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  1. #51
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    Feb 2009
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    That tops my story of dad having an engagement ring made from gold teeth found in the Nazi Treasure mine.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    Not as exciting as some that others have posted but...the first owner of our house died about 6 months after moving in (100+ years ago). His wife died about 2 days later; we assume they both died in the house, which may or may not be haunted in a low-key way. The first owner, Charles, was a Scandinavian immigrant (based on immigration records) and lived most of his life on the OR coast -- we assume he was a logger or fisherman. He was in his 60s when he moved into this house (based on the original old-ass occupancy permit that Portland has digitized), so we assume this was his retirement -- too bad he didn't get to enjoy it.

    Charles and his wife had an adopted daughter who got married to a much older man (like 20+ years older) in her teens, had 5 kids, and then one day vanished -- we always assumed she skipped town, but I guess it could have been foul play(?). All the kids went to orphanages -- we got that piece of the story from one of her grandsons. I think there's a screenplay in there somewhere.

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  3. #53
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    Jan 2009
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    My grandfather on my mom's side, now 87, found out on his 80th birthday that he was not, after all, the son of a rich Paris industrialist. My great-grandma admitted as much to him on his birthday. She was 102 at the time, perfectly lucid, and still one of the meanest people I've ever met. He has Alzheimer's and I guess he pissed her off because he couldn't remember something that happened in the 50s, or simply because he spent 80 years not living up to her expectations. She threw the truth in his face and called him a "bougnoule" for good measure, an old timey racist French term for people living in colonized parts of Africa. Turns out the copper skin tone that runs on that side of the family comes from a Lebanese grounds keeper great granny used to fool around with.

    She was an OG gold digger, born in 1910, married an ironworks baron 30 years her elder, and apparently took some serious liberties in her marriage. She shipped my grandpa out to a religious boys school at the start of WW2 and forgot about him for 6 years. He escaped several times, almost making it to Paris once (he was 12). When the war ended and he was sent back home she had remarried and lived in a private hotel. She proceeded to get divorced/remarried a couple more times, getting richer and richer in the process, and was a widow at 40. Her antics are legendary. She owned a Fabergé egg at some point which she gave to one of her maids. Last time I saw her she still had priceless Persian rugs in her assisted living facility. She had a picture of herself as a little girl, taken during WW1 when the Germans were getting close to Paris. She's on a horse riding in front of a German officer in full regalia, sword and all.

    She led a crazy life and stayed classy AF to the end, disowning us all after squandering every last penny she had. She died at 107 with all her head, venom still in her fangs.

    My other great grandma was a direct descendant of the Duc du Maine (Louis Auguste, Duke of Maine), an illegitimate son of king Louis XIV. Not so much a skeleton in the closet as this was fully known even at the time but it makes from an interesting lineage...

  4. #54
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    Feb 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4matic View Post

    "I have had measles, chicken pox, blisters on my heals, and pepper in my eyes; I have had mumps, and earaches, and colic, and I assure you I have lived through them all; I have survived prison, ocean storms, and shipwreck; I have lived next door to a fellow learning the brass horn, and I think I could go through them again; but I cry mercy fair lady don’t come out here to take possession of my home."
    Your gg grandfather had a way with words!

  5. #55
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    Sep 2008
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    a poop plant
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    3,355
    Quote Originally Posted by Peruvian View Post
    KQ...you sayin’ you a Lawson?

    Ha! First thing I thought of when I read that story.

    "I'd fight till the last Lawson's last living day."

    At least she's not a descendant of those damn Hill boys.

  6. #56
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    Nov 2012
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    Vancouver, BC
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    1,332
    My grandmother was on the team of researchers that made KFC coleslaw that odd shade of green.

  7. #57
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    Jan 2010
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    2 hours from anything
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    Skeletons In Your Closet

    My great grandpa was an abusive drunk. Died penniless and no one would claim his body so he was buried in some public cemetery in Iowa. His daughter, my grandma never married and had three kids from different fathers, never married. Which was a huge deal in the 30s and 50s when her kids were born. My mom spent a good portion of her life telling people her dad died when she was little, etc. I remember telling a school age friend and his mom that my grandma never married when I was a kid and my mom being upset when she found out I said that. She was over it by then but it was reflex.

    On my dads side his mom apparently went to go visit my grandpa right before he got shipped off to Korea, he was engaged to his high school sweetheart but he couldn’t turn down a lay right before he went to war. She got pregnant and his Dad wanted to buy her off to get an abortion or give up the kid. However he broke off his engagement and married her. They couldn’t get married until after he returned and their first daughter was born. That was improper so they had a fake marriage license made up that showed them getting married one year earlier than they actually did, that hung on the wall until he died. They had a miserable marriage and she got Alzheimer’s at 68, lasted until 78 and he took care of her the whole time. Never put her in a home and was her sole care giver. He was apparently a womanizer and not a great husband for most of his life and she certainly had her flaws.

