guess.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4matic View Post
    I didn't have pompous self indulgent birthday parties....
    Most people don't actually have to throw their own birthday parties my man.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    SE USA
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    2,025
    ^ I don't think you can be THAT cut and dried benny. Growing up, birthdays stopped at...really... I can't recall my parents making ANY of a fuss after 8th grade, and even that wasn't much. I really couldn't a given a shit if they were there, but then they were always at least home so easy for me to say. I think my mom always made a cake, and it was understood I'd get maybe $50 (late 70s). By the time I got to college and later I'm convinced it's an awful lot to ask of people to stop thier busy lives and do something special FOR me simply becuase of a date. Of course Ms. MT is the EXACT opposent, you damn well better make a deal out of it . Soafter a few lumps I just do.

    We're all different, but here's the thing. I beleive in the end kids want to know they are loved. I don't think that revolves around a specific date. I beleive its something that you do every day.
    "Can't you see..."

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Alpental
    Posts
    5,404
    I'd go skiing, but I'd also bring my girl with me.
    Move upside and let the man go through...

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    14,832
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Most people don't actually have to throw their own birthday parties my man.
    We're talking about children old man. And, you're wrong, people throw parties for themselves all the time.

    In fact, I just threw a bbq on my BD and cooked for my friends.

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Bellevue
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    5,076
    Quote Originally Posted by AdironRider View Post
    Based on your reasoning (you personally don't care for making certain days a big deal and your annoyance with your ex), I think you are being selfish.

    I must be missing the sarcasm but I can't believe I'm the only one saying this.
    Yeah I'm pretty sure the very first response is completely, 100% serious.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    The Land of Subdued Excitement
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    Quote Originally Posted by PNWbrit View Post
    Talk to your daughter?
    This. Ask her how she would feel if you and her did x on a different day instead. Make it her choice.

    Make X something she wont turn down.

    Nobody is upset except probably exwife.

    Kid probably notices conflict and tension between parents and probably will be happy to not have it there.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    Big in Japan
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4matic View Post
    I didn't have pompous self indulgent birthday parties nor did I want them.
    I suspect you never had a birthday party. It's left scars.

    Let's do some livin'
    After, we die

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    14,832
    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    I suspect you never had a birthday party. It's left scars.
    I was gifted self reliance, empathy, and perspective. Unlike your selfish entitlement.

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