  8. #58
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    1,678
    Maternal great grandparents lived in Chicago thru prohibition. Believe he was a butcher or grocer. The story is that one night he came home and told his wife to pack the 13 kids (yes, 13) into the two cars they had and start driving west until she couldn't drive further. My grandfather was one of the oldest and drove the 2nd car, they drove for several days and ended up in Hoquiam, WA - obviously hitting the coast. I can't remember how long it was until the grandfather showed up, but the family never talked about it again. The family story is that he was involved with a front for the mob and something went sideways. Wish I knew more about it.

    Edit: not really a skeleton, but a cool story. No way I'm telling my skeletons...

  9. #59
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    Aug 2008
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    Central VT
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    4,805
    My cousin has 3 kids from 3 different dads. One dad is dead from an OD, another dad is in jail.


    Does that count?


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  10. #60
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    Aug 2019
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    No one has actually posted something horrible they have done that is completely unknown.

  11. #61
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    Nov 2002
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    EWA
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    Re: "Skeletons in the Closet"

    It has always been my understanding that while the term can refer to something you personally have done it also refers to family scandals.

    If you say that someone has a skeleton in the closet, or in British English a skeleton in the cupboard, you mean that they are keeping secret a bad or embarrassing fact about themselves.
    When you see something that is not right, not just, not fair, you have a moral obligation to say something. To do something." Rep. John Lewis


    Kindness is a bridge between all people

    Dunkin’ Donuts Worker Dances With Customer Who Has Autism

  12. #62
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    Nov 2004
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    YetiMan
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  13. #63
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    Nov 2004
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    YetiMan
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    Quote Originally Posted by m05c79 View Post
    No one has actually posted something horrible they have done that is completely unknown.
    I used to buy bowling balls at the thrift store, then roll them down a big hill into downtown.

  14. #64
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    Aug 2019
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    Quote Originally Posted by ill-advised strategy View Post
    I used to buy bowling balls at the thrift store, then roll them down a big hill into downtown.
    I've had 1-2 mistresses for the last 6 years.

    No ones knows, is that worse?

    You may have injured someone or caused financial harm, yet I will be the one raged upon.

  15. #65
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    Oct 2006
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    Bellevue
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    Quote Originally Posted by m05c79 View Post
    I've had 1-2 mistresses for the last 6 years.

    No ones knows, is that worse?

    You may have injured someone or caused financial harm, yet I will be the one raged upon.
    Did you drug the mistresses? Not sure that really counts if they didn't know

  16. #66
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    Jan 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by m05c79 View Post
    I've had 1-2 mistresses for the last 6 years.

    No ones knows, is that worse?

    You may have injured someone or caused financial harm, yet I will be the one raged upon.
    I don't think we call them mistresses these days, and that barely counts as a skeleton in the closet, if it does at all. If it does count I'd be careful opening that particular closet.

  17. #67
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    Aug 2019
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    Quote Originally Posted by abraham View Post
    Did you drug the mistresses? Not sure that really counts if they didn't know
    They've seen enough lifetime movies to know not to ask questions.

  18. #68
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    Quote Originally Posted by m05c79 View Post
    I've had 1-2 mistresses for the last 6 years.

    No ones knows, is that worse?

    You may have injured someone or caused financial harm, yet I will be the one raged upon.
    Booner? Is that you?

  19. #69
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
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    4
    Quote Originally Posted by riser3 View Post
    Booner? Is that you?
    Nope, I have buried any trace of evidence, well other than this.

    My wife uses guilt on me for things that don't call for it. That and she constantly accused me of cheating for years, with mountains of proof that I hadn't. I got to the point of "If you irrationally tell me I have, then what do I have to lose."

    I would have left but I love my kids and I'm scared she wouldn't raise them well (she's very short tempered) without me there to calm her down.

  20. #70
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    Jan 2006
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    Alpental
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    sounds like a recipe full of win; really, what could go wrong?
    Move upside and let the man go through...

  21. #71
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    Dec 2003
    Location
    Seattle
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    33,538
    Quote Originally Posted by m05c79 View Post
    I have buried any trace of evidence, well other than this.
    The lame alias?
    Quote Originally Posted by Downbound Train View Post
    And there will come a day when our ancestors look back...........

  22. #72
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    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    Is this where we guess who you are?

    I’ll go first.

    Deepsouthmafia/4ply
    I still call it The Jake.

  23. #73
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Seattle
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    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    Is this where we guess who you are?

    I’ll go first.

    Deepsouthmafia/4ply
    Cementhead.
    Quote Originally Posted by Downbound Train View Post
    And there will come a day when our ancestors look back...........

  24. #74
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    Quote Originally Posted by PNWbrit View Post
    Cementhead.
    We had a buddy in college we called Buckethead.

    "Oh good, Buckethead is here..." we used to say, which was usually followed shortly by amazing displays of drinking by Buckethead.

    He would have fit in great here. Lots of skeletons in his closet.

    Probably in his trunk too.
    I still call it The Jake.

  25. #75
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    50 miles E of Paradise
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    Quote Originally Posted by splat View Post
    That plane ride down there with a rookie pilot was a fucking harrowing tale as well.
    Was it with The Free Mexican Air Force?

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